A Life Plan Without You. (52 page)

“Will this be dressed up enough for Sir?” Mum said I looked so
grown up and pretty, a complement from mum, Sam just took my hand
smiling and said bye to mum. As we we’re coming out the door Mandy
was there with Paul.

“Where you going dressed like that? Michelle you look really
nice, you scrub up well.” I blushed everyone says I scrub up bloody
well. I didn’t think I was damn dirty before gheeze gimmy a complex
why don’t you?

“Thanks Mandy, we’re just going to town I think?” Sam held me
tightly.

“We’re going for a meal, in Manchester and hitting a few clubs
there. We are celebrating.” I smiled said goodbye and we went to
meet Andy and Zoë.

“What, we’re going to Manchester? I thought we were just going
to town and into Heaven?” He picked me up, I screamed with
laughter.

“Put me down please, people will see the underwear.” He kissed
me giving the neighbours something to look out the windows
for.

“I love you so much, and you look very sexy in the get up
Michelle. I am so damn lucky having you in my life.” I
blushed.

“Thank you Sam, this dress is so pretty and I‘m the lucky one.
Come on then where are we meeting Andy then?” He played with the
silky material of the dress running his hand across my bum smiling
as he did.

“We are meeting them in The Frog, Missy. So no stunts in the
toilets, but hell we may have to. This dress and you, have my
soldier standing to attention.” I laughed and looked. We got there
Andy was waiting at the bar for Zoë.

“Wow what the hell do I have to do to get some of that?” I
laughed.

“Been born Sam would be a help.” Sam pointed at an empty
table, laughing at his brother I went and sat at the usual table as
Zoë came in. She sat and waved at Andy, for a drink.

“Have you been buying more big girl dresses then Michelle, or
has Sam?” What had got her mad at me?

“Yes Zoë, big girl dresses.” Older than me she might be, but
one more shity comment and you’re going down bitch. I got up and
went to the toilet she was a drunken nasty bitch. I swear if she is
nasty again I will hit her. I did my lips again Sam had kissed all
the gloss off them it seems he likes strawberries. I returned to
the table and sat on Sam’s lap. Zoë was deep in conversation with
Andy at the bar, they were having words.

“I apparently only buy big girl dress now.” He
laughed.

“She’s a bit of a strange one, but Andy likes her. Bite your
tongue before you speak to her, please?” I gave him a look; surely
he should be sticking up for me? I’d done nothing wrong or said
anything to her at all.

“Vaffanculo, I have to watch what I say? She was the one with
the nasty comments. Shit Sam why take her side? Is this because of
this afternoon, me sticking my stupid nose in family business and
she’s family?” He gave me a look back.

“No, just watch what you say to her with your smart mouth.
Just leave it Michelle she’s having a hard time, she has things
going on her life at the moment, she perhaps needs your
benevolence
, not
your
criticism too?” I got up again and
went to the toilet. I was sat reading of his conquests on a toilet
door!

Hey girls good news. Sam isn’t off the market just yet, ask
Zoë

Hilly in this toilets here call me 7733236

Hahahaha wow splinters were worth it 7784746

When you’re done with the frizz get back to me Wendy
7886629

Julie needs your number has news daddy

7948558 call debs the shag of choice is back who hasn’t he
screwed?

574 6757 Jan Sam call me for a market date 6685538

7779688 ask for any of us Gillian and Terri and
Gail

Hi Sam three girls one night you were great

Kim was there 1 night in heaven…sorry for the q girls it was
good 10/10 for stamina 10/10 for length 10/10 for fuck 0/10 for
heart 8847769 for a repeat x

Does her daddy know she’s out on a school night the new
screw?

Yvonne Valentine’s Day 1980 thanks for the night in the rough
seats

Call Vicky 7758840 hell no call Tina 5775034 forget the
skanks stick to wanks

Wam. Bam Sam not gonna get a call back he don’t do call backs
why bother….

Have you seen his cock dumb bitch 5337399 for your devoted
sex slave?

Return of the Wam-Bam-Thank-You-Sam hell yeah, whose for
HEAVEN?

When did that message appear, they weren’t here when we had
our erm tryst in here? I left by the door there and went to sit in
The Memorial Gardens. I must have been gone ten minutes I was
actually leaving when he bothered to come out and sat at the side
of me. My tears were now sobs because I cried for ages on my own. I
needed him ten minutes ago, I’ve had time to think and that’s not
good, so not good, this has to end, I can’t do this anymore, I
don’t like lies and secrets!

“Vaffanculo I don’t want to speak to you.” The tears just
wouldn’t stop. “I was the one she insulted, but I have to watch my
mouth? Really Sam, I’m to shut up and I interfere? Well fuck me for
caring, God forbid I hurt Zoë, good old drunken Zoë, who by the way
can’t keep her hands or eyes off you, she’s welcome to you.” He
lent in to wipe my tears away. “Leave me alone just leave me alone.
I can’t do this anymore go and see to poor fucking drunken Zoë, see
if she needs propping up.

Perhaps if she wasn’t always pissed perhaps her times wouldn’t
be so fucking hard, because he wouldn’t be looking at me all the
time? I presume that’s the problem, him fancying me too and her
fancying you not him? Oh get lost the lot of you, I have had it and
I have had enough I don’t need all this crap in my life not anymore
and if you want to know why I’m leaving you, yes leaving you, read
the fucking door in the girls toilet please!”

I was angry because that was not there when we had our toilet
romp. I got up and walked away, I didn’t look back! He didn’t
shout, he didn’t ask me to stop he let me go. I walked away from
him and walked to the school and down to the steps. I sat down and
cried he hadn’t even bothered to follow me he didn’t care enough. I
looked up towards the hill, what a surprise…

Fuck, what does she mean the toilet door, the one she joked
about the other day, what door? I ran in she was leaving me for
what? I knocked no answer and when I went in and looked at the
door, and stood looking like a complete and utter fool, it wasn’t
happening no, no, no my past was ruining my future, ruining it
fuck, fuck I grabbed the rags from behind the loo and scrubbed the
lipstick and eye crap off, fuck she can’t leave me, I haven’t done
all this since before I met her! The door was being banged on, I’d
got it off most of it, who the fuck put this up I will kill
someone!

I looked in the other nothing or the third so I went to see
Diana the landlady at the bar. I was way passed angry.

“Diana, if I pay you can you get the doors in the ladies
repainted, some graffiti has appeared!”

“What I checked them tonight there wasn’t anything on them I
scrub that crap off, what’s the problem doll?”

“My girlfriend has seen it and isn’t happy at all!” She
smiled.

“Seeing as it’s you I will get Ernie to do it now, we have
some proper stuff to get it off, go find her Sam!” I had one other
thing to do!

“You sort her out and I mean it Andy, if I find out you put
that message in the toilets you won’t be welcome in our home again
I swear Zoë!”

“What did she see something she didn’t like aww the poor
baby, I saw it too and thought it was a fitting epitaph for this
farce of a romance you have, what is she eighteen going on eight,
is she crying, aww what a shame I have better things to do than
crap like that!”

“Did you do it Zoë, hurt Michelle because of what I said?
That you’re to stop drinking and sort yourself out? I’m doing the
crap you wanted, why did you have to hurt their
relationship!”

“No Andrew I did not do it, I swear I didn’t, prove it here’s
my bag check I don’t bring makeup out, I’m too pissed to put it
back on after I cry the fucker off! Go get the cry baby, take her
to the market and fuck her like the others she’s no better than
they are. Buy her forgiveness Sam another dress another bit of
expensive jewellery!”

“Fuck you Zoë, that is my future wife! Sort her out check her
bag four lipsticks and blue, black and brown eyeliner thing also a
black and blue felt pen, I swear stop looking at my girlfriend and
sort yours out, she’s left me because of what was written on the
wall and her nasty comments! Which I never told you were written in
make-up Zoë, it was you and if I find out it was God help you. We
are never happening Zoë ever, your Andy’s girl not mine! I want her
nobody else get that. She is my life, and she better still be in it
tonight or we are through. When I bring her back your fucking
apologising both of you!”

I ran to find her, she has a head start too, because it took
me ages to sort and clean the fucking door! I ran to the steps, and
as I caught my breathe I sighed she was there, with the puppy dog!
I listened to the conversation as she cried, shit I was an idiot,
and he still wants her and she is mine, baby please don’t kiss him,
don’t he’s leaning in and I have to stop it…

I’d walked off wishing he would follow, because I think I
needed to know she wasn’t a threat, I was normally right, and yes,
she was a threat, because he hadn’t followed me, she had something
I didn’t? Umm being drunk did it for her, it helped her forget but
forget what? She loved Sam of that I was sure, but had she and Sam
had something? I needed my head sorting out I was full of doubt
again and again it’s about why I wasn’t good enough for him? Again,
the bloody sex thing was raising its bloody head.

Adam was out walking the dog, he waved and came over and sat
with me. He smiled at me and gave my cheek a small peck, apologises
again for the dog hurting me.

“You look stunning.” I laughed.

“Thanks for that, I look like Alice cooper, and not in a good
way, this wearing make-up lark, is a pain.” He passed me a tissue I
wiped the crap off my face.

“That’s better there’s the Michelle I know, apart from the
busted lip, I’m so sorry, again.” His dog was on a lead.

“It was an accident, let her off I’m not running anywhere.” He
let her off and threw a ball the stupid thing went in search of
it.

“Why the tears and where’s your boyfriend then?” I started to
cry again.

“I had one of my more major Missy-fits and left. He didn’t
follow me, so I don’t think he gives a shit any more. One wrong
thing said, because I love his Mum and then tonight he stuck up for
his drunken lush of a not even sister-in-law and I’m the one in the
wrong, and his past is way more complicated than I thought. Really,
twice I’ve sat on these bloody naughty steps, twice today why can’t
I learn to just shut up Adam why?” He put his arm around
me.

“You have always been… Oh, well sorry but you are a little erg
opinionated, and that’s putting it nicely Michelle, you can be a
bit of a headstrong… Erg sorry, but you can be a cow? He seems a
much changed person from my last leave, Wam-Bam he isn’t, I swear
he was always drunk and they threw themselves at him, he was young
free and single to do it too, he has you now.

Even I don’t think he is stupid enough to do that again, not
with you on his arm. I’m sure things aren’t as bad as they seem, he
looks like you’re his everything, from the display he put on the
other day, or was that for my benefit? My offers always there, you
know I mean it.” He looked into my eyes and I smiled. His
conversation was interrupted…

“Take your hand off my girlfriend please.” I turned around Sam
was there.

“She’s been my friend for a very long time and a friend she
will remain and for as long as she needs a shoulder to cry on I
will be there for her. She seems to be upset at you for something,
have you hurt her?”

“I have never hit a woman before, and I’m hardly going to
start with the one I love, not when she means so much to me. No
Adam, this was my stupid mistake, nothing you need to worry about.
It’s just between me and my girlfriend thanks. I think I can sort
out my own mess, and I only kiss my girl for my benefit and hers. I
don’t think I have anything to prove do I Michelle, I have never
looked at another girl since November baby I have changed, I don’t
get drunk, I don’t sleep around and I haven’t because of you baby
just you, talk to me please?”

Adam gave my cheek a kiss and left after I assured him I was
okay, he was just an idiot who I happened to love. Adam walked away
deep in thought, I’d managed to hurt his feelings too.

“How long have you been there then, idiot?” He sat at the side
of me.

“Long enough to realise what a total idiot I’d been to you
tonight. I knew you liked Mum, but loving her, that was a shock. As
for Zoë, what you didn’t know is Andy has been comparing Zoë to
you. Apparently you do things better than her on so many levels. He
likes you a lot, you’re different, and well she’s the same as all
the others he sees, she feels threatened. You are so different,
because you’re strong, opinionated and it’s challenging for Andy to
see me happy and with you. He finally realising, there’s more to
keeping a girl happy than just sex. She’s had enough, she wants
what we have and Andy can’t give it her because he doesn’t know
how, he thinks if she was more like you it would be
better.