A Kiss to Build a Dream On (20 page)

For a moment, there was the hint of a smile at the corners of the pastor's mouth, then it vanished. “Well, you know what the Bible says.”

“Go forth and multiply?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of, ‘You have not because you ask not.'”

“Oh. Right.”

Randall pushed his chair back from the table. “You've been very helpful. I appreciate it. It's not always easy for me to talk with people, but you've made this very enjoyable.” He drank the last of his tea, then stood.

Willa walked him to the door. “It's a funny profession to be in,” she said after he'd pulled his coat back on, “being a pastor, I mean. Especially when talking to people isn't your thing.”

He nodded. “It's true. I often don't feel qualified to do what I'm doing, but I can't seem to escape my calling. I'm better at the pulpit than in person, I think. And no matter what, I have it easier than Moses.”

“Why, what was his deal?”

The pastor surprised her by smiling fully. She caught a glimpse of his teeth, of all things.

“Moses was a stutterer,” he said. “I'm grateful not to have a speech impediment on top of all my other deficiencies.” With a last nod, he pulled on his cap, and stepped back into the bright afternoon.

Willa closed the door behind him, laughing to herself. If the pastor did ask Betty out, she had no doubt the Knots and Bolts crew would hear about it at length. Betty would tell them all in her no-nonsense way, and probably have them wheezing with laughter within minutes.

She was already looking forward to it.

A
nna opened the door, took one look at Burk's face, and dropped the towel she was holding.

“What's
wrong
?” she asked, pulling him through the doorway. Inside her home, it smelled like fresh bread, chocolate, and warm spices. No doubt Anna was getting the meal pulled together for tonight, without the faintest idea of what had transpired with Willa the day before.

“I have to talk to you,” he said as she led him to the kitchen. Juniper was at the table, coloring, until she caught sight of her uncle.

“Burby!” she cried, opening her chubby arms for a hug. Even in his wretched state, Burk still smiled at her nickname for him. His heart stirred at the sight of his niece's round cheeks and her delighted smile. He gave her a squeeze, pausing to take in the scent of her hair and skin. It was a precious smell, sweet enough to give his aching insides a brief respite.

He set her down, but she pounded on his outer thigh. “Horsey!” she demanded.

Burk looked at his sister. “Um, I think we'd better get Sam in here. And maybe let Juniper watch a princess movie or something.”

At the word
princess
, Juniper's ears perked up. “Ariel!” she cried, for
The Little Mermaid
.

Anna nodded. “Come on, babe,” she said, taking Juniper's tiny hand. “We're going to break all the rules and let you watch a movie before dinner. How do you like that?”

Juniper giggled, and Anna got her set up in the next room, calling for Sam as she did so. Her husband came into the kitchen, and grasped Burk's strong hand with his own.

“Heya, Burk,” he said, grinning his lopsided smile. The men had been friends ever since Anna had introduced Sam to the family, and Burk had always liked his brother-in-law. He appreciated Sam's passion for classic rock, liked that he held a steady job as an IT professional over at the hospital, and was flattered that he seemed to look up to Burk like a big brother.

But most of all, he knew how deeply Sam loved Anna. And for that, Sam could be a garbage man with halitosis and Burk wouldn't care, so long as Anna was happy.

“What's going on?” Sam asked, pushing his floppy brown hair away from his forehead.

“I'd better wait to tell you and Anna together.”

“Sounds serious. Is it beer serious?”

“This might be whiskey serious.”

“Uh-oh,” Sam replied. “Beer and a bump, then.” He got a bottle of whiskey down from the cupboard above the fridge, poured them each a shot, and opened two beers. They'd just downed the shot at the counter, grimaces still on their faces, when Anna returned to the kitchen.

“It's
whiskey
serious?” she asked, studying them both. “Good Lord. Pour me one, then.”

She did her shot, grabbed her own beer, and then the three of them settled themselves at the kitchen table.

“All right, Burk,” Anna said, her cheeks already pink from the warmth of the whiskey, “you have forty minutes before Willa arrives for dinner. So spill it.”

“Well, that's the thing,” Burk said, taking a deep breath. “I'm not sure she's coming. We had a falling-out and I don't know what to do.”

Sam reached over and covered his wife's hand absently. It was a small thing, a tiny gesture, but it started a dull press behind Burk's sternum. For the first time, he longed for something like what Anna and Sam had. Something steady, something real—not the series of one-night stands he'd cultivated for the past twelve years.

He'd been so close to it with Willa. He'd tasted it, sensed it was within his grasp. And then he'd thrown it away.

“Falling-out?” Anna asked. “What do you mean? Like, a fight?”

“A big fight,” Burk replied, taking another swig of his beer.

Anna searched his face. “Is this about the house? Did you do something stupid?”

Leave it to his sister to cut to the chase. He nodded, staring at the polished wood of their kitchen table. “She told me she'd hit a financial bump with the house, and I offered to buy it from her. Again.”

“Well, that's not so bad,” Sam offered. “It's a big project.”

“It's just—I don't think she was telling me so I'd take it off her hands. I think she was…confiding in me. That is, she told me when we were together.”

“When you were
together
together?” Anna asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yes,” Burk said, suddenly overcome with the memory of Willa's skin against his, the soft brush of her hair against his shoulder, the way her nipples had hardened as he traced a line from her throat to the plunge between her breasts.

“She was explaining how she had to put everything on hold until she could get more cash together,” Burk said, pushing away the vivid images. “And I told her maybe the B and B wasn't such a good idea right now, and she should probably sell the house.”

Anna groaned. “You said this while you were in bed? Jesus, Burk. I mean, there's stupid, and then there's that.”

“Okay, okay, hold on,” Sam insisted. “It's not
that
bad. Even if Burk picked the wrong time to offer to buy the place, he was still trying to help. Right?”

Anna's mouth hardened. “Maybe, but think about it from Willa's perspective. She lets Burk in on the reality of her situation, and Burk tries to turn it around to his benefit.” She faced her brother fully. “What's more, you belittled her dream. You
have
to realize she is considering the possibility that you only slept with her to try and change her mind about the house, right? I'm trusting that it wasn't your motivation, even though at this point I'm not—”

“It wasn't,” Burk interrupted. “I swear, it wasn't.”

Acid churned inside him as he realized the full weight of what a fool he'd been. He'd had Willa
right there
in his arms, but even still his lust had been for the house. He'd wanted it for so long that when the possibility of having it was in front of him, he couldn't help trying to get it. He'd put wanting a structure above wanting her.

And he regretted it with everything he had.

“I need to tell her I don't want the house,” Burk said. “I need to tell her things have changed.”

Anna and Sam shared a glance.

“Changed how?” Anna asked.

“Well, you know. How things can change. With people.”

“If you want our help, Burk, we can't beat around the bush here. Changed
how
?”

Burk searched for the right words. How could he explain to them that his mind burned every day with the collages that Willa had made? How could he tell them that she'd taken a bricks-and-mortar project he'd been obsessed with and turned it into something more? She'd added charm and warmth to all his plans—a thousand touches that he could never have known he wanted—and made his house a
home
. Even if she agreed to sell it, the weight of the truth had hit him this afternoon: He wouldn't want to be there without her.

Yesterday, when he'd finally allowed himself to crack the door to his emotions toward Willa, his feelings had completely overtaken him. The door had flown open, had torn off its hinges, and was lying somewhere at the bottom of his heart, splintered and broken. And there was simply no way to close it again.

“Wait, do you
love
her?” Anna asked, her eyes impossibly wide.

Love. He'd felt it once for Willa. Was it so impossible for him to feel it again?

The house only worked if he was in it with her. That wasn't love, was it?

No, that was living together. And living together didn't mean marriage or a family, though suddenly his chest hurt all over again with the thought of little girls like Juniper running around, only with Willa's sparkling green eyes.

He shook his head. “I don't know. I can't think about that right now.”

Anna's face softened. “How can we help?”

“Tell me what to do,” Burk replied, his eyes locking on to his sister's. “Tell me how to fix this.”

Sam sat back in his chair. “I'm no expert, but have you tried apologizing?”

Burk opened his mouth, then closed it. He tried to think back to yesterday afternoon—to shouting and putting his clothes on in the snow and the fury he felt when her ex had shown up. There was no apologizing in all that tumult.

“I didn't,” he answered finally.

“Well, it's a good start,” Anna said. “It also wouldn't hurt to tell her how you feel. Even if you say it's not love, you must feel
something
for her, or you wouldn't be here, drinking and looking like a lost basset hound.”

Anna gave him a small, amused smile, as if part of her was tickled by this whole thing. He brushed past it. She could laugh at him all she wanted, if she helped get him back in Willa's good graces.

A timer on the stove dinged, and Anna stood up to pull her chicken potpie out of the oven. The golden, flaky crust steamed with the rich contents underneath.

“Such a shame,” Anna said, placing her hot pads on the counter. “All this food and not enough people to eat it.”

Burk glanced at the clock. It was five minutes past seven. Willa wasn't coming.

Not that he was surprised. Why would she? Burk had screwed up, her ex was back, and she'd told him never to set foot in her house again.

“Maybe I should let you two munch on this,” Anna said thoughtfully, “while I call an emergency meeting of the Knots and Bolts crew.”

“An emergency meeting?” Burk asked. “What are you, a league of superheroes?”

Anna squared her shoulders. “We're a league of women who care for one another,” she said crisply, “and I imagine Willa's feeling pretty low right now. She might need some
support
.”

“Oh,” Burk said, feeling foolish. “That makes sense.”

“It does,” Anna said, “and if you were using your brain, you'd realize that I could put in a good word for you if I saw her tonight.”

Burk sighed. No one could ever accuse him of being…intuitive.

“You guys hold down the fort,” Anna said, pulling out her cell. “I'm off to Knots and Bolts. I'll see you later.”

Burk watched his sister go, feeling a mix of hopefulness and helplessness he couldn't quite reconcile.

W
illa checked her phone as she climbed into her car, getting ready to head down to Knots and Bolts. She had three missed calls and six missed texts from Lance.

Have rental again.

Getting ready to leave. You can still come with me.

I need you.

Why can't you help me?

You're being a bitch.

Goddamn it.

Willa closed her eyes, wondering if she should contact the New York authorities. Lance needed to leave, and having him around was starting to unnerve her. She took a deep breath, resolving to turn him in if he tried to contact her again. In the meantime, she sent him one final message:

It's over. Go home.

Throwing her car into Drive, she pulled out into the dark night.

Anna's cell beeped as she hunted around for the key in the pot outside Knots and Bolts.

“Here,” she said, handing the device to Willa, “can you see who it is?”

Willa took the phone, marveling at how putting
EKB
(Emergency Knots and Bolts) in front of a text to these women meant everyone dropped what they were doing and came downtown.

“Steph's on her way,” Willa said, drawing her coat more closely around her. Though the day had been warm and most of the snow had melted away, a fall chill had returned, cutting through all of Willa's layers.

“Got it!” Anna said triumphantly, opening the back door and flicking on the lights. Willa was instantly warmed by the homey furniture, the friendly rugs, and the lingering smells from past recipe exchanges. No matter that she was still a little muddled about why she was here in the first place. She thought Anna might be irritated she'd missed the dinner, but not only was Anna
not
irritated, she suddenly wanted to hang out.

Anna's phone beeped again, and Willa handed it back to her. “Audrey and Betty are on their way,” Anna said, her cheeks still pink from outside. Not even the miserable cold could keep these ladies away, Willa realized.

Willa sat in a painted purple chair, suddenly bone tired. “I don't know why we're doing this,” she said, rubbing her neck. “It's nice to want to get everyone together, but it seems a little odd.”

“It's never odd to get friends together,” Anna said, finding a bottle of Chianti and uncorking it. She got two glasses from the kitchenette and set one down in front of Willa. “Besides, Burk told me about what happened between you two. I figured you could use some cheering up.”

Willa gazed at the table, wondering exactly how much Burk had confessed to his sister. She pictured his strong chest, the tangle of their limbs in bed, and blushed involuntarily. She hoped he hadn't told Anna
that
.

Anna raised her glass, the Chianti swirling in deep maroons and violets, and toasted Willa. “To you, for not slugging Burk when he pissed all over your B and B idea. I don't know if I could have restrained myself.”

Willa smiled slightly, clinking glasses. Whatever Burk had said, it had certainly backfired with his sister.

“He may have a point, though,” Willa said after taking a sip. “About the house, I mean. Maybe I did bite off more than I could chew with this B and B idea, you know? Maybe I should just sell.”

“Oh, no, you're not out of the game yet,” Anna said. “The bank will help you if you get your ducks in a row. And if you have a strong business plan, you can be profitable. You just have to be smart about it.”

Willa shook her head, her heart renewing its ache. “But in the end, maybe Burk really should have the house. He has cared for it all this time. What if I'm just being stubborn and keeping a good man from what should be his?”

Anna placed a warm hand over Willa's. “Maybe he hasn't wanted the house as much as he thinks. Maybe he just wants the
feelings
that are connected to the place. I mean, think about it, Willa. Of all the houses in White Pine, he fixates on that one? It was always a question lingering in the back of my mind—why Willa's house?—but once you came back, it was answered for certain. He still cares about you.”

Willa waved the words away. “No. He made it clear today that he only cares about the house. He'd rather have the structure than me. And maybe I should just
let
him have it.”

Anna shook her head. “Don't give up yet. You deserve your dream B and B and a man who cares about you. And you can have both.”

Willa lowered her eyes, embarrassed at the tears pooling. She wanted so much to believe that was true. But the idea of having it all seemed so far away—so impossibly remote.

Anna squeezed her hand just as the back door flew open. Audrey and Betty stomped in, their eyes bright with worry.

“Somebody better be dying,” Betty said, “because I was in the middle of a
Law & Order
marathon.”

“Your television can wait,” Anna replied dryly. “This is more important.”

“I'll be the judge of that,” Betty said, shrugging off her coat and grabbing more glasses from the kitchenette. She squinted at the Chianti bottle before pouring for Audrey and herself. “At least somebody brought the good stuff.”

“Leftover from the ex's collection, I think,” Anna said.

Willa nodded. “Definitely. This was a varietal we picked up in a vineyard on the Tyrrhenian Sea.”

“Where's that?”

“Tuscany.”

“Fancy,” Betty said, taking a large swallow.

Audrey didn't touch her glass. “What's going on?” she asked, her brown eyes darting from Willa to Anna. “Is everything okay?”

“It's fine,” Anna said. “My brother's just being an ass, and we need to help our friend. Once Stephanie gets here, I'll explain everything.”

As if on cue, the back door opened one last time, and Stephanie scurried in. “Sorry I'm late,” she said breathlessly. “The twins didn't want to go down without a fight. Not that that's anything new.”

“Pour yourself a glass of the good stuff and take a load off,” Betty said. “We just got here ourselves.”

“I hope everything's okay,” Stephanie said, peeling off her layers and joining them at the table. Her red hair was a disarrayed halo around her porcelain face. “I can't remember the last time we had an emergency recipe exchange meeting.”

“Oh, I can,” Betty said. “It was when Audrey here got her heart broken by that bike rider. What was his name?”

“Kieran Callaghan,” Audrey muttered, her eyes fixed solidly on her wineglass. Willa had never seen her look so glum. It must be the man Audrey mentioned the other day—the one who left her after two weeks.

“The Irish asshat,” Betty said.

“What happened?” Willa asked, wondering at the hurt that sagged Audrey's normally bright features.

“I was a fool,” Audrey said, her high cheekbones coloring. “I believed Kieran loved me. But he was just messing around.”

Betty scoffed. “He had us all fooled. And it's hard to pull one over on me.”

“He was very handsome,” Stephanie said. “That's probably what distracted us.”

Betty pushed an errant blond curl away from her face. “It didn't help that he rode around on that Harley like some kind of Celtic god.”

Willa giggled at the image.

“He was superhot,” Anna said. “Audrey liked to go on and on about what a handsome stud he was.”

“I did not,” Audrey protested, but a scarlet flush along her neck betrayed the truth.

“She loved to tell us how she'd kiss the Blarney Stone,” Anna continued. “Only I think Audrey called it the Blarney
Bone
, after they did it.”

Willa snorted, and Stephanie stared into her wineglass, trying not to lose it. Audrey frowned at all of them, but her eyes sparkled with laughter.

“His good luck charm was his four-leaf boner,” Betty grinned.

Willa let out a full-blown laugh at this. She tried to cover it up, but the others had already joined her.

“There was a pot of gold at the end of his rain
bone
,” Anna chimed in.

At this, the whole group collapsed into helpless peals. Willa laughed until her sides hurt, until she couldn't see or breathe. When she could finally sit up straight, she felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Eventually, she was able to collect herself enough to speak. “I needed that,” she said, raising her glass to toast the group. “Here's to Audrey's awful choices in men.”

“Hear, hear,” Stephanie agreed, taking a swallow.

“What the hell,” Audrey said, grinning. She joined them in the toast. But when they'd all had a drink, Audrey's face turned serious once again.

“As much as I
love
reliving the old days of Kieran Callaghan, can someone tell me why we're here? Is everything okay?”

“It's fine,” Anna said, sitting up a little straighter. “At least it's going to be once we're done here. As it turns out, my older brother has been a jackass, and now Willa's doubting whether she should keep the house and turn it into a B and B. I thought we could all help her out.”

Betty's forehead wrinkled. “I'm sorry, but I have no idea how to finish a remodel. This may be out of our league.”

“Not like that,” Anna said. “In
other
ways. Like baking her a pie and reminding her that she's got what it takes to succeed.”

“Oh,” Betty replied, drumming her fingers on the table. “Well, we
were
going to go over some business plans before the snowstorm got in our way. We could do that tonight, Willa, if you want.”

“And I can still teach you how to make hot dish,” Audrey offered.

“I can do my impression of my twins accidentally eating lemon slices,” Stephanie said. “It's guaranteed to cheer you up.”

Willa shook her head, unsure how to explain that it wasn't just her dream of starting the B and B that seemed so suddenly tenuous. It was her dream of rekindling things with Burk. She wanted so much to escape this feeling of helplessness. Of not being in control.

Of being in love.

“Aw, shit,” Betty said, studying her. “You're not just busted up about the B and B; you're busted up about Burk. You went and fell for him.”

Willa tried to argue, but found she couldn't. She wouldn't lie to her friends.

“Really?” Anna asked after a moment. “You love him?”

Willa couldn't be sure anymore. She was so tired, and she didn't know if she could trust anything she was feeling. “If I do, I shouldn't,” was all she could bring herself to say.

“But this is
not
the end of the road,” Anna protested. “Trust me, I know my brother. Ladies, has Burk Olmstead ever loved a single woman since Willa?”

“No,” they chorused, clinking their glasses.

“And haven't you all thought it was odd that he kept up the house where she used to live?”

“Yes,” they chorused again.

Anna was really getting whipped up now. “So don't throw your dreams away yet. This isn't over.”

Willa was so overwhelmed with the outpouring of support, she found she could hardly speak. When her throat was finally working again, she could only utter a simple “Thank you.”

“Don't say thank you,” Betty said. “Say that Stephanie has to do that impression of her twins eating lemons, and crack up before we get to work here.”

Next thing they knew, Stephanie was stuffing apple slices in her face to mimic her twins' lemon debacle, and the Knots and Bolts crew was laughing so hard, they were holding their sides. Betty's mascara ran down her face in black tracks and Audrey laugh-snorted so much, Willa thought she might never recover.

And amid the giggles and guffaws, Willa felt something else, too. It took her a while to place exactly what it was, but then, suddenly, she knew.

It was hope.

It was after two o'clock in the morning when Willa finally made it home. She struggled out of her Volvo, not only because she was weary, but because she was carrying a heavy glass dish filled with warm casserole and a manila file folder with the draft of a business plan inside.

While the business plan had been all numbers and columns—with Betty using Knots and Bolts as the blueprint for how to do things—the hot dish had been a much more creative endeavor. As a group, they'd filed into the kitchen to see what odds and ends they could throw together. “This is the best kind of hot dish,” Audrey said. “You don't necessarily have a recipe. You just see what's there, and try to be creative. It'll totally work for the B and B because you'll figure out a way to feed your guests no matter what you have on hand.”

“Sometimes more successfully than other times,” Stephanie said, smiling. “I made a chicken, Brussels sprouts, and curry hot dish that my husband still talks about. And not because it was good.”

They'd chopped up an onion, with Anna teaching her to sauté it on the stove in a bit of butter until it caramelized. Then, they'd mixed it with some wild rice they'd found. “I'm not sure how old that is,” Betty had admitted when they'd boiled it up. They added some frozen broccoli—brushing off the frostbite—and pulled it all together with heaps of cheddar cheese.

“That's pretty much the secret,” Betty said, watching Willa grate until her arm was sore. “Cheese. Tons of it.”

While the hot dish had baked, the women had opened another bottle of wine—this time a cabernet from France—and talked until the timer dinged. Willa thought they'd all get out forks and taste it, but Betty had insisted Willa take it home intact.

“You're going to need it more than we will,” she said, bundling back into her coat.

Now, Willa realized she had no refrigerator in which she could put the casserole. She supposed she could always pack it in some of the remaining snow on the back deck, and pray the raccoons didn't get it.