A Heart for Robbie (29 page)

dated them to hide who I am so that I could toe the line, be the man you wanted me to be. But I can’t do that anymore. I love Julian. I love Robbie.

I need them more than the air in my lungs.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, and the tears in her voice tore at him.

He didn’t want to break his mother’s heart. A part of him regretted telling her. They’d have all been happier if he’d just stayed in the closet.

“Why tell us now?” The question came from his stoic father, quiet,

calm, as his father had always been.

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“Because I…. Well, I would say I made a mistake, but it led me to

the best thing that ever happened to me, so how can that be a mistake? It’s more bad timing than a mistake. Anyway, I met Julian because his son

was a patient at St. Mary’s. Our relationship was recently discovered, and to make a long story short, I’ve been relieved of my position at the

hospital. Because Julian is a rather famous author, the fact that he’s seeing someone has hit the papers, and it includes me by name. I wanted you to

hear it from me before you saw it on the news or read about it in the

paper.”

“Is it safe to come down?” Julian asked from the door, and the

hostile ambiance in the room evaporated with the light in his eyes.

“Mom, Dad, this is my partner, Julian Holmes, and his son, Robbie.”

Simon pulled himself out of the chair and went over to take Robbie. He

needed the warmth and reassurance of Robbie’s love. Robbie nuzzled his

little head on Simon’s chest. The yelling must have woken him from his

nap.

Julian put an arm around Simon, a show of love and acceptance.

Simon felt protected. His parents had every potential to hurt him, but

Julian would be there when it happened.

“I’m sorry your son has been sick,” his father said, rising to shake

hands with Julian while his mother sat resolutely on the couch. Something in Simon loosened at his father’s efforts.

“Well, we’re hoping our prayers are answered and they find a heart

for him.” Julian stroked his son’s hair as he rested against Simon. “With the transplant, there’s a good chance he’ll be okay. Thank you, though.

That’s very kind.” Julian smiled at his father, and while his father didn’t exactly smile back, he didn’t scowl.

“Did you ever think that maybe the baby’s condition is a punishment

for your abominable sin?” His mother had joined the conversation. She

smoothed down her pretty little dress as she stood, making sure every

chink ironed itself out of her righteous armor.

“Excuse me?” Julian asked, his voice harder than Simon had ever

heard it.

“Maybe God is punishing your son because of your homosexual sin.

Now you’ve dragged my son into your unholy lifestyle.”

Simon heard a brief aborted sigh from his father as he handed

Robbie to Julian and kissed him gently.

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“Honey, take Robbie and go into the kitchen, please. I think he

might like some juice. I’ll be right in after my parents leave.” Simon

glared at his mother as he said it, his fury unfurling in waves. He was

surprised when Julian left without an argument, but then he would only be a dozen feet away. It would be best to get Robbie out of the direct line of fire. He waited until Julian had left the room before rounding on his

mother.

“Okay, I’m not sure where in the Christian handbook it says that it’s

okay to torture another human being with their child’s life-threatening

condition, but I didn’t really pick that up in Sunday school. What a

horrible thing to say, Mother, even for you. No wonder Rachel packed up

and moved to the other side of the country.”

“Don’t you bring her into this. I knew you two were conspiring

behind my back. Your brother Thomas said he saw you talking on that

Facebook thing you all seem to be a part of.”

“What, caring about what’s happening with my sister is now a

conspiracy?”

“Don’t twist my words.”

“I didn’t realize I was.”

She glared at him, and he didn’t think he’d ever seen so much anger

in his mother’s face. When Rachel came home and told their mother she

was getting a divorce, that came close. Kevin telling her he’d knocked up his high school sweetheart while they were in their junior year definitely came close. Divorce and sex outside marriage were one thing, but her

hellfire and brimstone went off the charts at homosexuality.

“I didn’t raise you to talk to me like this.”

“No, you raised me to hate myself.”

His mother froze in place, apparently too offended to breathe for a

moment. Her gaze bounced back and forth between Simon and his father

like some kind of perverse game of volleyball.

“Let’s go, Peter,” she said finally, turning her gaze to the door and

her escape. She marched toward it, fully expecting her husband to follow.

When he didn’t, she turned and stared at him.

“Why don’t you go ahead out to the car? I want to talk to Simon for

a minute,” he said, more gently than Simon would have thought possible

from his gruff father. Satisfied that her husband would handle her

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wayward son, she pushed open the door and exited without another word.

She didn’t even glance in Simon’s direction, and he wondered if he would ever see her again.

His father watched her go and then turned to Simon.

“I’ll talk to her. This business with you kids, it makes me crazy. I

want to have a relationship with my children, and she makes it nearly

impossible. She drove Rachel to California, Tommy into a bottle, and

Kevin, well, God only knows what’s happening with him. I don’t want to

lose you too, Simon. It will take a while for me to be okay with this, but if you’re happy, then I will be eventually.”

“I am happy, Dad. He makes me happy. They both do.”

“What are the little one’s chances?”

“If he gets a heart, he has about a 70 percent chance of seeing his

fifth birthday. If he doesn’t, he has zero chance of it. They don’t expect him to live to see his first without the transplant.”

“Poor little guy. You kids might not have been perfect, but thank

God you were healthy.”

“Thank you, Dad. Really. This business has turned my life upside

down the last few weeks. It means a lot that I didn’t lose you too.”

“You won’t lose me. If I have anything to say about it, you won’t

lose her either.” His father put a hand on the back of his neck and met his son’s eyes. “How is Rachel?”

“She’s good. She’s got a good job in California, and the kids like it

there.”

“You talk to her often?”

“Once or twice a week now.”

“Good. That’s good,” his father said. Simon watched as his

expression turned troubled. He glanced back over his shoulder toward the door his wife had gone through as she stormed out. “He hit her, didn’t

he?”

“Rachel, you mean?”

His gave one sharp nod.

“Yeah, that’s why she left.”

“Goddamn it, I knew it. She was right to get away from the son of a

bitch.”

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“She was. Dad, you know you can always call Rachel, right?”

“She wouldn’t want to talk to me. I let her mother talk me into

abandoning her. Telling me that it was best for the family. She was my

baby girl.”

“Trust me, she would. Maybe not over the phone at first. Why don’t

you try sending her an e-mail?” Simon grabbed a pen and Post-it Note

from the phone center near the stairs. He pulled out his phone and

searched the contacts for his sister and then wrote down her e-mail

address.

“Thank you, son. Would… would you have one for Kevin or

Tommy?”

“I have one for Tommy. I can ask Rachel if she has one for Kevin.”

His father hesitated for a fraction of a second and then pulled Simon

into a brief straight-guy half hug, complete with awkward back pat. He

couldn’t remember his father ever making such an effort with him,

physical or otherwise. His father went to work, he came home, he

answered questions on homework his wife didn’t know, and he watched a

lot of football. He’d taken Kevin and Tommy out in the backyard and

thrown the ball around a few times, but Simon had never been interested.

He thought maybe he’d missed an opportunity there.

Simon watched his father walk out the front door and join his mother

on the sidewalk in front of the car. She said something to him, but it didn’t look like he responded. He simply got into the car and waited for her to follow.

“I can see why you waited to tell her,” Julian said from the kitchen

doorway with Robbie in his arms. The baby played with Julian’s fingers

and could not have been less interested in their conversation.

“Julian, I am so sorry. She had no right to say what she—”

“Simon, baby, you can’t control what comes out of her mouth. I’m

not even sure she can control it.” Julian took a step forward and pulled Simon against his chest with the arm not holding Robbie. The three of

them stood there for a long time while Simon played with the leg of

Robbie’s sweats, jiggling his foot, making him smile.

He had his family, no matter what happened with his parents.

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Chapter 18

JULIAN TOOK the stairs slowly so he wouldn’t wake Robbie with heavy

footfalls. He’d been trying to get the baby to sleep for about an hour,

though, to be truthful, he hadn’t tried very hard. Robbie got smarter and mimicked more and more every day. At just a few days shy of five months

old, Robbie repeated sounds, trying so hard to turn them into words. Julian had rocked Robbie as he sang “Old MacDonald” to him, surprised and

amused when Robbie filled in the “O” parts after just a few verses. He

laughed so hard, he couldn’t finish the last few words. When he caught his breath, he grabbed his cell phone and recorded a verse for Simon, who

would love hearing Robbie sing.

The phone in his pocket buzzed when he reached the living room.

The display made his chest tighten to the point where he couldn’t draw a breath. He couldn’t find the word he needed to answer the phone. It stuck in his throat with his heart. Dr. Dane had called the week before to let them know the investigation turned up no irregularities in Robbie’s

insurance, but since then, he’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knew Dane would call to tell them they were taking Robbie off the

transplant list because of something he or Simon had done. He’d started to have nightmares about it, and now the call had come.

“Hello?”

“Julian? It’s Karl Dane.”

“Yes, Dr. Dane, is something wrong?”

“Actually, something is right. We have a donor.”

“Oh my God. Oh God, what do we do?”

“Well, the donor is still alive, so we have a bit of time. Once they’re

ready, they’re going to put the heart on a plane, so we have a couple of hours for you to get your things together. I want you to hurry, but not to A Heart for Robbie

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the point where you’ll risk your safety. Be here within two hours so we

can start pre-op. Pack some things for yourself, because you’ll want to be close for the next several weeks.”

“Oh God, Dr. Dane, thank you so much. We’ll be there. I’ll see you

as soon as we can get there.”

“You might not want to drive, Julian. Call your parents. Have them

pick you and Robbie up. Simon too, if….”

“Yes, I’ll do that. I’m going to call them now, and we’ll see you

soon.”

“See you soon.”

Julian hit End and let the phone disconnect before the sobs started.

They’d found a heart for his son. He was going to be okay. Oh, Jesus. The flow of tears wouldn’t stop, but be couldn’t let himself go, not yet. He had work to do.

“Call your parents first. Let them start getting ready to come and get

you,” Liam said from the couch next to him. “It’s okay, Julian, but you

need a plan. Figure out what you need to do and do it.”

“I need to call Simon.”

“No, don’t call him and get him all worked up. He should be back

any minute anyway. Don’t dump this on him while he’s driving or when

he’s about to drive.”

“You’re right. Okay, I need to call my mom.”

Julian took a deep breath and centered himself. He was scared,

terrified actually, about the surgery, but when caught between a chance at life and certain death for your child, you make the decisions you need to make. A headache started to build in his temples from crying and the

pressure of his emotions. His hands shook, and he had to try twice to bring his mother up in his contacts.