A Hand to Hold (4 page)

Thomas nodded and took another noisy slurp from the amber-colored tea glass. Her own untouched glass sat on the coffee table between them. She hadn’t expected Thomas Smucker to stop by her aunt’s house on a Sunday afternoon. He’d been here nearly half an hour already, and she still didn’t know what he wanted. But for some reason she suspected it wasn’t just to say hello.

“Where’s the
bu
?”

She didn’t care for the way he always called her son “the
bu
.” “
Will’s
upstairs taking his afternoon nap. He’s usually exhausted by this time of the day.”

Thomas didn’t reply. Instead he drained the tea glass, then let out a quiet burp. When she first moved to Paradise, Pennsylvania, almost two years ago, she didn’t make much of an effort to become a part of the community, Amish or Yankee. It had been easier to hide from everyone at her Yankee aunt’s house, not to have to explain the circumstances that brought her here from Middlefield. But she couldn’t live in isolation forever, so she began to attend church services. She soon learned that her fears of rejection were unnecessary, and she planned to join the church in a few weeks, taking another step in forging her new life.

Thomas hadn’t paid any particular attention to her until recently, when he started talking to her after services. She was shocked he’d acknowledged her at all, considering she had a child and had never been married. Before then she hadn’t known him very well, only saying hello in passing during church services. From what she could tell he seemed nice enough. The fact that he was interested in her, despite her past, reinforced her first impressions.

He set down the glass and brought a beefy fist to his mouth, clearing his throat. A successful carpenter, he owned his own business, something he’d mentioned to her at least five times since they’d met. His chest resembled the side of a barrel, round and protruding, with broad shoulders and strong arms that strained against the confines of his white Sunday shirt and black vest. She expected him to say something, but he remained silent, his silvery eyes straying to Roy, the colorful stuffed parrot perched inside a tall, metal birdcage in the corner of her aunt’s living room. “Is that thing real?”

Deborah raised her eyebrows. Roy sported at least seven colors not found in nature. “
Nee
.
Mei aenti’s
late husband won it for her at the Geauga Fair nearly thirty years ago. She brought it home and put it in the cage, which has been Roy’s home ever since.” She couldn’t help but smile at her aunt’s humor.

“I see.” He turned and stared at her for a long moment, not a hint of amusement in his eyes. Deborah couldn’t tell what he was feeling or thinking by looking at his expression.

She shifted on the couch, the skirt of her dark blue dress wrinkling as she moved. She smoothed it out. “Would you like something to eat?”

He shook his head. “I had a big meal at
Mamm’s
. Pot roast. She makes the best pot roast in Paradise. Do you know how to make pot roast?”

The question caught her off guard. “Um,
ya
. I do.”

“What about apple pie? Can you make a decent apple pie?”

“I haven’t made one in a long time.
Aenti
Sadie doesn’t care for apples—”

“And mashed potatoes? Do you use real butter or that fake margariney stuff ?”

“Real butter. Thomas, I—”

“Glad to hear it. Because any
frau
of mine has to be a real
gut
cook.”

Deborah’s mouth dropped open, and her body tensed.
“Frau?”

“Right.
Mei frau
will need to be a
gut
cook, sewer, and keep a spotless
haus
.” He looked directly at her. “She must also be able to have
kinner
. Preferably
buwe
.”

Deborah shifted on the couch, crossing one leg over the other, trying to hide her surprise and the sudden unease his words triggered. “Thomas, are you asking me to marry you?”

“I’m asking you to consider it. I believe you’re the kind of
frau
I need, Deborah.” For the first time, she saw a hint of a smile.

“But we hardly know each other.”

He leaned forward, his lips curving into an almost-grin. “I think we know enough.”

She jumped up and walked to the opposite end of the room, her thoughts jumbled. “I’m not ready for marriage, Thomas.”

“What about the
bu
?” He settled back in the chair, surprise entering his eyes. “Have you thought about him? About his future?”

“Of course I have. I think about that all the time.”

“Then getting married should be the first thing on your mind, not the last. The
bu
needs a
daed
.”

Deborah didn’t answer. She knew Will would eventually need a male figure in his life. But he was only a year and a half old. There was plenty of time to think about finding a husband . . . wasn’t there?

Thomas’s brow furrowed. “He needs a
mann
to guide him. Someone to teach him the ways of the church and of God. You can’t do that. But I can. I own my own business and it makes a lot of money. I can buy us a large
haus
without borrowing a cent. I have the best and largest buggy available. And I have a legacy I can give to the
bu
. He’ll never want for anything. In return all I ask is that you take care of the
haus
, bear
mei kinner
, and be a proper
frau
.”

Her mind reeled, and the words popped out of her mouth before she could stop them. “What about love?”

“Love will come, if God wills it.”

“If ?”

His gaze narrowed slightly. “Did you love the
daed
of the
bu
?”

She thought about Chase, the Yankee she’d worked with at Mary Yoder’s Amish Kitchen. He had noticed her sadness after her boyfriend broke up with her. He’d paid attention to her, said all the right things. Then their one night together had changed her life forever. And had given her Will. But had she truly loved Chase? She knew now she never had.

He must have taken her hesitation for the word
no
, because his expression relaxed. He leaned one arm over the back of the chair. “See? Love only complicates things. Marriage should be approached logically, based on what two people can offer each other.”

Deborah couldn’t disagree more, but she didn’t say it aloud.

“Deborah, have you seen my tweezers?” Sadie entered the living room, holding a copy of the
National Enquirer
under her arm. “I can never find those things when I need them.” Her thin brows rose when she saw Thomas. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had company.”

Thomas rose from the chair. “It’s fine. I was just leaving.”

“You don’t have to go on my account.” Sadie pursed her bright lips and turned to leave. “I can make myself scarce. Just pretend I wasn’t even here.”

Deborah thought that a little difficult to do considering her plump aunt had on a fuchsia tube top with a neon orange shirt layered over it and lime green shorts. But if Thomas thought anything of her aunt’s garish attire, he kept it to himself.

He picked up his black hat from the coffee table and put it on. “Think about what I said, Deborah. When you do, you’ll realize I’m making sense.” He looked at her expectantly.

Realizing he was waiting for her to respond, she said, “I’ll walk you out.” They went outside, and she blinked against the bright sunshine as she stood in her aunt’s small front yard. “
Danki
for stopping by, Thomas.”

He looked down at her. They were nearly the same height, with him only about an inch taller than her five-foot-seven frame. “I’ll give you some time to think about my proposal.”

Deborah didn’t respond right away. What she really wanted to do was tell him no. She had never considered marrying for anything but love. But could she afford to be the romantic young woman she was before Will was born? Thomas had been right about a few things, things she couldn’t ignore. Her son needed a father, and Thomas did have a strong, solid business. He could give Will things she couldn’t. While she’d had Yankee friends in Middlefield who were raised by single parents, Deborah believed in the Amish way of raising children with both parents. And although she found Thomas humorless and prideful, she couldn’t reject him outright, not without praying about it. Maybe once they got to know each other, his better qualities would reveal themselves. “
Danki
, Thomas. I will think and pray about it.”

He took a step closer to her, a slight frown on his lips. Was he insulted she hadn’t said yes to his proposal right away? “One other thing I want you to think about, Deborah. Not many Amish men would be willing to take in a
sohn
born outside of marriage. Especially a Yankee
mann’s sohn
. But I am.” He turned and walked out the gate.

Deborah sighed and watched him get inside his buggy, her thoughts a confused mess. When she walked into the living room she saw Sadie seated on the couch, reading her magazine. Deborah crossed her arms over her chest. “Were you watching us through the window?”

Sadie lowered the
Enquirer
and peered at Deborah over the top. “
Moi
? I’ve been reading my magazine the entire time. I’m surprised you would think I’d stoop to watching out of windows like a little old lady.”

“Your magazine is upside-down.”

Her aunt flipped it right-side up, then tossed it on the coffee table in front of her. “Okay, guilty as charged. But just for the record, I’m a
youngish
old lady peeking out of windows.” She looked at Deborah. “So who is your gentleman caller?”

Deborah plopped on the couch beside her. “Thomas Smucker. Owner of Smucker’s Hardwoods.”

Sadie nodded. “I’ve heard of that company. Pretty successful, I think.”

“He wants to marry me.”

“What?” Sadie sat up from the couch, brown eyes wide. “Do tell.” But as Deborah explained Thomas’s proposal, her aunt’s expression turned from surprise to disapproval.

“I don’t like him already.” Sadie pointed at Deborah. “You deserve better than that.”

“But he’s being practical. And I should too. I don’t have many options, and I want the best for Will. It’s possible that I could grow to love him, in time.”

Her aunt shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. You would give up on love that easily?”

“I’m an unmarried Amish woman with a
sohn
whose father is a Yankee and has never wanted anything to do with him. That definitely limits my options.”

“Well, I think he’s a king-size jerk.” Sadie stood up from the couch. “You’re a grown woman and I can’t tell you what to do, but I can give you some advice. Don’t marry someone just for Will’s sake. I know you love your baby, but you have to be happy too.”

“Will’s happiness is the only thing that matters to me.”

Sadie’s features softened. “That’s wonderful, Deborah. It really is. But Will won’t be happy if you’re miserable. Think about that before you agree to marry the first man who offers.” She took her cell phone out of the pocket of her blinding shorts. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”

“I can make something—”

“Nonsense.” Sadie flipped open her phone. “The good Lord wouldn’t have provided takeout if He hadn’t intended us to use it. What are you in the mood for? Pizza or Chinese?”

The night after the accident, Zach sat in the kitchen of his house, drumming his fingers on the edge of the table. He leaned back in the oaken chair, his ankle propped up on the opposite knee. He knew he appeared nonchalant, emotionless, but inside, his stomach churned like an old gas motor.

His father stood in front of him, his thick arms crossed over his chest and resting on his slightly protruding belly. His gaze continued to bore into Zach.
The look
. Zach had been on the receiving end of
the look
for years now, ever since he was eight years old and
Fraulein
Gruber had paid his parents a visit after school. Zach had glued her math book to her desk while she was outside supervising students for recess. At the time he’d considered it necessary revenge for making him stay inside to finish his morning schoolwork. Now he saw it for the
dumm
stunt it was. But he’d been making similar stupid mistakes ever since.

Still, damaging the schoolhouse hadn’t been a thoughtless attempt to churn up a little excitement, as he tended to do when things got boring. For once his intentions had been innocent. He’d tried not to hit the deer, for Pete’s sake. That should have gotten him a little mercy. But from the piercing intensity of
the look
, it hadn’t.

“The school board members examined the damage this evening.” His father shifted his gaze to Zach’s drumming fingers. Zach stilled his hand. “The entire back half of the
schulhaus
will have to be rebuilt.”

I could have saved you the trip and told you that
.

“Some of the men agreed to get together this Saturday and put up a wall. They’ll have to do it when they get off work, which means there won’t be much time to do anything else.” Uncrossing his arms, his father stroked his collar-length beard, which was almost completely gray. Only a few strands of dark red remained. “The rest will be up to you.”