A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style (18 page)

The Lesson:
Simple enhancement or opportunity for unchecked theatricality? In the last ten years accessories have made a stunning return to the fashion stage. Now toddlers covet their mother’s Manolos and small dogs refuse to be carried in anything that didn’t cost their mistresses an arm and a leg. This is telling since animals and children are attracted to big, sparkly things and that’s exactly what many of today’s more popular accessories are: Too big, too shiny. You wouldn’t let your Yorkie select your outfit, presumably, so why should Mr. Squeaks dictate your choice in bags?

“I never met a handbag I didn’t like.”

—A trend-crazed colleague

Enough silliness. The old saw about proper accessorizing is that you should remove one item before going out. This suggests that you have more than one item on, which raises its own troubling questions. Furthermore, with the advent of layered necklaces—which often look fabulous—this piece of advice should be retired. Where so many people run into trouble is that they look like they just played an exhausting round of Supermarket Sweep on the Bloomingdales accessories floor. Every item screams out its provenance, from the initials on the bag to the initials on the sunglasses to the initials on the driving mocs. You can probably name the perfume as she stomps by, too. This is not so much style as armor—“Look!” these items plead. “My owner has money and receives the same magazines you do!” Why not carry a plastic bag from the supermarket and simply tape your credit card statement to it? It saves wear and tear on the items but still gets the message across!

Depending on where you live, this item might be known to you as a purse or pocketbook. It is also the backbone of many designers’ businesses today. Purses and perfume allow a wider range of customers to bask in the particular glow of their chosen house. We’ll return to perfume later. Bags are large—compared to a watch or glasses—and we wear them every day. This makes them the perfect status symbol. A
400 bra is lovely, but difficult to exhibit to a large audience without a whole passel of other issues. The predominance of the bag in the status sweepstakes means we must describe it with special language. May we propose a critical reading of the handbag? Yes, we will borrow some words you’ll remember from high school English class to allow you to make sure that your bag is not
Moll Flanders
if you’re a Bergdorf Blonde. Consider the following examples:

Tone:
This is the general mood that you and your clothing set. For instance, you are twenty, home from college for Thanksgiving, and meeting your high school nemesis, Ruthie, at the local Starbucks. You and Ruthie are friends now, but you’ve taken care to blow dry your hair extra straight. Take that, Ruthie!

Diction:
The items you choose to create the abovementioned mood. Since it is Starbucks and the middle of the day, you opt for pink velour sweatpants and a coordinated boat-neck T-shirt. These items are casual, informal. You are, however, a woman of great sophistication, so you grab your huge Louis Vuitton Speedy before applying lip gloss and heading out the door.

Denotation of the bag:
What is the bag really? Well, it’s brown leather, has handles and a zipper. It holds things. That is not, however, what will make Ruthie jealous. Rather, that’s the . . .

Connotation of the bag:
Wealth, glamour, founded in 1854, advertised by J.Lo and carried by Jessica. You get the idea. Even frumpy Ruthie recognizes those letters.

So, what’s wrong with this picture? Your diction is clashing with your tone, young lady. Yes, we said it. Your tone is extremely casual, you and your clothes are going for coffee at the mall. However, your bag is ready to go to a meeting in Paris. But isn’t that a perfect illustration of the whole high/low thing that everybody is always talking about? No, it is not. In this case, the disparity is too large for the look to work. Instead of your bag and clothing creating harmony, the bag sticks out like an extremely
expensive sore thumb. If the bag is a knockoff, it will stand out like a sore thumb whose pigment is slightly off and Ruthie will no doubt be able to spot it. Happily, a tone/diction clash is easy to fix. The first method involves grabbing another bag, perhaps that LeSportsac you have hanging on the back of your door; nice casual nylon that works with your knock-around clothes. The second method is the one we endorse. Trade in the sweatpants for some well-fitted jeans—neither painfully tight nor baggy, and please trade the tee for a thin boat-neck sweater and the sneakers for some ballet flats. You’ve upped the level of diction enough that the bag no longer looks out of place.

Purchasing a bag should be approached like purchasing a pet. You must assess how much space you have, how much maintenance can you handle, and always be aware that a good bag will be with you for many, many years. If you have limited space in your closet or bank account, the key is, of course, to find that one absolutely perfect bag that works with everything, from beach picnic to midnight supper after a riotous black-tie party in honor of a dashing Polish aristocrat. As you can imagine, this is nigh impossible. You will need a small selection of bags that can take you through every imaginable situation. Even walking the aristocrat’s dog while carrying a laptop. Truthfully, that might require two bags.

First let us talk about some very basic ideas to keep in mind about a bag’s styling. The less structure the bag has,
the less formal it is. Conversely, a bag that has a frame is more formal. How can one tell if it has a frame? One way is to put the bag down. Can it stand up on its own? Often bags with frames inside come with feet, or something to keep the bag from sitting directly on the floor. These bags have a more tailored, trim appearance. This is not the bag to carry if everything you own works well with Birkenstocks—even the metallic or patent leather ones. The Birks lover will be better served by a slouchy style, like a hobo bag. Although slouchy bags can be just as expensive and ornamented with just as many buckles and rabbits’ feet, the style generally feels younger and less formal.

This is the bag that can go to the office with you every day. It should be large enough to hold what you need to transport without straining its seams or losing its shape. These bags tend—since many of us like to carry quite a bit—to be larger. That is not, in itself, a problem. However,
two rules must be observed. One, the bag should work with your proportions. If you are five feet tall, a huge bag slung over your shoulder or arm will absolutely overwhelm you. Second, just because you are tall, don’t think you can get away with passing off a small piece of luggage as a purse. There is a line that is almost impossible to identify between “large purse” and “small carry-on.” You know it when you see it, though, we assure you. If you have your doubts, opt for a size down. Often the issue isn’t so much size as design when it comes to looking luggage-esque. Duffel shapes are particularly vulnerable to this confusion.

When shopping for a workhorse, look for a strap large enough to distribute the weight of the bag comfortably. A large bag with a thin, single strap can be hell on the shoulder or arm. The pain will cause you to hunch, which will throw off your posture, which will ruin everything, so make sure the bag is well engineered before you buy.

Since this bag will be serving multiple functions and outfits, make sure that any fittings and embellishments are the right tone. In other words, if you are a die-hard gold fan, a bag with a huge silver clasp, silver zipper, and a million silver grommets is not a good choice.

This raises the issue of color. The best-case scenario is that you have one workhorse that goes with black and cool-toned shoes, and another that works with browns and warmer tones. If one color dominates your wardrobe, spend the money on that bag and find something great looking, but cheaper, for your second bag.

Before you suggest that this is impossible, let us share
an anecdote: We were in a meeting with an extremely stylish young woman. Her blond bob was glinting as we said good-bye and she swung her zippered and pocketed bag onto her shoulder. When she was complimented on the bag, she replied with a wry smile and two words: “Thanks, Target!” Was it made of the softest leather of virgin cows raised solely on honeysuckle-scented grass? Not at all. Did it pretend to be a
1,500 bag that it wasn’t? No, it wore its inspiration lightly. Did it look great and get the job done? Absolutely.