A Glimpse of the Dream (9 page)

It was close to two in the morning when we finally settled in for sleep. Tucked up against Kane’s side, his fingers running patterns over my bare belly, he asked, “You okay with me just showing up?”

Shifting so I could see him, I gave him my best “duh” face. “Yes.”

His lips turned up on the one side but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I didn’t want to intrude, but I needed to see you.”

“You could never intrude. I called you earlier, wanted to ask you to come for the weekend.”

His eyes lit with his smile this time. “Really?”

“Why would you doubt it, Kane? I love you. I miss you like hell.”

“It’s just that you’re here, with so much to do and see. I’m just the guy you left at home. Maybe I can’t compete with that.”

Sitting up, I stared at him like his head was spinning in circles. “Compete? So if it had been you who went away, I should be concerned that you would move on?”

“No!”

“That’s how I feel.”

“I needed to hear that.” He reached for my finger where the diamond winked up at him.

“I never take it off.”

He pressed a kiss on it, his gaze meeting mine. “Five months.”

“I’m counting the days.”

“Eight weeks until Thanksgiving,” he added.

“We’ll get a long weekend; I can’t wait.”

“That makes two of us. I think we might actually have a dinner guest this year.”

“Really? Who?” In all the years that I lived at Raven’s Peak, it was only ever the five of us.

“Mrs. T’s grandniece. She’s attending the University of Maine at Farmington, and she’s been coming to Raven’s Peak for the weekends to spend time with Mrs. T.”

A coldness swept through. Stupid, probably, but I didn’t like that someone had taken my place, even if it was just for the weekends. Did Kane treat her like he treated me? Did they spend time together too? The idea sent jealousy burning through me.

“You okay, Tea?”

I wasn’t, but I didn’t want to get into that now, so I lied, my first ever lie to him. “I’m great.”

Thanksgiving loomed. Midterms were kicking my ass. I had a D in my econ class; I needed the extra study sessions the professor was offering. I had become so consumed with studying that I had started missing Kane’s phone calls, either losing track of time or falling asleep waiting for him to call. I hated missing his calls, looked forward to them all day. Usually when I missed him, I called the next morning to apologize, but he never answered. I didn’t know if he was busy or if he was punishing me because I hadn’t answered.

I needed to tell Mrs. Marks I wouldn’t be coming home the following week for the holiday, so I made that call first; it was the easier of the two. She answered on the second ring. “Teagan, I was just thinking about you. When is your flight?”

My throat actually hurt from the tears that wanted to fall. “I’m not going to make it home. My professor is offering an extra study session on the Friday after Thanksgiving, and I really need to go.”

“Oh. Are you sure you can’t just come for the day?”

I could. I’d thought about it, but I knew if I went for just the day, I wouldn’t want to come back. I’d blow off the study session, and I couldn’t afford to do that. “I really want to be with you, but I know myself well enough that if I come home, I won’t come back for the session.”

“Have you told Kane?”

“He’s my next call.”

“We’ll miss you. What will you do about eating?”

“One of the dining halls is staying open for the students, mostly foreign, who aren’t going home. They’re even making turkey and all the trimmings.”

“Well, at least there’s that. How are you?”

“I’m good. I really love it here and, once I get my grade up, I’ll be even better.”

There was silence on the line for a beat before she said, “I know how much you want to come home, but you’re taking responsibility for your schooling, and, as much as I hate to say it, that is the right priority at this point in your life.”

“I hope Kane feels the same.”

“He’ll be upset, Teagan, but he’ll understand.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mrs. Marks.”

“Happy Thanksgiving to you. Don’t work too hard and make sure you take a break and eat some turkey on Thursday.”

“I will.”

I dreaded making the next call. My hope was that Kane would come to Boston, and we could have a dining hall–style Thanksgiving together and then spend the rest of the weekend in my room. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. I settled back on my bed and called him.

“Hey, Tea. What time’s your flight?” My heart twisted in my chest; he sounded so excited. I didn’t immediately answer. “You’re not coming home.”

“I’m sorry. I want to come home, but I got a D on my midterm. I have to attend the study sessions over the break or I’m going to fail. Is there any chance you can come here?”

“Mrs. Marks has been preparing for your return for weeks. You know how she is about the holidays.”

“Please don’t make me feel worse than I already do.”

Frustration and a little contrition came across the line. “I’m sorry, it’s been seven weeks since I’ve seen you. I’m going crazy.”

“I am too, but Christmas is right around the corner, and I’ll be home for a month. I was thinking of inviting my friend Simon home for part of it. Do you think Mrs. Marks would be okay with that?”

Silence.

“Simon’s gay, so whatever you’re thinking, please don’t. He knows all about you.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine with him coming here.”

“Are you?”

“He’s your friend.”

“Kane, what are you thinking?”

“Nothing.”

“Please, I’ve known you since you were eleven, so stop bullshitting me.”

“I’m jealous. Is that what you want to hear? I’m jealous. The fact that your friend is gay is of no importance. He gets to see you when I don’t.”

“In under three months, that’s going to change.”

“I know, but I can’t help it. I’ve only ever been completely truthful with you, so why deny what I’m feeling,” he added.

“That’s fair.”

“I’ll let Mrs. Marks know it will only be five for Thanksgiving this year.”

“I already spoke to Mrs. Marks. Five, you mean four?”

“No. Doreen, Mrs. T’s grandniece, is joining us. I told you about her.”

Now I hated it even more that I wasn’t going home.

“Tea?”

“I’m jealous of Doreen.”

“Why?”

“For the same reason you’re jealous of Simon. Is she pretty?”

Silence.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Tea, you’re being silly.”

“Is she gay?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

Definitely wished I were going home.

“You sure you can’t come here?” I asked. It may have sounded more like a plea.

“I already promised I’d show Doreen around—the happening spots. I thought we’d be doing that together.”

So not only was Doreen going to be there, she was going to be spending quality alone time with my fiancé. I felt ill, but I couldn’t change my mind; I had to get my grade up, and if I went home now, it would be obvious to Kane that I was only going home because I was jealous. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“Miss you, Tea.”

And even drowning in jealousy, I couldn’t deny that I missed him too. “Miss you.”

Thanksgiving came and went. I had called home and spoken to everyone on the actual day, Kane detailing the scents coming from the kitchen to rub it in. He sounded happy, which I thought was surprising with how upset he’d seemed about me not coming home. I tried not to think about why he’d be happy, namely by spending time with Doreen, but I did anyway. A pain had started in my stomach, an ulcer most likely, and I called it Doreen.

After my study session on Friday, Kane and I talked, but I hadn’t heard from him since. Each day that went by without word, the more worried I got. He’d had a long weekend with Doreen, and now he wasn’t calling me. It seemed like a reasonable jump to believe he wasn’t calling because he was spending time with her. There weren’t words to describe the sensation that moved through me when I thought about Kane moving on with someone else.

As the days turned into weeks, I began to get scared that it was something more, that something bad had happened. I couldn’t get through to him or anyone at the house, which never happened. Focusing on anything at school was impossible, so I made arrangements with my professors and headed home using the open-ended tickets Mrs. Marks had purchased for me to use at Thanksgiving.

As soon as I landed, I called for a cab, which was going to cost a fortune, but I wanted to get home as fast as possible. Until the moment Raven’s Peak came into view, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed being there. After paying the cabbie, I grabbed my bags and ran up the front steps. Mr. Clancy wasn’t there to open the door, but then, he wasn’t expecting me.

As I placed my bags just inside the door, I was met by silence. I ran up the stairs right to Kane’s room, but when I entered, my feet just stopped. His room wasn’t just unoccupied, it looked nearly cleared out. Most of his personal stuff, things he didn’t use but didn’t want to part with, was boxed in the corner, but all his clothes and those things he used daily like his iPod and speakers were gone. I didn’t know how long I stood in his room that was no longer his room. Where the hell was he? Had he moved to Boston already and was waiting to surprise me? But it seemed like a cruel joke to not contact me. We never went so long between calls.

I searched the house for the others, but the place was empty, and, from the look of the pile of mail on the kitchen counter, it had been for a while. Reaching for my phone, I called Mrs. Marks, but as was the case lately, her phone went to voice mail. An uneasy feeling moved through me. Something was definitely not right.

Someone was bringing in the mail; they’d know what was going on. I started from the house to head to town to find that person. Halfway down the drive, a car I didn’t recognize pulled in. I recognized the driver—Camille. Pulling over, she climbed out. Surprise filled me, because Camille had gone off to school only just the year before. The timing of her decision, not long after Kane had told her no way would they ever be together, made it clear to both of us that she was off licking her wounds. Considering her motivation, I guess it wasn’t a surprise to discover she hadn’t stuck with it.

“Teagan? What are you doing here?”

I was tempted to ask the same of her, but I honestly didn’t care. “Came home for a visit. Do you know where everyone is?”

“Oh.” I didn’t sense understanding or even sympathy in that one word, but I did see a giddiness that turned my stomach. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?” What the hell did she know about my family that I didn’t?

“They’ve been gone for a while, getting Kane settled in his new apartment.”

I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly, but excitement mingled with my confusion, because it sounded like he was in Boston. I was going to kill him for the way he did this, but I was thrilled with the end result. “New apartment?”

“Yeah, to be closer to his girlfriend.”

“You mean me?”

“No, his new girlfriend.”

All the air left my lungs. New girlfriend, what the hell was she talking about? Kane had a new girlfriend? “Doreen?” The name passed my lips before I even really knew I’d meant to say it.

“Yes. You should see them together. Every weekend they’re inseparable. A lot like how you and he used to be before you got all consumed with school. It’s not surprising that their feelings grew into something more, especially since you seem to have moved on.”

Pain sliced through me; as much as I wanted to dismiss every word from her mouth as a lie, I couldn’t. Deep down I’d feared this very thing. Yet despite the ache in my chest, I was certain that Kane would have told me if he’d moved on. He’d never leave me adrift.

“Mrs. Marks and the others went to help get him settled. I’m sorry. I thought you knew, being his best friend and all.”

Somehow I knew she’d said that on purpose to dig the knife in. It should have hurt, it should have eviscerated me, and there was a part of me shattered at the possibility, but I refused to believe that my Kane would act so selfishly.