A Gift of Grace (14 page)

Lindsay smiled. “Thanks.”

Elizabeth snatched her recipe book from the far counter. “Would you like to learn how to make walnut kisses?”

“Sure!” Lindsay grabbed a mixing bowl from the counter.

Saturday night, Lindsay stood before Rebecca clad in a purple dress with a black apron and white prayer
Kapp
.

Rebecca cupped her hand over her mouth while tears stung her eyes.

“What do you think?” Lindsay asked, twisting her hips back and forth while running her hands over her the apron. “Do I look ridiculous? Does it look like a Halloween costume instead of normal Plain dress?”

“You look beautiful. The dress is perfect.” Rebecca wiped her eyes. “In fact, you look like your mother only with red hair.”

“You think so?” Her niece fingered the ties to the prayer
Kapp
. “I always thought Jessica looked just like Mom, and I looked more like the Bedford side.”

Rebecca shook her head. “I definitely see Grace in you.”

Lindsay grinned. “Cool.” Her smile faded. “So, can I still go with you and Daniel tomorrow? And can I wear this?”

“
Ya
.” Rebecca nodded and cleared her throat, hoping to stop the threatening lump. “You most certainly can.” Her thoughts moved to Jessica’s accusation that Rebecca was influencing and trying to convert her. She didn’t want to upset Jessica by encouraging Lindsay to dress Plain.

“But how will Jessica feel about this?” Rebecca asked.

Lindsay shrugged. “I really don’t know what she thinks.”

She began to remove the straight pins from the apron. “You didn’t tell her that you were making a dress to wear to service?”

“No, I didn’t tell her. I told her a few weeks ago that I enjoy our devotional time together, and she really didn’t understand it.”

“Well, you must do what feels right for you,” Rebecca said. “Do whatever you feel in your heart.”

“This definitely feels right,” Lindsay said with a smile.

“
Gut
.” Rebecca finished removing the pins and then hugged her niece. “I look forward to having you at service with me tomorrow.”

“Me too.” Lindsay held on to Rebecca as if for dear life.

Once the dress was removed, Lindsay pulled on her night-gown, and they walked arm in arm to Lindsay’s room.

“I’ll wake you up early tomorrow,” Rebecca said.

Lindsay hugged her again. “Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” Rebecca gently closed the door and then tapped on Jessica’s door.

She waited a few moments for a response and then opened it slowly. She spotted Jessica fast asleep sprawled across the bed in her plaid pajama pants and a short-sleeved gray shirt. Rebecca tiptoed across the room and covered her niece with the quilt.

She kissed Jessica’s head, snuffed the kerosene lantern, and then quietly left.

When Rebecca entered her room, she found Daniel pulling on his nightclothes. He gave her a confused expression when their eyes met. “Where have you been,
mei Fraa
?” he asked.

“Lindsay and I were in the sewing room finishing up a project,” she said while she crawled into the bed.

“What project?” He climbed into the bed beside her.

“She wanted a Plain dress, so we made one together.” She snuggled down under the quilt and snuffed the lantern on her side of the bed. A faint light crept in past the edges of the window shades.

“Why would she want that?” He gave her a concerned expression.

“She wants to come to service with us tomorrow and she wants to dress appropriately.” When his eyebrows careened to his hairline with confusion, she pressed a finger to his lips before he spoke in response. “Please listen to me before you pass judgment, Daniel. Lindsay is very interested in our faith and wants to learn more. She constantly asks me questions about our beliefs. She enjoys our nightly devotions.”

“Our faith is not a passing fad for her to try, like their rock music and their Internet,” he said, frowning.

“She knows that, and she respects it.” Rebecca took his hands in hers. “I believe she is opening her heart and mind to our faith, and she truly wants to know more about it. Daniel, please give her a chance. She feels that learning more about the Faith will bring her closer to Grace.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. Her mother left the Faith, and I believe she will do the same in time.” He shook his head.

Rebecca sighed while disappointment washed over her. She wondered what it was going to take to get Daniel to understand. “It’s a way for her to connect to her mother’s past and connect to me. I’m the only family she has left.”

“She can go with us, but don’t expect her to join the Faith. She’ll leave just as her mother did. I don’t want to see you hurt again, the way Grace hurt you.” He kissed her. “Good night.”

Good night,” she muttered. She bit her lip to stop the angry words that formed in her mind. She wanted to tell her husband to stop being so cynical and stop judging the girls. But she knew it wouldn’t do any good. Arguing with Daniel never went well.

Closing her eyes, Rebecca prayed for guidance and faith as she did every night. She hoped that God was listening and heard her words.

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J
essica rolled over and yawned. Rubbing her eyes, she glanced at her watch and gasped when she found it was after eleven in the morning.

She’d planned to rise early in order to complete her chores and spend the rest of the day relaxing while Daniel, Rebecca, and Lindsay went to service and then visiting. She wasn’t thrilled when her sister told her that she was going to service, but Jessica didn’t get upset with Lindsay. She assumed Lindsay would be bored out of her mind and not go to another one.

Instead of getting up early to get her chores done, Jessica had lost part of the day by sleeping in. She’d have to hurry if she wanted to salvage the rest of the day.

Leaping from the bed, she snatched her jeans and a T-shirt from the floor and yanked them on. She gathered her hair up into a ponytail and then ran down the stairs. Jessica fixed herself a few pieces of bread slathered with jam and ate them quickly. She headed outside.

She groaned when she spotted the forest of weeds tangled in both the vegetable and flower gardens. She scanned the rows of vegetables mixed in with the bright, healthy green weeds and frowned. This task would certainly take a good part of the day.

“Standing here staring at it won’t get it done,” she muttered, eyeing the offending vegetation. She padded to the barn, grabbed a large bucket and then returned to the vegetable garden. After dropping the bucket onto the ground, she grabbed a trash can from the side of the house and yanked it to the garden.

Squatting, she began ripping the weeds from the ground. She made her way through the vegetables, filling up the bucket with weeds and emptying it into the trash can as she weaved through the peas, onions, carrots, string beans, cucumbers, and tomatoes. The weeds seemed to take forever to dissipate.

Her arms, legs, and back ached, and perspiration trickled from every pore in her body. Sinking back onto her bottom, Jessica wiped her brow and closed her eyes. She needed to get out of her sweat-soaked clothes. She bit her lip and scanned the area. She was more than halfway done with the vegetables but still had the flowers to complete. She’d get changed and then return to the task of weeding.

She trotted into the house and up the back steps to her room. After shedding her jeans and T-shirt, Jessica slipped into her most comfortable jean shorts. She pulled a tank top from her dresser and shook her head. It was hot outside. Really humid and hot. That tank top would still cover too much skin.

Biting her bottom lip, Jessica pulled out her hot pink string bikini top. She knew wearing a skimpy top wouldn’t win her any brownie points with Daniel, but maybe finishing the weeding would. He’d been so quiet with her lately that she could nearly cut the tension between them with a knife. He wasn’t rude, but he’d been cold. Their conversations in the van on the way to and from work seemed strained. The only bright spot in her days lately was chatting with Jake. She could at least be herself around him.

Jessica hoped Trisha would call soon and report that she’d won custody of her and Lindsay. However, when they’d spoken a few weeks ago, Trisha hadn’t made any headway finding a lawyer who would take the case. Jessica wondered if she was even trying very hard.

In the meantime, Jessica had to make the best of it. She hoped that by doing extra chores today she’d earn enough favor around the house that Daniel would smile and chat with her once in a while. She’d do her best to get the weeding completed quickly and then she could change into something more suitable before Daniel, Rebecca, and her sister returned.

She pulled on the bikini top, twirled her thick ponytail up into a bun secured with a few clips, stuffed her iPod into her pocket, and jogged down the back stairs and out to the garden.

She fished her iPod from her pocket, stuck the ear buds in her ears, and crouched down. While she continued weeding, she lost herself in the comforts of her favorite rock songs.

Even when Jessica thought she’d collapse from the pain and the grief of losing her parents, the songs seemed to give her the comfort she needed to make it through another lonely day in Lancaster County. The music dulled the constant pang of regret that pulsed through her all day and all night long.

Whenever she closed her eyes, Jessica could see the two police officers standing in the doorway of her home in Virginia Beach. She could hear the one officer saying the words “Your parents died in a car accident tonight. They were hit head-on by a drunk driver.”

Even though nearly two months had passed since the accident, the pain was still sharp in her heart, and the guilt still haunted her.

Jessica sucked in a breath while emptying the bucket full of weeds into the large trash can. She’d wished so many times that she could relive that night.

Maybe her parents would still be alive if Jessica hadn’t sulked in her room before they’d left for their dinner date. If she had talked to her mom instead of stomping off in a huff, she could’ve delayed the time that they’d left, and then the drunk may never have passed them on the road at all.

She shook her head while moving to the peppers. It was silly to play the “what if” game, but Jessica couldn’t help but blame herself.

The last conversation she’d had with her mother was an angry one. She’d been furious that her mother wouldn’t let her invite Brian over. Jessica knew she wasn’t allowed to have him over when her parents weren’t home, but she’d pushed the issue anyway, insisting she was trustworthy enough to have a boy in the house. But Jessica was too proud to let it go. She’d called her mother’s phone and argued with her just moments before the accident.

Had the angry words she and her mother exchanged distracted her father’s driving?

Jessica pushed the torturous thought away. She couldn’t face the reality of her regrets. Not now when she was already so miserable being stuck in this household.

Her thoughts moved to Brian and Morgan as she dumped another bucket of weeds into the trash can. She hadn’t spoken to them in a few days. They both had finished school for the year and started their summer jobs. Jessica wished she were working at the oceanfront with them. She longed to spend the summer at the beach, working by day and walking barefoot through the hot sand with her friends at night. On their days off, her friends would caravan down to the Outer Banks, driving out on the beach for a daylong picnic in the sweltering sun.

It was unfair that her friends were having all that fun without her. She wondered what she had done to deserve the fate of living and working here. When would Trisha save her from this nightmare?

She was so caught up in her thoughts of home that at first Jessica didn’t hear the horse clip-clopping up the dirt drive. When she glanced over, she spotted the buggy rolling toward the barn. Jessica dumped another bucket of weeds and then wiped the palms of her hands on her shorts. She frowned at the dirt trapped under her long fingernails.

Turning toward the barn, she spotted her sister trotting toward her clad in a dark purple Plain dress, complete with a black apron and cape and a white prayer
Kapp
covering her bun.

Gasping, Jessica shook her head, hoping that she was imagining her sister dressed like that. However, as Lindsay approached, the image didn’t fade.

“What are you doing?” Lindsay yelled, a frown creasing lines into her pretty face. “Don’t you realize it’s Sunday? We don’t do chores on Sunday!”

“Whoa!” Jessica shook her head again, fury bubbling within her. “What are you wearing? Is today Halloween?”

“Very funny.” Lindsay gestured toward Jessica’s clothes. “It’s more than you have on! This isn’t a beach, you know. Daniel will flip when he sees you.” She cut her eyes behind her to where another buggy crunched in the rocks toward the barn. “You better go change while you have the chance. He won’t be happy when he sees this.”

“Oh no.” Jessica shook her head. “Don’t change the subject. What were you thinking?” She grabbed her sister’s arm and yanked her closer. “Lindsay, why are you letting her brainwash you? Remember that little church we went to back home? You know, the one we grew up in? It’s not Amish or even Mennonite!”

Scowling, her younger sister wrenched her arm from Jessica’s grasp. “No one is brainwashing me. I happen to feel comfortable dressed like this.” She smoothed the apron, and her expression softened. “I think I look good in it. It makes me feel closer to Mom.”

A wave of disappointment mixed with despair surged through Jessica. She had to fight to keep Lindsay on her side. “Lindsay, we’re not going to stay here. Trisha is going to get custody of us, and we can go back home. We belong there, not here.”

“This is my home now,” her younger sister said, her expression hardening again.

“You don’t mean that,” Jessica whispered. “Your home is with Trisha and Frank and our friends. This is just a place to stay until Trisha can work something out. We can finish school and then go on to college. If we stay here, we’ll suffocate.”

“No.” Lindsay shook her head. “I think you need to open your eyes and your heart to the truth. God has a plan for us, and He needs us here. You should’ve come to service today. You would’ve seen how wonderful this community is and how much they want us here. Although the service was mostly in German, I still felt a part of something bigger. I felt God’s presence in my life. It gave me a peace I haven’t felt since Mom and Dad died.”

Jessica blew out a sigh. This nightmare was worse than she’d imagined. She was losing her sister, the only family she had left. As if it weren’t bad enough to lose her parents, now her sister was going to join the Faith and leave her behind.

“What’s going on here?” a voice boomed behind them.

Jessica turned to see Daniel staring at her wide-eyed. “Daniel,” she said, her body trembling in response to his accusing stare. She folded her arms across her chest. “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. I was hoping to have the weeding—”

Daniel turned. “Rebecca!” he bellowed.

Rebecca gazed over from where she stood with Robert, Sadie, and their children. Jessica swallowed a groan when the group faced them, and their eyes rounded at the sight of her. She wished she could crawl into the trash can full of weeds and hide from the glares.

Daniel hollered something in Pennsylvania Dutch, and Rebecca rushed over. When Rebecca’s eyes met Jessica, a surprised gasp escaped her lips. She then hurried over to Jessica, Lindsay, and Daniel.

Daniel prattled on in Pennsylvania Dutch, his face red with anger. He gestured wildly, and Rebecca nodded, whispering something under her breath. She then looped her arm around Jessica’s shoulders and steered her toward the house.

Before reaching the stairs, Jessica cut her eyes to her sister and found her surrounded by Daniel and his family. Katie Kauffman sidled up to Lindsay and placed a hand on her shoulder. Lindsay and Katie looked so comfortable together, both dressed the same.

Lindsay looked like one of them, and an overwhelming emptiness consumed Jessica. She blinked back tears at the realization that she’d lost her sister.

“What are they doing here?” Jessica asked Rebecca as they stepped into the house.

“Robert and his family are here to visit,” Rebecca said, her gentle voice a stark contrast to her husband’s rant.

“I messed up, huh?” Jessica asked, swallowing her tears.

“You could say that,” Rebecca said.

“I was only trying to—”

“Shh.” Rebecca led her to the back staircase. “Just go and get changed. We’ll talk later.”

Jessica stared at Rebecca. She was tired of being corrected and ordered around like some stupid, irresponsible kid. She resented their judgmental stares and their ridiculous rules. She wanted to go home, and despite what her sister said, this wasn’t home!

“What, Jessica?” Rebecca asked while pushing back a wisp of her hair that had fallen from beneath her prayer
Kapp
. “What is it?”

“Why don’t we just get it over with now?” Jessica asked, folding her arms with impatience. “I know what you’re going to say.”

Rebecca gave a sigh of defeat. “And what is it that I’m going to say, Jessica?”

Jessica studied her brown eyes. She looked tired. Maybe she was as tired of Jessica as she was of her aunt. “You hate me, don’t you?” Jessica asked, her voice trembling with a sorrow she hadn’t expected.

“No.” Rebecca’s eyes softened as she reached for Jessica’s hands. “I could never hate you.”

Jessica stepped back from her reach, afraid of the comfort Rebecca seemed to want to offer. “You’re sick of dealing with me. I’m the bad kid while my sister is the perfect one, running around in that long dress. She’s the daughter you’d always dreamt of, but I’m just the problem child. I’m an unexpected bump in the road that has brought you nothing but headaches and heartache.”

“No, that’s not true.” Rebecca shook her head. “I love you both. I just wish you would give us a chance instead of pushing us away and running around in clothes that deliberately upset Daniel.”

“Deliberately upset Daniel?” Jessica winced as if she’d been smacked. “I didn’t wear this to upset you or Daniel.” She pointed to her clothes. “I wore this because the sweat was pouring off me while I was breaking my back weeding your stupid garden!”