A Forever Kind of Guy: The Braddock Brotherhood, Book 2 (33 page)

No problem. Roscoe’s cousin Natalie’s husband was a lawyer, if Ray recalled correctly. And if he didn’t deal in family law, there was a good chance he knew someone who did.

With Fletcher on his lap, Ray sat across from Callie at a table away from the rest of the crowd. She filled out a contact sheet with basic information about him and handed him a folder filled with forms and informative brochures.

“Does Hayley know you’re doing this?” she asked him.

“No, not exactly. And I’d prefer she didn’t for the time being. Unless you’re obligated to tell her.”

“I’m not. Once a child is put up for adoption, we aren’t required to include the foster parents in the process. She’ll retain custody of Fletcher until the final adoption hearing. You do understand that, of course?”

“Of course. Not a problem.”

“He seems to have bonded with you,” Callie said, glancing up. Fletcher had relaxed back against Ray, comfortable in the crook of Ray’s arm.

“Yeah.” Ray didn’t think he could explain to anyone, not even a social worker familiar with Fletcher’s case, the weird connection he’d felt with this little boy almost from the moment he’d first seen him. He wasn’t sure how he was going to tell Hayley of his decision. She’d been adamant that Fletcher needed a home with two parents who could give him what every child needed.

Fletcher could have exactly that, if she would eventually warm to the idea that the two of them could be his parents. He hoped she’d arrive at that conclusion on her own. She wasn’t there yet, and though he’d vowed to wait for however long it took, waiting was becoming increasingly frustrating in more ways than one.

Caroline had argued and cajoled, trying to convince him he was ready for something he wasn’t. Words simply didn’t work. He’d come around in his own time, and it hadn’t taken all that long.

For the moment, Hayley left him no choice but to leave her out of the equation. He’d do his best to show her how important she was to him and to Fletcher. Until then, Fletcher wasn’t going anywhere except to his side of the duplex. Hayley could have as much time as she needed, but somehow he knew she’d decide sooner rather than later that she wanted to be a permanent part of both their lives.

Ray stayed until the event was over, but he had to leave Fletcher at the park with the other kids. He hugged him goodbye and promised he’d see him in a little while, and they could take Oscar for a walk when he got home. Pending Hayley’s approval, of course. Not that she ever objected.

When he got home he went straight in his front door. He didn’t want Hayley to see the sheaf of paperwork Callie had given him. Lucky for him, he thought, the irony of Fletcher not talking. He wouldn’t tattle to Hayley that Ray had been at the park and had talked to the social worker about adopting him.

He called Roscoe and got the name of Natalie’s husband. First thing tomorrow morning he’d call the lawyer. He couldn’t help smiling at the thought that Fletcher would soon be his son. He’d be there to experience all those important firsts. First day of school. First Little League game. First crush. Ray would be there when Fletcher spoke his first words again. Maybe his first word would be “daddy”. He spread the paperwork out on his kitchen table and got to work.

After Ray left, Hayley forced herself to get her act together. She ventured out to the grocery store, a trip she should have enjoyed since she didn’t have Fletcher to contend with. But all she could think about as she stocked up for the week was that she was somehow abandoning him by letting him go. She wasn’t sure she’d done the right thing after all, but she wasn’t sure she hadn’t.

God knew she’d agonized over her decision. She’d made lists of the pros and cons, the benefits both for herself and for Fletcher. The pros for Fletcher outweighed the cons every time. She’d convinced herself she wasn’t cut out to be a good enough parent for him. She couldn’t protect him. Keeping him would be the most selfish thing she could do, and it would put him at risk if Carlos ever made good on his threats. She had to let him go. She knew that. But knowing it didn’t make her any less sad about it.

At the checkout she did something she never did. She picked up a bag of the Gummi Bears Fletcher loved. A pathetic consolation prize for him. Or maybe it was a way of consoling herself by bringing him a brief moment of pleasure. A treat. She thought of all the times he’d reached for them as they waited in the checkout line. Of all the times she told him no, that the sugar was bad for his teeth and that they were empty nutrition. And now here she was buying them for him when he wasn’t even there. Gummi Bears. A salve for the conscience.

Back at home, she cleaned and did laundry. She sat at the table to pay her bills then stared at her checkbook balance when she was done. Another reason she couldn’t keep Fletcher. Even though she would get some state assistance, she feared she wouldn’t be able to cover any unexpected expenses. What if her car broke down or she lost her job? What if her rent went up? What if she got sick and couldn’t work, couldn’t pay her bills? Who would support Fletcher?

The idea of moving to L.A. with Fletcher in tow seemed impossible. Even paying the extra airfare would blow her budget out of the water. Any way she looked at it, she’d be shortchanging Fletcher while she got her own life in order.

She had no idea how single parents managed on their own. She supposed many of them got child support from their exes. But she also knew many of them didn’t. Her own mother had been one of those. Many of them struggled and their children suffered. Hayley liked to think she knew her own limits. Parenting a child on her own was one of them.

Thinking about single parenting got her to think more about the Y program Pablo wanted to create. She unearthed a spiral-bound notebook and started jotting down her thoughts about what it had been like to grow up the way she had. What would have made a difference for her all those years ago? What would have made a difference for Steffie?

A sense of community for one thing. She’d been in dance, gymnastics and cheerleading classes and camps, but they were always of relatively short duration. Six or eight weeks at the most, sometimes only a week or two. Any connection they made with the other girls was broken when their time together ended.

Perhaps they could find a way of keeping the girls together in the same group for as long as possible so they could build ties and support each other.

Simple cooking classes? Hayley like that idea. She knew nutrition was important for a growing child’s body and mind. Perhaps they could find a nutritional consultant to come in periodically to teach them about food. A chef from a local restaurant could teach them how to make simple, nutritious and tasty meals on a budget.

Counseling? What if a psychologist or even one of the guidance counselors from the public school system could come in and talk about peer pressure and family issues? Let the girls ask questions, find answers? In such a setting, Hayley was certain they’d realize they weren’t alone, that many of the girls would have similar issues. What could be better than finding someone who understood exactly what you were going through?

The girls could also do community service projects. Each year they could have a banquet and recognize individual achievements, perhaps an awards ceremony of some sort. Make the highest honor The Stephanie Chastain award in Steffie’s memory.

She filled pages with her notes, the ideas coming so quickly her hand cramped from trying to write them all down.

She heard Ray’s car pull up outside. She stayed where she was, hoping against hope she’d hear his tread across her porch, his knock on the door. When she didn’t, she bit her lip and stared down at her notes, the words blurring in her vision.

Ray didn’t understand. He couldn’t. It didn’t matter anyway. She put her checkbook back in the drawer and tidied the table. She had to go pick up Fletcher.

When she returned with Fletcher, he headed to Ray’s side of the duplex without looking to her for permission. Hayley watched, perplexed, as he stood on tiptoe to open the screen door to Ray’s porch.

“Hey, Fletch, what do you think you’re—”

Ray’s door opened at that moment, and he crossed to the screen door just as Fletcher got it open. Ray held it for him and Fletcher went in, wrapping his arms around Ray’s legs. Oscar came bounding out and jumped up on Fletcher and Ray both, swiping his tongue across Fletcher’s cheek.

Dumbfounded, Hayley stared at the scene before her. Her gaze clashed with Ray’s, and she found herself spellbound, unable to look away. She didn’t know what to say, what to do. “I told him we’d walk Oscar when he got home,” Ray said with an easy smile.

Hayley cocked her head. As far as she knew, Ray hadn’t seen Fletcher all day, not until now, to tell him anything. “Oh? When did you tell him that?”

Ray hesitated. “I mean, you know, like how we walk Oscar every day when he gets home.”

Hayley had the distinct sense there was something going on, something Ray wasn’t telling her. But she could hardly question him. She was too relieved he was still speaking to her.

Fletcher released Ray and directed his attention to Oscar. He retrieved Oscar’s leash and attached it to his collar.

“Want to join us?” Ray invited as he followed the two out the door.

Hayley didn’t see how she could say no. It was the first time she’d been invited. Walking Oscar had always been a Ray and Fletcher thing. She found herself ridiculously giddy at being included in their tight male circle of three.

“Okay,” she agreed. She locked her purse in her car and pocketed the keys.

Her giddiness turned to near delirium when Ray reached for her hand. Maybe she hadn’t lost him after all. She eyed Fletcher, who was a couple of feet ahead of them, trying to keep up with Oscar’s excited puppy lope. Fletcher, she knew for certain, she had lost.

Chapter Twenty-Five

The following week Callie called her. “Fletcher doesn’t need to attend any more of the adoption parties,” she informed Hayley. “We’ve got what looks like a viable party to adopt him.”

“Already?” Hayley gripped the phone until her knuckles turned white. Her heart dropped to her stomach.

“Looks like. I’ve got some more paperwork and a couple of home inspections to do, but initial background check looks good. Just thought I’d let you know.”

“I didn’t think it would happen so fast. And they’re, the people who want to adopt him that is, they’re aware of his language issue?”

“Yes, but it doesn’t seem to be a problem.”

“Callie, I know you wouldn’t give Fletcher to just anybody, but is this the right family for him?”

“I guarantee Fletcher’s being adopted by someone who’ll love him. In fact, I think they already do.”

“From just that one meeting?”

“Sometimes when it’s the right thing, people know it. I think that’s what happened here.”

“Thanks for letting me know, Callie. I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll be in touch.”

That evening while they were sitting on her porch, she told Ray about the phone call from Callie. Ray slid his hand under hers and squeezed. “You know, it’s not too late to change your mind,” he told her gently.

She blinked back the tears that filled her eyes. “I can’t.”

He didn’t argue with her. Ever since Fletcher’s outing to the adoption party, Ray had seemed quietly resigned to her decision. He’d been solicitous, but more withdrawn, as if he had something weighing heavily on his mind. Their evening routine hadn’t changed much except for one notable exception. Once quiet time was over, Ray left.

He’d embrace her and kiss her like he meant it, his kisses never failing to light a fire inside her. But then he’d draw away, bid her goodnight and retreat to his side of the duplex. Perplexed, Hayley let him go. He was sending her a message she couldn’t quite read. He didn’t seem angry with her, yet something had changed. She knew he wanted her, but he wouldn’t let himself have her. She didn’t understand it, and each evening her frustration mounted. He gave just enough of himself to get her motor running and then he’d walk away when everything inside her begged him to stay.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, holding hands, then Ray stood. “I’m going to get going.”

Hayley rose as well and he drew her into his embrace. She twined her arms around his neck, welcoming the heat that rose between them. Pressing herself against him, she kissed him hungrily, sending him a message she knew he could read.
Stay with me.

They were both turned-on and ready. No way would he walk away tonight, she was sure of it. She tried to back toward the door with him in tow, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he ended their steamy kiss, reached up and unlocked her arms from around his neck. He set her a little away from him and took a deep, unsteady breath.

“Why?” The anguished, one-word question escaped her lips before she could stop it. Her entire body vibrated with need.

“Because,” he began then stopped.

“Because
why?
It isn’t because you don’t want to.”

“No.”

“Ray, please…”

“Hayley—”

“Are you punishing me? Because of Fletcher?”

“No, for God’s sakes, no, it’s got nothing to do with that.”

Panic swept through Hayley. She felt as if she’d been running for hours and could hardly catch her breath. Ray was slipping away from her. “Then what?” she said dully. “Just tell me.”

“I want you to miss me.”

“What?”

“Let me put it another way. I want you to know what you’ll be missing if you leave.”

“Ray, that’s just—”

“I already told you, I don’t want you to go. But you seem so dead set on sticking to your damn plan.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Hayley stared at him. He wasn’t playing a game with her. He wasn’t withholding sex to punish her, exactly. But he was sending her a message, finally, that she could read loud and clear.

He held up a hand as if to stop her, though she hadn’t moved or said a word. “That’s not the only reason.” He coughed. “If there’s even a chance that you’ll change your mind, I don’t want anything to cloud your judgment. I don’t want you to leave, but I don’t want you to stay here because of me. This isn’t about what I want. If you decide to stay, it should only be because it’s what right for you.”