A Forever Kind of Guy: The Braddock Brotherhood, Book 2 (31 page)

“Listen, me and Johnny there—” she swung her chin over her shoulder to indicate the man near the truck, “—we don’t need much. Just a place to stay for the night. Maybe a few bucks for some supplies.”

“No. I can’t help you.”

“Aw, come on, girl. We’re family. Families help each other.”

Hayley shook her head. “Nope. No more. You need to leave now.”

“Hey, how about you?” she asked, looking at Ray. “This your place?” Doing an about-face, she glanced around as if in approval. “That your Explorer? It’s nice.” She brought her gaze back to Ray. “I’m Darlene, by the way. How’s my girl treating you?” She looked at Hayley again and lowered her voice, but not by much. “Can’t believe you let Trey get away. Honey, you should have had him wrapped around your finger the way I told you. But you never did listen to me, all Miss High and Mighty, bouncing around and smiling. ‘Look at me, ain’t I a cute little cheerleader?’ Well, it sure didn’t do much for you did it, all them gymnastics lessons and dance classes—”

“Excuse me.” Ray edged past Hayley and took Darlene by the elbow.

“Ray, don’t—”

“I got this,” he said. “Ma’am, why don’t you come with me now?”

He got the screen door open and herded Darlene through it even as she protested. “Hey, who do you think you are? I wasn’t done visiting with my daughter—”

“Yes, ma’am, I believe you are,” he informed her as they approached Johnny, who straightened away from the truck. “And who I am is the owner of this property. Consider yourself escorted off of it, and don’t make me call the cops. Get in your truck.” He nodded at Johnny to include him in the statement. “And go. And don’t come back unless you can show your daughter some respect.”

“Aw, come on, mister. All I wanted was a few bucks.”

“Too bad.” Ray pointed at the vehicle. “Go.”

Resignedly, the two got into the truck. Johnny put it in gear and they backed out. Ray waited until the taillights disappeared around the corner heading back toward the main road before he turned and stalked back to the porch where Hayley waited for him.

“Sorry about that.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

She didn’t sound okay. They went back inside and Ray wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him. “Trey always gave her money. No matter how many times I told him not to, he did it anyway. He felt sorry for her, he said, but he enabled her. She must have had the shock of her life when she found out Trey and I are divorced, and he wasn’t such an easy target anymore.”

“Hard to believe that’s your mother. She looks like she’s had a hard life.” They retreated to the couch.

“I guess she has had a hard life, but I always looked at it like she brought it on herself. She’s had so many chances to get her act together. My grandmother tried for years to help her, getting her into rehab more times than I can count. She’d get out and get a job, and for a while things would be okay. But she couldn’t hang on to her sobriety for very long. Back I’d go to Grandma’s or to my aunt, until we all finally gave up on her.”

“So sad,” Ray murmured. “What a waste. What about your dad?”

“Don’t know who he is. I don’t even know if my mother knows.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“What’s so amazing? According to Maury Povich, it happens all the time.”

Ray grinned. “Not that. That you turned out great in spite of your parents. Parent. And don’t argue with me,” he added when Hayley opened her mouth to protest.

She let it go. “I did figure out early on that I didn’t want to be anything like my mother. I wanted to accomplish something, you know? Be somebody, I guess.”

“You are somebody.”

Hayley ducked her head. “No. I know. But sometimes I’m afraid I’m a little too much like my mother even when I try not to be. I think that’s why I regret not finishing college. That’s why it’s so important to me. And the job with Paige, it’s more than just a job. It’s completing something I started a long time ago. I don’t want to pass up opportunities the way my mother did.”

“Yeah, what’s that saying? If you can’t be a good example, be the cautionary tale?”

“She was a cautionary tale in the worst way. Not only was she a single mother with no mothering skills, she had a substance abuse problem she couldn’t kick. My mother’s family tried to help her the same way I tried to help Steffie. Sometimes when I look at Fletcher I see myself. I always wanted a whole family, you know? A real family, like you have. With a mother and a father, maybe a sister or a brother. I think that’s how it should be for kids.”

“In a perfect world, hon, it would be.”

“That’s what I want for Fletcher. A real family.” Hayley snuggled against Ray. She sighed. “Did Mom’s visit entirely kill the mood?”

Hayley woke before five the next morning, spooned up against Ray’s back. Oh God, he felt good. Warm. Alive. Giving. She was pretty sure he was still asleep, but he’d have to get up pretty soon anyway. They’d been sneaking around like a couple of teenagers, neither of them entirely comfortable sleeping together with Fletcher in the house. Although Fletcher normally never woke during the night, and they kept the bedroom door locked.

Hayley kissed Ray’s back, running her fingers along the silk of his skin, lightly kneading his muscles. She loved the feel of his skin, smooth and supple, over all those guy muscles. She rubbed her upper body against him. Her nipples came to attention, and she sighed at the sensations running through her.

He shifted and would have turned over, but she pushed him back. She wasn’t done yet.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

“Having my way with you,” she mumbled between kisses.

“Are you sure? Because normally I’d be—”

“Sshh.”

Hayley shifted lower and ran the palm of her hand along his hip to the back of his thigh, running her lips along his spine as she did. She gave him a little shove, so he was almost, but not quite, lying on his stomach. She turned her attention to the backs of his thighs. She ran one hand along them, up and down, to his knees and on to his calves and ankles. She caressed the indentations at the backs of his knees as if they specifically interested her. Hadn’t she read somewhere that the backs of the knees were an erogenous zone?

“Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked in a strained whisper.

She smiled. Even under the sprinkling of hair, she found the feel of his skin intoxicating. She wanted to memorize him, every part of him, touch him everywhere. “I told you. I’m having my way with you.”

“Okay. Yeah. But you having your way with me is getting a tad uncomfortable. How about if I have my way with you now?”

“But I’m not done. I didn’t get to your feet yet.”

Ray flipped to his back and pulled her toward him. “They’re not going anywhere. It’s all part of the same package.”

He slid inside her, and she moaned softly at the thick, delicious way he filled her. His fingers dug into her hips, and she shifted slightly. Ray groaned and swore softly. It made Hayley smile. “What’s a matter, tough guy? Can’t handle the pressure?”

She bent over him and kissed him. A second later she was crushed beneath him. “How’s that for pressure?” he whispered. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, pulling him in even tighter, wanting as much of his skin as possible against hers.

“I love it,” she whispered back. Ray picked his head up and looked into her eyes while they made love. Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes, surprising her. A lump settled in her throat. She was always going to want this. She was always going to want Ray. The thought of not being with him, of him turning away from her sent a shudder of fear through her. She wanted to hold on to him forever. But, she reminded herself, there was no such thing as forever.

Locked together like this, his gaze intent on hers, she had a moment of being weirdly, psychically connected to him. Yes, he was inside her, but it was as if she were inside him too, seeing what he saw, feeling what he felt. She dug her fingers into his waist in an attempt to draw him even closer or push him away. Scared and enthralled at the same time, she suddenly found herself peaking and going over the edge.

Shocked to her core, she’d been so caught up in that
connectedness
, she hadn’t realized her body had been building toward that ultimate satisfaction. Ray’s name passed her lips in a jagged whisper. His mouth crashed down on hers. He ravaged her mouth as he ravaged her body. He drove into her savagely. Her cries of pleasure were lost in his kiss.

Stunned by the intensity of their lovemaking, when it was over Hayley tried to gather her skittering thoughts. Most of Ray’s body still covered her, their limbs loosely entwined. Idly, she ran her fingers through the silky strands of his hair. The phrase
he rocks my world
ran through her head and made her smile
. But what if he discovers all my secrets?
Panic rose inside her at the thought. She couldn’t give in to those feelings again, because she knew from experience they wouldn’t last. She had to,
had to,
protect herself.

A half hour later, Hayley watched while Ray dressed in the grayish light. He pulled his shirt over his head and sat next to her on the bed. He cupped one hand around her jaw, his fingers sliding back into her hair. She looped her fingers around his wrist. He kissed her. “I love you.” He kissed her again. “I’m in love with you.”

It was light enough for her to see his eyes even more clearly than she could before. She knew he meant what he said. She knew she was supposed to say the words back to him. But her throat seized in terror. Putting it out there, saying it, meant it was real. It opened you up and made it easy for someone to wound you.

Why wasn’t Ray terrified too? He should be. How did he know she wouldn’t crush him? Throw his love back in his face?

She wanted to say something. She had to. Her lips parted. There were words there, crowded at the back of her throat, but there were either too many or too few, and nothing came out. All she could do was stare into his searching gaze.

Ray saved her. Again. He threaded his thumb along her cheekbone in the tenderest of gestures. “It’s okay. I can wait.”

He kissed her once more and left. The door closed softly behind him.

Idiot!
she berated herself, angry now that she hadn’t said
something. Anything.
She’d left Ray hanging there with his heart on his sleeve and she’d said
nothing!
What was wrong with her?

She shoved the covers off and went into the bathroom. She yanked the faucet on and almost ripped the curtain off the shower rod as she stepped into the tub.

She loved Ray. She was in love with him. Why couldn’t she say it? Why couldn’t she admit it to him? Fear held her back. It was that simple. Fear of history repeating itself. Fear of commitment. Fear of getting her heart broken again, or worse, of breaking Ray’s. What if she wasn’t up to the challenge of a real relationship? What if everything Ray said he felt for her now turned sour in a year or two? What if she disappointed him? Alienated him? Did something stupid and unforgiveable?

Ridiculous
, she told herself. And probably impossible. Ray had forgiven his wife for tricking him, lying to him. Yeah, he’d been pissed at her, but that hadn’t changed the way he’d viewed his commitment to her. He wasn’t even mad at
her
for not responding to his declaration of love this morning. Maybe he’d known she wouldn’t be able to say the words and wasn’t necessarily expecting to hear them.

That was almost sadder still. Because he deserved to hear them. She should say them. Because she didn’t want to lose him.

Done with her shower and wrapped in a towel, she wiped the condensation off the mirror and stared at her reflection. “What if,” she said softly, giving voice to what truly terrified her, “he knew the real me? What then?” She was also afraid she knew the answer. Ray knew her. And he loved her anyway.

She sighed as she toweled dry. She needed to make a decision. Either she was ready for a real relationship with Ray, or she should let him go.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The following Sunday morning, Hayley parked in front of the duplex and sat for a moment with the engine idling. The image of Fletcher’s reproachful look as he stared at her through the DCW van window was stuck in her head. She couldn’t shake the thought that she was abandoning him the same way Steffie and his worthless father had.

Fletcher was much too young to understand she was doing what she thought was best for him. Giving him up for adoption was his best hope of finding the kind of family he needed and deserved. It was also the only sure way to protect him from Carlos.

She turned the engine off and got out of the car. She was almost to the porch when Ray came out with Oscar ambling behind him.

“Hey there. You’re up and out early.”

Hayley turned to face him. “Yeah, I, uh, had an errand to run.”

“On a Sunday morning?”

“Yes.”

Hayley could feel herself starting to crumple inside. For more than a week, she’d tried to find a way to tell Ray she’d decided not to keep Fletcher, but she hadn’t. She’d rehearsed the words in her head, waited for the right opportunity, but she’d kept her mouth shut. And now she knew why. Ray would hate her. He’d never forgive her. He’d think she was spineless and weak and selfish. And maybe she was. Maybe she was only justifying her good intentions by telling herself it was best for Fletcher. But the truth was, it was best for her as well.

And the other reason she’d finally admitted to herself? She was afraid Ray would talk her out of it.

“Where’s Fletcher?” Ray asked.

“Gone.” She turned and opened the door to the screen porch. She fumbled with the key, hoping she could get inside and be alone before she completely fell apart. But it wasn’t going to happen. Ray was right behind her and he followed her inside. So did Oscar.

“What do you mean ‘gone’?”

Hayley grabbed a towel from the kitchen counter and buried her face in it. Almost worse than losing Fletcher was losing Ray. She’d done something stupid. She’d gone and fallen in love with him. She’d somehow let him nurture this idea that the three of them were going to be a family. Fool that she was, she’d almost let herself believe it.