A Fashionably Dead Christmas: Hot Damned Series, Book 5 (10 page)

I considered it for a moment. I wondered if the familiar would be more comfortable. I laughed. Nothing in my world was familiar anymore and I realized I didn’t give a rat’s ass what my cousin chose to look like. Just being around such an extraordinary person brought me more comfort than I’d ever known.

“You’re beautiful just as you are,” I said. “Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you,” Jesus replied.

“I had it all planned out,” I explained with a wince as I glanced around the room. “It was so pretty and I had presents, a tree and a bunch of little Baby Jesuses on the mantle. Oh… wow, I guess those Baby Jesuses might be totally wrong… shit. Oh my Hell… sorry for swearing. I have a mouth like a sailor and um… ”

“My mommy have potty mouth,” Samuel said with a giggle as he toddled over and yanked on Jesus’s dress.

“Yes. I know she does,” Jesus said as she squatted down and took Samuel into her arms. “But is she a good mommy? Does she love you and protect you and teach you right from wrong?”

“Yes! My mommy is the bestest mommy in the world,” Samuel told Jesus solemnly. “I love her and my daddy most of all.”

“Then bad words are simply just letters put together. Not a problem. Sometimes I even say a bad word,” Jesus admitted with a smile.

“Ohhhhhhh… ” Samuel whispered as he clapped his little hands together. “Which one?”

“That’s my secret,” Jesus said with a laugh. “Do you like to sing Samuel?”

“Me love to sing,” he replied as he snuggled closer to Jesus.

I knew he was feeling the same peaceful calm that I did. I was a teeny tiny bit jealous, but I’d trade my life for my son’s. I loved watching him be cradled in Jesus’s arms.

“We sing,” Martha and Jane said as they approached Jesus and offered her some of the cake from their purses. “We won American Idol in Zanthia.”

Their pride was evident and Jesus smiled her approval.

“What did you do with your winnings?” she asked as she politely declined Mother Nature’s cooking.

“Um… well,” Jane mumbled and looked at the ground in shame.

“We lost it to Mister Rogers, playing poker,” Martha admitted guiltily.

“Hmmmm… interesting,” Jesus replied with disapproval.

“Actually, it was all given to charity,” Mr. Rogers announced from the entryway. “I never keep my winnings.”

“Hello Fred,” Jesus said with a laugh. “I approve of your methods.”

“Wait,” Satan blustered. “You mean to tell me all the money you ever won off me went to those less fortunate?”

“Yep,” Mr. Rogers said as he sat down on a chair that had miraculously made it through the explosion and changed his tennis shoes.

“Appalling,” Satan groused. “First my daughter Dixie robs me for the poor, and now Mr. Rogers?”

“Looks that way, Uncle,” Jesus told him.

Jesus’ serene manner even had an effect on the Devil. Satan simply shrugged and chuckled instead of throwing a fit.

Miracles really did happen.

“So, I hear you have a birthday now,” God said to his brother with a sneaky grin.

“Yes, I do,” Satan shot back with his head high. “It will completely obscure Christmas after a few years.”

“Good luck with that,” God replied with a chuckle.

“I don’t need luck,” Satan snapped. “My birthday, April first, shall go down in infamy.”

“Wait… isn’t that day… ” Heathcliff started.

“Sooooooooo… ” Mother Nature bellowed effectively cutting my Vampyre cousin off before he revealed that Beelzebub was a fool. “I believe Jesus thinks we should sing. Isn’t that right dear?”

“Yes, grandmother. I do,” Jesus replied.

And we did.

We formed a big circle and held hands. I felt like I was in Whoville on Christmas morning just waiting for the Grinch to grow a heart and save the day… but maybe the day didn’t need to be saved.

Satan grumbled about holding hands and playing nice, but complied after his mother threatened to smite his pants. He didn’t sing—which was a good thing—but he joined in the circle.

We sang all the Christmas carols we knew and a bunch we didn’t.

Blobbityflonk sang a holiday ditty he called,
Groopawankapeelees.
He sang with so much gusto it was all I could do not to laugh.

Even Ethan smiled at the baboon’s antics. Maybe it wouldn’t be too hard to convince him to let us keep the hairy mess.

Steve Perry treated us to a version of Silent Night that brought tears to us all.

We ended with singing Happy Birthday to my cousin and passing hugs all around.

It was perfect—flaws and all.

My son’s eyes had been alight with pure joy the afternoon into the evening. We never even got to the presents. We didn’t need them.

Christmas was about love and family. I had love and I had a family.

I was rich regardless of my bank account or what was in my ruined closet.

After more conversation and many embraces, everyone left with promises to visit soon.

Heathcliff made a few calls and a crew of construction specialists would get started on the compound in the morning.

Mother Nature offered to take Blobbityflonk with her, but to my surprise and delight, Ethan stopped her. I wasn’t going to have to bargain to keep the baboon after all.

Satan volunteered to return Steve Perry home, but the singer of Journey fame politely and very firmly declined. Mr. Rogers ended up with the task, much to Steve Perry’s relief. We had plans to hang out in a few weeks and I was really looking forward to it.

The Devil had a mini fit, but I saw him make a note of my outing with Steve Perry. He was certain to show up unexpectedly. Whatever. An obsession was an obsession and my Uncle had it bad.

At last we were alone. Just me, Ethan, Samuel and our new pet, Blobbityflonk. Samuel was sound asleep, cuddled in his father’s arms with his thumb securely in his mouth. Blobbityflonk could barely keep his baboon eyes open.

“They’ll be fine. Come with me and let’s put them to bed. I have a present for you,” Ethan whispered as not to wake up our baby.

“I have nothing for you. Yours got burned up under the tree,” I said regretfully.

“Not that kind of present,” he said with a smile. “Just follow me.”

And I did.

I would follow him till the end of time.

Chapter 10

I cried out in astonishment as I stared at the neat as a pin nursery that had been a freakin’ mess only hours ago.

“How in the Hell did you do this?” I asked as I walked around the room and inspected it.

Everything was back in order. My son had no clothes, but all the furniture and bedding had been restored.

“Pam did it,” he said quietly as he tucked Samuel in.

Blobbityflonk made himself comfortable on the floor right next to Sammy’s bed. He sighed a big happy baboon sigh and closed his eyes. The hairy bastard was ours, for better or worse.

“When?” I asked as I lightly kissed my baby.

“We snuck away for a bit and got some business done,” he said as he turned Samuel’s nightlight on and gently pulled me from the room.

“Now one more surprise,” he added with a grin. “Close your eyes.”

“Your wish is my command.” I giggled and obeyed.

“I like the way that sounds.” He kissed my forehead as he took me in his arms. “Hold on.”

We transported to our suite. I knew by scent where we were. I was mystified as to why the smoky smell was gone. There was no way Pam had time to fix up our rooms too.

“Open,” he instructed.

“Holy shit,” I gasped out. “Pam is amazing!”

“Right?” Ethan said as he watched me run around our suite.

No smoke smell, no water logged carpets, but also no clothes.

Whatever. Shopping was a hobby of mine and I was quite talented at it.

“I need a shower. Badly,” I said as I glanced down at my atrocious outfit. “Wanna join me?”

“I don’t know. I’m really tired,” he said with an enormous and oh so fake yawn.

“That’s okay. I’m good with my hands. I don’t need you anyway.”

“What?” I heard him shout as I sprinted to the bathroom and turned on the hot water.

I giggled as he burst in and removed his clothes with Vampyre speed. As the room steamed up, so did we. Ethan’s body was a work of art and it was very excited to see me.

“There is an Egyptian Fuck Basket in the closet,” I reminded him as I tore off what used to be my sweater dress, tossed it in the garbage and yanked off his borrowed boxer briefs. I
really
missed my panties.

“And your point?” he inquired as he pulled fluffy towels out of the linen closet.

“No point. Just an observation.”

“I’m not against trying it out,” he said as he took my hand and led me to the shower. “I just have no intention of letting you go tonight, so the basket thing doesn’t really appeal.”

“I’m following your line of thought and liking it,” I said as I rubbed myself suggestively against him.

The shower was warm and I doused myself in Heavenly smelling bubbles. Ethan took great care washing every inch of my body—
every
inch.

“Do I get to wash you?” I asked when I was totally clean from my head to my toes.

“Nope,” he said with a smirk as he seated me on the shower bench.

The shower was enormous, just like everything else in our home.

“How is that fair?” I huffed.

“You get to watch,” he replied as he ran his hands over his beautiful body.

I could live with that.

I never knew how erotic watching a man bathe himself could be. I squirmed as I observed him handling himself. He was much rougher than I would have been and it was hotter than Hell.

Water sluiced down his magnificent muscular body and it was all I could do to sit still. I wanted him so badly I could taste it.

His fangs had dropped and his eyes glowed green. His carnal grin sent me over the edge. I stood and slammed my needy body against his.

Foreplay was over. I needed to get laid. Immediately.

“Thank you for today,” I said as I ran my hands over his wide shoulders and scraped my fangs along his collarbone.

“Thank you for what?” he asked gruffly as he cupped my swollen breasts in his large hands.

“For being you and loving me, even though I’m nuts and come with a ton of baggage,” I told him as I slid down his wet body and stopped when I was eye level with one of my favorite parts.

“You are perfect.” He moaned and let his head fall back as I ran my tongue over the physical evidence of his love for me.

“Nope,” I disagreed as I cupped his heavy sac in my hand and gently squeezed. “I am perfectly flawed. Much more interesting,” I explained before I took him in my mouth and sucked.

The sexy sounds coming from deep in his chest spurred me on. The profanities he spewed as I lightly ran my fangs along his shaft almost made me come.

“Get up here, Astrid,” he demanded and all parts south of my belly button clenched in anticipation. “If you don’t stop that I’m going to come,” he hissed.

I grinned and lightly bit him

“Isn’t that the point?” I asked as I let him pull me to my feet.

“Yes,” he agreed with eyes full of lust. “But I plan to be deep inside you when I come.”

Holy Hell, he was hot.

His head descended and his lips took mine in a kiss that should have been outlawed.

With strong hands, he grabbed my hair and held me still for the onslaught of his mouth. His tongue mimicked what I knew his body was going to do very soon.

“So fucking sexy,” he murmured against my lips as he ground his erection into my stomach.

My body felt molten and my legs were jelly. I held on and wantonly begged for more with my body.

“I need you,” I whispered.

“All in good time, lover,” he said with a sexy crooked grin.

His hands and lips were everywhere at once. Electricity shot through me as he pierced my nipple with his fangs and pressed two large fingers into me at the same time. I jerked and writhed with abandon. An orgasm ripped through me as his hands and tongue worked their magic.

“Kiss me,” I begged as my body rocked with aftershocks.

Our fangs clashed as the kiss and our desire deepened.

“Have to fuck you,” he ground out as he turned me around and pushed my legs wider apart. “I need all of you.”

With water raining down on us and our lust for each other the only focus, he entered me with one swift thrust. We both cried out and my body tightened like a vice around him as orgasm number two overtook me.