A Family Man (11 page)

Amy smiled as Nana Sophie sat next to her. "This cake is great, you really are the greatest cook ever."

"High praise indeed. Listen, sweetheart. How about you call your mom, ask her if it's okay to stay here tonight? I'm sure Jenny would love to see you and we can have a pizza and movie night like when you were little."

Amy gave a squeal of delight and kissed her on the cheek. "Will you stay, too, Joe?"

"Sure, sugar, why not. But no mermaids."

"I think you'll find I'm too old for mermaids now, Joe."

"Good to hear." He grinned and kissed the top of her head. "So do you wanna take a ride with me, or are you gonna go an' see Jenny?"

"I'd really like to see Jenny. Do you mind?"

"Well obviously I'm brokenhearted, but I'll survive."

Amy giggled. "I really love you, Joe."

"I know, sugar. I love you, too."

Beth watched as they all piled into Maria's new car, ready to head off to their new house. Rob had given her a generous settlement, and hadn't fought her over anything. With the child support he would be paying, it looked as if Maria had fallen on her feet yet again. Beth sighed and raised her hand as they drove away. She would be lying if she said she was sorry to see them leave. She loved the kids and when she wasn't pissed at her, loved her sister. But it would be lovely to get her space back again. And maybe if Maria wasn't around, Joe would come visit next time he was in town.

SEVENTEEN

Bay View would be his first love, the town overlooking the ocean was little more than a collection of houses and a couple of stores. The clubhouse was situated on the outskirts, and like the town itself, was small and family-oriented, but Joe had always liked Seattle. He had always viewed it as his second home. Like many of his nomad brothers, whenever he was up north, the Seattle clubhouse was often the place he would crash for the night.

He was one of those brothers who got along with everyone. He never bore grudges. If he had a problem with someone he would take them into the ring, beat the shit out of them and move on. As he walked out of church as Seattle's latest patch, he couldn't help the broad grin spreading across his face.

Barney grinned and hugged his brother. They had always been close, having prospected together in Bay View. Tiny was one of the few patches that had stood by him when his drug habit started to spiral out of control. If it hadn't been for him he would have been stripped of his patch. The Freaks didn't care much, one way or another, about drug use within its ranks, but a junkie was a liability, and as a rule they had to go.

It had taken Barney over four years and several relapses before he would consider himself truly clean. Of course as a junkie, sometimes he didn't always make the wisest decisions. He wasn't proud of the shit he had done. It had cost him the trust of his brothers, and he had betrayed Tiny. If his brother ever found out what he did, he was going to lose far more than just his patch.

The Freaks never really needed an excuse to party, but Tiny was a popular choice, so him patching in meant they threw themselves into it with extra gusto, and it wasn't long before a scantily dressed girl approached him, pressing her surgically enhanced tits against his chest and promising him any number of delights. Oh yes, Tiny loved Seattle.

Beth stood with her back to the wall, sipping her champagne cocktail. She hated parties like this. Despite her degree and the fact that she had a successful career, she would always feel like a fraud. It didn't matter that she was dressed in head-to-toe designer gear, that her perfume cost three hundred bucks, or that the hairdresser she used had a month-long waiting list. In her mind, she would always be the white trash daughter of a dead junkie and an unknown father. It was one of the reason she rarely dated; she was convinced that they would see through her façade, see her for what she really was.

She wasn't ashamed of her past, but she wasn't proud of it either, and she knew that in the circles she moved in now, it could hold her back. With a sigh, she fixed a smile to her lips and pushed herself away from the wall. Time to mingle. Her boss was hugely ambitious and expected his staff to network as enthusiastically as he did. As she drifted through the crowd, accepting compliments with an incline of her head, she wondered what it would take to make her truly happy. She gave a tiny shake of her head; she knew the answer to that. Always had.

Maria was pissed, again. Despite moving to one of the more affluent suburbs, she wasn't happy. Her neighbors were stuck up and looked down their noses at her. Maybe if Amy had agreed to go to the local high school rather than the one across town, they would have fit in more. Or if she wasn't a divorcee who, for some reason, all the women saw as a threat to their own marriages. Whatever the reason, she felt isolated and lonely.

She had started drinking again, just the odd glass of wine in the evening, and maybe one when Jack had his afternoon nap. It wasn't a problem, though. She had it under control. She just needed something to take the edge off. She gritted her teeth as Jack started to cry. Why couldn't he just shut up, and why couldn't Amy be here to help her look after him? How the hell was she supposed to cope on her own?

Amy walked slowly down the street towards Nana Sophie's house, her school bag hanging from one shoulder as she chatted animatedly to her best friend, Jenny.

She would stay with Nana Sophie at least once a week. Her new house was fine, but she preferred the neighborhood she was born in. She was also a little worried about Nana Sophie. She seemed to struggle getting out of her chair, and she stooped slightly when she walked. She had told her not to worry, she was just getting old. Amy guessed that could be the case, but always made a point of helping her with the housework. Nana Sophie had always been house proud, and even if she was in pain would force herself to do her chores.

She sighed as she walked up the garden path. She knew that Nana Sophie missed Joe as well. She knew they talked on the phone, but it wasn't the same. Amy missed Joe, too. As much now as she ever did.

Sophia smiled as she watched Amy amble towards her front door. Slowly easing herself out of her chair, she made her way to the kitchen. Everything seemed to take twice as long these days. Wincing slightly, she bent and pulled the baking tray out of the cupboard. Just because she had a few aches and pains, it didn't mean she couldn't make sure Amy had some decent home-cooked food inside her at least once a week. She knew Amy was concerned for her. She was growing up fast and it was getting hard to keep things from her. She had tried brushing it off, but she wasn't sure Amy was convinced. Well, as long as she didn't share her worries with Joe, it would be fine. The last thing she needed was him fussing over her.

As the weeks turned into months, Joe's little family moved on with their lives. Beth signed up for another course and pretended that she'd always wanted a high powered career.

Maria's drinking became more frequent as she became more and more convinced that everyone was happy except her.

Sophia continued to struggle on. Not mentioning to anyone how she eked out her medication because of the cost, or that she tended to sleep in her armchair as often as not. Some nights she just couldn't face the stairs.

Amy juggled her schoolwork and helping out Sophia with taking care of Baby Jack. She knew her mom was drinking, despite her best efforts to hide it. She wondered sometimes whether she should tell anyone, but decided against it. She didn't want Jack taken away. Sophia was in no state to look after a baby, Beth was always busy and Joe…Well, she wasn't a little kid anymore, and she couldn't go running to him with every little problem. He didn't seem that interested anyway.

Every week Joe told himself that he would make time to go to California and spend some time with his family, and every week, something came up that prevented that from happening. The phone calls from Amy got less and less frequent, and when he called her she didn't seem to want to talk much. He guessed she was growing up and didn't really need him any more. His ma had insisted they were all fine and he chose to believe her, ignoring the little voice that was telling him that maybe he should go home and see for himself.

~ oOo ~

Sometimes time just gets away, and it was eight months before he found himself pulling up outside his ma's house. The front door flew open, and Amy raced down the garden path, throwing herself into his arms. Laughing he hugged her tight, before holding her at arms' length to get a better look at her. She was rapidly leaving the little girl she once was behind. "Wow, sugar. You are growing up so fast."

Amy grinned and with her hand in his led him towards the house, where his ma was waiting in the doorway. "Hey, ma." He kissed her on the cheek and, frowning as she turned, led him into the house, limping slightly. "You okay?"

"Bit of a backache. I'm fine." It was clear she wasn't, but he let it go.

After feasting on fajitas, they all settled down to watch TV. Amy snuggled against him with his arm around her shoulders. "Joe?"

"Yes, sugar?"

"Can you take me to Beth's tomorrow? I haven't seen her for ages."

"Sure." He was planning on seeing her anyway. "Why haven't you seen her?"

"I dunno. She's busy, I guess."

Joe gave her a squeeze. "She's started another course. I guess that, with her job, takes up a lot of her time. Be worth it when she's a high-flying lawyer, though."

It took all of Beth's self control not to throw herself into Joe's arms. She hugged her niece, her eyes never leaving him. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I've been a terrible aunt. As soon as this course is done, I promise I will spend more time with you."

Amy shrugged. "It's okay. I know you've been busy." She wandered into the living room, leaving Joe and Beth alone in the kitchen.

Joe reached out and touched her cheek. "You look tired."

"I'm okay." She smiled and leaned slightly into his touch. "I've missed you." He was so close, she could almost taste him. Her hand came up, almost of its own accord, and touched his chest. "Joe." It was barely a whisper.

"Beth?" Joe stiffened as she reached up on tiptoes and kissed him on the lips.

Beth's hands worked their way up his chest and snaked around his neck as she deepened the kiss. Joe placed his hands on her hips and gently pushed her away. "Beth, you have to stop."

"I'm...I'm sorry. I just wanted..." She looked into his eyes. "I just wanted to know what it would be like."

"Why?"

"You really don't know?" She kissed him again. "I've wanted to be with you for so long. I don't know what it feels like not to want you."

"Why would you want someone like me? You could do so much better." He ran his fingers through her hair. "You're a gre…"

"I know. I'm a great girl. Too good for the likes of you. I've heard it all before, Joe." She scowled. "Why can't you just be honest with me? I know I'm not beautiful like Maria."

"Shit, Beth. Have you looked in the mirror recently? You are beautiful. Inside and out." He leaned down and kissed so softly, she could hardly feel his lips on hers. "I ain't bullshitting you, Beth. I ain't the prize you think I am. You know how I felt about Maria, but there ain't ever been a time that I wasn't fucking around on her. You are a beautiful, intelligent, successful woman. Trust me, you really could do so much better."

"And if I said I didn't care?"

He shrugged. "Don't make no difference. It ain't that I don't care about you. But I would rather tear out my own heart than hurt you. You're my baby sister. I'm sorry, Beth. That's all you'll ever be to me." He wiped a tear from her cheek. "Tell Amy I'll pick her up later." Turning on his heel, he walked quickly from her condo, towards his bike.

"Where's Joe going?" Amy walked into the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart. He’ll be back later." Beth gave a small smile. She'd known deep down that Joe would never love her like she wished he would. But at least now she'd actually heard it from his lips. Maybe it was time to grow up and stop acting like a lovestruck teenager. Joe was right. She was a successful, intelligent woman, maybe not beautiful like he said, but she sure as shit wasn't ugly. It was time Beth Miller took control of her life and moved on.

Joe rode through the streets of his hometown, trying to drown out the noise in his head. Beth was in love with him. How could he have not seen that?

He hadn't wanted to hurt her, but to lead her on would hurt her more. He couldn't help wondering how things would've turned out if it had been Beth and not Maria that he'd fallen in love with. He'd never take an old lady, he knew that. He believed that unless a man was prepared to be monogamous he had no right to ask a woman to be the same. With Maria it had never been an issue. He may have loved her, and she him, but they weren't exclusive, never had been. Sometimes, at times like this, he wondered what it was that was wrong with him. He knew he had loved Maria, so much he wanted to rip out his own heart, but he could never properly commit to her. Was it self-preservation? A way of protecting himself from her? He'd always known she was flaky, that she would never refuse what she considered a better offer. That she would break his shriveled black heart.

He knew, though, that Beth deserved better. Someone who was prepared give her one-hundred-percent commitment. Joe did love Beth, but he wasn't in love with her and up until five minutes ago he had thought she felt the same. He hadn't been lying to her when he said he wasn't a prize. He was a killer, a sadistic, nasty piece of work who thought nothing of hurting people. He wasn't the knight in shining armor she seemed to think he was. She had a career, real prospects. There was no way he could fit into her life or she into his.

Joe pulled over at a small diner and sat astride his Harley with his head in his hands. This was so fucked up. What was he supposed to do now?

Beth buttered the bread for Amy's sandwich, all the time her words played over and over again. Shit, how could she be so stupid? Why couldn't she have just kept her feelings to herself?

For nearly twenty years she had been in love with him. She wasn't a fool; she knew what he was, what he did, and she knew that being with him would jeopardize her career. She didn't care. Truthfully, a career in law wasn't something she'd particularly wanted. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy her work, but even after four years with the law firm that she worked for, she hadn't made any close friends. She guessed she would never really fit in there. She blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. For all those years she had watched her older sister play Joe for a fool and watched him let her. This remarkable man that she knew would kill, hell, he'd die for those he loved. How could Maria treat him the way she did? She took a deep breath, took the sandwich into the living room, and joined Amy on the sofa. She stared at the TV screen without seeing it. This was so fucked up. What was she supposed to do now?