A Fairy's Guide to Disaster (20 page)

“You think I’m perfect?”

“I think a human would find you perfect. It’s not the same.”

“You do think I’m perfect.” I grinned and punched him in the arm. “You like me.”

Gerald rubbed his arm. “I like you the way you like Horc.”

“That’s good enough for me,” I said.

“What about me?” asked Iris.

Gerald raised an eyebrow at her.

“Do you like me?”

“You’re all right when you’re not annoying me,” he said.

Iris smiled and linked her arm with his. “I’ll take it.”

I looked over at Judd, wondering if I could make him see me. What would happen if he did? I’d never made contact with a human before. What would he do? As I watched him, Judd dropped his spoon on the table, glanced around, and drank out of his bowl. He plunked his bowl down on the table, splattering white stuff across the gleaming surface.

“Nice,” I said.

“Just because he’s a slob doesn’t mean he won’t help us,” said Iris.

“What is it with you and asking for help?” I asked.

“Help is good. What would we have done without Soren?”

“You’re right about Soren, but that’s different. He’s a wood fairy. These are humans.”

Gerald paced back and forth on the edge of the shelf, muttering to himself. I took the opportunity to look around. Beyond the yellow fruit was a basket filled with huge spoons and spatulas. They had to be at least one hundred foot lengths long. On the other side of the shelf, a three-tiered metal basket hung from the ceiling. The top level contained yellow ovals with pitted skin. The middle held round blackish-purple things and the bottom was filled with apples. I smiled at the apples. At least something was familiar. The smells of the fruit drifted around together, creating a sweet invisible fog that made my mouth water. Mixed in with the fruit smell was a more pungent scent. I looked until I spotted a conical tree, standing in the corner of the shelf.

“Gerald, do you know what all these things are?” I asked.

Gerald jumped when I spoke. He looked surprised to see us still standing there.

“I was thinking,” he said. “Maybe we could get the humans to drive us to Whipplethorn. It took vehicles to get us so far away. It’ll take a car to get us back.”

“Maybe we should wait for our parents to come here,” I said.

“Do you know how long it would take to fly the distances we’ve been driven? Are you willing to wait when we don’t know what’s happened to them?”

Iris shook her head no and turned to me.

“I’m not getting these humans to see me until I know more about them,” I said.

“That’s prudent,” Gerald agreed.

“And slow,” said Iris.

“For once, I’d like things to happen slowly. It would be a nice change. Now, Gerald, do you know what these fruits are or what?”

Gerald smiled and pointed to each one. “Those are bananas. Those are lemons, plums, and apples.”

“What about the tree? I didn’t know trees could smell so strong,” I said.

“It’s not a tree. It’s rosemary. An herb.”

“Can we eat it?” asked Iris.

“I think humans cook with it, but I don’t think they eat it straight. Horc probably would though. He’ll eat anything.”

I spun around. “Wait a minute. Where are the babies?”

“They’re sleeping,” said Gerald.

“Still, they probably shouldn’t be alone.”

“Easy’s mom left him alone.”

Iris crossed her arms. “Don’t start that. She didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I don’t know that. Maybe that’s just the way
they
are,” he said.

I fluttered up and landed on the banana. Gerald’s words bounced around in my brain. I couldn’t quite figure out what he was getting at. I walked the length of the banana, trying to find a way in through the thick peel, so I could taste it. The fruit appeared to be well protected. I kicked it as Iris and Gerald landed beside me.

“You won’t get in like that. We’ll have to wait for one of the humans to open it,” said Gerald.

I turned to him and said, “What did you mean by ‘that’s just the way
they
are’?”

Gerald stared out into the kitchen and ignored me.

“Yeah,” said Iris. “No wood fairy would ever abandon their baby.”

“Well, they’re not exactly regular wood fairies, are they?” Gerald met my surprised gaze.

“Of course they’re wood fairies,” said Iris. “What else would they be?”

“They’re not like us. Just look at them and you can tell,” said Gerald.

“Mrs. Zamora is beautiful,” I said, thinking of how Mom kept looking in the mirror after Mrs. Zamora moved in. She would fluff her wings and rub berry juice on her lips.

“I’m not talking about being beautiful. They don’t look anything like us,” he said.

“So what?” Iris frowned fiercely. “Neither do you. You’re wings aren’t iridescent at all.”

“Right and I’m not a real Whipplethorn. We’ve established that. Now, what are they? Think about it. They avoid us. Stay inside. Never come to council meetings. Easy can read minds. Come on, girls.”

I looked out of the kitchen toward the stairs. I didn’t really care what the Zamoras were as long as they didn’t care what I was. I felt better and was itching to explore. We were in a real human house. A human house filled with human stuff. I wanted to see the rest of it. “Okay. So I think I’ll take a look around and check things out.”

“Don’t you even want to know?” asked Gerald.

“Gerald, I already know. They’re different. So are you and so am I. Who cares?”

“They’re mindbenders. All of them. Jeez, you two are dense,” said Gerald.

CHAPTER 17

I flew up the stairs with Iris close at my heels. Gerald’s information rattled around in my head. I didn’t know which was more surprising, that the Zamoras were mindbenders or that Gerald’s family had known and kept it quiet. A few days before I never would’ve imagined them staying quiet to protect someone. Gerald’s father irritated my dad with his haughty ways and sly insinuations about intelligence. They had all those books and they never shared them. Gerald’s family always seemed to be trying to get an advantage over everyone else, but when they had the chance to out the Zamoras, they didn’t take it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

Iris and I reached the top of the stairs and hovered on a landing area. Four doors hung open inviting us in four different directions. I turned to Iris to get her opinion and found my sister watching with sad eyes and a downturned mouth.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t know what to think,” Iris said.

“About Gerald?”

Iris’s brow wrinkled. “No. About Easy. He’s a you-know-what.”

“The Zamoras never did anything to us,” I said.

“How do we know? Dad said mindbenders can read your mind, put ideas in your head and make you do things you shouldn’t. What if they had something to do with the humans coming and taking our mantel?”

“Mindbenders are just another type of wood fairy. Just like how I’m a kindler. It’s just how we are and I don’t believe they knew anything about the humans coming. Mrs. Zamora loves Easy. I know that for sure. What do you want to do? Toss Easy out because of who he is?”

“No.”

“Good. Now let’s do some exploring while Gerald watches the babies. Which door?”

Iris gestured to the door that opened up directly in front of the stairs. I rubbed my hands together and zipped in. The room was somewhat of a disappointment. It was a small square, smaller than any room in Whipplethorn. A length of fabric imprinted with monkeys concealed one side. A couple of shiny white things sat on the other side. They looked like they were made of the same material as the bowl in the kitchen. My shoulders slumped. I expected something majestic. I reminded myself to stop expecting, since I was always wrong.

“What’s this?” asked Iris as she pointed to the squat white seat to their right.

The seat had a rectangular white box attached to the wall behind it. We landed on a silver lever on the front of the box.

“There’s water in it,” said Iris.

I wrinkled my nose. “It smells like…”

“Wee,” said Iris with a look of disgust. “Do you think it’s a chamber pot?”

“If it is, it’s really big even for a chamber pot for humans,” I said. “Let’s check out the other one.”

We flew up onto the other white thing and discovered it was just another bowl like downstairs in the kitchen.

“Let’s go through another door. You pick,” said Iris.

I picked the door to the far left and wasn’t disappointed. The room was quite large and furnished with walnut furniture with pleasing lines but few carvings. I went straight to the bed and landed in the middle of a blanket that looked soft as cattail fluff. Iris plopped down next to me, lying on the bed and sighing. I watched my sister’s sweet face smiling with growing enjoyment.

“I could go to sleep right here,” Iris said.

“Me, too.”

“Gerald will be mad if we don’t come back soon.”

“He’ll be mad either way,” I said. “He’s good at it.”

“Gerald’s not so bad.” Iris flipped over and nestled her head in the crook of her arm.

“He’s not a stink fairy underneath it all.”

Iris closed her eyes. “I could lay here forever.”

“I couldn’t.” I poked Iris in the shoulder. “Look.”

“What is it?”

“Books. Look at all the books.”

Iris sat up and her mouth fell open. Bookcases covered the wall next to the door from floor to ceiling. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed them the second we came in. I flitted over and touched the spine of an old book with gold lettering,
The Red Badge of Courage
. Iris flew around in a frenzy, clapping her hands and counting.

“There are fifty books on this shelf alone,” said Iris, pointing to the shelf I stood on. “Can you believe it?”

I shook my head, mute with wonder. Books were so rare. And human books, fairies hardly ever got a chance to read them. I wished one would fall off the shelf and open so we might read a page and see what humans liked to read.

We spent an hour reading titles and guessing what might be inside those dusty covers. I kept coming back to
The Red Badge of Courage
. It spoke to me. It must be more thrilling than the one Iris liked,
Versailles: A Biography of a Palace
, no matter how decorative the spine.

I ran my hand over the peeling gold lettering once more and turned to Iris. “We better go if we want to look at the other rooms.”

Iris left her favorite book alone on the shelf. She kept glancing back as we flew away out into the hall. Iris picked the next room and stopped short as soon as she flew through the door. I bumped into her and rubbed my nose where it had whacked the back of Iris’s head.

“Hey,” I said. “Why’d you stop?”

Iris turned, her face screwed up so that she resembled a dried up old apple. “Boy room.”

Definitely a boy room. No mistaking that. It smelled of dirty socks and sweat. Half the bedding hung on the floor off a set of bunk beds. Clothing lay in heaps all over the place. A bookshelf called to me from across the room, but I fought off the invitation. I didn’t want to fly through the sour boy stink despite the intriguing titles on the shelves.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
and
City of Ember
might be interesting, but not enough to tempt me.

“Let’s try the last room,” said Iris.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I smell a cat in there.”

Iris made a face at me and started to fly into the room. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back. “I said no.”
 

Iris yanked her hand away and flew into a pink room. I zipped in behind her. My eyes darting around the room for a sign of the cat, but didn’t find one. The room was much better than the boy’s next door. No stink, no clothing on the floor. Lace drooped down from a canopy and hung over a small bed, a waterfall of pretty. The bed was nicely made. My eyes ran down the length of the bed and I found myself staring into a pair of slanted pale blue eyes. I lunged for Iris.

“No, Iris!”

Iris shook me off while yelling, “Kitty!”

Before I could catch her, Iris landed on the bed. The cat saw her. No doubt about that. Its eyes followed my tiny sister as she advanced across the bed towards it. Its long, skinny tail lashed the air and the tip of a very pink tongue poked out from between its furry lips. I rocketed across the room, my arms outstretched to snatch her up. But before I reached Iris, the cat lifted a paw with curved white talons and batted her. She tumbled through the air and disappeared over the side of the bed. The cat leapt after her.

I shot over the bed and bumped into the window on the other side before I could stop myself. I shook my head and looked down, expecting the absolute worst. I only hoped I wouldn’t have to pry my sister’s mangled body out of the cat’s jaws.

The cat sat hunched over and pawed at the floor. I darted forward to see Iris dancing between the creature’s paws.

“Iris! What are you doing?”

She waved and dodged a white paw as it slammed down on the very spot where she’d been standing. The cat wiggled its fuzzy butt and pounced. Iris dashed away and dodged the next paw while throwing her head back in laughter.

“Get away from that thing or I’m going to have to come get you,” I shouted.

A cat. It had to be a cat. How many killer cat stories had Grandma Vi told us over the years? Now Iris was down there trying her best to get eaten. It was too much. I’d flown out into a strange antique mall to save Gerald, battled spriggans to find Easy and risked getting flattened by the mantel to rescue Horc, but a cat was too much.

I hovered for a moment watching Iris risk her neck with the ultimate monster and then swallowed the hot bile bubbling up in my throat. I waited for the right moment. The cat meowed and Iris ran between the cat’s forelegs. She emerged from underneath its side and flew over its head. The cat stared up at her, eyes cold and unblinking. Iris flitted back and forth. The cat opened its mouth. I dashed in, snatching Iris from between its jaws. The cat’s hot breath engulfed us, smelling of fish and rotting grass. It leapt up behind us, snapping its jaws shut just as I got Iris over the edge of the bed.
 

I shook as I flew us across the room to a book shelf and landed next to a stack of books five deep. “What’s wrong with you?”