A Dream to be Loved Kandi Jaynes (12 page)

Kate finished putting away what she planned to keep and set the rest on a chair by the door as she headed for the kitchen checking the time. She and Kelsie were going to a movie later. Drake wouldn't be by. He had told her last night he was going to be busy all weekend. Kate was glad. She needed time to sort out what had happened to her last night.

Maybe she should talk to Kelsie about it. Discussing it with someone might help her see the situation more clearly. Possibly help her find a way to discourage Drake before he had a chance to hurt her too badly.

With that decided she pulled a soda out of the refrigerator. Going back to the bedroom she retrieved her sketchpad and pencils out of the closet and went to the living room. Drawing usually helped her relax. She would just have to make sure she drew something other than Drake's face. She flipped open the pad and looked through some of her drawings. When she got to Drake's picture, she stared at it. There was still something about it that bothered her, but she couldn't yet figure out what. She moved past it and found a blank page.

She was still drawing when Kelsie came in. While Kate found her shoes, Kelsie picked up the sketchpad and flipped through it. "I haven't seen you draw in years. What made you pick it back up?"

"I don't know. I was cleaning a while back and ran across that in a closet. I guess I decided to see if I was still capable. Once I started, I realized how much I missed it." Kate turned and saw the astonished look on Kelsie's face.

"Not only have you not lost your ability, I'd say you've gotten better. Or is it simply a particular subject matter that inspires you to this level of ability?" Kelsie turned the tablet around and Kate saw Drake's face.

"I, um, I'm not sure how that happened. It just sort of showed up on the paper."

"Wow. I knew you two were seeing quite a bit of each other, but I didn't realize it was this serious."

"It's just a sketch," Kate said. "It's not serious."

"My dear, nobody could mistake the way you feel about him after seeing this."

"What do you mean?" Kate asked defensively.

"I mean, look at it. This is not a simple sketch. I'm no art expert, but I can see the emotion in this. There's no way you could have put that look in his eyes unless you've seen it there, and no way you could have recreated it so accurately unless you felt it to some extent yourself. I know you, Kate. I've seen your other drawings. I know you need a model of some kind to do your best work. Unless Drake posed for this, you created it from memory. If that's the case, then you would have to feel pretty strongly about him to do this. The way you painstakingly detailed every feature of his face shows how much you care.

That's when Kate saw it. The thing she knew was there but couldn't quite grasp. Kelsie was right, her feelings were on that page. Her feelings for Drake. She hadn't wanted to see it. The drawing had been her way of expressing it without having to face reality.

Kate dropped her head in her hands and started to cry as she sank into a chair.

Kelsie came over and hugged her. "I knew this would happen someday. I only hoped you'd be ready for it when it did."

"Well, I'm not," she cried. "I can't believe I let this happen." She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. "I'll just have to get over it. It'll take awhile, but I can do it."

"Why do you have to get over it? Drake is a really great guy."

Kate laughed, though not really amused. "Yes he is. That's just it, he's a Vice President. Obviously, he's looking for someone to fool around with until a proper wife can be found. I work in a machine shop, he can't really be serious about me. He's new in town, he just hasn't met anybody else here yet. In time he'll lose interest." Kate hoped Kelsie would accept that as the reason. The real reason she couldn't get involved was too humiliating.

"I haven't gotten that impression from him. Has he tried to pressure you into sleeping with him?"

"No."

"Then obviously he's interested in something more. He's a man who happens to have a title attached to his job. So what? I don't understand why you think he wouldn't be interested in you. He'd be lucky to have you, and I think he knows that. Why don't you give him a chance?"

"There are a lot of things I'm willing to chance, but walking into a relationship that's doomed from the beginning is not one of them." Kate wiped her eyes again and stood up. "If we don't leave soon, we'll miss our movie."

"We don't have to see a movie, if you'd rather, we can stay here," Kelsie offered.

"No, I need to get out for awhile. I've been feeling a bit claustrophobic lately."

*****

Even though it had gone fairly well for a Monday, Kate was glad work was over. She hadn't been getting much sleep lately. She had never been one to take naps unless she was sick, but recently found she wanted one often. She had to get a grip on this Drake thing. She hadn't seen him all weekend and should've been glad. Instead she had constantly wondered what he was doing. He told her he would be busy but he hadn't said at what.

That evening like clockwork Drake showed up at suppertime. "Hello. Are we eating in or out this evening?"

Kate glared at him, not moving away from the door. "Don't you have a home of your own?"

"Yes, I do, but I like it here better. Now, I'm guessing either you're not moving because you don't want to let me in, or your waiting for a hello kiss. I'm going to go with the latter." In one smooth motion he stepped to her, slid his hands around her waist, and lowered his head. Her breath caught in her throat as his lips touched hers. This kiss was different than the last one. It didn't begin slow and soft. It started out hard and passionate, leaving no room for rational thought.

By the time Drake lifted his head, Kate didn't think she could stand on her own. Her legs were shaky and she was out of breath. Her arms were wound tightly around his neck. Drake scooped her up and stepped inside kicking the door shut. He carried her into the living room and dropped down on the sofa with her on his lap. "Much better," he murmured as he kissed her again.

Kate couldn't believe what was happening to her. It's not like she had never been kissed before. Men she'd gone out with had kissed her. She usually enjoyed it. Found it quite nice at times in fact, but not one of them had ever affected her like this.

Her mind seemed to have no control over her body. His kiss was demanding. He took and demanded she give... and she did, willingly. What shocked her more, however, was what happened next. Drake started to release her and Kate tightened her grip on him, running a hand into his hair. Now she took and demanded he give... and he did, without reservation. She would have never thought herself capable of such things. It inflamed her even more to realize she had the same affect on him he had on her. As she kissed him, she felt his heart beat even faster against her hand, his breathing became heavier and he sighed with a moan of unrestrained desire.

This time she was the one to release him, slowly pulling her hand from his hair as she looked into those dark hooded eyes. "Drake, I...." She didn't know what to say.

"It's okay, sweetheart, you don't have to say anything." He ran a hand down her back. Tugging her forward as he kissed her neck. Drawing away, he whispered, "Oh, Kate. If kissing is like this between us, can you imagine what it's going to be like when we finally make lo..."

Kate's hand clamped over his mouth before he could finish, then scrambled off his lap and to the kitchen. When she heard him coming she ran down the hall to her bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror as she tried to catch her breath. Her eyes were dark and her lips were red and swollen. Her cheeks carried a light flush. She quickly splashed cold water on her face and dabbed it with a towel. She knew she was being ridiculous and over reacting, but she couldn't help it. He had almost said the unthinkable out loud. She had dreamed about it happening many times, but rationalized that one couldn't help what the subconscious did during sleep. She had been careful not to let such thoughts enter her conscious mind. Looking at herself again, she realized he had said when not if. He seemed sure it was going to happen. Of course, she hadn't done anything recently to give him reason to believe the contrary.

Splashing her face one more time with cold water, she hoped to revive her ability to think rationally. Looking herself right in the eye she said, "You're a grown woman. Start acting like one and stop over reacting. People kiss all the time, it's no big deal." Kate decided it was probably some hormonal change her body was going through causing her to have such a strong physical reaction. After all, weren't women her age supposed to have physical needs? That had to be all it was. She hoped that was it at least, because she was running out of explanations and excuses.

After folding the towel and carefully placing it back on the rack, she smoothed down her clothes, squared her shoulders, and went to the kitchen. She pulled shaved ham and cheese slices out of the refrigerator. As she was getting the bread, Drake walked into the room.

"I'm going to have a sandwich, do you want one?" she asked, her voice devoid of emotion.

"Yes. That will satisfy one of my appetites."

Kate bit back a retort and continued making the sandwiches. Drake strolled over behind her and slid his hands around her waist. "How long are you going to pretend this isn't happening?" he asked, kissing the back of her neck. "You're going to have to acknowledge it sooner or later." He tightened his arms around her, pulling her tight against him.

Kate's hands started to tremble as she finished her task.

"I'm not going away, Kate. Not only am I not going away, but I'm also getting tired of feeling like I'm sneaking around. I'm not ashamed of my feelings for you, and I want people to know you're mine. I know that may sound archaic or chauvinistic, but it's how I feel." His voice carried a tinge of frustration. "Do you have any idea what it's like for me to see you with all those men everyday?" He sighed against her neck. "It's all I can do some days not to stand out there and chase them away from you. I want to tell each and every one of them you're mine and they can't have you." He let out a rough self-mocking laugh. "The only thing stopping me so far is the fact you're locked safely behind the fence and they can't get to you. I can't promise it will stop me much longer."

"First of all," Kate replied sternly. "I'm not with all those men, I simply work there and dealing with them is my job. I consider many of them friends, but that's all. Second," her voice started to falter. "I'm not yours, and we're not sneaking around. I'm staying home and you keep showing up, that's not sneaking around. If you don't like the way I do things you, don't have to keep coming over." Her whole body trembled now as she fought back tears.

"Yes, I do have to come over. Until I can convince you to see me other places I will continue to be here." He reached out and took the sandwiches. Kate followed him to the table. As they ate she watched him, trying to figure out why he was doing this to her. She couldn't possibly have anything he would want. He was terrific. He held a position few men his age had achieved. He was intelligent, gorgeous, she assumed reasonably wealthy, so what was he doing here? He could have his pick of women, why was he wasting time with the one nobody wanted?

She was considering asking him that question point blank when Sue walked in. Relief washed over her at not having to be alone with him anymore this evening and let the subject drop.

Chapter Eight

Wednesday after work, Kate walked behind Smitty on the way out the door, digging through her purse for her keys. Not noticing he'd stopped, she ran into him. "Smitty! What are you doing? I almost broke my nose." She looked around and saw many of the guys standing along the sidewalk and at the edge of the parking lot. She leaned sideways and peeked around Smitty. Drake stood propped against a brand new SUV. He looked directly at her and said, "You can drive mine if I can drive yours." Laughter rumbled all around her.

"No thanks. I'll just stick with mine," she said nervously. Hoping nobody would read too much into this. Looking at him though, she got the impression he had other ideas. An uneasy feeling dropped into the pit of her stomach, then crept up her spine. Smitty glanced down at her when she absently grabbed the back of his shirt.

"You can at least go for a ride with me. After all, you're the one who thought I should get an SUV. I'd like to see if this meets with your approval."

"You're capable of figuring out what you want without my help."

"Okay if not a drive, how about dinner?"

"It's too bad, Drake, but you're a few weeks too late," Steve said. "In all the years she's worked here we've never known her to have a boyfriend until recently. Now it would seem she's taken."

"I know she is," replied Drake meaningfully.

"Well thanks for the offer, but I'm really not interested," she responded quickly, hoping to end this without too much speculation.

Drake's eyes challenged her. Crossing his arms over his chest and one ankle over the other, he said, "That's not the impression I got the other night when we were kissing."

Kate felt as though the ground dropped out from under her. She could neither breathe nor move. Although she didn't look around she knew every eye in the parking lot was on her.

"Dang! You're the flower guy?" asked Steve. Kate heard low whistles and murmuring all around.

"I send her flowers, take her out to a nice restaurant, even buy the vehicle she recommends. We spend the evenings at her house snuggling on her couch, she kisses me like it's forever, then casually tells me in front of the whole shop she's not interested." Drake shook his head. "And women complain about the way men treat them."

"I..." Kate glanced up and saw everyone glaring at her. "That's not exactly what happened," she said defensively.

"Don't you guys think she should come with me so we can talk about this?" asked Drake, looking around for support. "I think I deserve an explanation."