A Dinner Of Herbs (103 page)

know how you feel, in a way we are both in the same boat. “ It was as if she was linking them in

spinsterhood.

When they were both sitting side by side on the bed, Maggie lifted up her mother’s apron and rubbed it

round her face, saying, “There now, there now. Stop it; you’ll make yourself ill.” Never before had she

seen her mother cry, not in this fashion anyway. When Peg and Walter went all those

years ago, she had

wept, but not like this. And now she found her hands gripped, her mother was holding

them tight against

her chest, begging, “You won’t, will you, Maggie? You won’t?”

“Mam’—Maggie’s voice was quiet “ Willy’s already paid some money down and we’re

settling the rest

this afternoon. It’s all cut and dried. “

She watched her mother now bow her head, then toss it from side to side as she said, “It doesn’t

matter. It doesn’t matter about the money. Buy it, buy it, then sell it, only don’t ... don’t go. For God’s

sake! girl, don’t go. Who have I got left but you? The others don’t give a damn. There’s Hugh and

Gabriel can’t get back to that town quick enough; Tom’s living his own life very much

so; as for Florrie

and Charles, they moved into another world.

Oh, they’re polite and attentive when they come, I know, but they’re moving now higher up, at least she

is, he’s taking her there. And John. Oh John. I’d never have thought it, not of John, but if I want him to

stay I’ve got to take her. And . and Maggie, Maggie, I can’t. You know what I’d do if I was left alone

with her? I’d finish off Hal. I would, I would, then take me self along with him. There’s herbs and

things. “

“Shut up, Mam. Don’t say such things.”

“I am saying them, Maggie. I am saying them.”

“But Mam, there’s not only myself now, there’s Willy, and where Willy goes, I go.”

“I’ll see Willy. He’s ... he’s got a sure job here.” At this Maggie pulled herself from her mother’s hold

and along the bed and, her tone and her expression altering, she said, “Oh no, Mam,

Willy doesn’t just

want a job. Willy’s got the chance this day of starting his own farm, the same as you and Dad started

years ago. Willy’s worth something more than a cowman’s position, or even that of

foreman. Willy

wants his own place, and so do I, Mam.”

She pushed her face forward now towards her mother.

“Do you know, I’ve had nothing in me life. Do you know that, Mam? I’ve been an unpaid

servant in

this house. I ... I haven’t even had the compensation of affection.”

“Aw, lass.”

“Don’t say it, Mam, don’t make any excuses now, not at this late day.

We’re facing up to things at this minute, so let’s stick to the truth.

It was Kate, Kate, Kate for years, and Florrie. Oh, yes, your dear sweet Florrie. And your sons,

wonderful, wonderful sons. But Maggie?

Oh, Maggie was a thorn in the flesh. Maggie had a sharp tongue which got bitter over the years. And

why, Mam? because I . I was never loved. Strange, but there’s always one in a family

that’s never

loved, and I happen to be that one. Yes, I was the best looker and the best chatterer, the best

entertainer for the company, but I was without love. Now I’ve found it, Mam, such as

I’ve never

imagined. It seems that I’m being paid for all the empty years in that way. Do you know how much

monsy I have, Mam, for all the work I’ve put in this house for you? Thirty-six pounds, eight shillings. The

rest of me wealth consists of a bit of jewellery, not worth much, and some clothes. So, Mam, when I

leave here, I’m not losing anything, am I? “

“Maggie! Maggie! For God’s sake, don’t talk like that. I ... I’ll give what you want.”

“Tisn’t what I want, Mam, it’s what Willy needs, what Willy expects out of life, what

he’s willing to

work for. He wants a place of his own.”

“He can have a place of his own, lass. I’ll see to it. I’ll see to it.

I promise you. He can run the place and hire hands. I’ll leave it strictly to him, I promise you. “

When Maggie didn’t answer but stared at her, she whimpered, “Maggie, Maggie, please,

think on it.

Ask him, ask Willy to come and see me.”

As Maggie rose from the bed, her mother caught at her hand, beseeching, “Please.”

“I’ll have to see what he says, Mam.”

“Tell him to come and see me, lass. He .. he can make his own terms.

He can, he can. “

Maggie looked down onto the swimming face. The pale eyes were blurred with tears,

they were running

unheeded from her chin. This was her mother as she had never seen her before. This was her mother

who needed her . simply because she hadn’t anybody else. Nevertheless, she needed her, and because

she hadn’t anybody else she needed her with more strength, with more longing than if she had had the

others around her. And she knew in this moment she couldn’t leave her. She had said

Willy could state

his terms, and by God, yes, he would, and she would lay the terms out for him to state.

She nodded now, “I’ll be back, Mam, shortly.”

Out of the room, she ran down the landing, down the stairs, across the hall, out into the yard, calling,

“Willy! Willy!”

Willy did not appear, but John came from a loose-box leading a big shire, and she called to him, “Have

you seen Willy?”

“He was ploughing the low bent a while ago. He should be finished now.”

She made to run down the yard in the direction of the fields, when she stopped and,

scampering back to

him, she caught hold of his arm and shook it as she said, “You can be free. You can go to France. You

and Yvonne, you can be free.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“I’ll tell you when I get back.” With this she picked up her skirt and tore down the yard, round the

haystacks, round by the hen crees, climbed a five-barred gate, ran round the perimeter of two fields

where the cows were grazing. Then she saw Willy handling the two shires up the plough.

He had just

reached the corner of the field on the last furrow when her cry came to him, and he pulled the horses to a

stop with a “Whoa! there’ and a “ Stay! “ and went to meet her, saying, “ What is it?

What is it, lass?

Why you running like that? You shouldn’t. “

And now to his open-mouthed astonishment, she gabbled at him, “Which would you

rather have, Willy?

Morton House or this place?” and she flung her two arms wide.

“What’s the matter, lass? What’s the matter with you? What do you mean?”

Gabbling again, she told him what had transpired between her and her mother, and now,

her voice

slowing, she said, “She needs me. I’ve never thought to see her like that, pleading almost on her knees.

But. but it’s up to you, Willy, it’s up to you.”

He turned and looked at the two shires and the land about him, and he said slowly, “Has she said this’ll

be ... ours?”

“As much, but—’ Her voice now taking on a hard tone she added, “ Whatever she says, I

won’t let it

rest there. Oh, no, no. People can change once they think they’ve got you. Whatever

happens

everything will go in writing to the last detail. “

“Aw, lass, lass.” As he tm-ust out his arms, she flung hers about him and they he’d

tightly, and he

muttered on half a laugh, “Have you told her about next Saturday?”

“No, not yet. One thing at a time. But she won’t mind that now. Well, well’—she laughed into his face

“ I don’t want me name up altogether, I’ll have to marry the man, won’t I? “

“You know something, Maggie?”

“No, Willy.”

“You’re a wonderful woman.”

“You know something, Willy?”

“No. What, Maggie?”

“You’re a wonderful man, and how I love you is past description.”

After they had kissed, long and hard, he looked round him with a laugh and said, “I

wonder if ever this

has happened in a ploughed field afore?”

“I wonder. Anyway, bring them back’—she nodded towards the horses’ and tidy up.

Then come in,

and we’ll talk.”

“You’re going to stay then, Willy? Oh thank you, thank you. I’m grateful, and you’ll—’

She was about

to go on when Maggie interrupted, “ There’s conditions, Mam, and they’ve got to be

settled. “

“Yes, lass, yes. What kind of conditions?”

“John’s going with Yvonne to France, isn’t he?” Mary Ellen sighed, then said, “Yes, yes, I’ve told him,

the road’s open if he wants to take it that way.”

“Well. then, as I see it, Tom’s well set, so is Hugh, and Gabriel.”

She did not mention Kate.

“None of them have any real claim on this place because none of them has ever worked

for it, except

Gabriel for a few years. So, as I see it, if we have to come here for the rest of our lives, the farm should

come to me ... us. when anything happens to you. But I hope that’s many, many a long

year ahead. But

in the meantime, I’d want it stated that we have a share with yourself in the place, and ...

and I’d want it

in writing.”

7n writing, lass? “ Mary Ellen’s face was screwed up as if in surprise.

“Yes, in writing, Mam, legally, so there’d be no mistake, no changing of minds on either of our parts.

We couldn’t walk out, no more than you could change your mind, if it’s in writing.”

Mary Ellen looked from one to the other and there returned to her eyes a spark that had been in the

young girl’s face, and the woman’s, a spark that signalled determination to hang on to what was hers.

But as quickly as it had come, it faded, and, bowing her head, she said, “Just as you say, lass. Just as

yoasay.”

There was an impulse in Maggie to rush forward and put her arms about this woman who

was now

acting like a stranger, so soft was her manner, and say. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, Mam. We’ll

take each other’s word for it. But she was wise enough to know that characters didn’t

change entirely,

they were only shaped temporarily by the circumstances, and that her mother could one

day rise from this

apathy. Perhaps when her life’s partner had gone, and she had to fill her mind with

something else,

perhaps then, her dominant nature would rise once more, for she could never imagine her mother

remaining the beaten creature she was now. So there had to be a safeguard.

Her mother now looked at Willy and said, “Yes, perhaps, it’s just as well, as Maggie

says. Perhaps you

could have a talk with Hugh.”

“No, Mam, not Hugh. It’s better not to have anyone in the family deciding on what’s to be done. That

Mr. Brown Dad deals with, he could see to it.”

“All right, Maggie, all right.”

“Mrs. Roystan.”

“Yes, Willy?”

“I must tell you straight and be open about it, I’d been looking forward to having me own place, but now

that things have turned out the way they have, I can promise you I will give you of my best.

Sharers, partners, or no, I’ll try to make up to you for those you have lost. “

Mary Ellen swallowed deeply; the tears came into her eyes again and she said, “Thank

you, Willy. You

were always a capable and likeable fellow. Thank you. But... but there’s one thing more besides your

outside work, there is She now turned her eyes on Maggie, saying, ‘your dad. I need help to turn him

every day.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Mrs. Roystan about that, I’d be only too pleased to assist you in any way I can inside

or outside. And now I don’t know whether Maggie has told you, but we are to be married next

Saturday in the registry office in Newcastle.”

“Oh.” Mary Ellen looked from one to the other, then said, “Well, yes, yes, I understand.”

“But we won’t be gone all that long, just the morning.” He glanced at Maggie and she

nodded at her

mother, repeating, “Just the morning.

Would you like a cup of tea, Mam? “And after a pause Mary Ellen said, “ Yes Yes, lass, I think I

would, and a drop of something in it.

I wouldn’t say no, lass, I wouldn’t say no. “

As they both made to go out of the room, Mary Ellen said, “About the little place you

were after, what

do you intend to do?”

It was Willy who turned and said, “Oh, we’ll have to stand the loss.

I’ll tell them this afternoon. “

“I wouldn’t do that; I would take it and put someone in. Land and property is good round Corbridge.”

Willy said nothing, only made a motion with his head, and when they were both out in

the hall, Willy

stopped and said, “Now would you believe that? Would you believe that?”

Maggie nodded at him slowly. Yes, she would believe that. She had been right to insist on everything

legal like;

her mother was far from being finished. Oh yes, she was far from being finished.

In the kitchen, John and Yvonne were waiting for them, and Maggie said immediately,

“Tis all right. It’s

fixed.”

“It is all right for you?” There was a shadow of the old brightness in Yvonne’s face, and Maggie nodded

as John said, “She agreed to it being legalized?”

“Yes, John, yes.” Then she laughed and looked towards Willy, saying, “She did, didn’t

she, without a

murmur? Yet, being Mother, not quite.

Anyway, you two’—she held out her hands, one to each of them ‘you’re free now. Like

us, you can

start a life together. It’s come late in the day for both of us. “ She looked at John.

“But there’s a saying, you know: You should never pluck a herb before it is fully ripe.