A Different Side (University Park #4) (34 page)

“Um…” Her voice rattled and she took several swallows while tucking the strands of her hair behind her ear. “I suppose I would, if I were having sex.” She exhaled a deep breath and rested against the pillows.

I had to hold back a laugh. Was she hinting at wanting to have safe sex with me or had I asked the question incorrectly? “I forgot I’m talking to an English major.”

She stared at me with a dumbfounded expression. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I begged my mind for the right words. This conversation was quickly spiraling in the wrong direction. “I guess I should have asked, when you have sex, Lexi, do you or your partner use a condom?”

She pressed her lips together, her eyebrows drawing in. Her face went through several different expressions while she struggled to answer my question. “No,” she straightened, “because I’ve never had sex.”

Uh...shit! She was a virgin.

“Ah, okay.” I blinked a few times and repositioned myself as I felt my body sinking into the couch. It never dawned on me that she hadn’t had sex before. Especially since she had been engaged to be married.

“Surprise,” she said with a timid smile.

“Yeah.” I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling like a total idiot. Lexi was afraid to answer me because she didn’t want to admit she was a virgin. How stupid could I be? She was an innocent girl engaged to a preacher’s son. Of course they would want to wait until marriage to do the deed. This changed the playing field completely. “I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I knew you were a good girl, I just figured you’d had sex with your fiancé.”

“Ex,” she added. “He wanted to wait until marriage, I didn’t.”

My ears perked up like a hunting dog. Maybe the field was still open.

“Are you saying you wanted to have sex with him?” I needed to gage her desire to lose her virginity. How bad did she really want it?

“Yes, but he refused to break his vow.” Her eyes drifted to the floor and I could see how that caused hurt for her in their relationship. Lexi wanted to feel love, experience it from a guy she cared about — a guy she was ready to marry. But he refused. And I would, too. There was no way I could take Lexi’s virginity. No matter how tempted I was.

No. I wasn’t going to be the bad guy. Not this time.

“That’s one committed guy.” I rubbed the sweat from my palms on my jeans. My heart raced and I fought every desire, need, and urge to take her in my arms and make love to her like she deserved. But those damn voices told me Lexi deserved so much more. She deserved a man who would never do her wrong. I’d only break her heart.

“Yeah, but it sucked. I had no idea if he even loved me, because he never showed me.” Her head bowed and her hair fell forward.

My heart ached for her. I wanted to love her and show her what it felt like to be loved — but I didn’t know how to do that. The only thing I was good at was giving women a night to remember. That didn’t include a commitment and being a boyfriend. That was foreign to me. “I’m sorry. I mean, that must have been hard for you.” I held up a hand. “Assuming that you were attracted to him and cared for him.”

Her head lifted and she peeked through the strands of hair. “Of course I was and it hurt. All I knew was that I couldn’t marry him, not without knowing whether he truly loved me or not.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and stared deeply into my eyes. “I’m better off finding someone who’s not afraid to show me how they feel about me.”

I knew what she wanted. And as much as I wanted to give it to her, I knew I’d only disappoint her. “Yes, you are, Lexi, and you should save yourself for the right person.” I looked at my watch. “It’s late and I better go.”

She quickly jumped to her feet. Her eyes darted to me then to the front door, as if her body was pulling her in several different directions at once. “Don’t leave yet.” She motioned for me to stay put. “I need to—” She took off toward her room and I assumed she was headed to the bathroom.

Unsure whether she was about to get sick, I followed her. I pressed my ear to the door, feeling like a total perv as I listened for gagging and grunting sounds. The toilet flushed a minute later and the faucet turned on. I backed away from the bathroom door, assuring myself she was okay.

I walked toward her bed and turned on the lamp. Her room was clean and orderly, as I expected. Fleur de lis decorated the walls, matching her pink and black comforter. Even her bedside lamp matched. I picked up a frame from her nightstand. It was a picture of her and two middle-aged people whom I assumed were her parents. Lexi resembled her mother in some ways and her dad in others. One thing was certain — they made a beautiful daughter. I set the picture down and then pulled back the covers, telling myself I would tuck Lexi in bed and go home. Sweet honey and peaches surrounded me. My knees felt weak, like I had just finished sprints and I fell to her bed. I sat on the edge resisting every temptation to lay on her covers and allow her sweet smell to take over me. The door opened and I quickly turned my attention to Lexi.

She caught my gaze as she stepped out of the bathroom, bumping into the doorframe. The dress made her look gorgeous, baring her perfectly sculpted shoulders and long, slender legs. The soft light from her lamp gave her a radiance that belonged to an angel. And that was because Lexi was an angel. A peaceful, innocent being too precious to hurt. The glint in her eyes almost made me forget what I needed to do. Get her to bed and leave.

“Are you okay?” I stood, demanding my legs to cooperate as I walked toward her.

Her eyes remained fixed on me. “Y-es.” She took several shallow breaths and I sensed her nervousness. “I just had to pee. A lot.”

“Oh.” I struggled to keep my mind focused. “Then why aren’t you ready for bed?”

She pressed up against the door and swayed to the side. “I, um…I couldn’t get my dress off.”

Shit. I was in trouble.

Taking off her clothes was going to be hard. Once I started, I wasn’t going to want to stop. But I had to help her. She was drunk. I took a deep breath and stared at her beautiful features. Her mesmerizing almond eyes revealing the same incessant need I had. Too bad it wouldn’t be satisfied. At least, not by me. I followed the perfect slope of her nose down to her sweet, perfect lips. Lips I wanted on me, but knew that I couldn’t have. Lexi’s beauty was killing me. Consuming me and making me a victim in her own trap. Lexi’s sweet trap.

“Do you need help?” I rested my hands on her waist, trying to get comfortable with touching her while controlling my urges.

“Uh huh,” she muttered.

I examined her dress for a moment, trying to figure out whether the thing had a zipper or what. I gathered the material in my hands, but before I did anything, I asked one more time, “Are you sure you want me to help you undress?”

She nodded and then leaned to the side. “Whoa. You alright?” I pulled her against me, unsure whether she was that drunk or just excited I was helping her.

“No,” she replied. Her breaths altered between deep and short inhalations and I hoped she wasn’t about to pass out or throw up. I needed her to remember I put her in bed and left. I didn’t want her to think I took advantage of her while she was drunk.

“Are you going to get sick?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m good.”

“Okay, just making sure you’re not going to vomit all over me.”

Her eyes fluttered to a close. “I won’t, I promise.”

I took a deep breath, preparing myself. My heart was going non-stop, like this was the last play of the game and I was getting ready to score a touchdown. Every muscle in my body filled with blood and I broke out in a cold sweat. Taking off Lexi’s clothes would be pure torment, knowing I’d have to walk away. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to control myself. But I had to.

I lifted up her dress, stopping at her waist. No matter how hard I tried not to look, my eyes naturally gravitated to her panties. Soft lace and cotton covered her lady parts. My fingers clenched the fabric and I willed myself to keep to the task. Every hormone was on high alert and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could control the need dying to be released.

Lexi’s eyes opened and she looked just as hot and bothered as I did. Her hands quickly dropped to mine and she helped inch the dress over her breasts. I kept my eyes trained to hers, refusing to look at the mounds in front of me.

Don’t look. Don’t look
.

Her eyes were wide and I didn’t know if she was afraid or thrilled. She urged me to keep going, so I did. In one quick movement, I slipped the dress over her head and tossed it to the floor. Unable to restrain my vision any longer, I did a quick sweep over her body. And damn, was she beautiful. Soft curves in all the right places. Skin. So much silky skin I was dying to kiss and worship until the sun came up. I was burning with desire for her. I was ready for Lexi to pour her sweet self all over me. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around herself, covering her body. I immediately withdrew my gaze.

A voice in my head reminded me Lexi was a virgin and I had no business taking that from her. Sure, I’d taken several girls’ virginity before, but Lexi was different. She was special and deserved to be with one someone equally as special. I was not that guy.

“Let’s get you to bed.” I picked her up and carried her across the room. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I felt the trembling in her body. She was scared and I wanted to assure her nothing was going to happen. She didn’t need to fear me. She needed to trust I was doing the right thing.

I laid her on the mattress and pulled the covers over her. I stared at her for a moment, taking in all the beauty. If I didn’t get out of there quickly, I’d lose this game or win it, depending on how I looked at it. But I had to tell her exactly what I thought. Without thinking, I said, “You are so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, her eyes sparkling.

My body hovered over her as she refused to let go. The tension rippled through me and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before I kissed her. Her scent was too much for my senses and she was sucking me deeper into her trap. I pulled away and her hands started to slip, but she kept a firm grip on me, squeezing my biceps. I was quickly losing the battle.

This woman was killing me!

“Goodnight, Lexi.” I leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “Sweet dreams.” I reached for the lamp and turned off the light.

“What? No. Don’t go,” Lexi begged. Before I could turn the light back on, something hit me square in the face.

“Oh, shit,” I moaned, covering my nose.

“I’m sorry.” Lexi turned on the light. “Are you okay?”

My eyes watered as the pain shot up to my brain. I prayed blood wouldn’t start gushing. “Yeah, I’ll be alright.” I held back the tears, refusing to cry in front of Lexi. I had been head-butted before, but damn, Lexi had a head made of steel.

“Let me see.” She urged me to sit down and then slowly pulled my hand away.

“Is it bleeding?” I tilted my head back and sniffed.

She checked my nose. “No, it’s not.” She eased back and her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just got confused.”

I wiped my nose on the top of my hand, keeping an eye for any signs of bleeding. “Confused about what?”

Lexi’s eyes glossed over and the waterworks started.

“Why are you crying?” Had I done something wrong?

She shook her head and wiped away the tears. “It’s nothing.”

I narrowed my eyes and leaned closer. “Don’t lie.” Her bottom lip quivered, evidence something had upset her. “What’s bothering you?”

She pressed her lips together, withholding the sobs.

“Tell me, Lexi. Please.”

Her eyes pleaded with me, asking me not to ask her, but I had to know. I kept my position, waiting patiently for her answer. Within a few seconds, she threw her hands up in the air. “I thought you wanted to have sex with me.”

Oh God! I knew I shouldn’t have helped her undress. I had given her the wrong impression. Then again, I did want to have sex with her.

I let out a heavy sigh. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “It’s my fault, I’m still buzzing.”

“Lexi, you don’t—”

“No, I totally misread you. It’s just that when you asked me why I was still dressed, I assumed you wanted to have sex.”

“Damn, Lexi, you’re making this so hard for me.” My voice broke as I felt my heart break in two. Conflicting emotions crashed inside of me, confusing me to the point where I didn’t know what to say or think.

“I was stupid for thinking that you did. I mean, you just told me the other day that you didn’t want to be with me.”

I rubbed my chest, feeling the crack in my heart spread, shattering it into a thousand pieces. How could I make her understand that I wanted to be with her, but I wasn’t what she needed? I just had to tell her. Tell her how I really felt and hope she’d understand.

“Lexi, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you, because I do. I want that more than anything. It’s just that…”

“It’s okay, Raven, I get it.” She wiped her cheeks. “I’m not what you want.”

Damn. She had it all wrong.

“Hell, you’re everything I want and more.” I cupped her face with both hands. Using my thumbs, I wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks. I couldn’t keep holding on to her. Either I needed to be with her or walk away forever. But I couldn’t stand to think of Lexi being with another man. Giving her virginity to another guy, even if he was better than me.

“But you said you didn’t want to be with me,” she sniffed.

“Just because I said I’m not good for you, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be with you.”

She stared at me. “I’m so confused, Raven.”

I grinned. “It’s really not that complicated.” I took a deep breath and lowered my head. Every force of nature couldn’t keep me from being with her. Lexi was all I wanted and needed. I couldn’t fight it any longer. The effect she had on me was like nothing I’d ever experienced.

And I wanted more of it.

Everything she had to offer.

And more.

Looking up at her, I said, “You see, because not only do I want to be with you, but I also want to make love to your body until you can’t stand it. Until your begging for me to stop.”