A Delicious Mistake (18 page)

You
could drown into this kind of love if you weren’t careful. And she intended to
get lost exactly in this joyful love. But Sarah had the distinct feeling this
was a moment in time that would never come again. For one precious, revealing
instant, she felt like she could actually see into the wild, intense, engulfing
life they could have together. If only she wanted to. And she wanted to. So
badly and so very much. It hit her, this once-in-a-lifetime realization. She
held her breath and let the electrifying tingle of awareness run through her.

Closing
her eyes, she could picture their future. She had never known if she could be
the marrying kind or even the mother kind, but now she saw a home alive with
the voices and laughter of children.

She
opened her eyes and held Benjamin’s gaze, her fingertips digging into his
shoulder blades as they reached their highest peak together. It felt like she
was being caught up in a solar flare and an eclipse at the same time—an
improbable and very real merging of light and dark, a blend of feelings and
sensations that ripping into her body and his, and into their souls.

Then
silence held her as they both lay, spent and sated, resting in each other’s
arms. Sarah breathed her way through the afterglow, holding Benjamin close.

Benjamin
lay half on top of her now. After what felt like an eternity he finally moved
to gently slide out of her. He reached up to lightly cup Sarah’s face in his
large hands. He stared at her and smiled.

Sarah
smiled back. Something was definitely up with her love, and she had no idea
what it could be. Still, she had the feeling it would be a good thing.

“Well?”
she demanded. “Are you ever going to tell me what has gotten into you?”

He
smiled, and the expression widened to a grin. But his face softened as he traced
her lips and the features of her face with his thumb. “Before dawn, while you
slept, I have been to visit with the
Sangoma
.”

Sarah
nodded. The
Sangoma
was a traditional healer. Benjamin and other Masaai
would often seek out his council. “And…?” she prompted.

Benjamin
beamed at her. “You’re with child,” he declared proudly. “The
Sangoma
has told me today on the plains.”

Sarah
stared at him. She let the words sink in, but then realized they didn’t really
need to sink at all. It really wasn’t a surprise to her. “I think I knew,” she
said quietly. Events of the past couple of weeks crowded her. Thoughts.
Sensations. Morning sickness. And most of all, that one moment of knowing.
“Aside from the nausea, I think I felt it.”

She
could even pinpoint the exact moment. Three weeks prior, during one of their
fiery lovemaking sessions, Sarah had indeed felt
something
. She hadn’t
been able to give a name to that shift she had perceived for just one moment.
It had made the hair at the base of her neck stand up. But now she knew. She
knew the moment when her baby had been conceived and she had a life growing
inside her.

She
had also felt something else.

“What?”
Benjamin asked now, staring intently at her. She knew that he could see
something was on her mind and that some thoughts lingered there, unexpressed.
He had gotten uncannily good at reading into her. “What is it, Sarah?”

“You’ll
laugh at me,” she said, blushing and turning her head away.

“I
won’t.” Reaching out, he cupped her chin and gently turned her back to face
him. “You know I won’t.”

Sarah
stared at him, somewhat warily. Finally she decided to just say it. She was
making progress with what she called trust issues. She had discovered it wasn’t
just a matter of Benjamin being a suspect in her brother’s murderer. Sarah did
not trust. Period. She had been raised to be careful—with her father’s life and
with her own emotions.

But
she was learning to let Benjamin
in, slowly but surely.

She
took a deep breath. “I felt it when we conceived this baby.”

“Of
course you did.” Benjamin stroked her stomach. “Why would I laugh at you? A
woman knows.”

“There’s
more.” Sarah glared at him, somewhat put out that he had cut her off before she
could find the courage to express the whole concept.

“Oh?”
Benjamin gave her an amused smile. “Sorry.”

Sarah
took another deep breath and forced the words out. “I was…no, I
am
sure…
this baby is a gift from Luke.”

Benjamin
stared at her. As always whenever her brother’s name was mentioned, his eyes
darkened. He missed Luke terribly, she knew, perhaps even more than she did. As
an adult, he had spent far more time with Luke than she had. And she wished at
times she could give him back just one more day with Luke at his side.  

“Why
would I laugh at you?” Benjamin asked.

Sarah
shrugged. “Don’t you think it’s a little…weird?”

“No.”
He shook his head. He smiled and the dark cloud lifted a little from his face.
“I think it is fitting. It’s something that Luke would do.”

Sarah
had to laugh. The pang brought on by her own lingering sorrow from her
brother’s death dissipated somewhat. “I want to call him Luke,” she said
firmly.

Benjamin
was nodding even before she had finished the sentence. “There is no other name
for him.”

Sarah
smiled.

After
a few long, quiet minutes passed, Benjamin whispered, “A life for a life.”

He
was clearly talking more to himself than to her, but Sarah heard him. She
looked down to where Benjamin rested his head on her shoulder. “What did you
say?”

Benjamin
looked up. “I said, a life for a life.”

Sarah
frowned. “What does that mean?”

“It
means balance.” Benjamin clearly chose his next words carefully. “My people
believe the Serengeti is filled with balance. Nature is balanced. It takes, but
it also gives. It saves and it kills. It nourishes and it starves.” He paused.
“Luke died,” he said quietly, as if it still hurt to utter the words out loud.
“But eight weeks later, a life is created. Balance. A life for a life.”

Sarah
mulled over the notion. Benjamin lay back down, settling his head on her shoulder
again and burying his face in the crook of her neck.

A
life for a life. She wasn’t sure she liked the concept. She had never been a
fan of the whole “everything happens for a reason” philosophy. But over the
past eight weeks Tanzania, and most of all, the Serengeti had taught that
maybe, just maybe, the time had come for her to re-evaluate her concepts.
Perhaps there had been no agenda of fate or destiny in Luke’s death. But it was
undeniable that if the tragedy not happened she and Benjamin would never have
met again and fallen in love.

None
of this meant that she was happy about her brother’s death, of course. All it
meant was that what had come out of a tragic situation hadn’t been
all
tragic.

Balance.

Perhaps
she would have come to back to Tanzania one day, eventually. Perhaps she would
have finally accepted one of her brother’s many invitations. Sooner or later.
But she was pretty sure she wouldn’t have been so fatally and hopelessly
attracted to Benjamin Ndlovo. With Luke around, even as adults, she would have
still seen the gorgeous African man as nothing more than her brother’s friend
and loyal companion. With Luke around, Benjamin might still have looked at her
and seen nothing more than his best friend’s little sister.

With
Luke around…

She
missed Luke. She missed him terribly and fiercely. The pain had receded, but it
was never going to go away. It just changed forms. It was something she was
learning to live with. She thought that whoever had said that time heals
everything had clearly never known real suffering.
Lucky them.
Time
would never heal the pain of the loss of her big brother. But it could help her
learn to cope.

This
child, this baby, this life growing in her belly could and would help her learn
to cope, too. This child was Luke’s gift and his way of letting her know that
life did go on. And it was still utterly, breathtakingly beautiful.

Just
like the man lying in her arms right now.

Overwhelmed
by the enormity of her thoughts, Sarah tightened her hold on Benjamin and
pulled him even closer. She kissed his temple—lovingly, reverently.

She
took one of his large and gentle hands and placed it upon her belly, resting
her palm upon his. She smiled, truly serene for the very first time in a long
time. “A life for a life.”

Next
to her, Benjamin murmured, “Yes, my love.”

THE
END