A Dad for Her Twins (16 page)

“Oh, Abby.” Cade struggled not to laugh, torn between hugging her and reprimanding her. He loved her.

The truth hit him so hard he nearly drove past the hospital, and in the flurry of activity that followed when they reached it, he had little time to think about it. Not until he was sitting on a chair in the hallway, waiting to help her through labor.

Loving Abby—what did that mean? Caring for her, protecting her, yes. He'd gladly do that. But what could he offer her? Not even a home if the sale went through. And yet, his every thought of Abby was inexplicably bound with the ranch.

Abby throwing a snowball, filling the house with fabrics, encouraging his dad, laughing with Ivor, teasing Mrs. Swanson. Abby sharing the colt's birth, taking his arm when the going was slippery, riding beside him late at night to his log sanctuary. Abby's laughter echoing up to the rafters of his home. It would never be home without her.

Was he wrong to sell it? To try to give his father a chance to be whole again?

“She's asking for you, Cade.” Doc Treple frowned. “She's going to need you to help her through this. Can you handle that?”

“Yes,” he said, rising. “With God's help I can handle anything for Abby.”

Let me be strong for her
, Cade prayed soundlessly. Then he pushed open the door and went to support the woman who filled his world. At least he could be by her side, where he belonged, for now. He yearned to tell Abby what was in his heart but held back. He could give her his total support, but for now that was all Cade had to offer.

* * *

The contractions were so close together she could hardly catch her breath. With the increasing pain, Abby felt she was losing control. Yet, each time, Cade coaxed her to push through it, to ride it out and move on because the babies needed her. He talked about the twins and how they would want to learn to ride his horses. He talked of his log house where he'd take them to play. He reminded her that they weren't yet finished the work they needed to do to get Family Ties operational.

And he spoke of Max. How much he'd loved her, how proud he'd be of her. How much he would have adored his children. How he was watching over her, willing her to complete this most difficult of all tasks.

Each time Cade's wonderful voice urged Abby to shake off her tiredness and tell him the truth about Max and her, how she'd caused his death. But all she could manage was to focus on bringing her children into the world.

In between contractions Cade would bathe her forehead and whisper encouragement. He'd tell her how much he admired her, how much he'd respected Max, what a great friend he'd been and how much he wanted to be there if Max's children needed him.

“Thank you,” she murmured when he swabbed her dry, cracked lips with a lemon-tipped swab. “Thank you so much for being here, Cade.”

“Where else would I go?” he asked, staring into her eyes. His fingers meshed with hers and held. “We're a team, remember? Besides, if I left, you'd probably have them move your quilting machine in here so you could stitch a few rows between contractions.”

“Not likely,” she gasped, feeling another one build.

“You're doing so well, Abby,” Cade praised. He patted a cool, wet towel on her forehead. “Everything is fine.”

Abby wanted to believe him. She wanted that desperately. Yet the longer labor went, the more she feared something wasn't right. Her fears were confirmed when Doc Treple checked her for the third time.

“What is it?” she whispered when he finished examining her.

“You're not progressing. We have to do surgery, Abby. We have to get the babies out before their heart rates are affected.” He smiled gravely. “This is as hard on them as it is on you.”

“Do it,” she told him. “Do whatever you need to save them.” When Doc Treple left to prepare for her C-section, Abby turned to Cade for support. “I feel like I've failed.”

“I know you didn't want this,” he empathized.

“I don't care what they do to me. I just want my children to be safe.” She took his hand from her arm and wrapped her fingers around it. “I need to ask you something, Cade.”

“Anything.”

“Don't say that until you know what I want.” She held his gaze. “If something happens to me—no.” She put her fingers across his lips so he couldn't speak. “We don't have long. Please, just listen. If something happens to me, I want you to raise my children.”

“Abby, I—”

“I want you to be their father,” she interrupted. “You can do it,” she assured him. “You're strong and dependable. Max trusted you and so do I. Promise me you'll be their father if they need you. Please?” she added when he hesitated.

Doc Treple pushed into the room just as another, stronger contraction grabbed Abby. She pushed through it by gazing into Cade's dear face, knowing there was no other person in the world she trusted as much as him.

“Please, Cade?” she gasped as the pain mounted.

“Of course. You don't even have to ask,” he whispered in her ear. His lips brushed against her temple. “But I won't need to keep that promise, Abby, because you'll be there to love and guide them through their lives.”

“Thank you.” She clenched her teeth as they moved her onto a gurney. Cade stayed by her side, walking down the hall with her, coaxing her through the next contraction.

As they reached the doors to Surgery, the staff paused to give them a moment together.

Abby looked at Cade, startled when he bent down, brushed his lips against her knuckles.

“I'll be praying,” he promised. He turned her palm and pressed a kiss inside it. “Don't let go of that,” he said as he folded her fingers over the kiss. Then they pushed her gurney through the doors. Cade was Abby's last thought until a sedative blanked out everything.

Chapter Thirteen

C
ade sat outside the surgery room doors and prayed as hard as he could. But he feared his prayers alone weren't enough. After all, why would God heed him? But Abby was God's child. Surely God wouldn't take her or her babies.

The inner tug-of-war continued. Cade felt completely alone. Jake had warned him he'd experience doubts. Cade was new to this battle of doubt. He needed help. Jake knew about praying. He led their Bible study prayer group. So Cade placed a call to his friend and explained.

“I'm in Calgary picking up feed,” Jake told him. “I can't get to you right now. But you've memorized the verses about being a child of God, Cade. Nobody could care for you more. Repeat them over and over until they sink into your heart and your brain. I'll be praying for you, pal,” he promised. “Call me when you know anything.”

Cade agreed, then hung up. So he was alone again.

No, not alone.

In all things we have full victory through God who showed His love for us.

We have trouble all around us but we are not defeated.

One by one, verses circled in his head, promises of love, promises to answer.

Ask and you shall receive.

I'm asking, God. I'm asking You to keep Abby safe, to help the doctors to deliver the babies safely, to forgive me for the mistakes I've made.

A sense of calm slowly descended on Cade. Finally he opened his eyes. Two hours had passed and the doctor still hadn't appeared. Fear threatened to overwhelm him once more. To control his urge to push through the doors so he could be at Abby's side, he recited them again and again.

And that's when Cade truly understood why Abby mattered so much to him. She was everything good and right in his world. She made the future seem something wonderful instead of something he dreaded. He loved her so much he wanted the right to be with her always. He ached to tell her, to shower her with love so she'd never leave him.

The wonder of that love dazed him. How, when had it happened? Cade didn't know. He only understood that he loved her and that love was rooted deeply in his heart. He could no more stop loving Abby than he could stop loving his father, though Lord knew he'd tried.

It was Abby's presence that made the ranch home, Abby's smile he wallowed in, Abby's love he longed for. As soon as he saw her, he was going to tell her he loved her.

A hand touched his shoulder.

“Cade?” Doc Treple smiled at him. “Okay?”

“Abby?”

“She's the proud mommy of two healthy sons. We wanted to make sure they were breathing well so it took us a little longer than expected.”

Cade started to rise. “But Abby?” he demanded. “How is Abby?” His heart pinched until the doctor's smile widened.

“She's coming out of the anesthetic but she's a little loopy. We were in a hurry so we used a general anesthetic and she reacted more strongly than we expected.” His eyes sparkled with humor. “Take anything she says with a grain of salt.”

“I can see her?” Cade asked.

“Technically you're not next of kin but I don't know anyone that she respects more. You can see her in her room,” Doc Treple explained. “But maybe you'd like to see the twins first?”

“Yeah, okay.” Cade gulped and followed the doctor toward the nursery. He'd never been around little kids and certainly not newborn babies. What if they needed something he couldn't give? How could he protect them and Abby?

“There they are, the two side by side in front.” Doc Treple beamed proudly. “Good looking kids, don't you think?”

Cade couldn't answer. He was transfixed by two infants clothed only in diapers in a plastic box. They snoozed under a warm-looking light, one with dark brown hair so like Abby's and one with the pale blond hair Max had sported.

“I'll see you later,” Doc Treple said. Cade didn't respond, too busy soaking in the sight of the twins.

“There are your kids, Max, buddy,” he whispered. “I hope you're watching over them. They're going to need that.”

When the light-haired baby reached out a hand toward him, Cade froze. What was wrong? What did he need?

That's when he realized that despite his love for Abby, and now the same rush of love for her sons, he could never be a proper father to these tiny, helpless creatures. He wasn't wise like Max, didn't have the first idea of how a loving father raised a son.

His heart shrank, closing down on the glory of love that had lit it mere moments ago. He could never tell Abby what she meant to him. It would only cause her pain when he had to leave town. No, Cade would continue with his plan, get the ranch sold so his father would get the care he needed, pay off their debts and then get Abby's funding in place so she could make a home for her children.

It was then that Cade realized that not only did he not have it in him to be a father, he wasn't much use as a son, either, because the only way he knew to care for his dad was to find other people to do what Ed wouldn't allow him to do.

“Cade?” Ivor stood behind him, staring through the glass. Beside him, Ed also watched, a funny little smile tugging at his lips. Mrs. Swanson stood beside him. “Are those Abby's babies?”

“Yes.” A rush of pride suffused him. At least he'd helped her by giving her a temporary home. At least he'd cared for her as well as he could.
I did that much, Max.

“Can we see Abby?” Ivor asked.

“Yes, but just one at a time,” Doc Treple said from behind them. “Come on, Cade. You go first.”

The moment Cade entered the room, his eyes found Abby. He was pretty sure she was sleeping so he sat down by her bedside, content to wait. He scanned every detail of her face, love flowing through his body. How beautiful she was, even after grueling hours of labor and a major operation. He reached out and threaded his fingers with hers, anxious to feel the warmth of her skin on his. Her eyelids lifted slowly and she smiled.

“Cade,” she breathed.

“Congratulations, Abby,” he said as he squeezed her hand. “Two beautiful sons. Max would be so proud of you.”

Her eyelids drooped and she seemed to drift back to sleep.

Conscious of the others waiting outside to see her, Cade rose and with regret began to release her hand. Abby clutched his fingers.

“Thank you, Cade,” she said drowsily. “I love you.”

Cade froze. He stared at her, trying to discern her awareness. But a second later her lashes drifted down again.

“Abby?” he whispered.
Do you mean it?
he wanted to ask.

It was highly unlikely that this wonderful woman who'd charmed the entire town felt anything like love for him, Cade decided. His mind danced with possibilities as he imagined the joy of days, weeks, years in her company, watching the twins grow, sharing each moment of their lives if such a love were possible.

He was jerked from his daydream by Doc Treple's tap on the door.

“I've got some very eager visitors out here,” he said.

“Okay.” Cade gently placed her hand on the blanket. Abby didn't stir. He left the room, his mind whirling. He decided to go to the chapel to pray but Doc Treple put a hand on his arm, stalling him. He drew Cade down the hall, his face serious.

“I need to talk to you about Ed,” Doc Treple began. “As I'd already told you, he needs much more physiotherapy. If he was in the nursing home he'd get it because they have their own therapist.”

“I've been trying to find a way to get Dad in there,” Cade explained.

“Good.” Doc Treple frowned. “The therapist the health region brings from Calgary doesn't come often enough for Ed's needs. He needs more frequent, more intense sessions.”

“I think I've got a buyer for the ranch,” Cade told him. “When that goes through, I'll move Dad into the home.”

“You think that's what he wants?” the doctor asked in a dubious tone.

“It's the only way I know to help him.” And that was why there could never be anything between Abby and him, Cade realized. Because once he'd sold the ranch, he'd have nothing to offer her and the babies.

“If that's your choice, I believe the therapist in the home could certainly help him. In the meantime, I'll keep searching for other options.” Doc Treple's voice softened. “Ed can't delay more intensive therapy much longer, Cade, or he'll lose all chance of fully regaining his mobility. He should be able to move with the walker by now but his muscles just aren't strong enough.”

Cade thanked him, then sat in the waiting room. He'd prayed all he could right now and God hadn't sent another option. Abby's proclamation of love had been a spur-of-the-moment thing, caused by the anesthetics. Hadn't Doc Treple told him she was speaking wildly? If she mentioned it, he'd pretend he hadn't taken her seriously. Because he couldn't afford to do that.

Cade began planning. As soon as he got home, he'd phone the military one last time. If he didn't get a response he'd present the case to the news media. With newborn twins she'd have a perfect photo op. She'd get her money, build a home for the twins and leave the ranch. So would he.

That was good, because knowing how deep his love for Abby reached, there was no way Cade could be so near her, see her every day and not give himself away. Then Abby would feel sorry for him and the last thing Cade wanted from her was pity.

“We're ready to go home now, Cade.” Ivor stood in front of him, his face quizzical. “Were you sleeping?”

“No.” Cade rose, pulled on his jacket. “How did you get here?”

“Pastor Don stopped by to talk to Abby.” Ivor patted Ed's shoulder. “Mrs. Swanson got home just in time to come with us. Pastor Don has a van, so the wheelchair was no problem for him.”

He should be able to move with the walker by now but his muscles just aren't strong enough.
The doctor's words haunted Cade as he looked at his dad hunched over in his wheelchair. He'd call the buyer back as soon as he got home.

There was no other way, or surely God would have shown it to him.

* * *

Abby had been back on the ranch for a week after spending that much time in hospital. She loved being back here, watching spring creep over the land, inhaling the vitality of new life all around. The twins were a delight but they still hadn't figured out day from night so, as usual, she paced the floor with Eric while Adam slept in the cradle she'd found in her room when she arrived home. Eric was named for her father, Adam for Max's father. She felt a little sad knowing neither would ever see their grandchild.

“Sleep now, honey,” she murmured, patting Eric's tiny back as she paced her room, which was packed with baby-shower gifts.

She was tired and still in pain after the surgery. If only she could sleep for a few hours, regain her energy. Eric let out another mewling cry. Afraid he'd wake Adam, she left her room and went to the kitchen, which she hoped was far enough from the other rooms that they wouldn't disturb anyone. She set the baby monitor on the countertop so she'd hear if Adam awoke.

Feeding Eric didn't work. Neither did cuddling him. In fact nothing seemed to help. Abby felt the sting of tears. What was she doing wrong?

“Problems?” Cade stood in the kitchen doorway, his red T-shirt bright in the moon's full glow through the patio door.

“He's restless.” Abby jiggled Eric as love for this man filled her.

Feelings for Cade welled inside. She cared for him so much but she didn't know what to do with that. As days passed and those feelings didn't diminish, Abby had continued to pray for guidance. Struggling to meet the twins' needs, she'd finally handed the problem to God, asking Him to show her what to do about her feelings.

Her feelings hadn't changed, but living in such close quarters with Cade, seeing him every day and trying to maintain the facade of mere friendship when her heart ached for so much more was difficult. Sometimes she felt she'd betrayed Max by falling in love with Cade, but she'd given that to God, too.

“Whatever you're doing isn't helping.” Cade held out his arms. “You'd better let me try.”

“No, you need your sleep. You have work to do. I'll handle him.” Abby sat down carefully, trying to smother a huge yawn while wincing at the pain of her healing midsection.

“You're dead on your feet and you haven't slept through the night since you've come home,” Cade said, lifting the baby from her arms. “You've got to get some rest. Go to bed, Abby. Sleep. I'll watch Eric.”

Abby was going to protest, until she noticed his face. This was the first time she'd seen Cade hold her child. He'd always seemed to be busy with something else. But now as he cradled Eric, she saw his face soften, his blue eyes grow tender as they stared into the face of her son. Eric had stopped crying and was now returning Cade's look. A moment later a smile tipped the baby's pink lips.

“See,” Cade crowed, grinning at her. “He likes me.”

“It's probably gas,” she told him, stupidly irritated that her baby had chosen to give his first smile to Cade and knowing that reaction was because of tiredness.

“Jealous, Abby?” Cade touched her cheek, flicking away the lone tear that dribbled down. “You're not usually this emotional.” His fingers grazed her chin and held it so she had to look at him. “You're tired,” he said, his voice low, compelling. “Go and rest. I'll call you if I need to.”

His voice, those blue eyes—both coaxed her to give in. She wanted to sleep so badly. “Okay,” she said at last. “Thank you, Cade.”

“My pleasure,” he said, ducking his head as he always did to deflect thanks.

Abby let her eyes feast on him for a moment, loving every line around his eyes, the hard jut of his cheekbones, the way his short, dark hair lay ruffled against his scalp. How she adored this man.