A Clean Break (Gay Amish Romance Book 2) (16 page)

“That’s okay,” Isaac said. “I don’t think I like drinking much anyway.”

Aaron chuckled. “Yeah, I hear you. It took a while to grow on me.” He glanced in the rear view mirror. “David, you’re twenty-two, so you can drink if you want to, even though you don’t have ID yet. I can vouch for you to the owner. He’s a friend of Clark’s, so it’ll be fine. You’d probably have a problem anywhere else, though.”

“Okay.” David tried to stop worrying about God and sinning. It was an endless circle and he knew there was no good answer. He shuffled his feet restlessly, the soles of his new leather shoes squeaking on the rubber mat. “Are you sure we’ll fit in?” he asked.

“I’m sure.” Aaron grinned. “I guess I should tell you it’s a gay bar.”

David stared, wondering if that possibly meant what he thought it did. He’d seen bars in movies, but a
gay
bar? His heart thumped.

Isaac whipped his head toward Aaron. “You mean…what do you mean?”

“I mean it’s a bar for gay people. Mostly men, but lesbians go there too. Trans people too.”

“What happens there?” Isaac glanced back at David with wide eyes.

Aaron laughed. “The same thing that happens at straight bars. People hang out. Have a few drinks, talk to their friends, maybe play some pool. Dance. It’s low key, don’t worry. We’ll start you off slow.”

“The gay people can dance with each other there?” David had never danced in his life, and the thought of doing it in front of other people made his hands clammy.

“Yep,” Aaron answered. “In a gay bar you really don’t need to worry at all that someone will get offended. You can be totally free.”

Free
. David smiled.

“But how can you go to a gay bar if you aren’t gay?” Isaac asked his brother.

“It’s a pretty mixed crowd at the Beacon. Jen and I have been a bunch of times. It’s fun. Everyone’s welcome.” Aaron put on his blinker and slowed to turn down a narrow street. “I admit it was shocking the first time I saw two men kissing and holding hands. Hell, it was shocking seeing a man and woman kissing after I left Red Hills. Seeing how affectionate people are in the world took some getting used to.”

“We saw two men on the street that first day when we went to the store for the bread. I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Isaac said. “I know you said it was common, but…”

“But knowing and actually seeing are two different things? I’m sure my eyes were bugging out of my head. I couldn’t stop staring, and one of them winked at me.” Aaron laughed. “I must have gone so red. But now it’s just normal.”

Normal
. David would actually get to meet men who were like him and Isaac. Talk to them. He smoothed his palms over his jeans. What would this Dylan and Clark think about an Amish hick from the middle of nowhere? Would he and Isaac really be able to fit in? Even with their English haircuts and clothes, would people be able to tell they were different?

Aaron came to a stop at a red light. “There’s something else I have to talk to you guys about, and there’s no good time to say it, so…” He took a deep breath. “You probably don’t use condoms, right?”

Isaac made a strangled noise that was mostly a squeak.

David’s throat was suddenly dry, and he coughed. “Uh, no. We were both…we’ve never…not with anyone else.”

“Right, and it’s not like you could just run to the drugstore to pick some up.” As Aaron accelerated, he glanced at Isaac. “How are you doing? Are you breathing? Do you know what a condom is?”

Isaac managed to nod. His voice was strained. “Mervin told me.”

“So, generally speaking, the English go from one sexual partner to another, or from one relationship to another, until they settle down. If you have unprotected sex—that’s without a condom—with someone else, you can catch sexually transmitted infections, including AIDS, which is a disease that can be fatal. This is something I learned after I left home, and so should you. I have no reason to think either of you are planning to have sex with someone else, but if you do, you need to use a condom. No ifs, ands, or buts.”

“Why would we…with anyone else?” David asked. He tried to imagine it, and wasn’t sure what he felt. Confused, mostly. “We’re together.” He knew what condoms were, but had never given them any thought. He knew a little about AIDS, but only that it was bad.

“I know. I’m traditional myself, and I’m certainly not expecting you to run out and fool around or have an open relationship. I…” Aaron blew out a long breath. “I’m probably doing this all wrong.”

“Open relationship?” Isaac asked. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s when you’re committed to each other, but you still have sex with other people.”

David couldn’t believe his ears. “Then how are you committed to each other?” His gut twisted at the idea of doing the things he and Isaac did with someone else, and the thought of Isaac with another man. He clenched his fists. No. That would be so wrong.

“I realize it’s confusing,” Aaron said. “That’s why it’s important to be educated. I want to make sure you understand the risks when it comes to sex, and how to protect yourselves. You’re not kids, but I know you haven’t learned this stuff. At the bar you might meet men who’ll hit on you, and are looking for a hook-up. Some people are in an exclusive relationship like you are. Some have open relationships, and others are looking for something casual. It’s just very different here in the world than what you’re used to.”

“Apparently,” Isaac mumbled.

Aaron ran a hand through his hair as he stopped at a red light. “So, like I said, I just want to make sure you know the facts. I don’t want you to end up in an unexpected situation and not understand the risks. Does that make sense? I know this is a weird thing to talk about. But if you ever have questions, please ask me, okay? Even if you’re embarrassed.”

“Okay.” David’s ears were hot.

“When I came out into the world all I knew was bits of gossip I’d heard from my friends.” Aaron grimaced. “After I picked up a nasty little disease from a girl at a party, I learned how important it is to be safe.”

Isaac sat up straighter, his voice sharp with concern. “You got sick? Are you okay?”

“Totally. Luckily for me, it was cleared up with penicillin. But I realized how reckless I’d been. I don’t want that to happen to either of you.”

David exhaled, relieved that Aaron was okay. He thought of Joshua, and all the wild things he’d done; English parties he’d snuck out to. Had he known about condoms? In the end it hadn’t mattered anyway.

Aaron laughed softly. “You know, I didn’t even understand how babies are made for ages. I remember eavesdropping when Hannah talked to Mom about getting her period.” He smirked. “Isaac, I wish you could see the look on your face right now.”

“You talk about it like it’s the weather!” Isaac paused and lowered his voice as if someone might overhear even though they were alone in the car. “It’s the monthly thing girls get when they, you know…
bleed?
Mervin told me about that too.”

“Right. It’s part of the ovulation cycle.”

David frowned, sounding out the strange word in his head. Isaac must have appeared equally puzzled, since Aaron waved his hand.

“We’ll watch a video that’ll explain it all. I’m sure there’s something on YouTube. I think it’ll be good for you to know basic biology even if you don’t have to worry about getting anyone pregnant. Anyway, poor Hannah was so confused when she got hers. I had no clue what they were talking about, of course. Mom just told her it would happen every month, and
halt dich frei fuhn mansleit.
” He stepped on the gas and turned onto another street.

Keep yourself free from men
. David wondered what mother had told his sisters. Anna had grumbled in her usual way from time to time about pain, but such things were never openly discussed. He couldn’t remember when he’d worked it all out. Joshua had probably told him.

Aaron laughed. “I could not figure out what Mom meant for the life of me. Keep free from men? What about Dad? Eventually I pieced it together thanks to the horses and cows.”

There was silence for a few moments before Isaac spoke. “I still don’t understand about an open relationship.”

As Aaron stopped and reversed the car into an impossibly narrow spot on the street, David pondered it. It was already a sin for two men to lie together, but to do it with more than two people? Jealousy burned in him as he again considered Isaac holding or kissing another man.

It would have been torture enough if they’d stayed in Zebulon to see Isaac with a wife, especially if it had been Mary. But at least David would have known Isaac didn’t feel the same way for her as he did for him. David would have had to take a wife too—maybe Grace. He tried to imagine sleeping in the same bed with her. Touching her and sharing the kinds of things he and Isaac did, but it was unthinkable.

Aaron switched off the engine and turned in his seat so he was facing them both. “Okay, so some couples have an agreement where they still see other people sometimes. There are usually rules, and it’s typically just sex with the outsiders.”

Isaac gaped. “Do you and Jen…”

“No!” Aaron shook his head, laughing. “No way. That would just not work for us.” He shrugged. “I admit that I look at pretty women on the street sometimes. It’s only human, I think. But Jen’s the only one I want.”

David took a breath to say that he didn’t want anyone but Isaac, but he hesitated as Isaac sat silently. David wished he could see his face. He was sure Isaac felt the same way—didn’t he? Or was this one of the possibilities in the world he would want to explore? He was already going to school and making new friends. What else would change?

Maybe he’ll meet someone he likes better and he won’t want me at all. Why isn’t he saying anything? Maybe—

“I don’t want to be with anyone but David,” Isaac said quietly.

The pressure that had been building in David’s chest released. “Me either. I only want you.”

Isaac turned in his seat, smiling. “For a minute I was afraid you were thinking about it.”

David had to laugh. “Not even a little. I was afraid you were.”

Aaron’s cheeks puffed as he blew out a breath. “Okay. Glad we’ve got that out of the way.” He smiled. “Let’s go have some fun. The Beacon awaits.”

“Do you want a beer?” Dylan asked, holding up a pitcher and a glass.

David nodded, reminding himself to breathe. It felt as though all eyes were on him and Isaac, although when he dared a glance around the bar, no one seemed to be watching.

The five of them sat at a dark wooden table midway through the room. As promised, there was a space David assumed was for dancing near the back—empty at the moment—and several big green tables off to the side. Pool tables, he was pretty sure they were called, with other small tables for sitting interspersed throughout.

The stools along the long bar were all occupied, and there was a hum of chatter in the air along with music featuring words he couldn’t quite make out. No one really seemed to be listening to it, even though it was loud.

He chanced another glance at the framed picture on the closest wall, amazed to see the two men kissing each other. The art was definitely what set the Beacon apart from bars he’d seen in movies. Framed photographs of half naked—and sometimes completely naked—men. Men who were touching each other. There were a few women too, their bare breasts on display as they kissed.

Looking at the pictures, David’s face went hot, which was silly considering the things he and Isaac had done. The things they’d said, and the dirty English words they’d used.

“You’ve got…” Isaac pointed to David’s face.

He ducked his head, swiping his hand over his mouth. It was the white foam from the top of his beer.
Try not to look completely stupid
. Aaron was chatting with Clark and Dylan, and they hadn’t seemed to notice, at least. He glanced back at Isaac beside him with a raised eyebrow to ask if he’d gotten it all.

Isaac nodded. His leg was jiggling a mile a minute, his knee bouncing. He sipped his glass of cola from a straw and looked around. “What do you think?”

Of course the other thing that set the Beacon apart, aside from the pornography, was the people. As Aaron had predicted it was mostly men, but some women as well. It wasn’t as though everyone was kissing or groping each other, but there was something about the way they stood close, or leaned a shoulder or inclined their head. A brush of hands; an affectionate nudge. It was all so relaxed. All so
easy
.

David took another gulp of beer, making sure to wipe his mouth after. “It’s good. Different.”

“Yeah.” Isaac leaned in. “Can you imagine what everyone back home would think?”

Swallowing hard over the bile that rose in his throat, David shook his head. As he peered around again, he sucked in a breath. Isaac followed his gaze, his eyes going wide. Two men across the room were kissing. One of them leaned against a pool table, and they both held long wooden sticks. They were laughing about something, interspersed with sweet kisses.

We really aren’t the only ones
.