A Broken Us (London Lover Series Book 1) (16 page)

“Will you come inside?” I ask, pulling only a
centimeter away from his mouth. I’m nervous what his answer will be because I’m
unsure how he’s feeling about everything right now.

He pulls back from my face further and looks at
the house. I see that jaw muscle tick again.

“Who is that guy, Finley?” he asks, looking
down at me heatedly.

I see the pain and anger in his eyes and my
heart breaks when I realize I’m hurting him again. As if I haven’t hurt him
enough already.

“He’s just a friend,” I reply, stroking his
cheeks.

He looks at me and shakes his head, obviously
unconvinced.

“Okay, he wants more,” I rush out. “We kissed.
That’s it, Brody! That’s it!” I screech out as Brody turns away from me,
sharply putting a hand on his hip and stomping his foot into the pavement.

“It happened over a week ago. I told him I
wasn’t ready after that and he knows about you, Brody. He knows he’s just a
friend now, I promise.” I rub his back silently, begging for him to turn back
to me and be the Brody I love. My Brody.

“I’ll fucking kill him, Finley,” he growls,
through clenched teeth. “God!” he shouts as he roughly rakes his hand through
his hair, stomping his foot again.

“Brody, please…
pleeease
,”
I beg. “I’m so sorry babe. It’s me you’re mad at, not him. I was lost, Brody. I
was missing you. He’s just a nice guy. A friend. I was trying to forget you but
I can’t, Brody. I can’t forget you. Never. You’re it for me, you’re all I want
forever, Brody. I want to fix this! I want to fix us! I love us!” I’m crying
loudly now, my voice echoing slightly off the skate ramps.

Brody finally turns to me and I see his face
soften as he takes in my emotional state.

I bring my hands up to his face and drag them
down to his chest. His familiar, wonderful chest. He lets out a huff of air and
takes my hand.

“Finley,” he whispers into my palm, kissing it
roughly.

“Please, please come in, Brody,” I beg once
more.

He gives me one long, earth shattering look and
then leans down to pick up his suitcase. Once the traffic clears, he
protectively guides me across with his hand on my lower back, dragging his
suitcase with his other hand.

We enter the house and I take Brody straight up
to my bedroom. I assure him I’m going to go see if Liam left and if he hasn’t,
then I’ll tell him to leave. Brody doesn’t look happy, but he also doesn’t
object. He tells me he’s going to take a shower. I’m grateful he won’t be
sitting here stewing while I talk to Liam.

I rush downstairs, my nerves jumping all over
the place. My hands are shaking. I glance into the living room and see Leslie,
Theo, Mitch, and Julie in there, but no Frank or Liam. I turn around and head
through the dining room into the kitchen and see Frank talking seriously with
Liam.

Liam looks up to me and gives me a sad look. My
heart breaks at his expression. Why do I keep hurting these great guys?

Frank puts his hand on Liam’s shoulder and hops
off the counter and walks over to me. He pecks me silently on the cheek and
leaves the kitchen.

“Finley,” Liam says sadly.

“Liam,” I say, pulling out a barstool and
sitting at the counter across from him.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

My chest contracts at the fact that he’s
worried about me right now instead of being angry with me like he should be. I
nod my head and he places his two hands on the edge of the counter and drops
his head down.

“You told me,” he starts. “You told me you
weren’t done unpacking. And I bloody well ignored you.” He throws himself back
off the counter and turns away from me and looks at the fridge.

“I’m so sorry, Liam,” I say. “This isn’t fair
to you.”

“Why do you say that, Finley?” he asks,
swerving around and looking intently into my eyes.

“Because you’re amazing!” Tears well in my
eyes. “You’re amazing, Liam. You’re wonderful, you’re…”

“Not him,” he interrupts. Just hearing him say
the word
him
makes me cringe.

“I’m sorry, Liam. You don’t deserve this.” I
sniff loudly. “He’s it for me. He always was. I’ve been lying to myself all
this time.”

He shakes his head again.

“I hope he knows it, Finley,” he says, leaning
across the counter and looking deeply into my eyes. He’s willing me to see just
how much he really cares for me. “And I hope you’re honest with him about
whatever crap you have floating around in that beautiful head of yours.”

I look down at my hands on the counter and nod.

“I guess this is goodbye, Finley,” he says,
standing up tall and walking around the counter toward me. I hop down off the
stool and he opens his arms to me for a hug. I lean in and breathe in his clean
scent.

“Goodbye Liam,” I whisper into his ear.

“Bye Fin,” he whispers and drops a small peck
into my hair.

Leslie is sitting on the steps in the foyer
waiting for me to come out of the kitchen. Liam walks behind me and out the
front door without looking back. She motions for me to follow her upstairs and
I gratefully escape into her room with her.

“I swear I didn’t tell Brody where we live,
Finley!” she bursts out as soon as the door closes.

“I’m not worried,” I reply.

“It had to be Cadence.”

“I don’t care,” I say again.

“Are you okay?” she asks, clearly noticing my
emotional state.

“I can’t believe he’s here Leslie,” I sigh.

“I know! What are you going to do?” she asks.

“I have to tell him everything,” I say. She
nods sympathetically. “But I can’t do it tonight.”

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about
Fin,” she says, and I smile back at her.

“How did Liam take it?” she asks, with concern
furrowed in her brows.

“Eh, not horrible,” I shrug. “Not great either,
but I never made him any promises, so it is what it is and he gets it.”

“Yeah,” she says.

“Still sucks though, he deserves better.”

She nods silently.

“What’s going on with Theo?” I ask.

She shakes her head silently at me.

I shake my head back mirroring her expression.

She gets up and opens the door to her bedroom,
clearly not ready for this conversation. I’m grateful for that because I have
Brody to get back up to. She half smiles and pulls me down for a hug. I embrace
her short frame and savor the moment, willing myself to find the strength to
go.

I hear the shower running when I hit the third
floor. I hesitate outside of the door for a moment, wondering what I should do.
If this were us back in the States, I’d barge in and take whatever I wanted
from Brody. But there’s an uneasiness here. Brody feels awkward and angry and
I’m not sure how to approach him after the whole Liam thing.

I rub my lips with my fingertips remembering
the incredible passionate kiss we shared outside and I shake my head
forcefully. This is us. Brody came here to get me back and seeing him has made
all of my previous worries and issues a distant memory. I need him right now.

I open the door and steam comes rushing out. I
quietly undress and toss my clothes in a heap on the floor next to his. I draw
back the curtain and Brody is standing under the shower spray with his hands on
the tiled shower wall and his head hanging low. He looks so sad, so defeated. I
hate it.

He hears the rustle of the shower curtain and
turns. His eyes rove down my body and return to my eyes and a second of
excitement ignites within them. I step into the tub and he turns to face me
completely, his dark blue eyes locked on mine.

We stand before each other for a moment, having
a serious but silent conversation. His eyes are boring into me with intensity,
pain, passion, and desire. Mine are boring back into his with remorse, need,
and want.

I reach out and drag my hand down his chest. He
grabs my hand and holds it against his heart. I can feel it pounding rapidly
beneath my palm.

“I’ve missed you so much, Brody,” I say,
softly.

“Finley.” His deep voice echoes in the small
bathroom.

Losing all control now, I fall into him and
take his mouth with mine. He grips his hands tightly beneath my behind and
hoists me up onto his hips. He turns and presses my back against the tile side
of the shower. I cry out at the cold wall but he swallows my cries with his
mouth.

“Tell me again, Finley,” he says, roughly.

“What?” I ask, distracted by the intense
feeling of his hips pressing against my center.

“Tell me how much you’ve missed me. Tell me how
much you want me.”

I move my hips against him, desperate for him
to feel how much I’ve missed him.

“I’ve missed you, Brody. I want you so much
right now,” I say, breathing loudly. “I’ve wanted you the whole time I’ve been
gone.”
 

My hands run down his back to his butt and I
feel him clench his buttocks in response. Our kiss is fast and fierce as we
frantically attempt to make up for lost time.

“More,” he growls against my lips.

“I’ve dreamt about you, Brody. I’ve dreamt
about you coming here and making love to me. You’re all I want,” I moan
out.
 

He stops moving against me and looks directly
into my eyes.

“Brody!” I cry as he enters me in one quick
strike.

He continues staring straight into my eyes as
he begins rocking hard inside of me. I relish in the comfortable feeling of
being with him again. It’s slightly painful because of the length of time it’s
been since I’ve had intercourse. Brody and I never went more than a few days
without having sex. We were penurious for each other and felt an intense
passion and connection during intercourse.

“Are you okay?” Brody says, pulling his head
back and looking into my light blue eyes.

I wiggle my hips against him, willing myself to
adjust to his size quickly.

“Yes, yes…don’t stop!” I say, kissing him hard
and thrusting my tongue deep into his mouth.

He moves one of his hands up from my butt and
strokes it up my hip to my rib and then cups my breast tightly. Our lips plop
loudly as he pulls away from my mouth and dips his head down to take my nipple
into his mouth.
 

Just watching him suck on my breast brings me
to a peak and I cry out loudly as I near a tipping point.

“Yes!” I cry, dropping my head down onto his
shoulder and biting while trying to gain control of myself.

Brody kisses up my chest and to my neck and
then sucks my ear lobe into his mouth. His hand releases my breast and moves up
into the nape of my neck. He pulls my hair lightly, but firmly, the way he
knows I’ve always liked.

As he takes control of my head with my hair he
rocks into me hard and fast and I come apart looking directly into his eyes. A
few more thrusts and he’s following me. He stills inside of me. I know not to
worry about using a condom. That unspoken knowledge of the fact that getting
pregnant is impossible weighs heavily in my heart. I kiss him hard, willing
myself to forget and not fall down that rabbit hole.

“God, Finley,” he says, pulling back and
looking at me. “Tell me you’re with me forever babe. I can’t…I cannot lose you
again,” he says, his eyes brimming with tears.

His emotion shocks me and my jaw drops.

“Yes, Brody! Yes!” I reply, cupping his face in
my hands and dropping soft kisses all over his cheeks, lips, nose, and eyes.

He sighs hard and kisses me passionately on the
lips again.

“I’m with you forever, Brody. I love you. I
love…” I pause, wanting to use our special phrasing but unsure if it still
holds as much value since I left him once already. “I love us.”

He nods his head at me and I can’t help but
think how young and scared he looks. Why did I do this to us? Why did I not
trust him with this deep, dark piece of me? I can’t give him a child. I know
this. Why did I think he wouldn’t want me despite it? I know I need to tell him
everything, but right now I just want to reconnect and get us back on firm
ground before I drop another bomb on our very fragile relationship.

Brody sets me back down onto my feet, grabs my
sponge hanging from the faucet and fills it with my body wash. He proceeds to
scrub my body gently, using his bare hands to rub the soap in and familiarize
himself with my body. I take the sponge from him and do the same to him, taking
extra time on his back and dropping kisses all over his body in the process.

When we’re both clean, he shuts the water off,
grabs the towel he laid out for himself and dries my hair off with it. He wraps
the towel around my shoulders, rubbing my arms soothingly. He then hops out to
grab another towel and quickly wipes himself down.

I stand in the tub and watch him. I can’t
believe my Brody is here and we’re together again. I thought I’d lost him
forever, yet here he is drying off his yummy naked body right in front of me.
He finishes and ties the towel around his waist. Without hesitation, he scoops
me up into his arms and carries me across the hallway into my bedroom.

I see him hesitate slightly at the tiny
mattress on the floor before he sets me down onto the bed and covers me up with
the purple sheet and comforter. He flips off the light, ditches his towel, and
tucks in right behind me, pulling my towel out too.

After a few moments of silence, he breathes
softly into my ear, “I love us, Finley.” He tucks my wet hair behind my ear and
kisses my neck softly.

“I love us too, Brody,” I reply, turning in his
arms to face him. The skin-to-skin contact reminds me of the last time we were
together. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him again.

Before I know it, we’re making love again. But
it’s slower and softer this time. I’ve reassured him enough for now, we are
just making up for lost time. I sigh into his neck and look up to the ceiling,
praying that we can make it through all this. I can only hope the power of my
heart and my love for him is enough to keep him. I hope his dreams can change
and shape with me. Regardless, a huge weight is lifted from my heart by having
Brody here with me again and I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and focus on that.
We’re back together again. We’re us again.