A Beautiful Funeral: A Novel (Maddox Brothers Book 5) (3 page)

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she said, her voice muffled against my chest. Her fingers dug into my back.

“If there was any other way,” I began.

“Travis is okay?” she asked. She had already been briefed, I was sure, but she needed to hear it from me. I wouldn’t sugarcoat it just because she was a new mother, and she knew it.

“He’s a little banged up. They’re three goons short.”

She breathed out a laugh and then lifted her chin, her eyes wide and glossing over with realization. “I’m going to have to tell them, aren’t I? It will have to be me.”

I hesitated, conflicted feelings swirling inside me. I didn’t want to put her through that. My eyebrows pulled in. “The Carlisis will just send more, Liis. I know it’s a long shot … but you have to.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I ….”

I clenched my teeth, trying to keep it together and stay strong for her. I cupped her jaw in my hands. “It’ll be okay. You can do it.”

Her chest caved, and she puffed out a breath. “How can I do that to them?” She touched her forehead, shaking her head in disbelief.

“We do what we have to do. Like we always have.”

Liis glanced back toward the nursery. “But this time, even more is at stake.”

I checked my watch and sighed. “I have to pack and make some calls.”

She pressed her lips together and nodded. “I’ll help you.”

Stella began to fuss, and I nearly lost it. “This is too much. This isn’t right, leaving you alone with her. She’s barely a day old, and you here, alone …”

She hugged me. “I won’t be alone.”

I squeezed my arms around her, breathing in her hair, memorizing the softness of her skin. “I can’t … I can’t tell her goodbye,” I said. I’d had my heart broken more than once, but this was torture. I was already in love with the tiny girl in the crib, and leaving her would be the hardest thing I would ever do.

“So don’t.”

I nodded and then crept into the nursery, watching Stella breathe easily, swaddled and happily dreaming of whatever newborns dreamed of—Liis’s heartbeat; my muffled voice. I leaned down and pressed my lips to her thick, dark hair. “I’ll see you soon, my love. Daddy loves you.”

I walked across the room and reached down for my vest, slipping it on as she watched with a pained expression, then I stuffed some clothes and toiletries into a bag and raised my phone, tapping out Trenton’s number. I tried to keep my voice casual while telling him to expect us sooner than originally planned. In less than five minutes, I’d done everything I could do to prepare.

“Who’s out there?” Liis asked when I hung up with Trenton.

“Dustin Johns and Canton,” I said, putting on a light jacket.

“Brent Canton?” she confirmed. When I nodded, she sighed, relieved. They were the best snipers in the Bureau.

“They’d better not miss,” she snapped.

“They won’t,” I said. I hoped not. I was putting my life in their hands. I took Liis into my arms, holding her tight, and then pressed my lips against hers, hoping it wasn’t for the last time. “I’m going to ask you to marry me when we see each other again, and this time, you’re going to say yes.”

“Make sure we see each other again,” she said.

Hyde opened the front door. “Thirty seconds, sir.”

I nodded to her, grabbed my car keys, and glanced back at Liis, taking one last look before closing the door behind me.

CHAPTER TWO

TAYLOR

“
C
HEER UP, BUD
. I bet she’ll be at the house by shift’s end,” Jubal said, watching me fold laundry.

“You’ve said that every shift since she left,” I grumbled, shaking out a pair of standard-issue navy blue cargo pants. The color was fading.

When Falyn did the laundry, she somehow kept them looking brand new for months. I cooked dinner and took out the trash; she’d do the laundry and the dishes. We tag-teamed taking care of the kids. Having Hollis and Hadley four months apart was a lot like having twins. One of us held down flailing legs and pulled out baby wipes while the other cleaned and re-diapered. I’d take Hollis to soccer, and she would take Hadley to volleyball. For nine years, we’d worked like a well-oiled machine. We’d even perfected fighting. Anger, negotiation, make-up sex. Now that she was gone, I had no one to compromise with, no kids to juggle, no dinner for four. I’d been doing my own laundry for two months—since she’d moved back to Colorado Springs with the kids—and my pants were already looking like shit. One more reason to miss her.

I folded the cargos over a hanger and hooked it on the rod inside my armoire. I hadn’t been on the mountain digging firebreaks in four years. Only being home for six months out of the year had taken its toll on our marriage, so I hung up my pulaski and took a full-time job with the city fire department.

In the end, it didn’t matter what I did. Falyn wasn’t happy.

“How are the kids liking the new school?” Jubal asked.

“They’re not.”

Jubal sighed. “I wondered if it would be tough for Hollis. I’m surprised you let her take him.”

“Split ‘em up? No,” I said, shaking my head. “Besides, she’s his mother. She always has been. It wouldn’t be right to pull the biological card now.”

Jubal nodded. “True.” He patted my shoulder. “You’re a good man, Taylor.”

My brow furrowed. “Not good enough.”

My cell phone rang. I held the receiver to my ear, and Jubal nodded, already knowing I needed privacy. He walked back into the living area, and I swiped my thumb across the display, holding the phone to my ear.

“Hi, honey,” I said.

“Hi.” Falyn was uncomfortable with terms of endearment now—as if I shouldn’t care about her because she’d left me.

The truth was I’d tried yelling. I’d tried being angry. I begged and pleaded and even threw tantrums, but all that did was push her further away. Now, I listened more and lost my temper less. Something my brothers had all learned early on. They still had their wives.

“I was just thinking about you,” I said.

“Oh, yeah?” she asked. “I was calling because … Hollis isn’t doing well. He got in a fight today.”

“A fistfight? Is he okay?”

“Of course, he’s okay. You taught him how to defend himself. But he’s different. He’s angry. Thank God it was the last day before summer break or he would have been suspended. He still might. Taylor, I think …” She sighed. She sounded as lost as I did, and it was both painful and a relief not to be alone in that. “I think I made a mistake.”

I held my breath, hoping she would finally say she was coming home. It didn’t matter why. Once Falyn came back, I could make things right.

“I was hoping … maybe …”

“Yeah? I mean, yeah. Whatever it is.”

She paused again. Those in-between moments felt like dying a thousand times. Her voice said it all. She knew when she’d called she’d be getting my hopes up, but this conversation was about the kids, not me. Not us. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind helping me find a rent house in Estes. You have more connections there for housing than I do. It’s going to be hard to find a three-bedroom apartment. The kids are too old to share.”

I sat down on my bed, feeling like the air had been knocked out of me. “Couldn’t you just … move back in? The kids’ rooms are all set up. It’s familiar. I’d love for you to come back. I want you to. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than if you got your own place. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

The other end of the line was quiet for a long time. “I can’t, Taylor.” She sounded tired. Her voice was deeper than usual; ragged.

I’d begged before. It would only start another fight. This was about our children. I had to put us aside. “Falyn … move back into the house with the kids. I’ll find an apartment.”

“No. I’m the one who left. I’ll find a place.”

“Baby,” I began. I could feel her discomfort through the phone. “Falyn. The house is yours. I’ll let the school know they’ll be back next year.”

“Really?” she asked, her voice breaking.

“Yeah,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “It doesn’t make sense for me to live in that big house alone and you and the kids crammed into an apartment.”

“Thank you.” She sniffed. “The kids will be so happy.”

“Good,” I said, forcing a smile. I wasn’t sure why. She couldn’t see me. “Good, I’m glad.”

She puffed out a breath of relief, and scuffing sounds against the phone had me imagining she was wiping away tears. “Okay, then. I’ll, um … I’ll start packing.”

“Need help? Let me help you.” The apartment she’d found in Colorado Springs was furnished, so there wouldn’t be much heavy furniture, but I was desperate to return to our well-oiled machine.

“No, we can do it. We don’t have much. There’s nothing too heavy.”

“Falyn. At least let me help pack up the kids. I haven’t seen them in two weeks.”

She thought about it for a moment, sniffing again. I imagined her weighing the pros and cons. She had to think about her choices longer these days, her decisions made only after having more information—something I had to start doing, too. I half-expected her to say she would think about it and call back, but she answered. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I was considering telling the kids tonight. Do you want to be here when I do? I’m not sure if that would be confusing for them …”

“I’ll be there,” I said without hesitation. Some things required less thinking than others.

We hung up, and I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. I didn’t dare say to her what I wanted. I’d held in the hope that once she was back we could really start to work on what went wrong. This time, I would promise not to push too hard or move too fast—I would show her I had changed.

I gripped the phone with both hands and held it to my forehead, silently chanting to keep it together and not ruin it this time. Nothing was more frightening than being your own worst enemy. Even when I wanted to do the right thing, it was a struggle. I had always lived by my emotions, and those close to me experienced the blowback. They saw the pressure build and the discharge, even if it only lasted for a few seconds in the form of rage. After years went by—and I hadn’t learned or grown or made an effort to overcome it—the forgiveness came less easily for Falyn, and I couldn’t blame her.

“You off the phone?” Jubal asked. I lifted my head and nodded, working hard to keep the suffering off my face. “The commander wants a word.”

I wiped my nose with my wrist and stood, taking a deep breath. My muscles were tense. I knew what was coming. The commander had been in meetings all morning with the other shift commanders, the chief, and the city council—all about me.

“Taylor?” Jubal said as I passed him.

“Yeah?” I turned around to face him, annoyed. He’d interrupted my emotional preparation for what would go down in the commander’s office.

“You need to take that temper and dial it down a few notches before walking in there. You’re in enough trouble as it is. You’re definitely not going to get her back without a job.”

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing has gone right for me since she left.”

Jubal made a face, unimpressed with my shameless self-pity. “If you’d stop spending so much time placing blame, you might free up your head and your heart to think of a solution.”

I thought about his words and nodded, taking a deep breath. Jubal was right, as usual.

The commander was on the phone when I knocked and came in. He lifted his index finger, and then directed me to sit in one of the two orange chairs positioned in front of his desk.

I did as he instructed, lacing my fingers together on top of my stomach and bobbing my knee. That office hadn’t changed much since he’d taken over; the same pictures hung from the walls and tacks on various corkboards held informational posters around the room. The paneling gave away the building’s age, as did the stained carpet and worn furniture. The only things different were a framed picture on the desk, the man sitting on the other side of it, and the nameplate in front of him.

COMMANDER TYLER MADDOX

“You rang?” I asked when he hung up the phone on its cradle. I grabbed the picture of us with Dad, all standing side by side, our arms around each other and happy. Thomas almost looked out of place, without tattoos and longer, lighter hair, and hazel green eyes as opposed to shit brown like the rest of us.

“Anyone else looking at this picture must think Tommy belongs to the milkman. Only people who know us recognize that he looks like Mom.”

Tyler grimaced. “I know you’ve already told me once, but tell me again, Taylor. Tell me you didn’t know who he was when you swung.”

I tried not to get defensive, but holding back was hard when he was asking me to explain why I’d knocked out the mayor’s son for touching my wife’s ass at a bar. Tyler knew as well as I did that he would have done the same thing. Maddox boys didn’t stop to ask the importance of someone before putting them in their place.

“The mayor just moved here a couple of years ago,” I said. “How was I supposed to know who his douchebag son is?”

Tyler’s frown didn’t budge. “This isn’t just a fuck up, Taylor. I don’t know how I’m going to get you out of it this time.”

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “This time? You act like you’ve been bailing me out my entire life. I think it’s been a give and take.”

Tyler’s shoulders fell. “Okay then, it’s my turn, and you’ve fucked me out of it. My hands are tied.”

“Maybe that cocksucker shouldn’t have grabbed my wife’s ass.”

Tyler leaned back, huffing his impatience. “He tripped.”

I clenched my teeth and white-knuckled the arms of my chair, trying to keep from leaping across the desk at my brother. “Don’t repeat his fucking lies to me, Tyler. I saw it with my own eyes and so did half the crew. Jubal, Zeke, Sugar, Jew, Cat, and Porter all put their jobs on the line to vouch for me. They knew the mayor wanted them to say different in their statements.”

Tyler glared at me for a minute, but his expression melted away. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“So … what? I’m done?” I asked.

“We both are.”

My brows pulled together. “What do you mean? They can’t fucking do that. How can they do that?”

“
They
didn’t. I handed in my resignation this morning. Looks like it’s the last day for both of us.”