A Baby for Easter (16 page)

She was sobbing now on the phone, so she lowered it for a
minute. When she’d controlled her tears, she raised it again and concluded, “I
know it might be too late for us, but I had to say this anyway. Because I’m
broken too, and I don’t want to act like that’s where I have to stay.”

She disconnected the call and cried a little more.

But she’d told him the truth, and she didn’t care if it
broke all her rules.

It was the right thing to do.

***

Despite her outpouring of feeling on
the phone, she cried most of the night and woke up late with a pounding
headache.

She went to make some coffee, trying to find the energy to
start packing up her stuff and explaining to her parents that she was moving
back to Asheville, and she glanced out the window at the house and driveway.

She wondered if Micah and Cara were home yet. It would be
easier to move out if they weren’t around, but the thought of his continued
absence worried her.

She hoped he was all right. Even if she couldn’t have him,
she still wanted him to be all right.

To her surprise, she saw a sedan drive up to the house and park
in the driveway. She recognized the car as Jessica’s, so she kept watching from
the window.

Both Jessica and Daniel got out, and then Jessica leaned
over and pulled Cara out of the backseat of the car.

With a gasp, Alice grabbed a sweatshirt and threw it on as
she ran outside and down the stairs.

“Is everything all right?” she asked, approaching as Daniel
opened the side door of the house.

They both turned in surprise, and Jessica said, “Yeah. We
just needed a few things for Cara.”

“But why do you have Cara? Where’s Micah?” She saw them
exchange silent looks, and her heart started to pound. “Is he okay?”

“We don’t know where he is,” Daniel admitted, holding the
door open and gesturing them all inside. “He came by last night and left Cara
with us.”

“What did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything. We know something happened with you
two, but we don’t know anything else. He just left.” Jessica sighed and studied
her face. “You look terrible. So it was really bad?”

“Yeah. He made it clear that nothing could ever happen with
us, so I said I’d accept a job offer in Asheville. I didn’t know what else to
do.”

“I still don’t think it was his final decision,” Jessica
murmured, looking at Daniel rather than at Alice, as if they’d been having a
conversation about it before. “I think he just needs some time to work through
it.”

“He was very clear,” Alice said. “Was I supposed to wait and
hope, even though—”

“No, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just…” She trailed
off, her face twisting slightly.

Alice had to shrug away a sliver of hope. “But where is he?
Where do you think he went?” She shifted her eyes to Daniel, who looked a lot
like Micah this morning with his dark hair and broad shoulders—heartbreakingly
like Micah.

“I really don’t know,” he said.

Alice saw the bleak anxiety on his face and realized
something else. She raised a hand to her chest, since it hurt so much. “You
don’t think he…you don’t think he’d fall back into his old ways, do you?”

She could see from his expressions that he thought exactly
that.

“He doesn’t believe he’s really changed, so he might try
to…live that out.” Daniel’s voice was low and textured. “Whatever he’s doing,
he didn’t want Cara around.”

Alice reached over to take the baby from Jessica, hugging
her close. “But he wouldn’t…he loves Cara, and he has changed, whether he
believes it or not. He wouldn’t go back to who he was before. I just don’t
think he’d do it.”

“I hope not.”

Alice closed her eyes and prayed silently, terrified because
Daniel looked so worried. When she opened them again, both Jessica and Daniel
were staring at her. “Maybe it was just too much pressure,” she said in a
wobbly voice. “He had Cara dumped on him without warning and then I…and then he
thought he had a relationship dumped on him too. He had spiritual things that
were never really resolved, so maybe the pressure just cracked him.”

“Yeah,” Jessica murmured. “He’s been dealing with a lot. But
I really think he’ll…I think he’s going to change his mind. I just hope it’s
not too late when he does.”

“I thought he might,” Alice admitted, tightening her arms
briefly around Cara. “There was still a little part of me that thought, last
night, he might change his mind. But now…”

She was too tired and drained and sad to even cry, but she
shifted her eyes to Daniel. “Someone needs to find him—to make sure he’s all
right.”

Daniel nodded. “I’ll look for him. I know a few places he
used to…I’ll find him.”

Alice walked over to the recliner, thinking she’d rock Cara,
and noticed something on the side table. “He took his Bible.”

“What?” Jessica asked.

“He took his Bible. It’s always right here. He wouldn’t have
taken it if he was going to…going to spiral down again, would he?”

“I don’t know,” Daniel said slowly.

Despite all evidence, Alice felt a different sliver of hope.
Not for her, but for Micah. She said, “He used to like to… he said he used to go
to Hanging Rock to think and pray and work things out. Maybe he went there. Do
you know where it is? Off the southern trail.”

Daniel knew the trails as well as she did. He nodded. “Yeah.
I know it. I’ll check it out. I’ll find him, Alice.”

“Please do. I can’t go after him—not after he made his
decision—but someone needs to. Someone needs to find him.”

“Then that’s what I’ll do. Can you make sure Jessica gets
home?” At her affirmation, Daniel kissed Jessica briefly and left the house.

Jessica and Alice stared at each other for a long stretch of
time.

Then Jessica finally said, “I’m so sorry, Alice.”

Alice felt another swell of emotion, but she didn’t have any
more tears. She just nodded. “I love him. I love both of them.”

Jessica’s face twisted with emotion. “I know you do. He
loves you too. I think he always has. But the world just isn’t what it should
be, and sometimes that’s just not enough.”

Easter morning was warm and clear.

Alice woke up early, partly because she couldn’t sleep and
partly because she was attending the sunrise service, which began while it was
still dark.

The sunrise service had always been her favorite thing about
Easter, and she was going to miss it this year—no matter what had happened to
her heart.

She took a long shower and blow-dried her hair, pulling the
top half back with a band.

Then she put on the dress she’d bought for Easter. She
couldn’t really afford it, but she’d bought it anyway—a pale pink sleeveless
sheathe that she wore with a little cashmere cardigan.

She thought she looked pretty, when she checked herself out
in the mirror, but also haunted somehow, with her eyes too big and dark shadows
under them.

She hadn’t heard anything from Daniel or Micah yesterday, so
she was more worried than ever.

But it was Easter morning, and she was going to celebrate it,
whether Micah was with her or not.

She got her purse and stepped out onto the landing outside
her apartment.

When her eyes lowered to the driveway, she saw Micah
standing next to the SUV.

He’d obviously showered and shaved this morning, and he looked
well-dressed and handsome in a gray suit and a blue tie.

He was holding Cara with one arm, and she was dressed in her
frilly Easter dress with her pink bow positioned on her head with the band.

Alice froze, stunned and bewildered. She just stared down at
Micah and Cara.

His expression was sober as he looked up at her. “We were
waiting for you,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse.

Alice simply couldn’t move. Couldn’t even breathe.

When she didn’t answer, Micah cleared his throat and reached
into the backseat of the SUV. He brought out an enormous basket filled with
flowers—tulips and roses and lilies and orchids and daisies.

“I know I’ve been offering you nothing but broken
dandelions,” he began. “I know there’s no reason for you to expect anything
else from me now. But I’ve finally worked through everything that was holding
me back. And I want to give you more. I want to give you everything.”

She was momentarily dizzy, standing at the top of the
stairs. She clung to the rail so she wouldn’t fall.

Micah cleared this throat again and shifted from foot to
foot. “I want to give you
us
—me and
Cara—if you’ll have us.”

Alice was physically rocked by the wave of joy that swept
over her. It was so unexpected, so overwhelming, so miraculous there was no way
to wrap her mind around it.

After a moment, she made herself move. She was shaking
helplessly as she walked slowly down the stairs, until she was finally standing
right in front of them.

Cara saw her and reached toward her with outstretched arms,
babbling something excited but incomprehensible. Alice automatically responded,
taking the baby in her arms.

“We love you,” Micah said, his voice thicker than ever. “I
do, and Cara does too. I know I haven’t shown you that very well. I know
there’s no reason for you to believe me. But if God makes all things new, then
that means he makes me new too. And that means there’s nothing stopping me from
living out how much I love you. How much I’ve always loved you. I didn’t live
it out before, but I want to now. I want to show you how much I love you. If
you still want me, I promise I will.”

Alice tried to catch her breath, tried to get her throat to
work. Failed utterly.

Finally, after a long stretch of silence, Micah said with a slight
tilt to his lips, “Any time you want to say something…”

She choked on a laugh, and her face contorted with emotion as
she admitted, “I do. I still want you. Both you and Cara. I want you both so
much.”

His expression broke in relief, and he reached out to draw
her into his arms.

She could feel shuddering emotion inside him as he held her
and she held Cara, and it felt real, tangible, completely authentic. Absolutely
right.

When he pulled back at last, Alice had control of herself
again, although she was so happy she was trembling with it.

He sheepishly handed her the basket of flowers. “These are
for you.”

She shifted Cara into one arm so she could take the flowers.
Then she said, “Actually, you better take one of these, or I might drop both of
them.”

He laughed and took Cara back into his arms. “So you think
you can forgive me?” he asked, his blue eyes searching her face. “After I acted
like such an as—jerk?”

She nodded and sniffed and choked on a laugh. “I understood
what you were dealing with. I knew it was spiritual. And it was…big. Just don’t
you dare do anything like that to me again.”

“I won’t. I hope you can learn to trust me again. I’ll do
anything I can to earn that trust.”

She nodded again, rather foolishly, and couldn’t make her
voice work.

“I actually have something to show you,” he added, “if you
don’t mind coming with us.”

“What about the sunrise service?”

“We’ll still head over there. This is on the way.”

So Alice got in the front seat while Micah put Cara in her
car seat, and then he pulled out of the driveway and turned right.

“Why did you change your mind?” she asked, trying not to hug
herself with excitement.

He glanced over at her. “I did go to Hanging Rock on Friday
night. I stayed there all of yesterday too. I was so torn up. I knew it was
wrong—I knew what I was thinking and how I treated you was wrong—but I just
couldn’t…couldn’t reconcile myself to anything else. I just didn’t think I deserved
such a…such a blessing. As you. It’s been a long-term pattern of thinking.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “I know all about long-term
patterns of thinking.”

“Anyway, Daniel found me. I guess you told him where I’d
be.” Micah sighed. “Poor guy. He has to preach two different sermons today, and
he still sat with me for hour after hour yesterday.”

“He’s a good brother.”

“Yeah. And he was right about me. So were you. It was a
spiritual problem.” He looked slightly awkward as he admitted, “If forgiveness
is real, then it remakes everything. It remakes
me
.”

“It remakes me too,” she murmured. “I’m not any better than
you are.”

He slanted her a warm look. “Well, I think you’re a
little
better. I can’t help but think
that.”

She had to laugh at that, and she reached over to squeeze
his arm. “So where are we going?”

“We’re already here.” He turned a corner in the neighborhood
near the church, near Daniel and Jessica’s house, and then he pulled into the
driveway of a corner lot on which was situated a big, old house with a
wraparound porch that could have been charming if it weren’t so rundown.

“What’s this?” Alice asked, looking at the house in
confusion. It had a huge backyard with willow trees.

“This is my house,” Micah said. “I bought it last week. I’d
been thinking about what you’d said, about building a real home for me and
Cara. So I bought this place. Not to flip.”

She gasped and climbed out of the SUV, gazing at the old
place in awe and delight. “It will be wonderful when it’s fixed up,” she said,
turning to Micah, who’d gotten out of the car too and was leaning in to get
Cara.

“It needs a lot of work,” he explained, stepping over beside
her and then putting a hand on her back to urge her forward. “It will be a
while before it’s livable.”

“It’s perfect,” she breathed, gazing at the huge porch and
then at the formal parlor, dining room, huge kitchen, and living room as they
walked through the first floor.

“All the bedrooms are on the second floor,” he explained.
“And there’s a basement that can be finished off too.”

“It will be perfect for you and Cara,” Alice said, clasping
her hands in excitement.

He peered at her face. “I want you to like it too.”

“I love it!” She couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

Micah stuffed his hands in his pockets, but then pulled them
out to reach over to take her hand. “I know it’s too soon to expect any sort of
commitment, but I’m going to lay it all out for you right now. I love you,
Alice. I’ve always loved you. I’ve never loved any other woman, and I don’t
think I ever will. I’ll take it as slow as you want, since I know I’ve messed
up a lot. But I don’t just want to date you. I want to be allowed to love you
for the rest of my life. I want us to eventually make this house a home.”

She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“And I completely understand if you want to take that job.
I’m happy to be with you long-distance, if that’s what works best for you. And
if you don’t want to live in Willow Park, then I can sell this house and find
another one in Asheville. I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything
you want. No more broken dandelions. Not if I can do anything about it.”

Tears streamed out of Alice’s eyes, completely doing away
with her makeup. “I don’t want to live in Asheville,” she burst out. “I don’t
want that job. I want to live here—in Willow Park. I want a life here with you
and Cara.”

He squeezed her hand. “Do you mean it? Because I can move—”

“I don’t want to live anywhere else. I’ve always wanted to
come back home. I do want to keep working for the library, but I want to live
here.”

He took a shuddering breath and pulled her against him with
one arm, still holding Cara in his other. He leaned down to press a soft kiss
on her lips. “Then that’s what we’ll do,” he murmured. “I can’t believe I
really get to love you. I can’t believe I get both Cara and you.”

“I can’t believe I get to love you and Cara too. Really. But
we better get to the service,” Alice said, glancing outside and seeing the sun
was starting to rise. “Or we’ll miss the whole thing. It was always my favorite
thing about Easter. Maybe we can come back here this afternoon and look around
more.”

“Sounds good to me.”

He took her hand again as they walked back to the car. And
he was holding her hand again as they joined the sunrise service, outside at a
scenic spot where the congregation could watch the sun rise over the mountains.

And he was still holding her hand when the service ended and
people came over to greet them.

And he was still holding her hand when they attended the
church breakfast and then the regular Easter service.

And she’d never known what resurrection victory meant—the
way it overcame darkness, and death, and brokenness, and all the stupidity from
the past—as clearly as she did that morning.

***

Late in the afternoon, after they’d
had dinner and gone back to change clothes, Alice and Micah went back to the
house to really look around.

They stayed for an hour or two, and they were sitting on the
steps leading up to the front porch, with Alice feeding Cara in her lap, when
Jessica and Daniel turned the corner and approached them on the sidewalk. Bear was
on a leash, leading the way.

Alice wasn’t sure if they’d just been taking a walk or if
they’d come over here on purpose. Either way, they sat down on the steps too
after a friendly greeting and some pets for the dog.

“This is an amazing house,” Jessica said with a grin.
“Daniel already has plans to come over here to tinker around with it, so you’ll
have to try to give him jobs where he can’t do too much damage.”

“Hey,” he objected. “I’m good with projects.”

Micah laughed uninhibitedly. “I’m sure I can find something
for him to do. He may not always know what he’s doing with power tools, but
there are other things he’s okay with.” He gave his brother a soft punch on the
shoulder.

Alice knew what the gesture meant. And she could see that
Daniel knew too, since he accepted Micah’s unspoken appreciation with a little
nod.

Then he turned to Alice. “So Micah said you might want to
teach Sunday School.”

Alice gasped in surprise. “When did he tell you that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Daniel was hiding a grin. “I hear
things, you know. And potential Sunday School teachers are hot commodities.”

“Well, yeah,” she admitted. She sat Cara up on her lap to
burp her. “I wouldn’t mind it. Since I’m going to be staying in town after
all.”

“Consider yourself signed up. That was much easier than getting
Jessica into the choir.”

Alice turned to the other woman. “What do you mean? You have
a beautiful voice. I love to hear you sing on Sundays. So you didn’t always
want to do the choir?”

Jessica slanted a look at Daniel, but she was smiling at
Alice as she replied, “I wasn’t sure at first, but I’m happy now I’ve joined.
You’re welcome to join too, if you want.”

“Oh no. My singing makes Cara cry louder.”

As if on cue, the little girl burped up some formula as all
of them turned to look at her, and then babbled out a follow up.

“Very nice,” Micah said, leaning over to wipe her chin off.

She babbled some more, the sounds coming out as, “Ga, ga,
ga, da da.”

“That’s right,” Alice said in an encouraging voice. “That’s
your dada. Dada.”

“Da da da da da,” Cara’s blue eyes were round as saucers,
and she flailed her arms excitedly.

They all burst out in excited appreciation for this piece of
brilliant verbal dexterity, and Micah pulled the baby into his arms to hug her.
He was laughing and kissing her soft little head as he murmured, “She has no
idea what she’s saying, does she?”

Alice was laughing too—and also almost crying, so touched
was she by the little scene. She leaned against his shoulder until he wrapped
an arm around her, bringing her into his embrace.

“She probably doesn’t,” Daniel said, answering Micah’s
question. “But who’s to say she isn’t a little prodigy?”

Bear, who’d been lying on the cool grass and enjoying the
sunshine, got up just then and came over to stick her nose in Daniel’s face.
“Yes,” he told her, stroking the long white fur. “You’re a prodigy too. No
reason to be jealous.”