A Baby for Christmas (Love at The Crossroads) (10 page)

“Yeah. I guess we need to get this over with.” She had held him at bay long enough.

Candace grinned, but Solae didn’t return it. She knew her friend was hoping that the talk would result in a speedy reconciliation and Solae not leaving. That wasn’t going to happen.

“Ladies,” Hershel said as his voice oozed with sexiness, seconds after his cologne preceded him. With his smoldering eyes fixed on her, Hershel gently tugged her to her feet as if he was about to ask for a dance.

Never breaking eye contact with him, Solae didn’t protest as he led her away to a secluded area not far from the festivities. She even allowed him to link his fingers through hers. His touch was like warmth flowing through her veins, traveling slowly to her heart as if to revive her. Hershel waited for her to sit on a stone bench that overlooked a great view of a small pond on the property. Nature was definitely one of God’s beauties.

It was a picture perfect setting to cuddle up in Hershel’s arms and enjoy the tranquility of bliss. But that fantasy was several months old. Solae was surprised that her heart wasn’t numb after months of separation. At this point, it didn’t matter. She had made the decision to move on.

“I love you more than anything.” He stared ahead as if he was talking to the wind.

When Solae turned to look at him, so did he. The depth of his eyes seemed to be the gateway to his soul. Even though she knew Hershel’s declaration was heartfelt, she had to point out that he failed to back it up.

“Not everything.” She hoped to get through this without crying, especially since he looked confused. Solae had shed enough tears. “Hershel, I love you and I love my boys. I’ll always consider you my first love.” She paused, crossing her hands over her heart as her eyes watered anyway.

“Love makes a person vulnerable, including me. At Christmas when I asked you where do you see us six months from now, your one word answer, ‘together’ frustrated me. At that moment, I knew I had backed myself into a corner where I tied my happiness to you and my boys.”

The first tear spilled and Hershel caught it with his thumb. She choked as she tried to steady her voice. She had to get through this and tell him the truth.

“I might not have been able to give you children, but I could have loved you and the children as my own so that no one would have ever known I didn’t birth Harrison and Brandon.”

She patted her chest. “At least I thought I would make a great mom.” She blinked as her vision became impaired.

“No question. Babe, please forgive me for taking your love for granted while I was trying to sort out things in my heart and head.”

The tortured expressions on Hershel’s face made Solae want to forgive and forget, but she had to have some dignity. Forgiving him was easy. His hesitation was another rejection. Nobody forgets those.

             
“Don’t move, please.” He didn’t hide the desperation in his voice.

             
“Why?”

             
“So we can work out our differences.”

“We’ve had months for that but you kept dragging your feet. I’m sorry, Hershel. Maybe, you were kidding yourself when you said my inability to have children didn’t matter. In the end…”

She sniffed. “It has always mattered from the beginning of Biblical time. I don’t want to be in a relationship by default because you feel sorry for me. I respect myself too much to settle.” She stood.

Hershel got to his feet with his nostrils flaring. “Lady, if I could have another chance, I would ask you to marry me because you are perfect for me.”

“It’s not the same when you back a man into a corner and he never planned to ask you to be his wife in the first place.” She checked her watch.  “Listen, I better go and check on a friend before I head home.”

“A friend?” She could almost see his mind working. “Is
he
or she sick?”

“In a way, yes,
she’s
getting a divorce.” She twirled around and began her trek back to her car. She thought she had done a good job without making a scene.

“Solae,” Hershel called after her.

When she glanced over her shoulder, he was getting down on one knee. No! She couldn’t watch.  Fighting an emotional breakdown, Solae hurried to her car. It was too late. He was asking for all the wrong reasons.

How could she walk—no run—away from his love? No—their love?  Hershel was hot! Getting to his feet, Hershel contemplated his next move.

He could easily catch up with her, but he had a feeling that she would continue to resist. A slap on his right shoulder, followed by one on left shoulder didn’t stop him from watching Solae flee.

Trent came to his side. “You tried.”  Hershel didn’t acknowledge him.

“But did you pray?” Royce asked, coming to stand on his other side.

“Evidently not enough praying.” Hershel huffed, then folded his arms in disgust. “Deep down inside I knew from the moment I saw Solae and spent time with her that no other woman could be a better fit in my life than her.”

“I thought it was romantic,” Candace said, coming to her husband’s side.

Humiliated, Hershel didn’t even want to face the audience he had drawn at his failed attempt to propose. Granted he hadn’t planned on asking her to marry him at a kid’s party, but desperation kicked in when he realized a mere apology wasn’t going to cut it.

Spinning on his heel, Hershel was thankful that he wasn’t all the guests’ main attraction, just his brothers’ and Candace’s. The look she gave him was a mixture of heartache and attitude.

“How much time do I have before she leaves?”

“Five weeks,” Candace said with a veiled threat.

Hershel recognized her challenge, that he better fix it, even if it meant working plans A to Z. “I’m on it.”  He stormed away, glad that his sons hadn’t witnessed his debacle.

***

Hershel was slumped in his chair in the empty break room at the station. Holding his head between his hands, he was racking his brain for a way to get Solae to change her mind and stay. “How did I get myself in this mess? How could Solae be so stubborn?”

Royce invited himself to invade Hershel’s privacy as he pulled out a chair and flopped in a seat across the table in front of him. “Your stubbornness caught up with you. I wish you were at service last Sunday.” He shook his head.

“You know I was here.”

“Yeah, Pastor Alexander preached from Philippians 3. Candace and I thought about you when he read verse thirteen.”

“Which says…” Hershel prompted his brother. Lately, the Scriptures hadn’t been sticking.

“‘
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.’
You never let go of your past and it held you back from your blessing. She made you happy, bro. Candace said Solae was crushed by the games you played with her heart.
Didn’t she tell you that men had rejected her before?”

Grunting, Hershel slapped his palms on the table. “Why do you know so much about my business?”

“Maybe because you’re my brother and you talk a lot?” Royce shrugged. “Seriously though… Solae was devastated when you never proposed and weren’t up front with her. If I have ever seen a perfect couple, you and Solae are it.”

“Why are you rubbing salt into my wound? I know I messed up. Unless you have a solution, then this conversation is over.” He practically growled at his brother as an ear-piercing tone splintered the speakers, alerting the station to get ready to respond.

Switching to his rank mode as captain, Hershel and his crew of four stepped into their fire suits, strapped on their apparatus, and were out the door in less than two minutes. “Lord, please protect life and property in Jesus’ name,” he prayed as he climbed in the front seat. Felix had already switched the radio to the frequency that gave the details and location of the situation. Less than a minute later, Engine House 8 was on their way.

As he counted down the minutes ‘til they reached the scene, Hershel added a postscript to his prayer. “Lord, something has to give. I want Solae back. Please teach me how to love her the way she needs and wants to be loved.”

A few weeks later                                                       

Solae didn’t want to rush the night. She was enjoying her last girls’ night out with Candace and Julia.
Although she invited Desiree, her friend declined, citing being around happily married women would only make her more depressed.

It had been months and Desiree was no closer to making a decision about her marriage.
“It’s unfair that the fate weighs heavily on me—the injured party— whether our marriage is worth saving! Michael made that decision without consulting me!”

Desiree had fumed after a meeting with Michael. It took a while before her friend calmed down.

“I can’t believe you’re really going to do this,” Candace said as they roamed the stores on the upper level of the Galleria Mall.

“God has made the way with the company paying for me to go back to school and allowing me to telecommute. It’s time for a change of scenery—it’s going to be an adventure,” Solae explained, reminding herself why she decided to do this.

She had to stay upbeat even though it was a bittersweet moment. The mall was not the place to get sentimental.

             
“Even though I think getting away from Hershel was part of your determination, he really is a good guy. I guess no one knows how deep the scar is from a loved ones’ betrayal,” Julia was the first to introduce her brother-in-law’s name that night.

             
“You’re right, Julia. I guess you can say our relationship did turn out to be a blessing after all. Maybe not in the way I would have wanted, but I’m excited to see what blessings God has for me in Chicago. This will be a new chapter in my life.” Solae crisscrossed the mall from shoe boutiques to women’s clothing stores.

             
“We agreed a long time ago that we’d never let a man come between us.” Candace’s eyes watered as she shot her an accusatory glance.

             
Childhood foolish promises.
Solae thought, but wouldn’t dare say.  Leading the sisters-in-law out of
J. Crew
, Solae flopped on one of several vacant seats in the lounge area. Candace and Julia dittoed her moves.

“Candy, we’re still best friends; we still love each other like sisters. That hasn’t changed. I need you to be happy for me. I bounced back fairly quickly after the hysterectomy. I recovered after two failed relationships. I’m on the mend after this third one. I’ve put too much focus on relationships.” She thought about Desiree. “Happiness isn’t always in marriage.”

              The two Mrs. Kavanaughs exchanged shocked expressions. It was priceless.

Solae laughed. Gathering her bags, she stood. “I’m not saying marriage is out of the picture for me, but whatever state I’m in, I’m going to be content.” She quoted Philippians 4:11.

              “Don’t go Bible Bee on me. The Word also says Dave never saw the righteous forsaken—Old Testament. ‘I’ll never leave you nor forsake you’—New Testament. You weren’t looking for it the day you met Hershel,” Candace argued.

             
“And I’m not looking for it in the future. If God sends a special someone, I’ll be forever grateful. But I can also direct my love somewhere else like children. I’ll update my application for adoption and after I finish my Master’s program, I might apply and train to become a foster parent.”

             
She thought about the teenager in Florida who stood in front of a congregation and basically pleaded with someone to adopt him. When the story aired, more than ten thousand people had inquired about his status. It would be a perfect combination. She had loved to give and children in the system needed love. Solae could identify with fifteen-year-old Davion Only. Before she met Hershel, she felt like holding up a sign that read “I can’t have children, but I want to be loved, too.”

             
Candace got on her feet, followed by Julia, who suggested they lunch at California Kitchen. “Okay, here is my last two cents, sis. I admire you—always have—and your faith in God. You’re the epitome of a strong Black woman. I just feel in my heart that God has a special blessing for you. I thought it was Hershel, but whatever man can make you happy, then I’m happy, too.”

             
“I receive that.” Solae sniffed and hugged her childhood friend.

             
“And I receive that for you, too. Where’s my hug?” Julia nudged her playfully.

             
“Come on, Kavanaugh wives. Let’s celebrate my blessing over a slice of pizza.”

             
                                                        ***

The weeks faded quickly until Solae ran out of time. Kendall Printing hosted a farewell party of sorts, considering she would no longer work out of the office, but from a remote location. For the first time, she noticed the male coworkers who had been trying to get her attention for years. Missed opportunities worked two ways—hers and theirs.

“I never thought when I gave up being a virtual assistant for Kendall Printing that you would desert me and become one yourself.” Candace shook her head in disbelief, then put up a brave face.

Solae wasn’t fooled. She knew Candace was hurting because so was she. But life went on.

It also didn’t help that Hershel began to send her text messages
:
I love you. My heart will follow you. I want to marry you; or I hurt myself, hurting you
.
Of course, she read each one of them—all one hundred and thirteen. She chuckled, flattered, but she never responded.

Solae had never re-entered a relationship, so she didn’t know the protocol. She had to find her own source of happiness.

Her phone rang as one of her male admirers was about to swallow her up in a hug. “Hold on, Greg.”  She gave him an apologetic smile as she answered. “Solae Wyatt-Palmer.”

“Ah, you have…ah deliveries in the lobby,” the receptionist stumbled through her message.

“Deliveries? Okay. I’m on my way.” Solae frowned, then turned around and gave Greg a church hug and escaped anything closer. In the lobby, Solae almost stumbled. Hershel, and what appeared to be his crew from the firehouse, were lined up, each holding bouquets as if they were bridesmaids. Solae giggled at their silliness.

As her eyes catalogued the scene, Hershel seemed to approach her in slow motion, carrying the largest arrangement. Solae didn’t move, breathe, or blink. When he was within inches in front of her, she wanted to fall into his arms and ban the hurt and rejection, but she didn’t.

“You know I love you. You also know I’m an idiot…” He smirked, which caused her to giggle. “Marry me, Solae.”

Before she could open her mouth, her phone rang, not only jolting her from her chair but what apparently was a daydream. Disoriented, she glanced around. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.  She answered and an eerie feeling came over her as the receptionist advised her that she had a delivery up front. Was she reliving a scene from the popular movie
Ground Hog Day
? “O-okay. I’ll be right there.”

She steadied her legs as she rounded the corner and walked into the lobby, expecting to see what she’d just imagined—but it was empty, except for a lone, tall, and handsome man that stood from his chair to greet her. “Hi.”

“I thought about having them delivered, but decided it would be a good excuse to see you.” He glanced at the receptionist who suddenly appeared to be busy.

Guilt was written all over Adele’s face when she blushed. “Sorry, Solae, I think it’s romantic.”

Hershel linked his fingers through hers and guided her outside for privacy. “You look beautiful and you smell good, too.”

Solae had to close her eyes so her mind could record those words for when she needed to retrieve them at will. Opening her eyes, she smiled. “Are you sure it’s not the flowers?”

“Woman, you can walk in a room and I would know that you’re there.” He handed them to her. “I love you, Solae, and no other woman could replace you in my life. No other woman,” he emphasized. “I realize a proposal from me now doesn’t mean much…”

I definitely wouldn’t say that!

“Just know there is a ring in my pocket with your name on it and whenever you’re ready for me to slip it on, call.”  After brushing a kiss on her cheek, Hershel walked away. His swagger stole the attention of two of her female coworkers coming in the door.

Talk about leaving a cliffhanger, Solae turned on her heel to go back inside, sniffing the flowers. She liked her daydream version better. At least Hershel asked her to marry him.

The night before Solae was about to “drive off into the sunset” she invited Candace for an impromptu pajama party like they used to have as little girls, just the two of them.  It would be their last special time together for who knew how long.

With her house under contract and most of her things either boxed up for her to take or stored at her parents’ house, they had their sleeping bags, Imo’s pizza—a St. Louis favorite—and three movie rentals.

“You’ll call me every week, right?”

“You sound like Mrs. Wyatt-Palmer.” Solae’s mother had made the request countless times.