39 Weeks (33 page)

Rob looked at me with on
e eyebrow raised as if to say ‘w
ell?’

‘Hey you’re supposed to be on my side.’
I said with mock outrage.

‘What did she say about the baby?’

‘Nothing good, just a lot of I told you so’s.
She got it into her head that when I was younger and started going out with my friends, you know to clubs and . . well that I was going to end up a pregnant lush mixing with all sorts of dodgy people, drug dealers and murderers or something. She hated me going out. If she’d had her way I’d have stayed home all the time until I was about twenty five and then some Prince Charming would come along
, sweep me off my feet,
and marry me. Course how I was ever going to meet this Prince Charming was a bit of a mystery if I never went anywhere, but I swear that’s what she thought.’

‘So getting pregnant
didn’t go down too well then?’

No I thought, it wouldn’t have if I hadn’t invented you as the father. For a split second I considered telling Rob about the big fat lie I’d told my mother, but it was only a momentary blip on my sanity radar.

‘No not really.’

‘What about your dad?’

‘Oh he’s fine about anything. S
ince him and Mum split up he’s chilled out no end, and as long as I’m alright about stuff then he is too
, even having a baby.’

‘So if you can’t have your mums name, what then? Have you got any aunties or a grandmother you could name her after?’

‘No aunties, and I really don’t want to saddle my daughter with any old fashioned names like either of my gran’s. I want something pretty.’

‘What about
calling her
Judy after her mum?’

‘God no, I hate the name Judy. All those jokes I had to endure at school.’

‘Jokes?’

‘Yeah like Punch and Judy, even now after all this time I
swear if one more person says ‘t
hat’s the way to do it
’ in that nasal tone, I will kill them.’

Rob laughed and said ‘o
kay not Judy then’.

‘I’ll think of something, I’ve always liked the name Ella maybe I’ll call her that.’

‘I like that.’

‘Yeah I quite like it.’ I said
dreamily
trying to imagine a tiny baby with the name of Ella.

Rob had finished his beer and I had almost finished my lemonade, so Rob asked if I’d like another. I was torn
, I didn’t really want another drink but
if I said no would that be it
,
the end of the could be a date? But maybe he wanted the other half of his beer
which kind of meant I’d have to have another lemonade
, so maybe I should say yes.

‘Or we could go for a bit of a walk along the river if you like and
if
you’re feeling up to it?’
He s
aid looking pointedly at my stomach
.

‘I’
d love to
.’ I
said
,
automatically resting my hand on my bump.

I made a quick trip to the loo while Rob p
aid
,
and we met up just inside
the entrance. ‘Are you going to be warm enough? He said.

‘Yes it’s not that cold.’

‘Well it is a bit. I’ve got one of my old jumpers in the back of the car if you want to borrow that.’

I dread
ed
t
o think what it might be
like or more importantly what I’d look like in
Rob’s old jumper
, so I said no thanks. But Rob went to get the jumper anyway and ran back to
meet me now standing outside the entrance. I could feel the goose bumps rising on my arms already, even after only a couple of minutes, but I was in denial telling myself it wasn’t cold at all, and that I’d warm up after we
’d
started walking. I mean after all my effort to look half way decent given my pregnant state and all, and after the arm and a leg it had cost me to buy my black shirt, the last thing I wanted was to have to cover it up with
an old jumper of God knows what colour or state, that had been slung in the back of Rob’s car for who knew how long. And what if, horror of horrors, it was too small anyway to go over my bump, how embarrassing would that be?

Rob held
out the jumper as he approached, but
it wasn’t a jumper at all. It was a pale grey zip up hoody of the sweatshirt variety. God sometimes men are thick, I mean if you can’t tell the difference between a jumper and a sweatshirt, and how could it be a jumper anyway if it zipped up?
  

I gratefully accepted the sweatshirt, and Rob helped me put it on. I didn’t really need any help, but hey it gave him a chance to do his chivalrous bit, and me a chance to feel the heady closeness of him. I needn’t have worried that it would be too small, it was bigger even than my extra large fat clothes and almost reached my knees
. I felt warmer straight away, and had my fingers crossed that I looked vaguely cute in his huge not a jumper. I did draw the line however on zipping the thing up, I mean that really would have looked stupid.

Rob left his arm round my shoulders, and I tried to pretend I hadn’t noticed but I can’t say it was easy, and we ambled slowly towards the footpath that ran alongside the river.

‘This is nice.’ I said
after we’d gone a few yards. Of course nice hardly covered it, the sun had come out so even though it was chilly it was bright and looked warm, and the river twinkled and the ducks quacked, and Rob had his arm round me. It was heaven.

Another one of those long Oxford and Cambridge row boats went by, or maybe it was the same one going back the other way, and the guy on the end was still shouting at the rowers to work harder, and we stopped to watch, but all I could think about was the feel of Rob’s arm along my shoulders.

‘Did you ever think of calling me?’ Rob said without looking at me and still intently studying the rowers as they went through their paces.

‘Calling you what?’ I joked, not daring to think what he might really mean.

But Rob didn’t laugh. ‘I mean phoning, after we met that night and you disappeared without even leaving your number, did you ever think of phoning me?’

‘Yes I thought about it.’

‘Why didn’t you?’

‘I wanted to, but I was pregnant and you’d have run a mile when you found out wouldn’t you?’

‘I . . yeah maybe.’

‘Well there you are then, I thought it was better to cut it short and just leave it at that.’

‘I suppose so, but I couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong and I was sure you’d call, but you didn’t.’

‘I’m sorry, I . .’

‘I know, I get it. I suppose it would have been a bit . .’

‘Exactly.’

We watched the row boat disappear round the bend of the river and continued walking slowly along the footpath, both silent, both thinking.

‘H
ow do you feel about it
?’ I asked, my mouth moving all of its own accord without my brains permission
. I mean if what little of my brain was left had, had any say in it at all I’d never have asked such a stupid leading question. But the words were out there now, and I held my breath waiting for the reply, expecting a cynical ‘nothing to do with me’ or even a derisive ‘hah not my problem’.

For about thirty seconds, that felt like a couple of
millennia
, Rob didn’t answer and just stared in front of him
as we continued walking
. Then he said ‘w
ell I was a bit . . not shocked
exactly
but surprised I suppose at first
, and a bit angry if you want the truth
, and of course there was the Chippendale
’s
understudy
James
, hanging around all the time and I thought he . .
but after I found out he wasn’t, and after the scan and how scared you were and . . I don’t know it’s different now.’

I thought about that. Different? What does that mean, different?
Always engage brain with mouth, I reminded myself, but it was too late
I couldn’t stop myself, I had to know. ‘Different good, or different bad?’
I said.

‘Good I think, I don’t know after seeing your scan it sort of changed how I thought about everything, about you.’

‘And?’

‘And it’s okay, I mean it’s
a baby,
your baby
,
and I know
it’s stupid but I’m sort of looking forward to seeing the real thing.’

‘Oh.’ So it was the baby he was interested in.

‘And you.’
He added quietly.

And you? Was that an awkward I really mean you but I’m totally mucking up what I’m saying and how I’m saying it
‘
and you
’
, or was it a how interesting this baby business all is and I suppose that includes you?

‘I mean seeing you.’ He said elaborating on the ambiguous
‘
and you
’
.

‘But you see me every day.’ I said stupidly.

We stopped walking and he turned to look at me, his eyes piercing through my stupid fuddled head
, and boring their way to the back of it where the real me lives. ‘I mean seeing you
Judy
’ he said emphasising the seeing bit.

‘Oh.’ I said my legs turning to jelly.

He pulled me close and kissed me. This was no seven this was more like a fifteen and a half. I kissed him back
, I mean like I had any choice, of course I kissed him back, I couldn’t
not have
even if my life had depended on it.

We pulled apart and he looked at me
grinning, and I grinned
back, then we held hands and carried on walking as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
  

13
th
November – Week 24

Since last Sunday that had turned out to be a
proper
date after all, no maybe’s about it, I’d been on cloud . . well I’d had to stop counting in clouds I was way up in the stratosphere far beyond any cloud counting.
After that kiss on the riverbank Rob and I had
walked and talked, and kissed again, then gone back to The Willow Tree for another drink and didn’
t get home until about eight
o’clock
and
then
Rob came to mine for a coffee, and no it wasn’t the ‘do you want to come in for a coffee’ synonym for ‘do you want to have sex?’, it was an actual cup of coffee. After he’d gone I
wondered about the whole subject
of sex, I mean Rob knowing I was pregnant, and even seeing my bump when I
’d
had the scan was one thing, but sex . . the how and the if of it? Well that was just a big question mark
in my mind, and probably Rob’s too
.

I
couldn’t
sleep
that night
, hardly surprising under the circs, but at least it gave me a chance to finish off Norman’s sons accounts. I found my error, a small detail of putting the decimal point in the wrong place, and the final taxman figures showed a net profit of six hundred and eighty nine pounds fifty. Pretty good going I thought for an actual profit of over
three thousand down to just under seven hundred quid. Norman would be pleased, at least I hoped so.

On Monday morning, I handed in my homework at least that’s kind of how it felt, except of course I was going to be paid for it, and Norman was pleased, not only at the results but at how quickly I’d managed to do it.
I accepted his cheque with an uncomfortable good grace, but inside I was
jumping up and down and
over the moon
with excitement
. In another reality I’d have kept the cheque had it framed and hung
it
over the fireplace, if I’d had one.
But as it was I nipped out
at
lunchtime to bank it, with plans of using the money to buy a pushchair at the weekend.

I’d floated along all week in my little bubble of
euphoria, double euphoria really, what with taking my first lucrative step towards self employment, and the fairy tale Rob situation.

I planned not to tell Shelley about ‘seeing’ Rob,
not yet,
didn’t want to jinx it in any
way, but by Wednesday I was desperate to talk to someone about him. I mean this was a big deal
. Not only that I, the anti-serious relationship champion, was actually serious about someone, but it was Rob, the drop dead gorgeous, one in a million guy Rob. She just laughed when I told her, apparently her and Nick had, had a bet o
n how long it would be before Rob and I
started going out together, based on how we’
d behaved toward each other
the previous Saturday when we went to see their new flat. I didn’t think we’d behaved in any particular sort of a way, just friends I thought, but evidently there were signs.
She flatly refused to tell me what the signs were, even though I asked and asked, but they were there she said, laughing all over again at my
ignorance and
annoyance
at not being given an explanation
.