31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) (19 page)

‘That’s ok, I understand that most people wouldn’t
agree, but like you say this is my decision and if it’s the wrong one I’ll have
to learn to live with that, won’t I?’

‘Ok well those were really our only concerns, but
we do have some other things we’d like to discuss with you, don’t we Brooke?’

‘We do,’ she agreed with another sigh.

‘O God, what now?’ I groaned.

‘We’re going to make sure one of us is always
available for your antenatal classes, you’re not doing this totally alone, ok?’
Molly smiled.

‘Really?’ My face lit up, I’d been dreading being
the only single mother there.

‘Don’t look so happy yet,’ Brooke replied, as she
finally cracked a smile. ‘We want to move in as well, nearer the birth when
you’re at the stage lifting and carrying is a bad idea, and we’ll stay until
you’re through that horrible part where they’re not sleeping through the night
and need to eat all the damn time, as you’ll be exhausted doing it alone.’

‘Guys,’ I moaned, as I started crying properly,
feeling overwhelmed at their generosity.

‘Well you’re all alone and you haven’t even got
your parents here to help you, we want to be part of this too,’ Molly advised
as she squeezed my hand.

‘You really mean it?’

‘We do, though you can place me on any duties but
nappies,’ laughed Brooke. ‘That shit stinks.’

‘I don’t know what to say,’ I uttered, as I
dragged my sleeve across my face.

‘Well first you can give me a hug you stubborn old
mare,’ she smiled, as she got up and came and sat the other side of me. I
buried my face in her neck as she held me tightly. ‘We can do this, the two of
us can help you get through this, ok?’

‘I love you, both of you,’ I sniffed as I detached
myself from Brooke and hugged Molly too.

‘We love you too, though you may revise that
assessment when we move in for real. Brooke screams like a banshee when she
comes.’

‘O thanks,’ I laughed, as I rubbed my eyes again
and straightened up.

‘Don’t worry I’ll buy you some ear defenders, I
wonder if they do baby ones? Do babies get traumatised by hearing lesbians
having sex?’ Brooke enquired.

‘I’ve no idea,’ I smiled.

‘Shit, Ellie. You’re going to be a damn mum.’

‘I know,’ I nodded, as I took a deep shaky breath.

‘So what happens first?’ asked Molly.

‘I guess I make an appointment at the doctors this
week to confirm it, I’d like to keep it under wraps until I have my scan and
know everything’s ok and have a due date.’

‘How soon can you find out if it’s a boy or a
girl?’ Brooke asked.

‘I’m not sure, maybe the first or second scan?
I’ll have to find out when this week.’

‘Well whatever you have that kid’s going to be one
good looking fucker with your two genes combined, that’s for sure,’ she added,
as Molly shook her head in despair. I smiled, with a heavy heart that I
couldn’t share my excitement with the one guy that I really wanted to.

Saturday 4
^th
April ~ Year Two

Ellie

‘Molly!’ I screamed from
the bathroom and heard her pounding up the stairs. She burst through the
bathroom door and looked at me wide eyed as I clung to the sink panting.

‘Now?’ she gasped.

‘Now,’ I nodded, as I flicked my head down to
where my waters had broken on the floor.

‘O my God, right, slow even breaths just like we
practised, ok? Come and sit on the toilet a second while I get you some fresh
knickers and a skirt, your bag’s already at the front door. I’ll ring the
hospital to let them know we’re on the way, then a taxi and then Brooke. She
can meet us there as it’s closer to work.’

‘Ok,’ I nodded, as I tried to stay calm and
breathe the way we’d been taught in our classes. She ran out and I placed both
hands on my protruding stomach as I looked down at it. ‘You’re four days late,’
I scolded, ‘so you’d better not cling on in there for hours, because I’m fed up
of waiting and want to meet you already.’ I gripped the countertop of the sink
next to me as another contraction tore through me and thanked God that I’d had
an easy pregnancy. The sickness had passed really quickly, I hadn’t had any
cravings to speak of, I’d kept up with my fitness so I wasn’t carrying any
additional fat.  Even though my stomach was huge, it was a neat bump and from
the back you wouldn’t have known that I was pregnant. If I was standing still
that was. Brooke found it hysterical to watch me walking, insisting that I
looked like a waddling penguin and that I’d lost all my grace, with Molly
telling her off for giving me a complex. I’d have been lost without the two of
them. I’m sure it was the pregnancy hormones making me feel extra vulnerable,
but I’d found it even harder than I’d imagined to not have my parents to share
in this experience, let alone Dan. I’d have moments of guilt where I thought he
should know, then changed my mind deciding he wouldn’t want to. Today was just
a reminder that I wouldn’t be able to put off trying to contact him for long.

‘Right, take my arm and stand up, Brooke’s packing
up at work, I called someone in that I’ve had on standby all week to cover her
shifts. She’ll probably get to the hospital before we do.’

‘Ok,’ I nodded as she helped me up and quickly
slid my wet clothes off me and handed me some baby wipes to clean myself up,
before helping me dress in my fresh clothes.

‘I can’t believe it’s finally time,’ she grinned,
as she helped me up the bathroom steps into my bedroom. I smiled as I looked at
it all set up ready for the arrival, with a basinet by the bed, a cot in the
corner, a nursing chair and solid oak baby changing unit, tiny wardrobe and
chest of drawers. The cot was already full of teddies and the wardrobe and
drawers with clothes.

‘John and Edward,’ I gasped, as the carefully
assembled cot reminded me of them both. It had been hilarious watching them
trying to fathom the instructions, even more hilarious when they’d assembled it
in the lounge, took it up to the bedroom and realised it didn’t fit through the
damn door. John and I had become so close, which given our relationship only
sixteen months ago was incredible. He was like a surrogate father figure and
Edward was a lovely man with an amazing sense of humour. I invited them around
for dinner quite often, with Brooke and Molly too, and joked that I just needed
a transsexual to make Pavilion Mews a new LBGT hang out.

‘Already sent the text, we’ve rehearsed this often
enough, so you don’t need to worry about anything but staying calm and
breathing properly, ok?’

I nodded as we carefully made our way down the
stairs and I hung onto the kitchen island as she checked her handbag and then
did another check of the overnight bag for me and the baby bag. John already had
the new born baby car seat in his vehicle, ready to bring us home from the hospital.
Molly opened the door as a car horn sounded and the taxi driver held the door
open for me as she helped me in.

‘Don’t worry, my waters have already broken,’ I
smiled, as I saw his eyes go wide at the size of my stomach.

‘I’m more worried about that bursting love,’ he
laughed, as he helped Molly with the bags. ‘Or the seatbelt fitting around
you.’ Molly rolled her eyes at me and I laughed, if he’d said that in front of
Brooke she’d have belted him. I gasped as another contraction claimed me and
Molly grabbed my hand.

‘Squeeze mine as hard as you can, ok?’

I closed my eyes and focussed on her thumb rubbing
over my hand, focussed on anything but the next wave of pain. I barely
registered the journey to the hospital, but the minute Molly helped me out of
the taxi I heard a scream and Brooke came flying towards me and flung her arms
around me from the side plastering my cheek in kisses.

‘Typical you drop the baby juice the minute I take
a shift at work.’

‘Baby juice?’ I grimaced with a chuckle at her terminology,
then winced and clutched my stomach again.

‘Ok stop messing around you two, her contractions
have speeded up we need to get her in,’ ordered Molly.

‘You’ve been timing me?’ I whispered.

‘O crap, here come the tears again, I can’t wait
for the tears phase to end,’ groaned Brooke as she held my hand while Molly
paid the taxi driver and carried the bags for us. We checked in at Reception
who allocated me my pre-paid private room. After carrying out some observations
and tests, it wasn’t long before I was told it was time that we moved down to
the birthing suite. We’d already discussed and agreed in advance that Brooke
would come into the delivery room with me, as only one person could, and that she
was also going to stay the night in my room with me. It hadn’t been cheap
booking in here, but I wanted the best care, just in case. I’d been having
nightmares about losing the baby during childbirth, which I knew were
manifestations of my guilt and worry over Dan and his loss.

‘See all three of you soon,’ Molly whispered as
she planted a kiss on my forehead and squeezed my hand.

‘Thank you, for
everything,
’ I nodded.

‘Anytime,’ she smiled.

‘I don’t see it happening again,’ I replied with a
shake of my head as I wiped my face and then cried out again.

‘We need to move please,’ smiled Andrea my
midwife. ‘Ellie’s baby’s not waiting any longer.’

‘See you later, babe.’ Brooke  kissed Molly and
turned to catch us up, as Andrea had whisked me off down the corridor in my
wheelchair.

‘Ahhhhh,’ I screamed as I pushed as hard as I
could, with Brooke mopping the sweat off my forehead.

‘Jesus. If we’re having kids Molly’s squirting
them out, I don’t deal well with shutting my thumb in a door, let alone that.’

‘Brooke,’ warned Andrea with a laugh. ‘You’re
supposed to be reassuring her.’

‘I can’t push anymore,’ I sobbed as I flopped back
on the bed. I was done in. Even sex with Dan in his vigorous mode, or one of
Jason’s fitness sessions hadn’t wiped me out like this.

‘Yes you can, you’re so close babe, come on,
you’ve been waiting for this for months, what’s a few more pushes?’

‘Brooke, I … I wish …’ I started screaming again
as I raised off the bed, my knuckles turning white as they gripped the bed rail
on the right, and Brooke’s hand on the left, and I heard her wince.

‘You wish what?’ she asked as I sank back down
again with Andrea shouting instructions in the background.

‘He was here,’ I barely whispered.

‘Dan?’ Brooke gasped, looking at me in shock. I
hadn’t brought him up once since the weekend I’d told her I was pregnant. She
kept badgering me to call him and I’d just ignore her. Every month that had
gone past it seemed the bigger that I got, the bigger the hole in my heart. I
missed him, so much. Time hadn’t been a healer, it had made things even more
painful and to not have him here at my side, when I was giving birth to his son,
was killing me. I’d sort of hoped for a boy and I’d been so excited when it was
confirmed. Brooke and Molly had wanted a girl to dress up and play with her
hair and I had to remind them my child was just that, not a doll for them to
accessorise. ‘I can ring him, leave a message, with his helicopter or plane he
could be here in minutes,’ she offered.

‘From Scotland? Or America? Or wherever the hell
he is?’ I looked up at her sadly before screaming again with another push.

‘O babe, you’re all emotional because you’re in
pain and tired and about to have a seriously big moment in your life. You were
adamant about this, you said it wouldn’t have been enjoyable for him as he’d have
been worrying that something was going to go wrong.’

‘It’s not exactly enjoyable for me,’ I cried, as
tears of frustration, anger and pain poured down my face.

‘Ok Ellie, I can see his head, he’s nearly here, a
couple more pushes and you’re done, ok?’ called Andrea.

‘Ahhhh push it, p.p.push it real good,’ Brooke
sang and I rolled my eyes at her inappropriate karaoke humour. ‘Come on Ellie,
you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, power through it,’ she ordered.

‘Have you been … hanging out … with Jason?’ I
panted.

‘I’m trying to be all encouraging, while resisting
the urge to look down there. I had this fantasy of what you may look like when
I was crushing on you all those years ago, but to see a baby’s head sticking
out of it would just ruin that, in fact it might put me off pussy for life and
swing me back to the cock side,’ she smiled and I couldn’t help letting out a
brief chuckle before Andrea told us off and reminded us to concentrate. I’d
never felt pain like it in those last couple of pushes, I’d refused an
epidural, I wanted to do it naturally, just like my mum had. The second I felt
my son leave my body and heard his tiny high pitched cry, a wave of adrenaline and
love hit me and suddenly the pain was gone as I tried to sit up to see him.

‘Congratulations Ellie, he’s perfect,’ Andrea
announced. ‘Lie back for me, you can have him for a minute before I get him
cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket and you can have him to hold properly, ok?’

‘Ok,’ I nodded, as tears of joy streamed down my
face. I felt Brooke’s hand squeezing mine as her other soothed my damp forehead
and I looked up at her to see she was crying as well.

‘I saw him, he’s all blotchy with serious chubby
rolls around his arms and legs. He’s a heifer, babe.’

‘A heifer’s a female cow,’ I uttered in disbelief as
she passed me a tissue and grabbed one for herself.

‘Well he could be a stallion, like his dad, but I
never got a chance to look,’ she winked.

‘I’m not sure baby penis sizes are indicative of
their manhood sizes,’ I sighed with a shake of my head and apologetic smile at
Andrea, before Brooke arranged my pillows behind me. Andrea came closer and
gently handed him over to me. ‘O my God,’ I whispered, as I looked at him lying
there in my arms.

‘Damn he’s ugly,’ Brooke uttered and I looked up
at her in horror. ‘Shit, obviously too early for teasing,’ she grimaced.

‘He’s not ugly, he’s … he’s
perfect
. Look
at those tiny lips and that small straight nose.’ I put the tip of my finger in
his little hand and it automatically tightened around mine making my heart
blossom and a feeling of warmth spread throughout me, as I was overcome with
the amount of love I felt for this little person in my arms. My son. Dan’s son.
I started crying again, properly, uncontrollably.

‘Babe, what’s wrong?’ gasped Brooke.

‘She’s tired and emotional and I’d imagine finding
it hard that the father isn’t here,’ Andrea confirmed. I’d already told her of
my situation and she’d told me that men often felt helpless during the birth, as
well as guilty that their partner was in pain. Knowing that, and compounding it
with Dan’s experiences, just reinforced my concerns that it would have made it
even harder for him to witness what had just happened. ‘Have a rest for a
moment Ellie, I’ll get him cleaned up and do his measurements and tests. Then
we can wrap him up and see if he wants to breast feed.’

‘Do you
have
to take him?’ I moaned, as I
looked up at her sadly.

‘I do, I’m sorry, but he’s going to be all yours
for a very long time and trust me, at some stage you’ll be begging for a break.
So did you choose your name?’

‘I knew his name from the moment I found out he
was a boy,’ I nodded. ‘He’s going to be named after his dad. His name’s Oliver,
Oliver Baxter.’

‘Then let’s get Oliver all clean and well fed, so
he can meet everyone that’s impatiently waiting in the lounge to see you both,’
she smiled and I reluctantly let her take him out of my arms, the sense of loss
I felt took me by surprise and I felt more tears rolling down my face.

‘Andrea?’ called Brooke.

‘Yes?’

‘How long before she stops with the waterworks
over everything?’

‘Give it a few months,’ Andrea smiled as Brooke
groaned. I cried even harder when I heard Oliver let out another cry and I
couldn’t comfort him.