2 Hungry, Hungry Hoodoo (14 page)

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you ready for your memory? I don’t have all night.”

I bit back the string of questions I wanted to throw at him and nodded. Jaron wrapped his fingers round the back of my neck. I didn’t have a right to expect anything else from him, no matter what the other half of me believed.

His lips crushed into mine. I responded, though my own thoughts kept drifting back to him moving on. He couldn’t move on. I needed him. I tried to tamp down the thoughts and kissed him back even harder, my arms around his neck.

He pulled back slightly. “It isn’t working.”

“Maybe I have too much on my mind.”

His gaze seared into me. “Deeper. It has to be deeper.” As he came toward me, I lay back on the couch, torn about how far I was willing to let this go. Part of me filled with triumph because he never could resist me, and the other part didn’t want to keep toying with people’s feelings. His gray eyes darkened with desire as he looked over me. I traced my fingers down the side of his face and he kissed me again softly, the weight of his body pressing down on me. He trailed a line of kisses down one side of my neck and back up the other. I arched my back, pressing against him. His tongue ran the seam of my mouth, asking for entrance. I complied, my mind going blissfully still, allowing Jaron to fill my senses.

I slammed the door to Jaron’s house open. “You win,” I yelled. It was the middle of the night, but I didn’t care. I stood with my arms crossed over my chest and listened to the rustling movements as he came to me. When Jaron came into sight, I almost resented him as much as I loved him. He was making me do this.

He looked at me, his face impassive. “I told you not to come back.”

“I left him.” My skin hummed with energy, but I didn’t care. I was furious and glad to be home. Cheney wasn’t bad to me, but he did do an annoyingly good job thwarting my efforts to make him choose between me and his father. The only way to move us forward was to become a changeling, but Jaron had made it clear that if I went that route, he was done, so I left Cheney, deserted my plan. I
needed
Jaron.

He mirrored my stance, crossing his arms over his big chest peppered with dark hair, so unlike an elf. “Why?”

“I can live without a lot of things, Jaron. I don’t need my family, I don’t need love, I don’t need to be happy, but I need you. And I hate you for it.”

He tilted his head back. “Why?” he asked again, making me want to groan.

“Without you, I don’t know who I am.”

“You’re young, Selene. I wager you don’t know who you are, even with me.”

I shrugged. Like that mattered. I was giving him what he wanted. I was here, elves be damned. We would do this the old-fashioned way and defeat them in a battle rather than with a scheme. People would die, but I would have Jaron.

“You’ve spent your life defining yourself by others. By who did and did not love you. You’ve twisted yourself into so many knots, I’m not sure you can ever untie them all.”

“And you’re perfect, Jaron?” I raised an eyebrow. “You cannot allow yourself to live or even feel deeply. And why is that? Why do you have to be alone? Why did you make me love you if you insist on pushing me away? I may define myself by others, but at least I have other people I care about more than myself.”

He growled, but I wasn’t scared. Jaron wouldn’t hurt me. I knew that as well as I knew my own reflection. He had proven it so many times. “I feel plenty, but I have self-control. You are young and the prince loves you. Go back to him, have children, be happy, and leave me in peace. You will get the same ending you desire.”

“No.”

“I cannot give you what you want.”

“Who cares? You’re getting what you want
—
me.” I went to him, no longer caring if he came to me like I’d sworn to myself I would make him do.

He smiled. “I’ve never known anyone quite so full of herself.” He took a small step toward me. “It’s the confidence of someone used to getting what she wants, no matter what the cost. You say you can let this go, but can you? Can you move past your own desires?”

“Can you?” I asked, running a hand down his chest to the elastic waist of his pajama bottoms.

Jarons’s eyes darkened and he closed the rest of the distance
.

I opened my eyes and Jaron was gone. I lay on the couch alone, clothes rumpled but still on. I pressed a hand to my lips and recalled the feeling of his mouth against mine. My chest ached for the millionth time for Cheney, and for the millionth time I cursed the stupid bond. Seriously, how did I get from point A to point B on this? I was back with Jaron. I had given up. I recalled Cheney telling me I’d left him for a year, but I returned . . . Why did I go back? What happened to change things? I sat up, groaning in frustration that Jaron, the one person who could tell me, had left.

Elf Selene may not have been the psycho I originally thought she was. I understood her motives regarding Cheney better now, and apparently she struggled to keep up appearances with him. But she was an idiot. Even remembering the vast majority of my elf life, I still couldn’t fathom how we ended up where we did. She loved Jaron, so why did she leave him? Better yet, why would she bond with Cheney and give her memories to Jaron? What was I missing?

“You okay?” Sy asked from the doorway.

“Yeah.” I stood up, straightening my short, cream-colored dress. “Where’s Jaron?” I smoothed my hair as I looked up at Sy.

“He took off.” Sy grinned. “What were you two doin’?”

I pressed my kiss-swollen lips together to keep from smiling. “Retrieving memories.”

“I bet.”

“He’s moved on—”

“Yeah,” Sy said with incredulity. “Right on out the door. That was not the scowl of someone who has let go of the past. What about you? Have you moved on?”

“I’m catching up with the past. It left me behind.”

“Hmph.” He shook his head and walked back out.

I followed closely behind. “What does that mean?”

Sy refilled a couple drinks before he answered. “You don’t want to choose between them, so you’re using not remembering as an excuse. You enjoy having them fight over you.”

“That isn’t true! I don’t know them. How could I choose?” I jammed my hands against my hips. “Jaron barely talks to me and anything I feel for Cheney is so muddled I can’t begin to make it out.”

“But you know what you feel for Jaron?” Sy smiled. “Is my baby cousin in looovvee?”

“Oh my God, shut up.” I turned away from him, laughing, and practically bumped into Holden. “Holy smokes, when did you get here?” I clamped my hand to my chest.

Holden actually smiled. Who knew he had teeth? “So you’re in love?” he said, his eyes softening ever so slightly along the edges.

“Hardly.” I stammered. I had no idea what I felt and I certainly wasn’t discussing it with him. “Do you have the finger?”

“Perhaps. Why do you need it?”

“Michael’s dead. We’re going to find out where the rest of his body is.”

Holden shrugged and pulled the bag from his inside pocket. Sy waved us toward the back room. “I’m running a business here.”

“Where’s Olivia?” I asked, scanning the small apartment for the right spot.

“Out,” Holden said, his voice laced with suspicion.

I glanced back at him. “Just making conversation.”
Geez. “
She doesn’t mind you being here with me?”

Holden gave me the most perplexed look I had ever seen. “Why would she mind? She’s the one who wanted me to help you.”

My cheeks warmed with my own ego staring me in the face. I wasn’t used to being dismissed quite so easily. I made myself busy and moved the coffee table out of the way. Then I dug a piece of chalk out of my purse and drew a circle on the stone floor. Holden stood back watching me. “Would you ask Sy if he has a candle and salt?”

When I was satisfied with the circle, I retrieved a crystal I kept on my keychain and got a bowl of water. Holden came back with both items in hand. “I’m not going to chant.”

I laughed. “You don’t have to. Just be quiet.”

“That I can do.” He leaned against the wall as I placed the finger in the center and created my circle of protection, calling on the elements. When I was finished, I stood, letting the energy wash over me.

“Earth bone, dying flesh, show me where this spirit rests. Let the blood be my guide to where this body resides.” I placed the finger in a bowl and repeated the spell three more times before dipping the crystal in the water and willing all of my energy into it. The crystal turned red and hummed. Pressure built in the air until my ears popped. I grounded the rest of my energy and exited the circle.

Holden stood up straight. “So, where are we going?”

“I don’t know. We have to follow the crystal.”

Holden’s laugh was derisive. “What do you think that will do? He could be anywhere. What are the odds that body is in Chicago?”

I twirled my hair, thinking my way around this. “Perhaps I can transport there. I’m connected to the crystal. I can feel it, so maybe it will take me to him.”

Holden stood motionless, staring “I can’t let you do that. Liv wouldn’t be happy.”

I held out my hand. “Then come with me.”

His lip rose in something resembling disgust and his hand hesitated over the top of mine. All expression drained from his face as he lowered his hand the rest of the way. I squeezed my eyes shut and clutched the crystal in my other hand, willing with all of my heart and soul to go where the crystal led.

“This is where he is?” Holden asked and I opened my eyes. We stood outside of the ruins of the church Cheney took me to when he told me about his sister.

“I hope not,” I whispered. I couldn’t believe Cheney would tell me a story like that then kill Michael here.

“Only one way to find out.” Holden pulled a gun from the back of his pants and walked inside. I followed him, wringing my hands. My eyes adjusted quickly to the dark. “I can’t see a damn thing,” Holden said.

I scanned the room. “No one’s here.” I walked slowly toward the front until his fingers curled around my arm.

“We’re leaving.”

“What? No. What if his body is here now? That doesn’t mean it will be in the morning.”

Holden let out a huffy breath. “I don’t care. I can’t see. We’re leaving.”

“Just a quick look around.” I walked forward. He trailed behind me but managed to always keep me within reach. The front of the ruin held a crumbling stone altar oozing some sort of dark substance from over its top. I had my suspicion about what it was but couldn’t see well enough to determine a color. “Looks like blood,” I whispered.

We walked around the stone mound and found Michael. His face was slack and waxy, eyes open, staring lifelessly at the sky. There was a gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be. I choked back a sob and a stronger, colder part of me refused to turn away. Instead I squatted down in front of the body and looked it over the best I could, describing what I found to Holden. He had me scan the room one more time to make sure we were alone. When I gave him the all clear, he pulled out his cell phone and used the light to illuminate the body.

After a moment he nodded. “Okay, we found him, let’s go.”

I crossed my arms. “We aren’t leaving him here.”

“That’s exactly what we’re doing.”

“Why?”

“First, we need to come back in the daylight. Second, as far as we know, whoever took him doesn’t know we’ve found the body yet. That gives us the opportunity to watch the church and see who else comes here.”

Despite not wanting to admit it, his logic made sense. “Do you think it’s Cheney?”

Holden shrugged. “I don’t have an opinion.” He took my arm and pulled me away from the body.

“Everyone has an opinion.”

“Not me.” He stopped in the center of the aisle. “Go back to the Office.” He waited for me to leave with a stony expression.

“Geez, you’re bossy,” I grumbled as I went back to Sy’s. I expected Holden to transport with me, but he let go of my arm just before I left. I stood in Sy’s living room, frowning. Where the hell was he? A moment later a thick black smoke filled the room, but before I could panic it formed into Holden. “I didn’t know jinn could transport.”