(1987) The Celestial Bed (18 page)

The shower spray was just right. Warm and lovely. She decided

to put Freeberg out of her mind and concentrate on the exercise at hand. In the bathroom, she undressed herself until she was nude, then walked into the hall to the rear therapy room. Adam Demski was seated in a chair naked, browsing through a magazine. She was pleased to note that neither his hands nor the magazine covered his penis. It drooped there between his legs, to be seen, and his posture indicated that he was less shy with her. She felt good about that. Maybe they were getting somewhere.

He raised his head after her entrance and did not take his eyes from her body. ‘You’re - you’re darn beautiful, Gayle.’

‘I like compliments.’ She held out her hand. ‘Now come with me.’

He put down the magazine and came to his feet, taking her hand. “Where to?’

‘We’re going to the bathroom to take a sensuous shower together.’

‘But I took a shower this morning.’

‘This one will be different, you’ll see. It’s really a body caress standing up, using soap and water. After we’re done, we’ll dry ourselves, go to the therapy room again, and we’ll do another back and overall caress with each other, head to heels. How does that sound?’

‘Sounds fine,’ Demski said.

‘Let’s go,’ Gayle said, leading him into the hallway and then into the bathroom. Releasing his hand, she reached over to turn her white radio on to an FM station. The music was lazy and soft, maybe 1940s music when couples danced close together.

‘I like the music,’ Demski said. ‘Now what do we do?’

Gayle opened the glass shower door. ‘You can see I have the water ready for us. It’s warm. We’re going to step in under the spray and face each other. Once we’re wet, I want you to take the bar of soap and run it over me, really get me soapy as you can. Then start caressing me, but no breasts or genitals. Try to keep your eyes closed, unless you want to see where your hands are. My eyes will be closed. I’ll probably talk some in order to direct you. You soap me front and back, and then I’ll do the same to you.’

‘The idea is to feel good?’

‘The idea is to enjoy. Don’t speak at any time unless you want to tell me something’s bothering you or you’re uncomfortable.’

‘All right.’

‘I repeat, the idea is to enjoy yourself, to get in closer touch with vour feelings. To let yourself go and daydream creatively. This can be sensuous, even fairly erotic. Trying to feel the sensuality of your touch and then mine. Let’s step inside.’

They were in the shower, then under it. The spray was deliciously warm.

Gayle handed Demski a bar of soap, and stepped back slightly. ‘Do you feel comfortable?’ Gayle asked.

‘I’m relaxed.’

‘So am I,’ said Gayle. ‘Why don’t you soap me up? Throat, shoulders, arms, hands, my thighs and legs.’

‘I’ll have to keep my eyes open to see where - ’

‘That’s all right,’ Gayle said. ‘But keep them closed when you can.’

As the music wafted in, he began to slide the soap across her features and parts of her body, careful not to go near her breasts or vagina.

Gayle’s eyes were closed as he continued soaping her. ‘OK, Adam,’ she told him softly, ‘now put away the soap and use your hands to caress and stroke me lightly, front and back.’

He followed her instructions, and his fingertips moved across her upper and lower body, and involuntarily Gayle sighed. ‘Nice, Adam, very nice.’

After nearly ten minutes, she opened her eyes.

‘Give me the soap,’ she said. ‘Now it’s my turn to soap and caress you. Close your eyes. No talk. Let your mind float. You’re in a harem with a thousand fingers fluttering over you. Let your mind go. Remember, it’s supposed to be sensuous, and whatever sensations you get, I hope they’re good and you enjoy them. Turn around, let me start with your back.’

He turned around under the spray, and she moved close to him, absorbing the gentle warmth of the water, and running the bar of soap over his neck, shoulders, back and buttocks, until his skin was foamy. With a free hand in the white bubbles of foam, she massaged him gently.

After a while she guided him around until he was facing her. Close to him, she soaped his chest, arms, hips, thighs, legs. Then putting away the bar, she immersed both her hands in the foam and made circular motions with them, and then long strokes with her fingers until the shower spray had washed all the soap away.

She stepped nearer to him, her hands gliding down to his thighs once more, and then sliding along the inside of his thighs, her fingers going up and down on his wet skin.

Opening her eyes, to be sure she didn’t touch his genitals, she saw something move.

Her eyes widened.

His small penis had filled a little, definitely swollen a bit, risen an inch or two from his crotch.

Resurrection, she wanted to cry out.

She was thrilled.

And Dr Freeberg, she couldn’t wait to tell him. Whether he showed it or not, he would be thrilled, too. For the first time she could see a light at the end of the tunnel. It shone on one word in the distance. The word was: success.

Unable to contain herself over her achievement, Gayle impulsively stepped forward against Demski, and wrapped her arms lovingly around him. She could feel him against her, really feel him pressed against her.

In her arms, Demski opened his eyes, startled. ‘Hey, what’s going on? Was I falling?’

T didn’t have to hold you up. You are up. Didn’t you know it?’

‘I - I can’t believe it.’

‘Better believe it. You’re on your way, Adam. Really on your way. How do you feel, Adam?’

He smiled shyly. ‘Ten feet tall.’

‘All over,’ she said with a grin. ‘Just great.’

In bed that evening, waiting for Tony to emerge from the bathroom, Nan Whitcomb determined to make one more effort to talk things out with him.

She had been able to fend him off for an entire week, pleading that her gynaecologist insisted that she must avoid sexual intercourse while receiving her series of hormone shots. But every day of this avoidance had made him more and more sullen and difficult, and she had known she could not put him off forever. Sooner or later - sooner, she was sure - she would have to give in to his demand, and she hadn’t been certain she was far enough along in her therapy to cooperate with Tony and give him what he wanted satisfactorily.

Lying in bed, she knew that she could not continue her delaying

tactic. She had to face up to the life she had chosen, and wanted to hold onto, and that meant finding a way to make her physical relationship with Tony Zecca acceptable to him.

She thought that she had found a new approach, and she’d made up her mind to try it out on Tony. Constantly rejecting Tony would solve nothing. Changing Tony, at least somewhat, might be the solution.

The idea of educating Tony to her needs had probably occurred to her late in the afternoon, after leaving Paul Brandon’s apartment. Paul - she had real difficulty thinking of him as a hired sex surrogate, and of herself as a needy patient — Paul had been unusually tender and kind to her. At the outset of their two-hour meeting, Paul had explained to her about their next exercise, the frontal caress without touching her breasts or genitals or his genitals. She had taken off her clothes with a mounting feeling of anticipation. The exercise had proceeded with gentle care by each of them. His fingers over her body had brought heat to her skin, and she had been seized by the desire to grab his hands and make them cover her breasts and bring them down to her vagina. She had resisted the temptation because she had not wanted to break the rules, upset the relationship between them, or offend him in any way. When it had been her turn to caress him frontally, the temptation had been even stronger. She had wanted to take hold of his penis, guide it into her. While she had not given in to this desire, Paul had seemed to have some understanding of what had been passing through her mind. He had been wonderfully sweet and thoughtful, even after they had been clothed once more.

Driving home, but more certainly after dinner and when she and Tony were readying for bed, she had determined to speak to Tony tonight, to try to transfer some of Paul’s tenderness and kindness to Tony, the man she actually had to deal with.

She heard the bathroom door open and close and saw Tony Zecca approaching the bed. In the yellow light of their single lamp, she could see that he was naked. She tried to gird herself for their talk.

He tramped to the bed, tore the blanket off her and yanked up her nightgown.

‘Vacation’s over,’ he growled. ‘You should be all rested by now. You can see, I’m ready for you. Come on, spread your fucking legs.’

Instantly, she was horrified. All thought of reasoning with him, as well as the words she had carefully rehearsed in her mind, had fled. This was no time to reason. This was survival time.

‘Tony, listen — no, not yet — ’

‘Come on, baby, lift it up, put the pillow under your ass.’

She tried to resist. ‘No, Tony, no, I mustn’t. The doctor warned me not to, not while I’m getting the shots. Give me more time, let me - ’

Zecca was on the bed, and over her, each of his ham-like hands on one of her knees. ‘No more stalling, kiddo,’ Zecca barked. ‘Enough of that medical shit. This doc says he’s got a shot that’s good for what ails you.’

His powerful hands were pulling her legs apart. She gripped his knuckles, trying to stop him.

‘Don’t, Tony, please! Give the doctor another — ’

‘Fuck the doctor!’ he bellowed.

He had her legs wide now, and with a grunt, he drove into her.

‘Christ, you’re tight,’ he muttered angrily.

He pressed with all his strength and finally, through sheer force, entered her.

She screamed with pain.

With her fists, she hit at his chest, crying out with the deep hurt of his abrasive pressure.

‘Don’t! It’s killing me - I’m going to die - ‘ She screamed again and started to moan.

‘Yeah, you’re beginning to like it,’ he cackled, plunging harder.

She whimpered, tears rolling down her cheeks, as he gasped and came.

At last he withdrew and sat back. ‘There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?’

‘It hurt, Tony, it hurt terribly.’

‘Aw, you fucking women, always complaining.’

‘Tony, let me go back to the doctor a couple of times before we do it again.’

‘You mean then you’ll stop complaining?’

‘Sure, I’ll be fixed up.’

He rolled over to his side of the bed, yawned and covered up. ‘Awright, go see your fucking doctor, but after that no more complaining.’

‘No more,’ she promised.

Early the next afternoon, Nan and Brandon were undressing in his apartment bedroom, in preparation for another exercise. As she removed her garments, Nan, in an undertone, was reciting her experience with Zecca last night. She spared no details. Rolling down her panty hose, stepping out of them, she said, ‘It still hurts down there.’

Taking off his jock shorts, Brandon shook his head with disbelief. ‘Your Mr Zecca is really an animal.’

‘Worse.’

‘And you’re sure there’s no way to split and make it on your own?’

‘Like I told you before, Paul, where would I go?’

‘Someplace, anywhere, as far as possible from him. I’m sure, quickly enough, you’d find a job to support yourself. As for being alone, you don’t have to be. You’re attractive enough to get a hundred men.’

‘You really think so, Paul?’

Her hopeful tone made him look up at her, as he threw aside his shorts. She was standing in front of the bed, and dammit, he told himself, she was attractive in her fashion. No ravishing beauty, like, say, Gayle, but a lovely person who might make many men happy.

‘I absolutely think so,’ he said.

‘What if I meet someone, and he wants to sleep with me, and I want him to, and it’s not all right?’

‘Meaning what?’

‘Well, I mean, if I tighten up with those muscular spasms again like with Tony.’

‘It probably won’t ever happen again,’ Brandon tried to reassure her. ‘I’m convinced you’re perfectly normal.’

‘How can you be sure of that?’

‘Nan, you’ll see for yourself by the end of the therapy.’

‘Will I?’

‘Nan, hopefully, before the treatment is over, I’ll be able to prove to you that lovemaking can be pleasurable and fun.’ This was tricky ground, and Brandon tried to divert her to another route. ‘Meanwhile, you ought to talk to Dr Freeberg more openly about what’s going on with Zecca. Maybe he’ll give you some support on going it alone. He may give you some alternatives.’

‘I want to be positive I’m normal, Paul.’

‘We’re getting there. We’ll get there. You’ll see with the next exercise. We call it the sexological - the sex or anatomy tour.’

‘Oh, yes, I remember now. I’m frightened.’

‘No need to be. Basically, it’s a modified pelvic examination. We learn about female and male genitals, how they are different, how they are similar. Most people, grown people, are ignorant about their genitals. By doing this tour together we learn what is erogenous and what isn’t. It helps make one more comfortable with the opposite sex.’ He studied her. ‘How do you feel? If you’re still sore after what happened last night we could postpone this - ’

‘No,’ she said with determination. ‘I want to do it.’ She stared back at him. ‘How do we start, Paul?’

‘Would you like me to study you first, or would you like to examine me first? We can begin with the female sexological or the male sexological, whichever you prefer. Would you like to begin by examining me?’

‘Yes, Paul.’ Nan swallowed. ‘Let’s start with you. What - what do we do?’

‘We both get on the bed. I lie on my back, my legs spread. You sit cross-legged between my legs. Have you ever examined a man up close, really close?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Then I’ll guide you, show you what to touch or hold, and explain each part. Think you can do it?’

‘Certainly.’

‘Let’s go, then.’

They both got on the bed. He lay down on his back full length, legs wide. Tentatively, she settled cross-legged between his legs.

‘Come closer, Nan,’ he ordered.

Slowly, she wiggled closer. He lifted his legs, and placed them across the tops of her thighs.