186 Miles (24 page)

I
laid my head in the crook of his neck.  “I
do
want to.  I can’t wait.”

I
couldn’t.  I wanted to write my soon-to-be name a thousand times on a piece of
notebook paper like a thirteen year old.

“Have
you written your vows yet?”

Oh
God, I still needed to do that.

“Mm,
well, I have some ideas.”  I looked up at him.  “Have you?”

He
brushed my lips with his finger.  “I know what I want to say to you.”

“Hey,
I know we aren’t going to have a typical ‘aisle,’ but do you think your dad
will want to walk with me?”

He
studied my face, a few tears forming in the corners of his eyes.  “God,” he
responded, pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“What’s
the matter?”  I rubbed his back.

He
laughed lightly.  “All of this wedding stuff is turning me into a total pussy. 
I need to go shoot some cans or go fly fishing… something.”

“I
know what will make you feel a little more masculine,” I teased, unbuttoning
his pants.

He
punched a
serious
hole in his man card that morning, right there on our
living room floor. 
Twice.

*

It
was Tuesday.  Only four days until our wedding.  On Friday, we were expecting a
house full of people.  Elsa and Jack would come first, followed by his parents,
my mother, and a few friends of Vince’s from Chicago.

They
were all staying at hotels, thankfully, but they would most likely be here all
day.  They were going to help us set up and prepare.

I
spent that evening after work writing my vows.  I sat at the computer, staring
into a blank screen. 
What would I say to the man who would be my husband? 
 I
started to type.

Vince
had other ideas.

He
came into my office, touching my shoulders, giving them a squeeze.  I shut my
laptop. 

“What’cha
writing?” he asked, smiling.

“Ugh. 
Vows.  I’m just gonna say ‘I do’ and that’s it.”

He
spun my chair around and lowered himself to his knees in front of me.  He ran
his hands up the front of my thighs.  “You’re wearing pants.”

“Yeah?”

“So,
you
never
wear pants to work.  I was really hoping you were wearing a
dress.”

Oh,
boy.

I
put my hands in his hair and gave it a tug.  “Baby, I’m trying to get this
done.”

He
tugged at my tucked blouse and ran his tongue across my navel.  “And I’m trying
to get
this
done,” he responded, unbuttoning my wool trousers.

“Vince,”
I breathed.

He
drew my zipper and put his hand down the front of my satin underwear.  “Come
on.  My whole family will be here soon and there is
no
way I’m going to
go one more minute without being inside of you.”

I
sighed.  “Give me ten minutes.  Go to our room.  I’ll meet you there. 
Promise.”

He
dragged his hand out of the material slowly, causing me to shiver.  “Ten
minutes,” he said, disappearing from the room.  I watched his slow pace.  His
lazy walk was one of my favorite things about him.

Thank
God he got that boot off yesterday.

I
typed a few final lines and unbuttoned my shirt, followed by my pants.  I
pulled my bra and underwear off and took a glance at myself in the full-length
mirror.  I turned sideways and sucked in.  “Ugh,” I complained, talking aloud
to myself.  “No candy for the rest of the week.”

I
walked from the office to the bedroom, crawling into bed next to Vince.  He was
watching me, a soft smile on his lips.

“Come
here.”

*

On
Thursday, I took off of work, planning to get some things done around the
house.  When I went to the mailbox in the morning, it was full.  I guess we had
forgotten to check it for a few days.  It was mostly bills, but there was a
letter from the blood center addressed to me dated October 25
^th
. 
Lauren had hosted a drive at our office a few weeks earlier; she was still
feeling guilty about the accident.

            Dear
Ms. Stephens,

Thank you for your donating to
the Liberty Blood Center.  However, we are unable to accept your donation at
this time.  Please do not hesitate to contact any of our branches should you
have any questions.

            Test
results: Positive Pregnancy

            Sincerely,

            Marla
Johnson

            Director

            Donor
Recruitment and Client Services

I
read it three times. 
Positive Pregnancy.

I
shoved the letter in my purse and drove straight to the drug store.  This
couldn’t be happening.  I was on the pill. 
Wasn’t I?  I had been taking it,
right?
  We weren’t planning for this.

My
hands were shaking as I paid the clerk for my tests.  “Good luck,” she
whispered. 
Ugh.

I
took one. 
Shit!

I
took a second.  Different brand. 
Shit!

I
took a third. 
Well, fuck.

I
knew Vince would most likely be ecstatic.  I couldn’t tell him today.  We had a
wedding to get through.  Just a few more days.

*

The
house was bustling with activity leading up to the ceremony.  Vince made me sit
down a thousand times, afraid everything was too “stressful” on me. 
If he
only knew.
  He was being ridiculous but, honestly, it was nice to get the
help.

Elsa
was in charge of the decorations.  Her tastes were different than mine, but she
made everything look beautiful.  We chose pink roses, orange gerbera daisies
and black calla lilies.  They were all such different varieties, but looked so
exquisite together.  We made my bouquet on Friday night using all pink roses
and one single lily in on the outside.  Elsa’s arrangements were so elegant; it
made me think she had missed her calling as a florist.

My
mother had arrived on Friday as well.  She sat at the table with Elsa and me,
counting out favors and putting them in mesh bags.

“So,”
she began, “you’re getting married again.”

“Don’t,
Mama.”  I didn’t need to listen to her complain about my life choices.

“Rachel,
I didn’t say anything.  I
like
Vincent.”

She
what?

I
scoffed.  “You do, huh?”

“I
do
.  He seems like a good man.  He certainly is
handsome
, that’s
for sure.   I talked with both him and Jack quite a bit earlier this evening. 
He’s very charming.”

Elsa
and I made eye contact. 
What?

I
placed my bouquet on the table and studied her.  “Yeah?  What did you guys talk
about?  How disappointed you were in me?”

“No,
darling.  Quite the opposite.  I’ve been worried about you.”

I
picked the flowers back up and wrapped them in plastic.  Elsa took them from me
and placed them in the refrigerator.

“Uh
huh,” I replied.

“Listen
to me,” she said.  “I was worried about you because you’ve always been the
sensible one.”

Elsa
piped up now.  “I can fucking hear you, Mom.”

“Elsa
Jane, don’t test me.  I can’t even look at you right now… running off and
getting married like some pregnant high school girl.”

When
my mother turned her back, Elsa gave her a double bird. 
Classy.

“I’m
still sensible, Mama, even though I know you think I’m making a mistake.”

She
cleared her throat.  “I never said that.  I will say this
once
, so
listen.  I am proud of you.  I may not be thrilled about you getting married
again so soon, but that’s done.  But… I
am
excited about being a
grandmother someday.” 

Oh
God, did she know?

“You
are?”

“I
may not have always been the best mother to you girls, but I’ve tried.  I’ve
always wanted another chance.”

“Seriously?” 
I shot her a look.  “You’ve never once said that,” I barked, my eyes darting to
Elsa, “to either of us, Mom.”

“Yes,
well,” she responded, placing her hands in her lap.  “I should probably get
back to the hotel.  We’ve got a big day tomorrow.  Come, Elsa.”

“Jack’s
picking me up later,” Elsa said.

My
mother groaned audibly.  “Those boys are going to be out late.  You need your
rest.”

“We
probably won’t get a lot of sleep.  We’re gonna practice making you a
grandbaby.”

Was
she trying to purposefully kill our mother?

My
mom stood and placed her hands on the table, leaning into it.  “Elsa, get your
goddamn purse and let’s go.  Now!”

My
mother never swore.  This was serious.

“Alright,
alright
.  Keep your pants on, woman,” Elsa whispered, smiling.

She
walked over to me and threw her arms around my neck.  “Love you, sissy.  Can’t
wait to get our drink on tomorrow.  Shots, sucka!”

My
mother grabbed Elsa at the elbow like she did when we acted up as teenagers. 
“Come, honey, now.”  Her voice was softer, but she was
not
thrilled with
my sister.  She leaned in to me and gave me a small peck on my cheek. 
“Tomorrow then, dear.”

Yes,
tomorrow. 
In less than 24 hours, I would be Mrs. Rachel Louise Conti.

It
was the first night I had spent alone in months.  Without Vince in bed, I
tossed and turned for half of it.  He insisted on sleeping apart the night
before our wedding.  Belle and Anthony were both superstitious and had passed
their paranoia onto their son.

I
checked the weather.  This morning, it was 52 degrees and sunny. 
Yes!

I
needed coffee.  My house was decorated way too beautifully to ruin it by
dragging the pot out of the closet and grinding beans.  I decided to take my
alone time and walk down to the Starbucks.

Ugh. 
I probably had to start drinking decaf now.

While
putting some necessary pins in my hair to tame my morning nest, I picked up the
phone and dialed.

“Hello?”

“Linda?”

“Yes,”
she answered.

“Hi,
it’s Rachel.”

“Hi,
darling.  I almost didn’t recognize your voice.”

“Hey,
do you want to meet me for a coffee this morning, maybe?”

“That
would be wonderful.”

Twenty
minutes later, my soon-to-be-ex mother-in-law sat across from me at a table,
holding my hand.

“Today’s
the big day,” she whispered.  “Are you ready?”

“Yes,”
I said.  “I know it’s fast, but I feel really good about it.”

“You
seem
different, too.”  She looked distressed. 

“I’m
pregnant,” I blurted. 
Why did I say that?  I hadn’t told anyone, not even
Vince.

“Oh,”
she said, quietly.  She took a slow sip of her coffee.  “How far?”

“I
have no idea.  I got this,” I said, digging in my purse.  I handed her the
letter.

She
looked it over.  “You should find out for sure.”

I
sighed.  “I took three tests.”

“I
meant you should find out how far along you are.  What does Vince think about
all of this?”

“He
doesn’t know.  I only got that yesterday.  I figured I should wait until after
the wedding.”

“Don’t
wait too long,” she said, looking down at her cup.  “He’ll think you were hiding
it.”

“Please
don’t say anything yet,” I pleaded.  I changed the subject, shifting it to the
real reason I called.  “I wanted to meet you today because I needed you to know
that I’m not replacing Ryan.  Yes, some awful things happened to us and I
didn’t always trust him.”  My voice got soft.  “But… I always
loved
him.  That’s why I stayed.  I really felt like he was the love of my life.”

She
looked out the window, dabbing the insides of her eyes with her long square
fingernails.

I
continued, “So, in a totally twisted turn of events, Ryan helped me to find
Vince.”  I paused.  “And this baby.  I’ll be forever grateful for that.  And
I’m happy again.”

She
smiled, but it was weak.  I hoped that someday, she could forgive me.  “So,”
she said, “what kind of help do you need today?”

Whew.

“Nothing,
really.  Just come a half hour before it starts, I guess.  I really appreciate
you and Walter being there.”

“You’re
our daughter,” she said, standing.  “Where else would we be?”

*

After
the coffee, I popped into one of the nail places in the Village.  I came out
with a chic pale pink French manicure.  She painted my toes in a sheer shade of
rose.

Vince
had taken all of his wedding garments to Jack’s hotel, so I wouldn’t see him
until our ceremony.

It
was almost noon now.  We would be married in six and a half hours.

How
long would it take me to get ready?

I
texted Vince.

Me
: Had coffee with Linda.

Vince
: How was that?

Me
: Painful, but okay.

Vince
: I can’t wait to marry you. 
Happy Wedding Day.

Me
: Me too.  I don’t know when to
get ready.

Vince
: It takes you 30 min during the
week.

Me
: It’s my wedding day.

Vince
: So take an hour.  Go do
something fun today.

Me
: Okay. XOXO.

Vince
:  I love you. 

Next,
I texted Elsa.

Me
: Hey, what are you doing?

Elsa
: Just woke up.

Me
: Wanna get waxed?

Elsa
: Um, no.

Me
: Come on.  I’ve heard that boys
like the Brazilians.

Elsa
: Fuck those boys.  I like to
rock a full bush.

Way
too much information.

Me
: Okay, what about the lingerie
shop?

Elsa
: The nice lingerie shop or the
disgusting one?

Me
: Disgusting?

Elsa
: Be there in 15.

She
wasn’t lying.  Fifteen minutes later, she pulled up in Jack’s truck, giving one
long honk. 
God, she was irritating.

Elsa
talked the whole way to the store.  She rattled on about Jack.  What time he woke
her up the night before… what time they finally got to bed.  She described some
“wheelbarrow” position they had tried out in
way
too much detail.

I
walked around the lingerie section for a while, finally deciding on a low-cut black
ruffled baby doll nightie and a matching black thong with a pink bow.  It was
actually fairly tasteful.  Half of the clothes in there were missing major
parts.

When
Elsa checked out, she had a vinyl stud skirt, some strawberry nipple gel, a
skull corset, a pair of see-through mesh boy shorts, chocolate body paint,
something called a “cock-sweller,” a pair of knee high stiletto boots and a
how-to shower video.

What
the hell were she and Jack doing over there?

“Think
you’ve got it all?” I teased, hefting her three bags into the trunk.

She
rolled her eyes at me.  “That stuff,” she said, throwing a thumb towards the
back, “helps keep the dream alive, sister.”

“Please
tell me you’re not wearing any of that to my wedding.”

“Not
that
you’ll
know about.  Jack may be wearing something.”  She smiled. 
Eww.
 
“Now, let’s go get ready for this fucking thing.”

*

My
mother and Elsa helped with makeup and getting dressed.  Belle worked on the
food downstairs. Elsa had braided my long bangs and pinned them behind my ear,
fastening a single small, white lily there.  Luckily, my mother worked for
twenty years behind a Clinique counter.  My makeup looked flawless.  I did
insist on wearing my strawberry lip gloss though.  It was Vince’s favorite.

I
carefully pulled on my dress.  Elsa zipped the back.  I tied the bow in front
and made sure that it fell in just the right place.  I had purchased a pair of closed
toed heels a few weeks before, but I felt bad covering up my super-cute pedicured
feet.  It was less than sixty degrees outside though; I
had
to wear
them.

My
mother walked up behind me and placed her hand on my back.  “What a lovely
dress.  I don’t like this big tattoo on your back though.  You should have
picked something higher.”

I
sighed.

She
turned me towards her and handed me a small, white pouch.  “For you.”

I
shook the bag in my hand.  Two small rose colored heart earrings fell into my
palm.  “Mom.”

“I
wore them on my wedding day to your father.”

Elsa
turned away.  I could see her face twist.  She still missed our dad so much. 
Her whole childhood was practically spent without him.

I
walked over to her and slung my arm around her shoulder, whispering in her ear,
“You’ll wear them to your reception.”

She
pushed me playfully.  “Don’t be such a fucking sap.”

“I
hate it when you girls swear,” my mother responded.  “Can we have
one
day where the two of you don’t sound like sailors?”

Elsa
walked over to my mother, nestling into the crook of her arm.  “We’ll really
fucking try, Mom.”

My
mother squeezed her and smacked her on the arm.  “Get dressed, honey.”

Elsa
wore her long, beach-blonde hair in a messy, razor cut shag with short, uneven
bangs.  I always wished I had the balls to get a haircut like that.  She always
looked so carefree and ridiculously cute.  She was shorter than I was, coming
in at barely five feet tall.  She didn’t need makeup, but she wore thick, black
eyeliner and dark cherry lips.

She
wore a steel gray silk dress with a serious deep V in the front.  It was
obvious that she had decided against a bra.  The skirt ended right below her
underwear.  She had a body similar to mine, a little thinner, but the way she
wore clothes was downright indecent… and made me jealous.

When
she came out, my mother did a double take.  “Elsa, were you planning to wear
undergarments on your sister’s wedding day?”

“My
boobs are taped to this thing.  I promise, no nip slips.”

My
mother threw up her arms and left the room, mumbling.

“You
ready?” Elsa asked.

“Yep.”

She
got serious.  “Hey, Vince is the one, you know.”

“I
know.”

“No,”
she continued.  “He’s like
the
one.  You’re different with him… than
Ryan.”

I
took her hands in mine.  “I know.  So, come on.  My man is waiting,” I told
her, smiling.

Anthony
appeared in the doorframe.  “Everyone is here.  Are you good?”

I
linked my arm with his.  “El, go.  Grab the flowers in the fridge.” 

“Meet
you down there.”  She stood on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on Anthony’s cheek,
leaving a light cherry imprint of her lips there.  He rubbed her arm.  “This is
it
,” she breathed, hurrying down the stairs.  She made me nervous in her
five-inch heels. 

I
turned to Anthony and wiped the lipstick off of his face with my thumb.  “I’m
so
ready.  Are you?”

“My
sons have never been happier in their lives.  You girls are responsible for
that.  I am proud to call you my daughter.”  He touched my face with his
fingertips.

I
sucked in a breath and tugged him tighter.  “Let’s go.”