18 Truths (18 page)

She didn’t look me in the eyes, so I couldn’t gauge if she was joking.

“You seriously want me to put you under?”

“There’s a script in my desk, the second drawer on the right. Read from the paper in a soft, soothing voice until I’m asleep. I’ll still be in charge of what I say, but you can ask me anything, and I want you to. Whatever you might think of to help. I want to make up for my past mistakes.”

I tried to protest again, but Dr. Judy raised her hand for silence, and reclined in the leather chair.

“These memories you’re retrieving are painful, that’s why I’ve buried them deep inside me. It’s not everyday someone goes prodding around my psyche, so I might seem delusional. It’s your job to make sure I keep digging for more information until you have what you need. Do you understand?”

Her green-eyed gaze met mine across the room, but I didn’t speak. I wanted to question her about why she would let me do this to her—wanted to point out she acted more like the hormonal teenager than I did in this moment. But as I moved behind her desk, a horrific plan came to me. While under hypnosis, I could try to gather information from Dr. Judy about the real reason I came here: Conner. Hating myself, I pulled open the drawer and found the script right on top.

I forced out the words, calm and smooth. “Now, I want you to imagine a wave. A wave of relaxation just like on a boat.” I stifled a groan, thinking about Conner and the accident, and laid the script on the desk before continuing. My trembling hands couldn’t hold the papers steady. The daunting task looming before me seemed like too much to handle. But then I remembered my plan to retrieve the information I needed. “The same type of wave you feel on a boat. Feel this wave with each deep and fresh breath of clean air you take. As you fill your lungs, you feel a wave of relaxation going from your head to your toes, just like on a boat, your body relaxing with each wave.

“Now feel the wave again. This wave of relaxation you felt before. The same type of wave you feel on a boat. As you sway from side to side, you feel your body going deeper and deeper into hypnosis and relaxation.”
Finally, hypnosis. I’m so over this boat analogy.
“You feel a wave of relaxation going from your head to your toes, and this makes you want to sleep. Sleep now. Sleep now.

“I will count backward from ten to one and you will go down a flight of stairs covered with a thick, deep carpet. When you get to the bottom, you will fall into a deep state of relaxation and hypnosis.

“Ten—you feel your body sinking into deep rich carpeting. Nine—you feel your body sinking more into this plush, deep, rich, carpeting. Eight—your body sinks now into this thick, plush, deep, rich, carpeting. Seven—let your body sink and feel yourself going into a deep sleep. Six—your body is sinking more and more now. Five—let your body and mind sleep now. Four—sleep now. Three—continue to sleep now and feel your body sinking into this thick, plush, deep, rich, carpeting. Two—sleep now. One—sleep.

“Now, I want you to lift your head, and tell me where you are.”

When those green eyes opened to me, I hesitated. Dr. Judy helped me so much in the past year, but I reminded myself what brought me here in the first place.

“I’m frosting Grace’s cake for her fifteenth birthday. The lights go out.” Dr. Judy shook her head and closed her eyes.

“How are you feeling, Judy?” I knew how I felt: terrified. From my one real conversation with Grace, I knew this was the day Dr. Judy died. The air was cold in the room, and I wished Nate were here with me.

“I’m afraid they’re going to get Grace.”

I stared into the whitened face of the most responsible adult I knew and wondered what the heck she was talking about. We were entering uncharted waters here, and I knew I should say something to comfort her. “Nobody can hurt Grace, Judy. This is just a memory. She’s safe. Tell me who you’re afraid of.”

Her face twitched like she was asleep, but caught in a terrible dream. Her grip on the arms of the recliner tightened, her knuckles turning white. “The demons. The angels. God. Everyone.”

Now I really didn’t understand. Mouth open, I forced my breath in and out, trying to remain calm for her. “Judy, listen to me.” My voice echoed around the empty room. “I want you to take me back to an earlier time. To your time on Earth. You were remembering Grace’s fifteenth birthday. Start again from there.”

“I am. I don’t want to investigate the noise.” She shook her head, illustrating her point. “But I have to. Three creatures in black robes with long unkempt hair and dreadlocked beards hiss at me in the backyard. A thick fog falls around me, a subtle shade of purple. The ground trembles. A shadow falls over me. The creatures stomp in my direction. Their black eyes glisten. The red hole of their mouths opens and sucks the life out of me, paralyzing me. They’re carrying me away.” With eyes still closed, her breathing became heavy to the point of panting. “Please don’t hurt me… don’t.” She whimpered, her hands shaking. “I don’t want to go.”

“It’s okay, Judy. It’s all right. I’m right here—this is only a memory. No one can hurt you now. Where are the creatures taking you?”

Dr. Judy gasped and pressed a hand to her chest.

“They lay my lifeless body on my bed, force goblets of wine and an entire bottle of pills into my mouth. They set me up, but I opened the window for them to do so because of my choices. I conceived Grace in sin, with someone, something, I shouldn’t have been with. Then I was so depressed over cheating and over missing this creature I shouldn’t love, that I drank until I became an alcoholic. The pain of existence without him was too much. I had to numb the pain.” She curled herself into a ball on the chair and hid her face.

“I thought alcohol would help weaken the power of my memories. Any time I remained sober, I felt so ashamed and wanted to forget everything. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t know how to live. I wanted to find a way to move on, to relinquish my guilt and anger, and find closure. But guilt and anger were the only two emotions I could feel after being so abruptly abandoned by the one I loved.” She made a guttural noise. “Will you make it stop? The guilt and anger?”

“Yes, I’ll make it stop,” I lied, repulsed by what I had to do. I couldn’t make any sense out of her memories and how this information could help Grace, so I had to make sure this hypnosis session wasn’t a total waste. “But first you have to do something for me. You have to tell me where Conner Anderson is.”

“No…” she groaned like she was in pain. “I don’t know that information.”

“Can you tell me where to find that information?” I looked to her filing cabinets once again, wondering if I should try to rummage through them in search of answers.

“Yes, if you make it stop.”

Pulling out a piece of paper and pen from the top desk drawer, I nodded, although I wasn’t sure why since she couldn’t see me. “Yes, I’ll make it stop.” Keeping my voice calm took every ounce of effort I had left in me.

“There’s a guarded storage facility behind headquarters. Usually, it’s off limits to me. But once, after I first died, Ash brought me there as they tried to figure out where they should place me. They knew my… complicated past.”

“Tell me what you see there that would help me find Conner.” Detouring into her past wasn’t an option right now. I knew how cringe-worthy my actions were, but I didn’t have time to dwell on that.

“First, I take the elevator to the seventh floor. Ash punches in the password on the keypad. The pound sign, then two-two-one-three, followed by an asterisk. Upstairs, I see a computer. Riel is typing, but I can’t see what’s on the screen.”

I narrowed my eyes, willing her to see something, anything. “Judy, think back to what Riel did before typing. Can you see anything he or Ash typed on the computer that would help us?”

“No, Ash is leading me past the computer, but I’m slipping in and out of consciousness.”

“Go back and try again, Judy, slowing down this time and concentrating on the keyboard.”

“I still can’t see the keyboard. But I see four names scribbled on a piece of paper. Michael, Gabriel, Ash, and Riel. There are words, numbers, and symbols next to their names. They seem to be passwords.”

“That’s good. Now, tell me what the passwords are.”

“I can only see one. E-d-e-n, pound sign, number two, colon, number eight.”

I repeated the password back to her, making sure I wrote down all the information correctly. Then I tried to untangle all the emotions inside me before continuing. If my memory served correctly, Michael and Gabriel were the two archangels mentioned in the Bible. If Ash and Riel were the only ones outside of them who had clearance to this storage facility, then they were even a lot more powerful than I thought.

“All right, Dr. Judy. One more time… is there anything you see on the computer screen now?”

“It’s all my fault, all my fault.” Dr. Judy sobbed. “Riel is mumbling a message to Simon. He thinks I don’t know how they communicate across planes, but I know all about their angel power. He says he will wipe my memory of this night. I’m glad. I want all the pain gone. I know I did wrong.”

I glanced at the clock. The hour was almost up. “You’ve done lots of good over the years, Dr. Judy. Like right now, you’re helping me. Please, tell me what’s on that computer screen.”

“I see maps of the Underworld. Then I see a bright flash of red when the Alpha File 120 pops up.”

A map of the Underworld seemed exactly what I needed.
But what was the Alpha File?
Unfortunately, I didn’t have any more minutes left to find out. I looked down at Dr. Judy’s notes on how to bring someone out of hypnosis. “Now, in a moment you will wake up and feel refreshed and content.”

“No, I don’t want to wake up. I want to feel like this forever.”

I tried not to panic. “If you ever want to feel like this again, then you must wake up. Is there anything else you want to tell me before I count to five?”

“Don’t forget about the Alpha File 120.”

“Why would I want the Alpha File?”

Dr. Judy gave a little sigh. “Because then you would know everything and could use the file to help you get what you want.”

Again, I had no idea what mumble jumble she referred to, but I seriously needed to get out of her office. “Okay, I won’t forget about the Alpha File.”

“Alpha File 120. There are one hundred twenty-one Alpha files, but you need that one. Don’t forget… don’t.”

“Right. Alpha File 120. Got it. Now, I will count from five to one, and when I get to one you will be wide awake, feeling happy and refreshed as if you have slept for eight hours. Five—feel every muscle in your body relaxed. Four—your body feels good and ready to wake up. Three—you feel as if you just bathed with fresh spring water. Two—you are getting ready to wake up. One—wake up, wake up.”

Dr. Judy opened her eyes and looked at me, her face pale. “Did you get what you needed?”

I nodded slightly, fighting tears. “Yes, but can we chat about the session another day? I think I need some alone time to… process things.”

“Of course. I have another appointment soon anyway.” Her gaze bounced from me to the door, seeming just as anxious to get rid of me as I was to leave.

I slid out of her usual seat and grabbed my book bag before I had to tell any more lies. “Okay, see you later, Dr. Judy.”

Awkwardly, I hugged her goodbye.

didn’t feel like eating lunch, or sitting around headquarters thinking about Nate. Instead, I decided to spy on him. Googling lunch restaurants for a small town proved easy enough, and I stopped at the first place that popped up on my computer screen. Cheshire Village Town Center housed a little eatery called Morning Glory Café, and that’s exactly where I found Nate with Grace sitting under a colorful umbrella on the patio overlooking a pristine pond and towering mountains. I knew after I drank seven cups of coffee this morning that I’d do something stupid. Spying on Nate, betraying Dr. Judy’s trust… I’d done nothing but shameful and reckless things the past twenty-four hours. Maybe I should just continue my streak. Run up to Nate and blow our whole cover by accusing him of cheating on me. Getting everything out in the open would be such a relief!