18 Truths (15 page)

I rolled my eyes, resenting the fact that I even needed his reassurance, resenting the fact that I couldn’t melt properly at the touch of his body against mine because of our undercover status.

“Oh, come on, Olga. What do you think is going to happen?” A quick smile teased his mouth. “She paid a lot of money for a date with me. What’s the difference if I go now or later?”

“A lot of money? This isn’t even real.” Whispering instead of yelling took all my strength.

“Exactly. So don’t make this into a big deal. We’ll sit and talk just like we have all week long. She’s finally beginning to open up to me. I can’t waste this opportunity.”

“No.”

“Thanks. I’ll catch up with you later. Don’t wait up for me.”

I didn’t mean the no as an agreement. I meant the no as in ‘you-can’t-go,’ but I quickly realized I didn’t have a say in what he did anymore.

He bent down and kissed my forehead again, whispering, “I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

Watching him walk away, all I could think was that hurting each other was all we did these days.

sank down to the grass, listening to the wail of the wind picking up. I didn’t know what to do. No amount of life lessons from bucket lists had prepared me for this. Three weeks ago, I’d learned I was dead, but I thought I still had Nate. But ever since he’d met Grace, he’d barely managed to return my phone calls or texts, let alone spend any real time with me. Oh sure, we’d see each other at school, pass each other in the halls at headquarters while he came and went. Each encounter brought more tension between us. Each time he ran off to be with Grace, I felt more uncertain about the status of our relationship.

The night of the charity auction, I’d stuck around for a while, enduring a quiet dinner by myself, concentrating on eating my food properly without spilling any on the dress Riel gave me. Afterward, I watched Nate stroll leisurely around the grounds with Grace from afar. When they took a private carriage ride, I’d finally had enough and vanished back to headquarters.

Just last night, I’d wandered into his room and lay on his bed, trying to chat with him, hoping to seem provocative to him once again. Instead, he seemed irritated by my presence, to the point that I left after a painful half hour.

How had I managed to lose the two guys I cared about most in this world? I didn’t know which one stung worse: not being able to save Conner, or watching Nate willingly slip away from me.

Actually, the worst part was thinking about both of them all the time. I loved them both so much; I was finally realizing that, not glossing over that fact. Maybe the distance from Nate is what it took me to acknowledge that I didn’t just love Conner; I was still
in
love with him. And I had no idea how to rectify those feelings. Not that my emotions mattered, since one boy hardly wanted anything to do with me these days, and the other, I still had no idea how to find. I was too depressed to form a plan, and there was no Jedi Order around to pull me out of my funk this time.

There’s always Riel
. I stared at the horizon, laughing at the thought.

Delusion was taking over. I shook my head. Sighing, I listened to the bossy voice of my conscience and got to my feet. I couldn’t waste time and energy sitting under a tree feeling sorry for myself. My instincts would see me through the end of this; intuition had brought me this far. Somehow, I’d figure out a way to locate Conner, with or without Nate. The little devil on my shoulder also reminded me of everything my instincts caused me to lose, but I shrugged off the condemnation. I had to focus on the positives, not the negatives, if I was going to survive the day. Plus, two negatives equaled a positive, I told myself. So even if I lost both of the great loves of my life, I’d truly be free to become a kick-butt spirit guide and help others through their problems instead of creating my own. A sense of purpose drove me forward once more.

Thank you, God, that even though I stumble, I will not fall. Your loving hands are there to hold me up.

I rounded the corner of headquarters and envied all the spirit guides eating and drinking at the outdoor tables together. Why hadn’t I thought to make any friends here yet? I started toward one of the small crowds, but then I heard the pounding of feet from behind, and I turned to see Riel. His face was always white, but this time the color seemed paler, full of concern.

“Olga Gay Worontzoff, what are you doing?”

My heart lurched. “What do you mean?”

He moved forward, coming to stop mere inches from me. “I’ve flown all over these grounds looking for you. You haven’t been in your room. I didn’t see you in Grace’s Limbo plane. I’ve been worried you got in over that curly red head of yours.”

I swallowed hard. “Why would you worry about that?”

He looked at me wearily. “I’ve noticed you and Nate haven’t spent a lot of time together. I asked him about Grace, and he said she had become a solo project of his. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh, right. As my boss, I guess you’re required to check up on me from time to time.”

“Not just as your boss.” His eyes searched my face, and they looked like they could see through to my soul. “As your… your friend.”

A feeling of great sadness washed over me. I needed a friend, but I didn’t want anyone’s pity. “Well, anyway, I guess you should assign me a new case soon.”

Before I knew what was happening, in one swift motion he caught me by the waist and took to the sky with his wings spread wide, holding me securely in his arms.

“Riel!” I shrieked, grabbing onto the front of his robe as he glided through the clouds. Somehow, we were already at airplane level height. “What are you doing?”

“I’m cheering you up. Nothing like an early morning flight to clear away the sadness!”

We soared over headquarters, the nearby storage facility, the pond with its fountain and quacking ducks, and the rolling green hills. The wind tore through my hair, and I thought of my old dog, Daisy, who used to love riding around town with her head out the window.

Sunshine, flowers, the fresh breeze, all of the things I was grateful for when I was alive were still here in death. As Riel kept flying, I realized the headquarters campus was far wider than I ever imagined. There were fruit trees bordering a garden full of vegetables, rose arbors complete with walking trails, sparkling trees with brightly colored hammocks stretched between their branches, a cozy brick courtyard surrounded by potted plants of all descriptions, a long dock beside a serene fishing pond with a fire pit and wrought-iron picnic tables to the side, yard swings on wooden stands with awnings positioned for shade, cushioned plastic lounges, and an open barn with horses inside. Everywhere I looked, angels and spirit guides of all cultures were joined together enjoying God’s creation just as humans did on Earth, maybe even more so. It’s definitely not what I’d pictured Heaven being like. When I was human, I just thought the Heavenly realm would be this place where harps played all day while we reclined on some clouds. In truth, headquarters was like a busy city, but held the added radiance of a rare jewel and the glory of God.

I looked up at Riel to find him staring down at me.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“How I never knew any of this was here. I just thought I was at headquarters to do my job.”

He dipped us lower to the ground, and my hands instinctively tightened on his robe until he deposited us gently onto the fishing dock. “Have a seat,” he said. He sat, pushing his robe to the side with a flourish and dipping his feet into the pond as his wings folded in on his back.

I squinted my eyes at the sun and wondered how to casually chat with an angel. “Are you a fisherman?” I asked, sitting next to him a little closer than I was used to, my feet dangling but not touching the water.

He laughed, and I realized it was the first time I’d heard him truly laugh. The sound was musical, like wind chimes swaying in the breeze. “We’re all fishing for something.”

I dipped my fingers into the pond and rubbed some water over my face. In the distance, a plunging waterfall fought its way down a mountain and crashed against giant rocks at the bottom. “Why is all this stuff here?”

Riel kept his eyes on me, like he was trying to figure something out. “Why not? You humans don’t seem to understand that you’re dead a lot longer than you’re alive. Doesn’t it make sense for our Creator to take the same things you enjoyed about Earth and place them in the afterlife?”

The breeze played with my red hair, dancing like flames against my back and shoulders. “I guess.”

“You want to go for a swim?”

I glanced out at the water. “We don’t have our bathing suits.”

Riel’s smile widened as he splashed me. “Come on. You’re dead. Live a little.”

Holding his gaze, I smiled back. “Funny. I didn’t know angels had a sense of humor.”

“I joke around all the time,” Riel mused, straightening his back.

I pointed at him. “More like ridicule.”

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s not polite to point?” He winked at me, and then before I knew it, he stood up, lifted me from behind, and launched me into the lake.

The water felt just right. Actually, the cold fluidity of water on my skin as it seeped through my clothes felt more than just right. Still under water, I watched some minnows scuttle between the rocks at the bottom. The lake was their safe haven, and it held that same feeling of refuge for me, too.

The moment I surfaced, Riel jumped in and yelled, “Cannonball!”

After wiping the splash off my face, I turned to him. “What was all that about?”

Shrugging slightly, he said, “You looked too serious. I was trying to help. Did it work?”

“Yes.” I looked at him sideways and added thanks as an afterthought.

“No thanks needed.” We bobbed around in the water together. “Promise me you’ll try to enjoy yourself a little bit more. In fact, why don’t you take the week off before I give you another assignment? You’ve been through a lot.”

More than you know
. I smiled as I inhaled the peaty smell of seaweed and listened to the gentle lapping of water hitting the shoreline.

“Hey, you want to race?”

He regarded me with a smirk. “Oh, I feel such pathos for you, thinking you could actually race me with even the slightest chance of winning!”

“Ha! You forget our Creator endowed me with much logos, so maybe I know a way to outsmart you like Tortoise did with Hare.”

Riel circled me in the water like a shark about to attack its prey. “I suppose if I possess much ethos, then I should just let you win.”

I laughed, a deep belly laugh, and something inside me melted. It wasn’t just the fond memories of high school English lectures making me feel all warm inside. Maybe I had been wrong about Riel. This whole time, I’d assumed he didn’t feel the same things humans feel. But if that were true, then why was he looking at me like he cared about me more than I cared about myself? It seemed impossible that he could feel so much toward me… given his high rank and my inferior status.

“I don’t want your pity, but I forfeit. I know a lost cause when I see one.”

He popped his wings out, floating just above the water.