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Together, they braved the call to Father, who wept with open abandon upon hearing that she had not actually boarded the
Titanic
. This, of course, was followed by the grim news that she had sent Tessa and Iris in her place. Father’s silence upon hearing this had been deafening. There would be much to sort out once Jacquie arrived back at Abingdon Manor, but at least her parents wanted her back. For that, she was truly grateful.

In the wee hours of the night, as she lay awake praying for Tessa and Iris, Jacquie found herself knotted up on the inside. If only she could go back in time just a week or two. She would change everything. Especially now, knowing that Peter did not care as deeply for her as he had once implied.

Peter.

Her heart still twisted within her as she thought about him, but those emotions were now intrinsically tied to Tessa and Iris. She prayed harder than ever that God would see fit to spare them, in part so that Peter could go on with his life, free from guilt.

On the afternoon of the seventeenth, the desk clerk sent word to Jacquie’s room that a survivor list had been posted at the White Star Line offices. With her chest tight, Jacquie and her mother made the journey on foot alongside dozens of others and waited in line until they were at the front.

Only when she put her finger on Tessa’s name did she feel life might be worth living again. And when she found Iris’s name listed below it, Jacquie finally found herself free to breathe once more. She flung herself into her mother’s arms and wept, relief washing over her like the morning tide. Life had offered her a chance to begin again. This time she would get it right.

Wednesday, April 17, 1912

Carpathia
’s Dining Room

Iris worked to the point of exhaustion. The evening before the
Carpathia
was set to arrive in New York Harbor, she could hardly keep her eyes open. And yet she must. There were decisions to be made. Where to live, specifically. Going to Jacquie’s grandmother’s home no longer made sense. In light of the tragedy, she should figure out a new plan. Edith had offered to take her in, and that idea held some appeal. Still, settling apart from Tessa just felt wrong. No, until Tessa recovered—fully recovered—she would not leave her side.

Iris found herself leaning on her new friend William more and more as the hours went by, listening to his advice and gleaning from the information he shared about New York.

“Things are going to be chaotic when we arrive,” he said as they settled into chairs in the dining hall. “I’ve heard that all sorts of people are standing by, ready to be of help. The Red Cross is there, along with other relief societies.”

“Where will all these people go?” Iris asked, gesturing to the roomful of passengers. “What about the poor mothers who have lost their husbands? They have no source of income. No way to survive. They can’t afford to pay rent.”

“The captain told us that the Municipal Lodging House has opened its doors. They have room for seven hundred. They will be providing food and shelter to any survivors in need.”

Iris felt some sense of relief at this news. Still, with so many grieving around her, any small sense of relief felt like a betrayal.

“There’s no way to know how many families are affected,” William said. “But we must be prepared for a huge crowd when we reach the dock. Ambulances. Reporters. Family members. It’s going to be more overwhelming than we know.” He flashed a concerned glance her way. “I need to know that you are all right. Will you promise to stay in touch?”

“I—I will.”

“Thank you. I want you to feel free to call on me, should the need arise.”

She nodded, overwhelmed by his generosity and kind nature. Truly, if even a fraction of the people in New York were as kind as William Kenney, she would get along just fine.

Thursday, April 18, 1912

Nearing New York

On the morning of the eighteenth, Nathan managed to send a wire to his father. Sharing the news about Mother was the hardest thing he had ever done. It took every ounce of strength to get the words out. Nathan couldn’t even imagine what his father must be going through. Soon. Soon they would be together and could grieve alongside one another.

While onboard, Nathan knew he must remain focused on what he could do to help. He worked tirelessly alongside Margaret Brown to help raise funds and to care for the sick. Many of the wounded would require surgery when they arrived in New York. Others wandered the ship in a daze, as if in a dream. Still others—mostly the children—went back to life as normal, as if nothing had happened. Oh, if only he could do the same.

Tessa, his precious Tessa, continued to improve. With her fever gone, she could finally take a bit of nourishment. Once he got her home, he would tend to her every need until she was fully recovered.

Home.

What a blissful word. Once he reached his home, he could think more clearly. Put these awful memories behind him.

Of course, not all of it had been bad. He thought back to all the wonderful moments onboard
Titanic
—those wonderful moments, gazing over the railing, basking in God’s presence. Meeting new friends like Tessa. And John Harper, that wonderful, godly man who had shared God’s love until the very end.

For the first time in over a week, Nathan found himself thinking about that elusive girl in blue—the one he had seen first at the opera and then again onboard
Titanic
that first day. Had she survived? There had been no sign of her on the
Carpathia.
Surely only the worst could be assumed. She seemed a phantom now, only an illusion. Perhaps she had never existed at all.

Right now he needed to focus on the people in front of him, the ones who truly did exist: Tessa. Iris. Jessie. Annie. They were his to care for, and he would do so with all the love and compassion the Lord had placed inside of him.

For days, Tessa had rested in the makeshift hospital while those around her tended to the needs of others, but on the afternoon of the eighteenth, she rose, washed her face, and did what she could to be of service to those less fortunate.

Nathan still hovered over her, of course. In fact, she couldn’t convince him to let her do much on her own. His caring nature and obvious love for her brought feelings of warmth and security like she had never known before.

Yes, she had known such feelings. Peter had cared for her well-being, had he not? Enough to send her off to a new life. She must get word to him as quickly as possible, must let him know that she was alive and well. No doubt he was sick with worry. As soon as they got settled in New York, she would do so.

As they drew near to the harbor in New York, her heart raced. Tessa joined Nathan, Iris, and William on the upper deck, looking on as the ship reached the shore. Jessie stood nearby, keeping a watchful eye on Annie, who played with little Manca. Tessa
gasped as the Statue of Liberty came into view.

“Oh, Nathan! She’s—she’s beautiful.”

“Strong and triumphant,” he said. “Just like you.”

Tessa nodded, feeling that same sense of strength rise up within her. She continued to look out across the landscape, taking in the tall buildings, the shoreline, and finally, the harbor. When they arrived, the
Carpathia
sailed past her own Cunard pier, making her way to drop off
Titanic
’s lifeboats at the White Star Line pier.

Tessa’s breath caught in her throat as she watched the lifeboats being lowered. Though she had repressed the memories of that terrible night, they resurfaced in a moment as she saw the boats coming down. Her eyes filled with tears, and she leaned into Nathan to keep from showing her emotion publicly.

He held her close, speaking soothing words over her. She felt his tender kiss on her brow and glanced his way, now trembling. In that moment, his lips met hers for a kiss so sweet that she thought her heart might take flight. There, in the arms of the man she loved, Tessa felt security like she had never known before. She held him close, determined to never let go.

When
Carpathia
returned to her own pier, excitement welled up inside of her. Even from a great distance she could see the crowd, could hear their cries as the ship approached.

“Have you ever seen anything like it?” She pointed to a line of limousines that ran all the way down the avenue and beyond what could be seen from their vantage point.

William gestured to the vehicles. “Captain says that Mrs. Vanderbilt spent the day telephoning friends, asking them for use of their automobiles,” he said. “Many of our passengers will need transportation.”

“Well, God bless Mrs. Vanderbilt.” Iris offered a smile then
looped her arm through William’s.

“I also heard that the Pennsylvania Railroad has sent representatives to the pier,” William said. “There will be a special train of nine cars to carry passengers to Philadelphia or points west of there. For free, I mean. No cost.”

Tessa could hardly believe their generosity. “People really are kind at times like these.”

If she hadn’t believed it before, she certainly did by the time they left the ship. From the minute Tessa’s feet touched down on solid ground, she was surrounded on all sides by well-wishers offering their help. She tried to respond as best she could but found it difficult to speak.

Through the crowd, a man in an expensive suit pressed his way through, sprinting toward Nathan. Only when he flung his arms around him and called out the word “Son!” did Tessa realize who he was.

In that moment, she thought about her own father and wondered what he was doing.
How
he was doing. She pictured Mum’s face and felt a strange sense of longing. Interesting, how the pain of the past could fade in such a way, replaced with hopeful feelings about the future.

With Nathan’s hand in hers, she faced his father, her emotions welling. After a brief introduction, the older man pulled her into their embrace. After a warm hug he offered her a tearful smile, followed by words so sweet they would’ve made the angels sing: “Let’s go home.”

Turning to slip her arm through Nathan’s, she prepared to do just that.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

May 11, 1912

Abingdon Manor, Richmond, England

Jacquie spent the better part of the next three weeks holed up in her room, ashamed to face her parents or Roland, who stopped by the house on more than one occasion to visit with Father. Cook graciously brought her meals to her room, but Jacquie only picked at them, her appetite far from its usual state. Many times over she made her apologies to Mother, who told her it would be best to forget the incident and put it in the past.

Still, she could not. The ache of losing Peter remained, though not with the same severity. Now, whenever she thought of him, she just felt foolish. Of course, these feelings were all mixed up with the guilt that plagued her when Father sent him packing. She prayed he would find another job and secretly celebrated the news that the chief groundskeeper at Richmond Park had hired him on.

Still, there was the issue of Roland. Avoiding him hadn’t been easy, and she could do so no longer. By the time the third Saturday in May arrived, she had no choice. Father and Roland were to appear at a public event today to share the news of their merger, and Jacquie was to go along. To save face, according to Father.