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At once Tessa saw herself standing on the dock at Southampton, ready to board the
Titanic
for the first time. New York, many miles to the west, seemed a distance too far to imagine. Now here she stood. Would the Lord really cast her sin—the bitterness, the anger, the deception—over a distance greater still? If so, she needed to experience this kind of forgiveness. Needed to learn how to extend it to her father.

“It will take time to heal,” Jessie added. “But promise me you will ask God to show you how.”

Tessa offered a slow nod, knowing such a thing would be difficult at best. Still, the idea of having a father—in heaven or on earth—offer her such an embrace seemed almost too good to be true.

Jessie gave her a playful nudge. “Here’s what I’m going to pray. I’m going to pray that the Lord sends you a husband who will show you what a real father looks like, a man who will adore you and treat you kindly. One who will love your children as they deserve to be loved and who will never abuse his authority.”

The idea sent Tessa’s thoughts reeling. “W–why do you care so much about me?” she asked.

“I care because God cares. He sent me to you to share His message of love so that you would know what a treasure you are to Him.” Jessie reached inside her reticule and came out with a lace-trimmed handkerchief, which she used to blot Tessa’s eyes. “You are, you know? A treasure, I mean. More valuable to Him than any of the jewels you own.” A light giggle followed as she pointed to the broach on Tessa’s coat. “Though, I must say, that diamond broach is something to behold.”

“Yes.” Her hands covered it, shame settling over Tessa like a cloud. “It’s lovely.”
And worth more money than I could make in a dozen years.

“
Lovely
is the right word. But I promise, you are lovelier still. And you’re more valuable to the Lord than all the diamonds in the world.”

“Valuable.” The word made no sense.

“Yes, and think of this, Jacquie. It took thousands of years to refine those diamonds. Thousands. God can take a hard heart—harder than those diamonds—and polish them up and smooth them out in no time at all. If you let Him, I mean. It’s a matter of being willing.”

Willing.

Not a word Tessa spoke very often. She understood the idea of bending the knee because she had no other choice. But to bend the knee willingly? Out of love for a God she had, until now, deliberately stayed away from? She shivered.

“I’m sorry. I’ve kept you too long.” Jessie smiled and patted her on the arm. “Please forgive me. I do go on at times.”

“No, please don’t apologize. I’ve enjoyed our conversation
immensely.” Tessa felt peace well up inside of her, and she found herself reaching to give her new friend a hug. “You are a dear girl. Don’t ever forget it.”

“If there is anything dear in me, it comes from Above, trust me.” Jessie laughed. “You don’t know the rapscallion I was as a child.”

“Hard to picture.”

“Oh, I was. But God is gracious. Forgiving.” She began to sing a haunting little song, something about God hiding her sin in the depths of the sea.

Hiding my sin?

A shiver ran through Tessa. She had much to hide, after all.

“I’ve decided that keeping things hidden is for the birds,” Jessie said and then chuckled. “Let it all be out in the open—wide for all to see.”

In that moment, Tessa knew what she must do. She had to relieve herself of the guilt of holding onto a lie. Of pretending to be someone she was not.

I’m not Jacquie Abingdon. I never will be.

She would start by telling Jessie. And then, as soon as an opportunity presented itself, she would tell Nathan too. Doing so would surely put an end to any possibility of romance, but she could not pretend one moment longer. To keep on pretending would put her at a far worse peril than the frigid waters of the Atlantic.

Through the glass in the dining room door, Nathan caught a glimpse of Jacquie, dressed in her Sunday finest and seated next to Jessie, the young woman they’d met only yesterday. Usually stoic, Jacquie now had tears streaming down her face. He had noticed
her during service, of course, but hadn’t felt led to approach her. Now he found himself relieved that her new friend had taken time to comfort her, though he longed with every fiber of his being to be the one to do so.

Still, the timing was not right. He could sense it in his gut. Feel it in his heart.

All night he had wrestled with his feelings for Jacquie. He longed to speak to her, to tell her about the emotions stirring within him. But something stopped him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something didn’t feel right, and her current emotional state only confirmed that.

Nathan’s mother drew near and peered through the glass. “Everything all right in there?”

“I think so.”

“She’s a nice girl, but rather peculiar, I must say.” Mother fussed with her gloves. “Doesn’t seem to know her station.”

“Her station?” Nathan released a sigh.

“Yes. She allows her lady’s maid to speak to her as a commoner. Though, I must say, Edith Russell is smitten with her, and that has me intrigued. What a pair those two are. Very, very odd.” She walked off, muttering to herself.

Nathan decided to take a walk to clear his head. He took the elevator to the Boat Deck and shivered when he stepped outside. The temperature had dipped. He pulled his coat tighter and walked to the railing on the starboard side of the ship, where he paused for a glimpse out at the Atlantic. Another shiver grabbed hold of him and held him in its grip.

To his right, a little girl’s chatter in an unknown tongue caught his attention. He glanced over to look at the youngster. He recognized her as the same little girl he had seen on the deck that
first day, the one with the dark curls who had danced her way into her father’s arms.

Today was no different. The child’s father swooped her up into his arms and held her close, then danced with her, a happy, jovial dance across the deck. The little girl’s laughter rang out, and then she hugged her papa’s neck. Her father responded by planting kisses in her hair and fussing over her in that strange, unfamiliar language. Nathan found it all captivating.

The little girl hopped out of her father’s arms and grabbed his hands. Her daddy called out, “Manca!” which Nathan could only guess to be her name. The youngster’s deep brown eyes sparkled with life and laughter, her giggles ringing through the air.

Something about the exchange touched Nathan’s heart deeply. Though he couldn’t bear the idea of saying good-bye to Jacquie, of seeing this journey come to an end, he longed to wrap his father in a tight bear hug and join him in the family’s business. If only he could ask time to stand still for just a moment. Then perhaps he could straddle the Atlantic, one foot on deck and the other firmly planted on the shores of New York, where opportunities abounded.

Iris spent the afternoon working on her sketches, the ideas flowing as fast as the water from the indoor plumbing. How so many ideas could come at once remained a mystery, but she did not fight the process. Instead, she gave herself over to it, happy to wile away the hours doing the thing she loved most. Tonight she would meet with Edith Russell. Her future would be set.

Until then, she simply needed to finish what she’d started.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Sunday Night, April 14, 1912

Aboard the
Titanic

When the sun went down on Sunday evening, the temperatures plummeted. In spite of this, several of
Titanic
’s passengers braved the cold night air out on the deck to witness a marvelous sunset with John Harper. Tessa stood next to Jessie, who commented on the brilliant colors as they faded from deep amber to a murky red-orange and then to a soft pink-blue. As the bits of light slipped off the horizon to the west, the good reverend slipped his arm over Jessie’s shoulder and smiled. “Time for evening prayers and Bible reading.”

Jessie nodded then turned to give Tessa a hug. “See you in the morning?”

“Yes, but I’m awfully tired. I hope to sleep in.” So many wonderful things had happened today. And now that Jessie knew her secret—knew she was really Tessa, not Jacquie—she felt sure she could sleep like a baby.

The reverend offered her a gracious smile then gestured to the now-darkened skies. “It will be beautiful in the morning.”

“Oh, I’ve no doubt.”

Tessa decided that a cup of hot chocolate was in order. She headed inside to the Café Parisien, where she sipped on the warm, creamy liquid, finally feeling the evening’s chill lift. Lost in her
thoughts about the blissful day, over an hour went by. Though sleepy, she decided one more stroll around the Boat Deck was in order before retiring to her room.

Tessa wrapped her scarf a bit tighter around her neck and headed off. Halfway down the Boat Deck, she paused to gaze over the railing and caught a glimpse of slushy mounds of ice in the water below. They billowed like little white clouds, fluffy and harmless, bits of white cotton on a sea of water as black as night. The little mounds captivated her, held her spellbound for some time.

Until the shivering began in earnest. Perhaps she should go back inside now, back to the warmth of her cabin. Yes, she would wait up for Iris so that she could hear the details of her meeting with Miss Russell.

Tessa pressed her gloved hands into the pockets of her coat and took a few rapid steps toward the stairwell. The man she recognized as Mr. Bruce Ismay approached, dressed in a deep blue suit but no overcoat, in spite of the cold nip in the air. He leaned against the railing and glanced her way. “Is your journey going well? Are you comfortable?”

“Oh, very, sir.” Tessa nodded and smiled. “Thank you so much for asking.”

“My pleasure.” He tipped his hat before she headed off toward the stairs.

Just before she reached the steps, Tessa heard a familiar voice ring out from behind her. “I thought I just might find you here.”

She turned to see Nathan, and her heart sailed to her throat. Though she had hoped to put off talking with him until tomorrow, here he stood, with a smile as broad as the Atlantic on his face.

“Happy to see me?” he asked as he took a few steps in her direction.

“Yes.” She swallowed hard, realizing the moment had come for revealing her secret. “I’ve been wondering about you. Did you have a good day?”

“Very relaxing. And this evening has been nice. I went to the hymn-sing in the second-class dining saloon.”

“And how was that?”

“Nice.” He began to hum an unfamiliar song and before long took to singing, “‘For those in peril on the sea.’”

“I gave some thought to going to one of the concerts in the reception room but decided against it. It’s been an exhausting day.”

“You’ve been on my mind all day.” He drew near and extended his hand. She tentatively slipped her fingers through his, loving the comfort they brought. “Are you all right?”

“All right?”

“Yes. I don’t mean to pry, but I saw you with Jessie earlier. You were crying. I just wanted to check on you.”

Their hands still clasped, he led the way to the side, where they joined two other couples in gazing out over the railing at the sky above. She glanced up, taking in the brilliant twinkling of stars, which dotted the night with electrifying beauty.

“I’m fine.” Of course, this feeling would probably slip away once she told him the truth. Tessa swallowed the lump in her throat and continued to gaze upward.

Nathan gave her fingers a gentle squeeze and then glanced up at the sky. “I’ve seen the stars a thousand times, but never like this,” he said. “I only wish I had a telescope. Then I could really see them in their full splendor.”

“I prefer to see them from a distance,” Tessa said. Then she sighed. “The whole thing reminds me of a painting I once saw. It’s as if the canopy of clouds rolled back and left an inky-black velvet
sky covered in sparkling diamonds.” She giggled, feeling a little giddy as the words rolled off her tongue. “Do you find that silly?”

“Not exactly how I might’ve described it, mind you, but I do find it beautiful.”