03_A Family To Call Her Own (28 page)

He thought about the past two weeks, since she’d revealed the trauma that had scarred her heart. He couldn’t believe the progress they’d made in just that short time. One by one, Rebecca’s emotional defenses had begun to drop away. She was relaxed around him, lighthearted, even affectionate at times. Finally, the scars of the past had begun to heal, and they grew closer day by day. When she faltered, he held fast, and with infinite patience, helped her past the hurdle. It hadn’t always been easy, he admitted. He wasn’t, by nature, a patient man. At least, he never had been before. But he’d learned a lot about patience this spring, both from Isabel and Rebecca. And patience was the key to winning her heart, he knew.

It was hard to believe his time in St. Genevieve was almost over. The weeks had flown by. He’d learned a great deal, been challenged in countless new ways, discovered an unexpected capacity for love and new dimensions to his personality. The break from reporting had definitely been worthwhile and satisfying on many levels, both personal and professional.

The question now was whether to make that break permanent.

As of this morning, he had the perfect opportunity to do so. When the principal called him into his office before class, Zach assumed it was simply to say thanks and good luck. Instead, he’d offered him a permanent job. Phil Carr would return in the fall, but another English teacher was leaving unexpectedly. Zach had been flattered—and taken aback. The principal had asked him to think about it for a couple of weeks, and then, if he was interested, they could discuss the details.

Zach was definitely interested. Professionally, it would be a good change for him. But ultimately his answer depended on the answer to another, far more personal question: would Rebecca agree to marry him?

Zach hadn’t planned to propose just yet. She was only now beginning to feel comfortable with him. But he knew her self-confidence was still at a low ebb, knew she still harbored tremendous doubts and worries about their physical relationship.

Personally, he had no such doubts. He was convinced that in the context of marriage, of a “till death do us part” vow, she would learn to respond, to give full expression to the passion he knew was in her heart. But with the job offer now to consider, he needed to pose the question sooner than planned. Because if he made a commitment to stay in St. Genevieve, he wanted her by his side—permanently.

Zach stood up and reached for his briefcase, his thoughts turning to Ted Larsen’s request for a meeting tomorrow in St. Louis. Zach assumed it was to discuss his return to work and his next assignment. Obviously he’d have to put his editor off. But at least the trip to St. Louis would give him a chance to take care of one very important piece of personal business—a trip to a jewelry store.

Zach stared at Ted, his mouth literally dropping open in surprise.

The managing editor smiled at the younger man’s dumbfounded reaction. “Don’t look so shocked, Zach. You’re a top-notch reporter. You deserve this promotion.”

“But…Washington Bureau chief?” Zach said incredulously, his face still stunned. It was the most coveted job on the newspaper, a chance to mingle with the movers and shakers in Washington, to do in-depth coverage of the events that shaped the nation. “What about Joe?”

“He’s decided to take early retirement. I guess he figured that after fifteen years on the Washington beat he’s pretty much seen it all. We’re sorry to see him go, to be honest. He’s done a fine job. But new blood won’t hurt, and we’re all confident you’ll do a terrific job.”

Zach felt a surge of adrenaline shoot through his veins. Washington! Press conferences with the president. Interviews with the secretary of state. Access to the most powerful political figures in the world. It was heady stuff. “To say I’m overwhelmed would be putting it mildly,” he admitted, shaking his head.

“Then you’ll accept?”

Accept? He hadn’t even fully absorbed the offer yet. His first instinct was to say yes. But the weight of the ring box in the pocket of his sports coat, resting lightly against his heart, made him hesitate. If he accepted the position, all the plans he’d been making for a far different life would have to change dramatically. Zach knew intuitively that Rebecca wouldn’t like the fast-paced, glitzy life in Washington, even if she loved him enough to go. The quieter, simpler style of small-town life suited her. And until a couple of minutes ago he thought it suited him, too, especially if she was by his side.

When Zach didn’t respond immediately, Ted placed his elbows on the arms of his chair, steepled his fingers and leaned back, eyeing the younger man speculatively. “I can see this isn’t quite as simple a decision for you as I expected, Zach. Would you like to take a few days to think it over?”

Zach nodded. “Yeah. There are some…complications.”

“Well, just give me a call when you reach a decision.” Ted stood up and extended his hand, his grip firm and warm. “Think it through carefully, Zach. Opportunities like this don’t come along very often.”

As Zach rode down in the elevator, then strolled aimlessly along the street, Ted’s words kept replaying in his mind. His editor was right. Some opportunities were rare. Like the offer of Washington Bureau chief. But others came only once in a lifetime. Like winning the love of the most wonderful woman he’d ever met.

Zach detoured into a convenient sidewalk café and mulled over his options as he sipped a cup of coffee. The Washington job certainly offered excitement and the chance to do some of the best reporting of his life. But to take it, he’d have to give up a number of things: satisfying work that he knew, from personal experience, had a direct, positive impact on young people’s lives; a life-style that gave him time to breathe; and most important, the woman he loved and the chance to create with her a warm and loving family that would sustain him all the days of his life. That was something Washington couldn’t offer. Eventually the excitement there would fade. In the end all he would have to show for his adventure in the nation’s capital would be a dusty scrapbook of stories, perhaps a couple of awards to hang on his wall. And those tangible reminders of “success” would be bought at a high price—the price of the life he could have had in St. Genevieve.

Suddenly Zach wondered why he’d even hesitated. Yes, the job offer meant a lot to him. But it meant even more to win one of Isabel’s smiles or to feel Rebecca’s hand in his or hear the sincere thank-you of a student who had turned his life around. Maybe small-town life didn’t have the glitz and glamour of Washington. But he knew with absolute conviction that it was what he wanted.

Zach tossed some bills on the table and rose. “Is there a phone close by?” he asked a passing waitress.

“Sure. Inside. By the rest rooms.”

“Thanks.”

Zach located it quickly, dialed Rebecca’s restaurant, then waited impatiently.

“Rebecca’s.”

“Rose?”

“No. It’s Frances.”

“Frances, it’s Zach. Is Rebecca there?”

“Of course. Isn’t she always? Hold on and I’ll get her.”

Zach heard her say, “It’s your young man, dear,” before Rebecca came on the line, and he smiled.

“Zach? Where are you?”

“Still in St. Louis.”

“How did it go with your editor?”

“Fine. In fact, are you ready for this? He offered me the job of Washington Bureau chief!”

There was a momentary hesitation, but when Rebecca spoke her voice was bright. “That’s wonderful, Zach. When are you supposed to go?”

“I haven’t even given him my answer yet.”

“Why not? It’s a great opportunity, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. But…

“Hang on a second, Zach.”

He could hear Rebecca conferring with Rose, something about a customer complaint.

“Sorry, Zach,” she apologized, sounding frazzled. “It’s a zoo here.”

“I can tell.” He paused, debating how to proceed. He was anxious to talk with her, explain how he felt, but this was clearly not the best place or time. They needed somewhere quiet, where neither would be interrupted. “Listen, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you. I guess you’ll be pretty swamped until Sunday morning, won’t you?” The Friday lunch rush was barely over, and she was probably already gearing up for the dinner crowd. It would be the same tomorrow.

“Yes. You know how Friday and Saturday are.”

He sighed. “Yeah. Okay, how about a picnic on Sunday? Just the two of us. Isabel is going right from church to that pool party with her friend from Sunday school. I’ll even bring the food.”

“That sounds nice, Zach.”

Her voice seemed oddly subdued, and Zach frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Of course.”

“You sound…funny.”

“Just tired. It’s been crazy around here.”

“Well, try not to work too hard. How about if I stop by for lunch tomorrow?”

“I’ll look forward to it. Have a safe drive back, Zach.”

“At least I won’t have to worry about fog this time,” he teased. “Although I can’t complain too much. Without that fog, I might never have met you.”

“That’s true. Listen, I’ve got to run. I—I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Rebecca, I—” The line went dead and Zach frowned, a puzzled expression on his face. Her voice had sounded shaky at the end, like she was upset. Maybe it was just a really rough day at the restaurant, he told himself. Maybe it had nothing to do with him. But for some unsettling reason he had a feeling it did.

As Rebecca replaced the receiver, she forced herself to take a calming breath. She’d always feared the day when Zach would begin making plans to return to his old life. Only she hadn’t expected those plans to take him to Washington. Maintaining a long-distance relationship between St. Louis and St. Genevieve was manageable. It was much less feasible if he lived a thousand miles away.

“Is everything all right, dear?” Rose asked, pausing as she bustled by to give Rebecca a concerned look.

“Yes,” Rebecca assured her, summoning up a bright smile. “I think I’ll go out and talk to that customer who was complaining.”

“Oh, he’s happy now,” Rose assured her. “It wasn’t that he didn’t
like
the soup. He just didn’t understand that it was
supposed
to be cold. But I explained it nicely, and he’s happy as a clam now. Even ordered a second bowl.”

“Well, that’s good news. Thanks, Rose.”

Rebecca moved back to the stove and automatically went through the motions of preparing the sauce for the chicken Madeira, that evening’s entrée, even while her mind drifted far away.

Rebecca knew why Zach had invited her on the picnic. He was going to tell her that he was leaving. He would say that he cared about her, but explain that this was too good an opportunity to pass up. And she couldn’t blame him. Washington offered glitz, glamour, prestige, recognition, a higher profile for his work. What did she have to offer? Her love, certainly. But no guarantee about the ability to give physical expression to that love.

It was true that under Zach’s gentle, infinitely patient nurturing, she had made great strides in a very short time. She felt closer to Zach and trusted him more than any man she’d ever known. The bud of her long-dormant passion had begun to unfurl. There had been moments when she really believed that she would overcome her problem.

But even though Zach had never pressed for more than tender kisses there were still moments when the familiar, unreasonable panic response kicked in.

Rebecca sighed. She already knew that Zach was a man of deep passion, who would approach the physical component of love with joy, giving affection freely and without inhibition. And he would rightly expect the same from a partner. She just wasn’t sure she was up to the task.

So given a choice between the guaranteed excitement of Washington, the challenge of working in the nation’s capital in a prestigious position, versus taking a chance on a woman who might never be able to express love fully, she couldn’t blame Zach for choosing the former.

It was, quite simply, no contest.

Rebecca tiredly removed her apron and brushed some stray strands of hair back from her face. It had been a very long day. Saturdays were always busy, but today had been absolutely crazy. She was one server short at lunch, and Rose was out sick. So Rebecca found herself doing all the cooking, while Frances filled in for Rose as hostess. She’d hardly had a chance to say ten words to Zach during lunch before dashing back into the kitchen. Dinner hadn’t been any less hectic.

She was just about to grab her purse and switch off the lights when the sudden ringing of the phone startled her. She glanced at her watch, noting the time with a frown. Eleven-thirty. No one ever called the restaurant this late. She dropped her purse on the counter and reached over to pick up the receiver.

“Hello?” she said tentatively.

“Rebecca?”

She frowned. It sounded like Zach—sort of. “Zach?”

“Yeah. Listen, I know it’s late, but can you come over.”

A rope of tension coiled tightly in her stomach. “Is Isabel okay?”

“Yes. She’s asleep. I just had an E-mail from a friend of Josef’s. He’s—” His voice choked, and Rebecca tightened her grip on the receiver as a feeling of foreboding swept over her. When he spoke again she hardly recognized his voice, it was so raw with emotion. “Rebecca, Josef is dead.”

Chapter Thirteen

R
ebecca stared unseeingly at the wall as her whole body went numb. “What?” she said uncomprehendingly.

“Josef. He…he’s dead,” Zach repeated in a choked voice.

Suddenly the reality of his news slammed home with a force that sent her reeling, and she groped for the stool, sinking down as her legs turned to rubber. Hot tears stung her eyes and she squeezed them shut, her stomach curling into a tight ball. “Oh, Zach!” she cried, her voice anguished, her heart aching.

“Can you come over?”

It wasn’t a question. It was an SOS.

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” Rebecca promised.

She hung up the receiver and rose, but reaction kicked in with a vengeance. She began to shake, and every nerve ending seemed to be vibrating. She was in no condition to stand, let alone drive, she realized. Even though every instinct told her to get to Zach’s side as quickly as possible, she forced herself to sit back down and remain there for a full sixty seconds while she took a dozen deep, steadying breaths. Only then did she grab her purse and run for the car.