03_A Family To Call Her Own (27 page)

Slowly, hesitantly, she reached out and took his hand, and he enfolded her cold fingers in his warm, reassuring clasp. Gently he urged her toward him and wrapped his arms around her trembling body, stroking her back.

He held her like that for a long time, murmuring soothing words, telling her over and over again that everything would be all right, until finally her trembling subsided. Then, his arm around her shoulders, he led her into the restaurant, to a roomy booth in the corner. As they sat down, he pulled her close, into the protective curve of his arm. Silently he handed her his handkerchief, and she took it gratefully, dabbing at her red-rimmed eyes.

“I—I’m sorry for the way I treated you just now,” she apologized tremulously. “It wasn’t fair.”

“A lot of things in life aren’t fair,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “Rebecca, I’m so sorry! I wish I could just erase that whole ugly experience from your life.”

“I’ve wished the same thing thousands of times through the years,” she admitted, the catch in her voice tugging at his heart. “But you can’t change the past.”

“No. All you can do is move on and try not to let it ruin your future.”

“That’s easier said than done, Zach,” she told him wearily.

“I know that, sweetheart,” he replied sympathetically. “Sometimes, though, talking it out helps to put it to rest. Do you want to tell me about it?”

She sighed. “I guess I can try. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Then how about if I play journalist and ask a few questions?” he suggested.

“Okay.”

“You said you were the same age as Melanie?”

“Yes. Sixteen. I guess that’s why her experience hit so close to home.”

“Who was the boy?” Whoever he was, and wherever he was, Zach fervently hoped he’d been made to pay in some way for what he’d done to Rebecca. Maybe that was wrong. But it was the way he felt.

“H-he was the high school football hero. Everyone wanted to go out with him. I couldn’t believe it when he asked me to the spring dance, which was the big social event of the season. I thought I was so lucky, to be asked out by the big man on campus on my very first date.”

“You mean…this happened to you the very first time you ever went out?”

“Yes.”

She heard him mutter something under his breath. Though she couldn’t quite make it out, she knew from his tone that it wasn’t pretty. She inched closer and let her hand rest lightly on his thigh, almost in a gesture of comfort, he thought, a muscle in his jaw twitching. Even in the midst of her own pain, she was attuned to the needs of others. But that was Rebecca. He reached over and covered her hand with his own as she continued.

“We had fun at the dance. And afterward, when he asked me if I wanted to go for a drive, I said yes. I assumed he wanted to…well…do a little kissing, and I wasn’t opposed. I thought it was pretty exciting to have a first date and a first kiss all in the same night. Except…except he had a lot more than that on his mind.”

Zach squeezed her hand, and she drew a long, shaky breath.

“We drove to Miller’s Point. It wasn’t the usual make-out place, but I wasn’t suspicious. I just figured, being an ‘experienced’ guy, he’d found a few places that were off the beaten path. I just didn’t realize how ‘experienced’ he was.”

She swallowed convulsively, and Zach felt her muscles tense as she continued.

“He had a bottle of wine in the car. I only had one glass, but it was my first experience with wine, so it didn’t take much to make me a little ‘floaty,’ you know? After the wine, he said he knew a great spot that overlooked the river, and would I like to sit there for a while and enjoy the view? I said yes.”

She was starting to shake again, and Zach reached over and stroked her cheek, his eyes holding hers compellingly, reassuringly. “It’s okay, Rebecca. It happened a long time ago. It can only hurt you now
if
you let it.”

“I know.” He was right. She had to get through this, deal with it once and for all, so she could move on. “For…for a few minutes it was fine. He kissed me, and it was…nice. But all of a sudden he got…he got really…aggressive. It was like he became a different person. His kisses weren’t…simple…anymore. They were…rough. I started to get scared, and I tried to pull away. But he pushed me down and just kind of fell across me. He was big…and…and strong. My arms were pinned down and I—I couldn’t move.”

Her words were choppy now, her breathing uneven. Zach wanted to tell her to stop, to bury the terrible memories so deeply they would never resurface again. But he knew they would never be put to rest until she dealt with them. The best thing he could do for her was let her talk through the terror and remembered pain, until it no longer had the power to dominate her life. And so he remained silent, stroking her hand comfortingly as she spoke.

“I had long hair, and he…he twisted it so I couldn’t move my head. The more I struggled, the harder he pulled.” She stopped and squeezed her eyes shut. A tear trailed down her cheek and she drew in a harsh breath. “I fought as much as I could, but it was useless. I tried to scream, but he never took his lips off of mine. There wouldn’t have been anyone to hear me, anyway. The only thing I could do was pray.

“Then all of a sudden I felt him p-pulling up my dress, and I heard a zipper. I…I knew what he was planning to do. Oh, God!” She let out an anguished cry, and Zach pulled her close, his gut twisting painfully.

“It’s okay, Rebecca. It’s okay,” he repeated helplessly, knowing it wasn’t but unable to find any adequate words of comfort. Her whole body was shaking, and he could feel her tears soaking through his cotton shirt. All he could do was hold her until she was ready to continue and try to control the rage that burned in his heart.

After a couple of minutes, she drew in several ragged breaths and spoke again, her voice raw with pain, her fingers clutching his shirt convulsively. “I think I…I was hysterical by then, because I d-don’t even remember clearly what happened next. Except that out of the blue it started to rain. It was a downpour, as if the heavens had opened—almost like a miracle. In any case, it dampened his enthusiasm—and his determination. He took off for the car.

“For the longest time I just lay there. I guess I was in shock or something. But finally I got up and stumbled back to the car. He was waiting for me, none too patiently, aggravated about his rented tux getting wet. He told me to get in. We were out in the middle of nowhere, and I guess I sensed that at that point it would be more dangerous to wander the back roads on foot in a storm than ride back to town with him. Besides, I could tell his ardor, if that’s what you’d call it, had cooled. So I got in and he took me home. Can you believe that he…he asked me out again, two weeks later?” she said brokenly, the tears still streaming down her face.

Zach muttered another unflattering comment and pressed her cheek more closely to his chest. She could feel the hard, rapid thudding of his heart, could sense his anger in the rigid lines of his body. Oddly enough, her own simmering rage, so tightly coiled all these years, had eased.

Finally Zach drew back slightly and cradled her tear-streaked face with his hands, his thumbs gently erasing the evidence of her tears. “Have you ever told anyone about this, Rebecca?”

“N-no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I…I was too ashamed. I felt like maybe it was my fault, that I’d done something wrong, encouraged him in some way.”

“You don’t still think that, do you?”

She shook her head. “No. But it took me a long time to get past that. And I never did get over my fear of being alone with men. That’s why the few dates I went on turned into such disasters. I just assumed every time a man kissed me that it would evolve into an attack. I know that’s irrational, but I can’t seem to control the panic. It just…overwhelms me.”

“Have you ever thought about counseling?”

“Yes. But I—I’ve always been too embarrassed to talk about it. And I figured eventually I would get over it. Only…I never did.”

He stroked her back in silence for a few seconds, then reached up and fingered a few loose tendrils that had worked free of her hairpins and now lay curled softly at her nape. “That’s why you always wear your hair up, isn’t it?” he asked with sudden insight. “Because he used your long hair against you that night.”

She hesitated, then nodded. “Yes. I like long hair, but it seemed…safer…to wear it up. And this style suits my profession. But I let it down around family and close friends. Like…like you,” she said, her voice suddenly shy, her eyes downcast.

He studied her for a moment, then decided to risk the question. “Is that all I am, Rebecca?” he asked softly. “A friend?”

He felt a shudder run through her as she drew in a shaky breath. “I…I like you a lot, Zach,” she replied cautiously. “But I have a major problem with…with intimacy. I break into a cold sweat just thinking about it. Touching makes me feel fear, not desire. And no man’s ego can take that forever.” Her voice suddenly sounded resigned and defeated.

Zach didn’t believe for a minute that Rebecca was incapable of desire. He’d seen it flashing in her eyes on any number of occasions. But
she
believed it, and only patience and understanding would convince her otherwise.

“Can I tell you something, Rebecca?” he asked quietly. “I don’t think the right man’s ego would
have
to take it forever. I’ve seen the way you look at me. I know in your heart you feel more than just liking for me. You’re just too afraid to let those feelings out. But my ego is strong enough to handle your fear until you feel comfortable enough to move forward. I think we could have something very special, you and I. And I also think you owe it to yourself—to both of us—to give this thing a chance.”

Rebecca bit her lip as she considered his words. How much progress could she make in three weeks, before Zach left? And the real question was, how much did she want to make? Zach never talked about leaving, or what would happen when he did. Maybe he just wanted to help “cure” her out of compassion and genuine caring. It didn’t mean he loved her. But to let the relationship progress and then have him walk out—could she deal with that?

Rebecca wanted to believe that Zach cared enough about her to find a way to keep her in his life once he left St. Genevieve. St. Louis wasn’t that far away, after all. If he wanted to continue their relationship, they could manage it.

She closed her eyes, seeking guidance.
Please, Lord, give me a sign. Show me what to do. Do I take a chance on this wonderful man, trust that he cares enough about me to make me part of his life, or do I throw away the possibility for love, let him walk away, out of fear?

No answer was immediately forthcoming, and she sighed. But when she opened her eyes, her gaze fell on a painting of tulips she’d recently added to the restaurant. It spoke eloquently of spring and hope and new life. And suddenly she knew what she was going to do.

“All right, Zach,” she said quietly. “Let’s give it a chance.”

Zach gathered up the final papers from his desk and shoved them into his briefcase, snapped the clasp shut and glanced around the deserted classroom. It was hard to believe that the last day of school had arrived already.

“Mr. Wright?”

Zach glanced toward the door and smiled. “Hi, Pete.”

“Hi. Do you have a minute?”

“Sure. Come on in. I thought everyone had cleared out by now.”

“I was just cleaning out my locker.” He shuffled in self-consciously, his hands stuck in the pockets of his jeans.

Zach eyed him speculatively, noting the slight flush on his cheeks and the spark in his eyes. He could feel an…excitement…radiating from the youth. “What’s up?” he asked mildly.

Suddenly Pete grinned, unable to keep the good news to himself any longer. “I won the short story contest!” he blurted out, his voice tinged with pride.

Zach’s lips curved into a smile of pleasure. He strode toward the boy, taking his hand in a firm grip as he laid his free hand on Pete’s shoulder. “Congratulations! Are you the national winner?”

“Yeah. The story will be published next fall. And there’s a thousand-dollar prize!”

Zach grinned. “I knew you could do it. You’re one of the most talented writers I’ve ever met.”

The boy blushed and looked down. “Well, I just wanted to say that if it hadn’t been for you, this would never have happened.”

Zach waved his thanks aside. “It’s hard to hide talent like yours, Pete. Sooner or later you would have found your voice, with or without me.”

The boy frowned and shook his head slowly. “I don’t think so, Mr. Wright. I was at kind of a low point in my life, getting involved in some things that weren’t…well…very good. I think you came along at just the right time. You made me believe in myself. I wouldn’t even have known about the contest if it hadn’t been for you, let alone entered it. And so I just wanted to…to say thanks for making such a difference in my life. And to ask if it would be okay for me to keep in touch when you go back to St. Louis.”

Zach smiled and squeezed Pete’s shoulder. “Absolutely.” He reached over to the desk, jotted down his address and handed it to the boy. “I’ll be in town for at least another two weeks, though.”

“Maybe I’ll run into you at Rebecca’s,” the boy said hopefully.

Zach smiled. “You can count on it.”

“Well…see you around.”

Zach watched him amble out, filled with a sense of deep contentment. Never, in all his years of reporting, had he been aware of making such a direct impact on a single life. And it felt good, he realized. Very good.

Zach propped his hip on the edge of the desk, folded his arms across his chest and gazed pensively out the window at the lush foliage. When he’d arrived in St. Genevieve, in mid-February, the world was gray and dead and cold. Now, at the end of May, it was bright and alive and warm. Much like his heart, he realized. Here, in this small rural town, as a high school teacher, he’d found work that energized him in a way journalism no longer did. He’d found, through Isabel, a new outlook on the world and discovered a surprising paternal side to his personality. And he’d found, in Rebecca, a woman to love.