03 - Sworn (24 page)

I never thought about the bright spots, never recaptured the gratitude I now remembered feeling as a child for a warm hearth, for a mother who could teach me to read, for my small bed under the rafters that was so much better than the old temple floor.

True, my life hadn’t been easy, and my mother’s had been harder. We had few friends in that suspicious town, little time for recreation, and plenty of hard work to keep our backs bent. But at least we weren’t freezing, and we hadn’t starved under the baleful gaze of the diamond dragon.

I found my attention drifting back to Kel, who walked with his head down, watching the road ahead. Would I have met him if my life had gone differently? Might I have become spoiled and lazy in Luid? Aren had called me a harpy, and I couldn’t disagree, but perhaps my obstinate, prickly nature wasn’t entirely the fault of my upbringing in Cressia. And Aren had said I should be grateful for not growing up under Ulric’s thumb, for never having to know Severn.

I won’t thank Severn for what he did,
I decided,
especially for how he destroyed my mother. I will continue to do everything in my power to bring him down. But then maybe I can let go. Move on. Be free....

The tightness I always carried in my chest loosened a little. When a warm breeze blew up behind us, I turned and let it blow my hair back from my face.

“It’ll be time for that second dose soon,” I told Kel.

“Do you know what I should expect? I don’t feel anything yet.”

“No. I’m interested to find out what comes of that horrid goop, myself.”

He gagged again at the memory. “It’ll be worth it if it makes me feel better.” His broad shoulders drooped and his feet dragged, but he didn’t stop again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

“I doubt it will help.”

“Try. I’ve been doing all the talking, and it’s helping me feel better.”

He sighed. “I just feel dried out. Used up. Like I’m going to blow away at the next strong gust of wind. I’ve always enjoyed visiting land. It’s different, and there’s this strange feeling of absolute solidity that you get when you step out of the water. But it’s been too long. I’m not myself. The weight is dragging me down. I want to swim for the surface, but there is no surface. And there’s no depth below me to dive into. Everything is flat, and I find myself becoming flat, too.”

“Not entirely flat,” I said, and cast an appreciative glance over his body, noting the way his shirt clung to the muscles of his chest and shoulders.

A week before, that would have earned me a laugh and a deep, long kiss that said I could explore that body further when I was ready to. Now all I got was a silent half-smile. He was right. He was slipping away.

“Is it just being here?” I asked.

“Mostly. I’m also worried about Cass, and hoping she’s safe. And now that Aren and Rowan are gone, I feel like my heart is split in too many pieces. I know I made the right decision staying here with you, though.”

“Why?”

“Because it keeps me with the biggest piece of my heart.”

His words filled me with a warm glow as I mixed the second dose of Mama’s recipe, and for a while I forgot about my bitterness. “Drink up, big guy.”

He did, and by the time the group stopped to make camp, he had brightened considerably. Mama noticed right away.

“Feeling better, my friend?”

“I am. It’s not home, but I feel more myself. Thank you, Mama.”

The old woman beamed. “If I were fifty years younger I’d make you feel even better.”

Kel chuckled as she shimmied away, and laughed harder when he saw how my jaw had dropped. “I like her,” he said.

I pressed my lips together, holding back a smile. “She’s a treat, all right.”

Mama Bunn looked back. “Bring the box with the finished potions in it,” she called to us. “We need to try to stretch out the stew. The folks who stopped first should have something heating up by now.”

“Nox!” A tall fellow approached, one of Goff and Laelana’s former lackeys who had been spending time around Ulric lately. “The king needs you immediately.”

I sighed and handed the heavy box to Kel. “Make sure the old woman gets that, will you? I don’t think I’m going to get anything to eat.”

“The king will, though,” the lanky man said. His pompous tone irritated me, but ignored it. “Told me to tell you to bring him some food when you come.”

“Might as well make myself useful,” I muttered.

I made my way toward the scent of the meal that the first arrivals had started cooking and scooped two servings of thin stew from the massive iron pot. Ulric’s messenger marched ahead and led me toward wherever the king was holding court. Ulric would miss out on whatever beneficial things Mama Bunn tossed into the stew later, but that was his own fault.

Impatient old sod.

We found him with his small tent already set up. No bed this time, but his bedroll looked far more comfortable than mine, and he was out of the sun. He sat on a folding stool where he’d just finished shaving the stubble from his jaw. He set his razor-edged knife aside as I entered alone and handed him his meal.

“Any progress?” He tasted his meal and grimaced, but ate it anyway.

“No. I’ve been somewhat occupied with helping Mama Bunn pack her things. She’s a necessity right now, and so are her supplies if we’re all going to make it to Luid alive.”

“Agreed. But I need your mind on my problem at all times.”

“Are you certain I shouldn’t ask her for her opinion? She has more experience than I.”

He frowned. “You know we can’t let anyone else know.”

“If I start slacking off my work to ponder on potions for you, she’ll know there’s something going on.” I rubbed my temples to ease the tension that crept up whenever I spoke to my father. “She looks older than boots, but she’s sharp.”

Ulric glanced down at the cracked leather that covered my feet. “Indeed. Well, if you would be so kind as to turn your attention to this minor detail when you get a chance, I’d be ever so grateful.”

I took a deep breath. “Is that all? This has been lovely, but I should get back out there.”

He set his bowl on the ground. “You know, I’ve had people’s tongues cut out for less insolence than you show me.”

“My apologies. I’m hardly accustomed to addressing royalty. Sir.” The ice in my voice matched the chill in his eyes as he continued to look me over.

“Tell me everything you know about where Aren has gone. And about Rowan, and their relationship.”

I shot him a suspicious glare. “Are you going to have my tongue cut out if it displeases you?”

He smiled at that. His smile never made him look happy. “No.”

“I don’t know much. Probably no more than you.”

“Let’s find out, shall we?”

This was surely a test. He knew something, and wanted to see if he could trust me to tell him. Fine. No harm telling him what he already knew. But not too much. I wouldn’t betray Aren.

“They went west to find the Darmish refugees.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. They left on foot. I didn’t ask a lot of questions. He said they’d catch up with us before we reached Luid. He hasn’t abandoned you, if that’s what you think.”

The king grunted at that. “That wasn’t my concern, but thank you for the reassurance. And what about Rowan?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know her well. She’s a Sorceress, but you knew that. Dead loyal to Aren, but you knew that, too.”

“And is he to her?”

“Loyal? I’d say so. He didn’t go to Ardare looking for you, remember. He wanted her back, and would have torn that fortress down to get to her if he’d had to. You were a lucky coincidence.”

Ulric rubbed a hand over his jaw. “Thank you for your honesty.”

“If we’re through—”

The tent flap behind me snapped open, and Goff stepped in. I moved aside. The man was little more than Laelana’s assistant , but I still didn’t need to be on his bad side.

“You need to do something,” he said to Ulric, jabbing a finger in his direction.

Ulric ignored the bad manners, but he surely noted every insolent word and gesture. “I’m doing many things. What, specifically, would you have me add to the list?”

Goff glowered. “We’re nearly starving. Everything we had left just went into the pot.”

“Shall I snap my fingers and create a feast?”

“You’re the king! We’ve passed two distant farms already. If you ordered it, they’d be forced to share their stores with us. They couldn’t say no.”

“Hmm.” Ulric stroked his chin. “And you think they have any more than we have, after the long winter?”

“They must have something. The fields are green enough out this way.”

“So you’d have us rob them to feed you, is that it?”

Goff’s mouth pulled back in a disbelieving sneer. “We’re on the king’s business. Surely that’s more important than them.”

Ulric turned his eyes toward the roof. “Thank the gods you’re not king and never will be. I’ll not turn my people against me before I’ve regained the throne. Or after, for that matter.”

Laelana joined us in the tent. “Goff, enough.”

“I told you to wait outside,” he snarled.

Interesting.
I’d always thought that Laelana wore the crown in their relationship, but it seemed Goff had some fight in him when he got worked up.

She turned to Ulric and made a short bow. “My apologies. Goff does get cranky when he’s on tight rations.” She glanced sideways at Goff. He stepped back, glowering. “In spite of his poor manners, Goff is correct. We are out of food. With your permission, sire, I’ll send some of our trained fighters out to hunt. It will be good practice for them. ” She frowned. “Perhaps if we detoured to a river or a lake and found fish. It wouldn’t put us off by more than a day, I’d guess.” Laelana tried to speak well and sound educated, but her backwoods accent crept into her voice.

Ulric’s mouth twitched. “Use what and whom you need, but we stay on course. Perhaps we’ll find something when we start passing through towns, but for now it’s down to what we can hunt and forage on our route.”

She bowed again and left the tent.

Goff continued to glare at Ulric.
Idiot,
I thought.
Were he at full strength, you’d be dead by now.

“You promised us wealth and power if we helped you,” Goff said. “Glory. Fame.”

“All these things will be yours,” Ulric said in a calm tone that offered no room for disagreement. “But not until they are mine.”

Goff turned and stalked out of the tent.

Ulric leaned forward on his stool and rested his head in his hands. “I’m quickly remembering why I left Luid.”

“People like him?”

“Like all of them. Demanding special treatment, trying to order me around. Me, the king and the most powerful Sorcerer ever to rule Tyrea. At least he’s open about it, though his continued desire to see his people sent to war troubles me. The liars and the schemers are worse, and they’re everywhere in Luid. I suppose when I set out to find your mother, I was hoping to bring back a bit of peace and sanity to my life.”

My breath caught in my throat. “You were looking for us? Aren had heard you might be, but you never came.”

“No, I was waylaid, wasn’t I?” He paused before he spoke again. “Nox, I do regret everything that happened to you and to your mother. I don’t suppose you’ll ever understand why I had to send you away, but it was that or kill her.” He appeared troubled. “Perhaps that would have saved you if I’d gone through with it. If Magdalena had died…” His voice broke, but he regained his composure quickly. “If I’d had her executed, you could have gone to the nursemaid who pretended you were hers. No one would have known any different. But I couldn’t do it.” Regret and helplessness weighed his voice down, and softened him in a way that surprised me to the point of discomfort.

“Of course not,” I whispered. I couldn’t say I felt compassion for him, but my shell of hatred softened. In spite of everything, I wanted to comfort the man who had once cared for my mother, who obviously still did. “You did what you thought would save her, and you tried to get her back.”

When he looked up, his expression was hard. The instant change shook me, and I stepped back. “I was a fool. No good came of my compassion, of my... my weakness.”

He’d been about to say love, I knew he had. And he couldn’t, even now. Still, it was something. I’d never expected such honesty from him, and such vulnerability.

Perhaps there is more there than I thought. He’s struggling.

“You both fared poorly in Cressia,” he continued. “She died in the end, anyway, and my household lost a potentially powerful Potioner. We could have done great things with you, Nox. And in the end, knowing she was still out there gave me false hope of a return to the way I felt when she was around. I acted foolishly, and look what’s happened. Severn stole my throne, and removing him from it may prove impossible. I’m broken. Aren is gone.”

“You’ll have your position back,” I said, more for my benefit than for his. “You’ll take it, and Severn will pay for what he’s done.”

“He certainly will.”

I warmed again.
We are sworn to the same purpose,
I thought.
I don’t like you, but—

He shook his head, angry. “I should have just had her killed. We’d all have been better off if I’d been stronger.”

My shell hardened again, immediately and completely. My sympathy had stretched past its limit, and the backlash of it snapping stung me hard. “If you’ll excuse me,” I said flatly, “I think I hear Mama Bunn calling.”

“I’m not going to let Aren make the same mistake I did,” Ulric said. He was talking to himself, though. It was like I had never been there at all.

16

ROWAN

I
’ve heard that if a person falls from a great height, she’ll die before she hits the ground. I spent almost as much energy during our long flight hoping that was true as I did trying to keep from finding out. A mid-air death sounded far more pleasant than a hard landing at the bottom.

As comfortable as I’d become on Florizel’s back during our previous journeys, this was hardly the same thing. With Patience seated ahead of me, I constantly slipped back on Florizel’s haunches. I clamped my thighs against her and threaded my fingers tight into her mane, pulling myself forward with my arms and pressing as close as I could against Patience’s back, but nothing made me feel secure.