03 - Sworn (22 page)

“Is it hurting you?” I asked. “Are you feeling ill when you use it?”

“A little,” she said, “but that’s because every time I do, I remember how I used it to kill. Maybe that’s why I’m not feeling it as much. Why it doesn’t come back to me. I just don’t know.”

Not quite the same as Ulric, then. That was a relief, but the apprehension didn’t leave me.

She looked like she wanted to say something else, but didn’t. Her jaw set in a firm line, and she looked west. “I’ll get past it. We should keep going.”

“Should we talk about it?”

“I’d rather not.”

We adjusted our course toward distant mountains that were beginning to look far too familiar to me.

The silence weighed on me. I wanted to tell her everything, but my father’s warnings came back to me. If he knew I’d told her about his illness, that would be the end of any chance I had of gaining his trust. And if just speaking with her caused him to lash out…

No,
I decided.
I won’t let him do that to me.
I would trust her, at least with the parts she might help with or that might help her. I couldn’t afford to shut her out. More than that, I didn’t want to. I’d promised to stop keeping secrets from her, and I wouldn’t let this be an exception.

“Ulric is being harmed by his magic,” I said. She slowed and looked back.

“What do you mean?”

“When he uses it, it harms him physically. Perhaps his mind, too, which I’m hoping explains some of the way he’s been treating you.”

She stopped walking and stared at me for a few moments, and I watched her expression change as she reached the obvious conclusion. “He can’t face Severn like that. That’s why he’s kept you so close, why he’s been so obsessed with the idea of you being prepared to take his place.”

“It won’t come to that.”

She nodded, but something in her eyes said she didn’t quite believe me.

“Nox is working on healing him,” I added. “Protecting him from the damage his magic is doing to him. But she needs help, and ingredients. That’s why this mission of ours is so urgent. It’s not just about feeding the people. If Nox can fix him, Ulric will take the throne again.”

Rowan smiled sadly. “No one can fix everything that’s wrong with your father, I’m sure. But I hope we can get Nox some help.”

“And she might be able to do something for you, as well,” I added.

She brightened a little at that. “Here’s hoping. But Ulric first. For our sake more than his. Maybe things will be more pleasant for me once he’s feeling less threatened.”

I sometimes forgot how perceptive she was, even without the benefit of my magical skills.

When we reached the shores of a green, grassy field, Rowan dropped her pack.

“Is this it?” I asked.

“I think so. What do we do if she’s not here?”

“Keep walking.”

The sun broke over the horizon behind us, turning the land to gold. Bright flashes between stalks of grass indicated that the lower parts of the land were covered in water. It was a remarkable spot, quiet and completely uninhabited.

“The people could have come here,” I observed.

Rowan winced. “Yeah.”

She stood at the edge of the wet land and held her hands up, beckoning. A ripple passed over the water, pushing it closer to her and moving the grasses as it came, and then lay still. She scowled and gritted her teeth. Water rose in a wave that washed over her feet, then calmed again. Her hands dropped to her sides.

“I know I can do this,” she said softly. “And yet I can’t.”

“Why?”

She sighed. “It’s there. I want to use it, and I don’t know what’s stopping me. I get there, right to the edge, and a door slams shut.”

I considered the problem. It wasn’t like anything I’d experienced. But then, I’d grown up with my magic, chasing after every bit of progress without the fear she’d had instilled in her from birth or the guilt she felt over her actions. “Is it the pressure?” I asked. “Perhaps if you didn’t feel you had to repeat what happened in the city. If you could just enjoy your magic as the gift it is.”

She nodded. “I’m trying.”

“But I still think the connection between your problem and Ulric’s is worth exploring with Nox when we get back.”

Her posture relaxed. “You really think I can master this?”

“In time? Absolutely. You’re meant for greatness, but it doesn’t have to happen today.”

I reached out to touch her hair, which the early morning light had lit like a fire. She turned to me and smiled, and the warmth in her gray eyes spoke to something deep inside of me. I felt myself opening. Relaxing. Letting go of the pressure I’d been under since my father’s rescue.

“This is perfect.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized they were coming.

She wrinkled her nose. “You think so?”

“I do. Not your problems, of course. But look at what we have right now. No Ulric. No pressure, no looking to the future.”

It couldn’t last, but we could make the most of it while it did.

A smile curled the edges of Rowan’s lips, as though she were reading my thoughts, and she stepped closer. “We might have to wait a while for Florizel.”

She gasped as my fingers tangled in her hair and I pulled her toward me. She grabbed the front of my jacket and drew me into a deep kiss that lit my body on fire as the world around us faded to insignificance.

Even if I live a thousand years, I will never wish for anything but this.

“Excuse me?” inquired a small voice.

I released Rowan, and she jumped back. I turned, instantly defensive, magic ready to attack. The interruption angered me almost as much as the fact that someone had managed to sneak up on me in my moment of distraction.

The sight of a small, scarred girl did little to take the edge off of my irritation.

Rowan’s eyes widened. “Patience, what are you doing here?”

The child winced. “Are you angry?”

Rowan glanced quickly at me, then back to the girl. “No, we’re not angry. A little confused, though.”

Speak for yourself.

Patience adjusted the small pack she carried on her shoulders. “I heard Aren talking to the others last night. You need my help.”

“You might have brought it up then instead of listening in on private conversations, sneaking around, and following us all night without announcing your presence,” I said through clenched teeth. I wanted to ask how she’d tracked us without me knowing, but didn’t care to bring up that weakness. I’d find out soon enough, somehow.

The girl stared at her feet. “I could have. And you’d have told me not to come, or sent me back.”

“Yes, we would have,” Rowan said. “Patience, I know you want to help, but you belong at camp. They’ll be frantic with worry by now.”

“They probably haven’t even noticed I left.” Tears shone in Patience’s eye when she looked up, but she kept her jaw firmly set. “I want to go with you. I want to help do something important. Something big. Don’t tell me you don’t need another eye keeping a lookout.”

Rowan sighed. “Give us a minute to talk this over.”

We stepped to the edge of the water. “What are we going to do now?” I asked. “Send her back alone? Have Florizel take her?”

Rowan looked back at Patience. “Or we let her come, if Florizel can carry both of us. We’re going to have to come back on foot if we find Victoria, but maybe we could still fly there with Patience.”

I turned around. The girl was still watching, but the defiance had left her expression.

“Please,” she said, just loud enough for us to hear. “I know I can help.”

I walked farther along the edge of the water, and Rowan followed. “She needs to feel useful,” she said.

“I understand that, but this isn’t a game. As excited as I was to be alone with you, happy as I was to get away from my father, this is important. We need to find those people, hopefully your aunt among them, and get back before the rebels get too far away. Having a child around is going to slow us down, and if there’s trouble we’re going to be responsible for her.”

She smiled. “You’ve kept me alive all this time.”

I snorted. “Don’t pretend you haven’t done as much for me as I have for you.”

“Between the two of us we should be able to handle one little girl for a few days, right? And she’s already proved she can be sneaky. Might come in handy.”

“Why is this important to you?”

She lifted her hands helplessly. “I don’t know. I just feel for her. She’s lost her family even more permanently than I’ve lost mine. All she wants to do is help, and no one lets her because they think she’s useless and broken. I know how that feels.”

I turned back and looked at Patience, who watched us carefully. I wanted nothing more than to be rid of her, but I had questions about her real reasons for following us. There was more to it than she was saying, but when I opened myself to her thoughts, I found a blank space.

Who taught you that?
I wondered. Her family had some skill in hiding themselves, and perhaps the answer was as simple as that. But they’d had magic on their side.

I’d keep the girl close, and I’d have answers one way or another.

“We’ll see what Florizel says,” I told Rowan. “If she can carry both of you, I suppose Patience can come. If not, Florizel takes her as close to the villagers as she’s willing to, then comes back for us.”

Rowan stepped closer as though she were going to kiss me, then glanced back over her shoulder. “I’ll thank you later.”

“No you won’t.” I scowled as though that were the only thing on my mind. “Not properly. Not if she’s here.”

“We’ll figure something out.”

As Rowan went back to talk to Patience a shadow passed over us, broad wings and lean body distorted by the dips in the land. Florizel landed at the edge of the marshland and walked toward me.

“Aren,” she called, and trotted closer. “I thought it was you, and then I saw the girl, and I wasn’t sure.”

“It’s us,” I said, and ran a hand over her neck to reassure her. “Are you well?”

“Very well. The grass is good here. I thought you would come with the people and I’d have to move on, but all has been peaceful.”

Rowan and Patience hurried over. Patience’s face lit up in a grin, and as she came to a stop her hands flexed at her sides as though desperate to reach out and touch the lovely horse.

Rowan quickly explained our plan, and Florizel looked the child over.

“She’s small,” she said cautiously. “It may work if she can keep from squirming, and if you all don’t have too much to carry. Let me try her.”

Rowan gave Patience a boost onto the horse’s back, and the girl bit back an excited squeal.

“You’ll be riding in front of me,” she told Patience. “I can’t risk you letting go and falling off if you’re behind. Florizel, can you fly with Patience’s legs in front of your wings?”

“I don’t think so. You’ll have to sit farther back this time if you want another passenger.”

A nervous look passed over Rowan’s face, but she nodded. “We’ll work it out. Can you take Patience for a trot around the field, just to get used to each other?”

Florizel went through various paces, stops and starts while Rowan and I sorted through the bags to see what we could leave behind. Rowan would have to carry my things and hers if I was flying, and there would already be added weight. We needed two sets of bedding now, even if I slept in eagle form, but we only took the barest minimum for warmth rather than comfort. I hadn’t packed much food, and Patience had brought none, but we took what little I’d lifted from the kitchens on my way from Ulric’s tent to Rowan’s. We reluctantly left our spare clothes, but Rowan would wear both of our coats as long as it didn’t become too heavy for Florizel. We kept the thick, healing ointment Nox had sent, tucked deep in the bottom of Rowan’s bag, and a few smaller items we thought would be useful later.

“Are we ready to try this?” Florizel asked. Patience grinned and bounced up and down, and Florizel’s ears went back. “Ouch. Human child, please.”

“Sorry.”

Rowan followed me to a thick patch of trees, where I took off my clothes and handed them to her.

“You know,” she said with a sly smile, “you could have just changed. I would have picked your things up for you.” She reached out to trail her fingers over my chest and down my stomach.

I shivered and flashed her a lazy grin. “Just wanted to remind you of what you’re going to be missing now that your little friend is joining us.”

“You’re evil.”

“I know.”

I stepped back and transformed. Rowan crouched and ran her hand over the feathers of my head and back. I arched my neck under her touch.

“Safe flight,” she said, and I realized I’d forgotten to wish her the same.

I took off and glided in slow circles overhead as they sorted out how two humans and their bags were going to fit on the back of one smallish flying horse. They eventually ended up with Patience sitting in front of Rowan, wearing her pack on her front while Rowan kept hers on her back.

Rowan reached around Patience to hold onto Florizel’s long mane, but the arrangement looked far from secure to me. For this reason and many others, I wished again that Patience hadn’t followed us. It wasn’t only the danger, or the distraction, or the fact that this brief journey might have been my last chance to be alone with Rowan before we had to make hard decisions about our future—or futures, if my father was right. I also didn’t trust the girl.

I’d decide later what to do about her.

Florizel went through her earthbound paces again, faster this time, getting used to the extra bulk. The flight should have been impossible, but then, so should a flying horse. She had magic on her side, and I hoped it would be enough.

She took a long running start and pushed off the ground, then landed again in what I imagined was a teeth-jarring thud for her passengers. She circled around and tried again, leaping higher this time, neck muscles straining as she stretched her head forward, wings flapping hard. She made it, but just barely, and fought for every bit of altitude she slowly gained.

“Come on, then,” she gasped as she passed me. “Haven’t got all day. Lead on.”