0215543001348293036 vaughn piper oshea m.j. (29 page)

And that was the bottom line. All my emotional crap aside, what really mattered was that Alice needed her family just as much as I needed mine. And Erik was at least a third of that family. Probably way more.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I waved at Daisy and walked quietly to my car, the car that would take me back to the life I was choosing. I wished I felt better about it. Nothing felt right. Not California, not here, not anywhere except Erik’s bed in Erik’s arms—with him holding me and rubbing my back and chuckling so I could feel the vibrations under my cheek. That was where I belonged. I could only hope that, if I stayed in Delaware, there was a possibility of finding my way there again.

I KNOCKED tentatively on Erik’s door when I got back to the building.

I thought of it as “the building.” It hadn’t felt like home in days. He came to the door, holding Alice against his chest. She was sleepy, but her eyes were still open. She reached for my hair with sticky little fingers. I let her tug on it. I hoped the small pain might wake me up.

“You don’t have to knock, Rue,” Erik told me quietly. He handed my daughter back to me.

“I know. It just feels….” Weird? Wrong? Like I wanted to lean into his arms and never stand back up on my own again?

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“Rue—”

“Have a good night, Erik. Alice will be ready for you in the morning.” I’d interrupted him, but I couldn’t hear it. Couldn’t listen to anymore “I don’t knows.”

“Rue….”

I turned and walked quietly over to my side of the wall, to the apartment I’d loved so much until it felt empty. Until
I
felt empty.
Stop
being such a drama queen. Other people in the world have had their
hearts broken.
I knew I was making the right choice, for Alice if nothing else. Maybe even for myself.

After I got Alice settled in her playpen, I sat on the couch and flipped open my phone. I was going to call Chad and tell him to find someone else for the job. I was sure there would be a mile-long line of stylists waiting to take my place.

“Hey, Chad. It’s Rue.”

“Hey there! You getting all packed and ready to go?” His enthusiasm nearly made me cry. “About that….” I was about to just do it, to tear the bandage off and get it over with when my door opened, nearly slamming against the wall behind it.

“Rue, we’ve gotta talk.”

“Chad, will you hold on for a second? I’m sorry.”

“Sure, babe. I’ll wait.”

I looked up at Erik. He kneeled then, so that his face was even with mine where it was propped against the couch’s armrest. “What is it?”

“Tell him you’ll come. I know what you were going to do. Don’t do it.”

My heart shattered. “So we don’t have a chance at all? You don’t even want to be part of Alice’s life?” My throat hurt. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I shoved the phone at Erik’s chest. “Get rid of him,” I whispered. Then I dug my face into the soft leather of my couch to hide the fact that I was dying.

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one small thing

Everything felt like it was falling apart, disintegrating into meaningless pieces that swirled further and further away. Even Erik’s voice sounded like it was coming from the other side of thick Plexiglas, muffled and barely intelligible.

“Chad? This is Erik, Rue’s partner. We have some packing to do.

When do you need him?” Erik listened intently for a moment. “Oh, yeah. That shouldn’t be a problem…. Yes, I’m looking forward to meeting you too.”

His words halfway registered… partner…? We…? I held my breath. Was it possible?

Erik clicked the phone shut and placed it gently on my coffee table. Then he was wrapping those warm, wonderful arms around me, pulling me close and running his lips across my eyelids.

“Don’t cry, baby.”

I nearly choked on a desperate sob. “Don’t cry?” He chuckled softly and wiped at my cheeks with his thumbs.

Then he kissed my lips, barely there and soft. I wanted to drag his face into mine so he could never ever stop kissing me again. “I’m sorry I put us through the last few days. I—I don’t know how to explain what happens to me. It’s been so much better since I met you. I wasn’t prepared for this one.”

“W-why did you tell Chad I was coming?”

“I didn’t. I told him
we
were coming. I’m coming with you… if I’m still invited.”

I squeezed him as tight as I could. I hoped that was enough of an answer. I was sobbing quietly. I could hardly breathe, let alone talk.

Erik scooted me over and lay down on the couch next to me. He wrapped me up in his warm body, arms and legs and that wonderful pulsing heartbeat. I laid my cheek against his chest so I could hear it.

“What made you change your mind?” My voice was hoarse, but I’d calmed down enough to speak.

“You. Me. I’m not sure. I don’t think I could’ve ever really let you walk away from me. I was just being my usual mess of a self, but I

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talked to my mom, and she helped me straighten it out in my head.

Forgive me?”

I could forgive him anything as long as he never stopped holding me. I nodded against his chest.

“So, California, huh?” Erik was still soothing me, petting at my back and kissing the top of my head. “I think I could get used to the sun. You’re going to have to invest in some serious sunblock, though, my little pale one.”

I giggled weakly and tightened my hold on him. Never letting go.

Never. “I love you,” I finally whispered.

He tipped my face up so he could kiss me again. “I love you too.”
Erik

“ONLY two boxes left upstairs. Almost done.” I looked up at the sound of Rue’s voice. I’d been arranging the pieces of Alice’s crib and strapping them down so they didn’t slide all over the place as we made our cross-country haul, while Rue brought down the last handful of boxes, and Devon, his friend from when he worked at the Tom Tom Club, kept an eye on Alice.

We’d been packing up the truck all morning. Save for a select few items we couldn’t bear to part with, most of our larger possessions had been sold or donated, including Rue’s car, which had been about five seconds from death anyway. Dusty had left for California the week before so he could check out the house we were renting and make sure everything was ready for our arrival. He’d only gotten there a couple of days ago—the drive had taken him a bit longer than it would us, since he’d made it alone and had to stop more often than we would. Despite the exhausting trip, he seemed so excited to be there, and his enthusiasm was palpable, even through the thousands of miles that separated us.

[198]

one small thing

I was still nervous about the move. It would be a huge step for me, something so totally outside of my comfort zone I’d never even imagined it would happen. If it hadn’t been for Rue and Alice coming into my life, it never would have. I’d still be up in that apartment, thinking I was happy to be alone but not knowing how lonely I really was underneath it all. The move would be good for me. And as long I had my family by my side, I knew I could handle anything.

But that didn’t mean we hadn’t come up with a backup plan too.

My chair was coming with, of course, and Rue had bought me a portable DVD player just in case the trip got to be too much and I needed to indulge in some
Star Wars
therapy. He’d even picked up a couple of cases of Gatorade and a package of marshmallow pinwheels for good measure. When he’d loaded them into the backseat, I couldn’t help but laugh. Rue… after all this time, he’d come to know me so well.

I climbed down from the truck and gave Rue a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll go grab them.”

It only took another twenty minutes for us to be ready to go. As I got Alice set up in her car seat, Rue rolled down his window to say one last good-bye to Devon.

“I can’t believe how domestic this is,” Devon teased from his place on the sidewalk. “Moving across the country to set up house with your boyfriend and baby. I tell you, the apocalypse must be nigh.” Rue laughed. “You’re just jealous. You only wish you were living the glamorous life of a parent, cleaning up formula puke and changing stinky diapers.”

Devon was quiet for a moment. “Maybe I do,” he said with a chuckle. “But not for another three years at least, girl! You know I’m still sowing my wild oats.”

“Maybe you should come sow them in California. It seems more your style.”

“Well, you never know. One day I might just show up on your doorstep.”

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I rechecked the straps on Alice’s car seat one last time and settled behind the steering wheel. “We should go.”

Rue nodded. “You have my number. Call me if you ever want to come out for a visit.”

“Will do. Keep in touch, honey-pie. Bye, Erik.”

“Bye, Devon.”

Rue rolled up his window and smiled at me. “Off we go.” A few minutes later we’d left our old neighborhood behind as we made our way toward the interstate.

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Rue said softly. “Can’t say I’m sorry to leave this place.”

“Me either.” I tried to smile, but I couldn’t quite pull it off. My cheeks felt stiff, and nerves had turned my stomach into a tight ball of tension.

Rue reached over to grab my free hand and squeezed it gently.

My other hand held the steering wheel in a death grip. “It’s going to be okay, you know.”

Before I could say anything, Rue’s cell phone started ringing. He gave my hand one last squeeze and released it so he could answer.

“Hey, Dust. How’s it going? I’m gonna put you on speaker, okay?” He pressed a button on the phone, and suddenly Dusty’s cheerful voice filled the interior of the truck. “It’s great! I found this awesome little coffee shop. Kind of reminds me of The Bean, but don’t worry, Erik, it’s a lot cleaner.”

I laughed softly at that. Being inside The Bean had always made my skin crawl. I was glad I’d never have to step foot in that place again.

“You guys are gonna love it here,” Dusty went on. “It’s totally gorgeous, and the house is so cute! The pictures didn’t really do it justice. Just wait ’til you see. And the neighborhood is so nice and quiet, and, Erik, you’re going to love the backyard. There’s plenty of room for a garden and maybe even a pool if the landlord would let us—”

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one small thing

Dusty cut off abruptly. I would have thought the call had been disconnected if it wasn’t for all the background noise. I could hear people talking and the screech of tires as a car braked.

“Dust?” Rue said in amusement. “What’s up? Did you wander out into traffic?”

“Who is that?” Dusty murmured, and I could tell the question hadn’t been meant for us. He sounded completely awestruck.

Rue laughed. “You haven’t even been there two days, and you’re already checking out the guys?”

After a moment, Dusty laughed too, but it was distracted and just a little bit breathless. “You know I’ve been checking them out since day one…. Hey, guys, I’ll call you later, okay?” The line went dead. Rue shook his head and clicked his phone closed. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

This time the smile came easily to my face. “Not at all.”

“Maybe California will be lucky for him. He hasn’t had much success with relationships.”

“I hope so.”

“It’s already lucky for us.” Rue grabbed my hand again and threaded our fingers together.

I lifted his hand to my mouth and brushed a kiss across the knuckles. He’d been on cloud nine for the past couple of weeks, and his happiness told me that, in spite of how anxious I was about moving to a new place, I’d made the right decision. I already had my dream job, and I could write anywhere. It was time for him to have his. And no matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t think of it as leaving my home behind. I was taking it with me.

“New job for me,” Rue continued. “New book contract for you.

Yeah, I’d say we’re off to a good start.”

“Yeah.” We’d just gotten the news earlier in the week. My agent called to say the editors at Anchor loved my book and wanted to publish it. They were aiming for a December release date, right after Christmas. It seemed kind of fitting. Rue told me Alice had been

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conceived around the same time the year before last, and she was the reason why we were together in the first place.

Our little daughter. We were already planning to start the process for me to adopt her once we got to California. Not that it mattered all that much. The paperwork was just to make it legal. Even from the very first, I think I’d always known she was meant to be mine too.

“Maybe in your next book you could tell our story.” I took my eyes off the road long enough to glance at Rue. He was smiling at me, soft and sweet, and the look on his face was enough to melt the last of the tension in my stomach. It would be okay. It would always be okay as long as he was with me.

“It would make for a good story, wouldn’t it?” I said. “And I already know it has a happy ending.”

“The happiest.” Rue chuckled and leaned close to my side. He pressed a kiss to the delicate skin just below my ear, then nipped gently at the lobe. “Just one small thing.”

He nuzzled at that spot some more, and I couldn’t help but shiver.

I probably always would. “Anything….”

I felt Rue’s lips quirk as he smiled against my neck. “You are
not
calling me Underoo.”

[202]