0215543001348293036 vaughn piper oshea m.j. (15 page)

I was
so
getting involved in this. I was about to push for details again when our lunches arrived, his a pile of melted triglycerides over bread, mine a salad. I had to say a bite of that monster did look kind of good. Not that I’d ever admit it aloud.

LATER that night, I was getting ready for work while Dusty lounged on my bed and cuddled with Alice. I’d snapped at him a few times and felt kind of bad about it, but I was still all antsy feeling.

“Bitch, what’s your problem?” Dusty grumbled after I’d given him another short answer. He threw one of my purple satin pillows at me.

“I’m
horny
,” I practically growled. “It’s been since before Alice was born.”

“Lack of sex always has turned you into a wench. What is it, like five months or so?”

I nodded, and Dusty rolled his eyes. “That’s not so bad for the rest of us. It’s not my fault you’re a slut.” I threw the pillow back at him, making sure it didn’t hit Alice.

“Jerk.”

“Go to work. Me and my niece are going to have cuddle time while you’re gone.”

I flipped him off with a smartass smile and grabbed my makeup bag on my way to the bathroom.

[96]

one small thing

WORK was long that night. It had been for weeks, and it was getting worse. The more time I spent with my daughter and Dusty and Erik, the less I wanted to be away from them. It was like we were an odd little family. The nights I couldn’t help put Alice to bed and clean up the dinner dishes before sprawling on the couch to watch a movie—well, I was coming to resent them. It really was too bad that I needed the damn money.

“What’s up with you tonight, honey-pie? You seem off.” Devon flipped his newly dyed turquoise hair.

I shrugged. “I just want to go home. Guess I’m not in the mood tonight.”

“Don’t be a drag, just be a queen….” He blew me a kiss.

“Are you really quoting Gaga at me?” I rolled my eyes at him.

Devon was right, though. If I was going to be there, I might as well make the tips. So I put on a smile and swished my way around the back of the bar, leaning over suggestively to get stuff from the low cabinets, batting my lashes, licking my lips, and all around working it.

It felt wrong. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I wanted to be with my family. All of them.

I grabbed a cab after work, too tired to even bother walking the six blocks to my apartment. I just wanted to get there… wanted to
be
there. It was a relief to finally stick my key in the lock and turn the knob. I expected Dusty to be on the couch half asleep like he usually was, some movie playing in the background. What I didn’t expect was to see Dusty curled against a very comfortable looking Erik, who had his arm slung around Dusty’s shoulders and a sleepy half smile on his face. What I didn’t expect even more was my instantaneous anger. It boiled up fast, and even
I
knew I was being irrational, but all I wanted to do was run over there and tear Dusty away from Erik. Instead, I pushed the front door of my apartment closed loud enough to wake both of them.

Erik looked up with a shocked expression on his face. I wanted to scream at them both, but instead I fled to my room with a strangled

[97]

Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea

shout and locked the door. I flew onto my bed where I pounded against the pillows and kicked at the mattress.

God, what is my damn problem?

Erik

I TILTED my head to the side and reread what I’d just written. My fingers were frozen in place, hovering over the keyboard as I considered the tiny words on my screen. I couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but something seemed off. The sentence I’d typed wasn’t meshing with the image I had in my head, but I couldn’t seem to figure out why. I read it again, my forehead wrinkling in confusion.

Blond hair.
That was it. I’d written that Merrick had blond hair.

But that wasn’t right. No, that wasn’t right at all.

I pushed the “backspace” key until the word had disappeared.

“Black,” I said as I typed the word. Yes, that was better. Black hair, pale skin, fine-boned features. That was how Merrick should be. Why had I ever made him blond in the first place? Well, I’d just have to go back and change his earlier descriptions. Dark hair suited him much better.

After months of hesitating, I was finally working on revisions for my book. I wasn’t sure what had compelled me to start where I did, save for the fact that it seemed like the perfect place for a sex scene, and I figured I might as well get the hardest part out of the way first. I didn’t know if I was entirely ready, but I’d finished all the books Bill had sent and even purchased a few more on my own. That, along with an endless amount of Internet research, had me feeling confident I at least had the basics down. Describing the sensations would be a bit more difficult. But that’s what improvisation was for. Besides, was I an author or wasn’t I? If I could make up entire universes, I could write sex between two men. I mean, how hard could it possibly be?

[98]

one small thing

THREE hours later, I had my answer. I’d written exactly four sentences. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to write, or even how to write it. The simple truth was that every time I thought about something even remotely sexual, I’d get so caught up in images of Rue, in fantasies of us together, that I’d find myself staring blankly into space and then glancing at the clock and realizing half an hour had passed while I was distracted. Not very conducive to the whole writing process.

It didn’t help that earlier the nurse at Alice’s checkup had assumed we were a couple. I’d been doing my best to keep up a brave face, even though doctors’ offices had always made me uncomfortable.

I’d told Rue that I spent my childhood in and out of them, and that was the truth. But that had been a different kind of doctor, the type that sat me down on couches and poked around in my head. I knew that Alice’s visit was just about checking up on her physical development and making sure she was growing as she should be. That knowledge alone had gone a long way to ease my nerves.

But, really, what kept me strong was that I knew Rue was scared and needed someone to lean on. I liked being strong for him, even though I was a wreck on the inside. My guts were churning, and my palms were sweaty. I’d been fighting to keep my heart under control the entire time and doing a pretty good job, I thought… until the nurse asked how long we’d been together, and the careful shell I’d constructed nearly cracked. I’d done my best to be dismissive and turn it into a joke, afraid that if she went on, Rue would look at me and see something in my face, a little chink in my armor that gave away all of the thoughts I’d been having about him, us, for the past few weeks.

If Rue noticed anything, though, he didn’t act like it. At the restaurant he’d teased me about my eating habits, like normal. And then when he’d asked what I was working on, I’d inexplicably started telling him about the book I was supposed to be rewriting. I wasn’t entirely sure why. It’d been awkward, for sure, but at the same time sort of a relief. Finally, he knew. The proverbial cat was out of the bag. I wouldn’t have to hide what I was doing anymore, and maybe he really
could
help me with the naughty scenes, as he’d called them.

[99]

Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea

That thought had no sooner crossed my mind than I was shaking my head. “No. Definitely not.”

I had a feeling that if anything could expose all of my little secrets, it would be my writing. It’s what I was best at, and I put so much of myself into it. If I showed him the scenes I wrote while thoughts of him swirled in my head, if he actually got involved in writing those parts with me, there wasn’t any way he wouldn’t see, wouldn’t know, all of the things that had been on my mind lately.

I stared hard at the words on my computer screen. “Can’t risk it.” And I knew that. But for some reason, I’d wanted him to know about the subject matter itself. It seemed important somehow, though the why of it all eluded me.

Sighing, I saved my work and shut the file. I could try again later.

There was a new release I’d been looking at. I could buy it and spend a few hours reading before I tried again.

I was in the middle of finalizing my purchase when there was a knock at my door. I glanced at the clock. It was a few minutes after eleven, which meant it probably wasn’t Rue. He didn’t normally get home from that club until sometime after two. There was only one other person it could be at this hour, and that thought had me scrambling for the door.

I expected Dusty to be there when I opened it, but I hadn’t imagined the state I would find him in. His eyes were swollen, his face tear-streaked. He was clutching Alice to his side, and he looked absolutely terrified.

“What is it?” I asked in alarm.

“Erik, I d-don’t know what to do,” Dusty choked out, his words barely intelligible. “It’s G-Gary. He won’t stop calling.”

“
Still
?” My eyes widened. A few weeks back Rue had told me that Gary had been calling Dusty almost every day, but I hadn’t heard about it since. I’d assumed he finally stopped. Why couldn’t the guy just take a hint? It wasn’t as if Dusty had tried to be subtle. He’d broken things off, changed his locks, mailed back all of the personal items Gary had kept at his apartment. How many times would Dusty have to tell him it was over before Gary left him alone?

[100]

one small thing

Dusty nodded shakily. I reached out to take Alice from him. She looked tired and upset. I was afraid she might start bawling at any moment, and there was no way I could comfort both of them at the same time. I put her up to my shoulder and patted her little back.

“Come in. Tell me what’s g-going on.”

Dusty stepped into the apartment, and I closed and locked the door behind him. He turned to me almost immediately. “Gary keeps calling and leaving messages. He says he’s going to come over here and drag me back home. I keep telling him that we’re done, but he won’t listen, and I—” Dusty’s words broke off into a sob. “I’m freaking out!”

“D-do you think he’ll really come here?” I asked, bouncing Alice lightly. She was making soft, unhappy noises against my neck, and I knew if I didn’t calm Dusty down somehow, he was going to set her off.

Dusty drew in a shaky breath and wiped at his nose. “I don’t know.”

“Well, you and Alice can just stay here until Rue gets back.”

“But she should be in bed by now. All of her stuff is at Rue’s.” He was right. I had the playpen, but Alice didn’t sleep very well in it, and I only had a couple of spare outfits in case she made a mess of herself during the day. I didn’t have any pajamas for her, and she was still wearing the same clothes she’d been in at the doctor’s earlier.

Alice let out a small whine. I rubbed her back and muttered nonsense to try to soothe her. I was definitely going to have to invest in a backup crib for my apartment. I had enough room in my office to create a secondary nursery. If I was going to be watching her for some indefinite period of time, it made sense. But I could worry about all that another day.

“Let’s go over to Rue’s then, okay? We’ll put Alice to bed, and I’ll stay with you just in case.”

Dusty sniffed and turned toward the door. “Okay.” I reached out to stop him with my free hand. “I won’t let anything h-happen to you.”

[101]

Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea

Dusty nodded and closed his eyes briefly, sending another few tears rolling down his cheeks. “Thanks.”

“Let’s go.”

HALF an hour later, Alice was fast asleep in her nursery, and Dusty and I were sitting on the couch in Rue’s living room. Dusty’s phone had been vibrating almost continuously since we sat down. I finally shut the stupid thing off and tucked it between the couch cushions because just the sight of it seemed to be upsetting him.

“Why won’t he leave me alone?” Dusty moaned and buried his fingers in his pale blond hair. “He’s driving me crazy!”

“I don’t know.” I really didn’t understand. Gary had abused Dusty while they were together. Why was he so desperate to get him back?

Was it that Gary actually loved him, or did he just want to hurt Dusty some more? I had a feeling it was that last one, and it made absolutely no sense to me. When I was around Rue, Dusty, and Alice, my protective instincts kicked in. I could never physically harm any of them, especially not on purpose.

“I don’t know how I ever thought I was happy with him. I—” The pounding at the door was so loud and so unexpected that Dusty outright shrieked, and I nearly fell off the couch in surprise.

Dusty’s hands started shaking. “Oh God. Oh God, he’s here.”

“I know you’re in there, Dustin! Open the fucking door!” The door rattled in its frame. Dusty turned to look at me in horror.

“What if he breaks it down? He’s strong enough. What if he gets in here? What if—?”

I reached out to grab Dusty’s shoulders. “Go into the nursery with Alice and lock the door, okay?”

Dusty’s entire body trembled. “B-but what about you?”

“I’ll be fine.” I dug out his cell phone from between the couch cushions and thrust it into his hands. “Alice is probably awake already.

Go take care of her. If you hear anything bad, call the cops, all right?” Dusty just stared at me, his eyes filling with tears again. “Erik….”