Woodcutter Werebear (Saw Bears Book 2) (8 page)

Skyler stretched her legs out, searching for cool pockets under the soft covers of her bed. It had to be three in the morning, at least, and sleep still eluded her. Between the push-up contest and all of this change she could feel happening inside of her, she should’ve been exhausted. But instead, she couldn’t hold her arms and legs still for more than a minute before she went to fidgeting again.

She had to cut ties with Roger.

It wasn’t enough to disappear forever and never have closure. She needed to face him and tell him she was leaving. Tell him he’d messed up when he mistreated her. If she didn’t, it would always feel like her heart was half-healed, splayed open, waiting for the last few stitches.

She sat up and pressed the pads of her feet onto the cool floor beside the bed. The room was dark with the blackout curtains covering the windows, but her night vision was excellent. Hooray for shifter senses.

She padded across the room to her oversize purse that sat on top of the dresser. With her phone pulled from the side pocket, she turned it on and waited impatiently. It took forever to turn onto the home screen, or so it seemed as the seconds she spent thinking about what she was going to say to Roger left her hands sweating at the palms.

When the main screen finally glowed through the darkness, it told her she’d missed forty-two calls from Roger. Or as her phone secretly identified him—
Assface
.

That tiny rebellion had made it easier to shoulder the things he said and did. At least when he called, and the uncharitable name she’d given him flashed across the screen, it felt like a tiny victory in a war she’d long ago lost.

There wasn’t enough reception for her to call out, so she made her way to the living room and stood on the couch. She shoved the phone upward until it touched the sagging ceiling, but it still didn’t have enough bars. Crap.

More determined than ever, she ran into the bedroom and slipped on the jeans she’d borrowed from Brooke, then snuggled into Kellen’s jacket he’d lent her. It swallowed her and hung down to her knees, but it smelled of him and made her feel stronger. Strong enough to do this now. Tonight.

The porch didn’t offer enough reception, so she made her way to a creaking gate in the fence behind 1010 and onto a worn trail that led up the mountain. The moon was only half full, but that was plenty of light for a shifter like her. Farther and farther she hiked until she reached a ledge that overlooked a valley. She gasped and stared out over the vast wilderness. Stars painted the sky, like glitter on a canvas. Pulling her jacket more soundly around her, she lifted her cell to her face. Three bars. Good enough.

Squaring her shoulders, she punched the call button and settled the speaker against her ear.

Roger asked, “Where are you?”

“I have something to say, and I’d appreciate it if you’d just let me get it out.”

“Fuck what you have to say. I’ve looked everywhere for you. You were supposed to be home when I got back, cooking me a fucking chicken dinner. An edible one this time!”

“Stop yelling at me.” Damn that pathetic tremble in her voice.

“I’m not going to ask you again, Skyler. Where. Are. You?”

“I’ve left you.” She held her breath and closed her eyes.

A beat of stunned silence sat heavy between them, and she imagined him running his hands through his greasy blond hair.

“You stupid bitch. Do you even know what you are saying right now?”

“I don’t choose you. I want the right to find someone else. Someone who doesn’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” he ground out.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.” Lie. It was gross how easily he could do it.

“Then why did you push me the other day? Why did you laugh when I hit the counter? Why did you leave me there on the floor crying? Why did you call me names as you walked out the door? Do you even know what love is?”

“Love,” he repeated, disgust dripping from the word. “You speak of love too much. It’s not important to anyone but saps and humans. You have one job to do, Skyler, and you can’t even fucking do it. Keep me happy. And when you manage that, bear me offspring and continue my lineage.”

“Do you even like kids?” Her voice had wrenched up an octave, but she didn’t care. She was in Asheland Mobile Park, long out of his treacherous reach. She was safe.

“What does that have to do with anything? God, you really are as stupid as the council told me you were. Underachiever in finishing school, pain in the ass to your handlers, but did I listen? No. I let your tight ass and fucking delicious-smelling cunt sway me into a bad decision.”

Each word he uttered was a blow. Her knees buckled. Heavily, she sat in the dirt and looked helplessly at the starry sky. “Great,” she said in a small voice. “Crisis averted. We can both go our separate ways. You can go find a mate who has a shot at pleasing you, poor woman, and I can make my own way without you.”

He laughed, a long, cruel sound that bubbled from his chest and bounced around her head. “You’re so stupid,” he said, still chuckling. “You don’t make this decision. I do. I don’t want to separate and pick someone else. You want to know why?” His voice dipped low and harsh, all humor gone. “Because your misery makes me happy. You can’t hide your disdain for me from your face, and it soothes something in me I can’t fix when I’m not winning a war for your precious daddy. And when you come home, Skyler, I’m going to fuck you. No more waiting for the ceremony. No more putting me off. I own you, and I’m going to hurt you, Skyler. That’ll be your punishment for thinking you could leave a Crestfall.”

“I’d rather be banished than come back to you.” There it was, that steel she knew could bolster her voice. The tremble had left her, and in its place was determination. She wasn’t his plaything or a spoil of war or revenge on her father for whatever the wars had leached from Roger’s humanity. She wasn’t just a wet hole for him to force himself into either. She’d rather die than be used by him.

“Do you know what they’ll do to you if you are banished? The Welkin Raiders will find you as soon as someone leaks that you’ve been banished. They won’t just kill you, Skyler, you poor, naïve little idiot. They’ll break those fragile little bones in your fingers first, then move up. They’ll cut away at you until you beg for death, then they’ll let you heal and start over. For months. Come home, and I won’t tell the council what you’ve done. Do it now before I lose my patience.”

“I can’t.” She was terrified, shaking so hard she had to hold the phone with both hands. If their enemies caught her, she’d be tortured. But she couldn’t go back to the way she was before. She’d been uncaged—had tasted freedom. How could she go back now to that dark place she’d lived in? “I won’t.”

“You’d rather spend the rest of your short life alone?”

She was going to get that job and stay here with people who cared if she lived or died. With people who saw her as more than some genetic jackpot. With Kellen. “I’m not alone,” she whispered, barely strong enough to find her voice. “Not anymore.”

****

“You’ve surprised me,” Tagan said from behind.

Kellen jumped and jerked the brake lever, grinding the cables traveling down the mountainside to a halt. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had snuck up on him, and it made him more irritable that he already was. “How so?” he gritted out.

“Your mate is down there working with the crew, and you’re all the way up here. And you haven’t once asked me to switch you out so you could be closer to her.” Tagan gripped the cage of the giant machine Kellen operated. “Now, I’ve known you a long time, and you can’t help your protective instincts, but with Skyler, I’ve watched you avoid her since dawn. What gives?”

“She’s not my mate. I’m not made for a—”

“Horseshit.”

Kellen growled and searched the hillside below him. When he was sure it was still clear, he hit the lever that dragged a trio of giant logs up the side of the mountain. “What do you want, Tagan? You bled me yesterday, were a pain in the ass last night, and now you’re bored of working so you want to piss me off all day? Is that it?”

“Why are you avoiding her Kellen?”

Kellen hit the brake and twisted in his seat. “Why did Brooke leave you?”

Tagan’s face morphed into an expression of pain, and his gaze automatically glided over to the hill that Brooke had sat on the day he’d been forced to Turn her. “If you’re bringing that up just to hurt me—”

“I’m not. I want to know why.”

A distressed muscle twitched just under Tagan’s left eye, but Kellen glared him down, waiting.

“She left because she didn’t want me coddling her while she tried to get stronger.” Tagan angled his head and gave Kellen a dead-eyed look. “That’s why you’re keeping your distance from Skyler. You don’t want her running from you.”

“All I want to do is follow her around and do everything for her. I don’t want her to have to lift a finger. I want to feed her and bathe her. I want her living in my den, not 1010, so I can hold her if she ever gets scared. I want to pick her up and carry her everywhere, for chrissakes. And last night, I wanted to win this job for her. She did it on her own, though. If I allow myself to do the things I want for her, eventually, she’ll leave. I followed her out into the woods last night. I couldn’t help myself. I knew she needed to call Roger on her own, but I trailed her, anyway.” He shook his head, disgusted with himself. “And I listened to him call her names over that damned phone line, and I heard the vile way he talked to her, and she didn’t even react, Tagan. She’s used to it. And all the while she’s just taking it, my animal wants to reach through that phone and pull his larynx through his neck. She’s already stronger than when I picked her up. Hell, maybe she’s stronger than me. But I saw what Brooke went through and the aftermath of her leaving you. I know what I can and can’t do, and apparently, my dopey ass can’t handle losing Skyler like that. I have to give her space to get stronger on her own so that maybe someday, she’ll give me a real shot. And not just because I was the first nice guy to come along and give her positive attention, but because she wants me back.”

“I thought you didn’t want a mate.”

“I don’t!” Kellen’s headache blazed to life again, rattling his skull. He ran his hands through his hair, massaging his scalp as he steadied his breathing. “I can’t have a mate, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting Skyler. I’m all mixed up.”

Tagan gripped his shoulder and shook him gently. “Welcome to the club, man.”

After Tagan leapt from the metal stairs to the ground, Kellen raked his gaze down the hillside to where Denison was teaching Skyler a more efficient way of tying the logs to the cables. She was good. Nimble as she bounded over the piles of felled trees under Denison’s direction. It was obvious even from here that she learned fast and was eager to keep her crewmates safe. She’d be good at this if Tagan gave her a shot.

It gutted him. Kellen hadn’t been afraid in a long time, but having Skyler under the heavy cables he operated had him carrying some major tension in his shoulders. Rolling his neck, he gritted his teeth and fought the urge to go down there and give Denison the machine. He’d been gunning for a spot up on machinery for a month, and Kellen could protect her better from right beside her, down with the rest of the crew.

But that’s not what she needed out here.

She wasn’t in danger from her people on the job site. Not with the crew around. If he went down there and gave into his craving to take care of her every need, she’d stay stunted and unsure of herself. And dammit, she was going to be a tough-as-nails hellion when she built up her confidence. He couldn’t wait to see that spitfire spirit he had caught a glimpse of turn into an inferno. She was a volcano, dormant now, but someday, she’d put on one hell of a show.

He had to be patient. He had to give her space to trust herself and her own decision-making abilities.

Right now, he needed to staunch his protective instincts and find a balance between treating her how she deserved and stifling her growth.

It was pouring buckets of rain, but that wasn’t the reason Tagan was calling the shift off early. The slopes were slippery and treacherous and the working conditions miserable. Mudslides were almost constant, and slick logs kept slipping from wet cables. Mud caked on everyone’s boots, making it nearly impossible to move without epic concentration. In the past hour, Tagan had barely taken his eyes off the sky. He’d just stood on the edge of the landing, hands on his hips, eyes narrowed, watching the storm roll in. The alpha finally blasted a whistle from above them where the big machinery sat abandoned by Brighton and Kellen.

“Lightning scares Tagan,” Denison explained. “If it stays far enough away, he’ll keep us working, but this storm is going to barrel down right on top of us.”

The roiling storm had blocked all sunlight, making it look much later and darker. And for the last half an hour, the sky had lit up with streaks of electricity blasting from the heavens. A long curl of thunder rumbled so loud it rattled the earth beneath her feet. Skyler stepped over a pair of felled logs, then jumped to the ground behind Denison.

Bruiser jogged past her. As sure-footed as a billy goat, he clapped her on the back and bolted ahead. “You did good today, rookie.”

Skyler grimaced. “Hey, how long do I have to work here to get rid of that nickname?”

“More than the week and a half you’ve been here,” Bruiser called over his shoulder.

“So,” she said, hopping another pile of logs to catch up with Denison, “why is Tagan afraid of lightning?”

“He and Kellen and his momma, Meredith, used to live in this little house on the outskirts of Saratoga. It was struck by lightning three times and started burning with them sleeping inside of it.”

She jerked her gaze up toward the landing. Thank God they’d all made it out. The thought of Kellen burning in his bed was a scene her overactive imagination would likely latch onto for nightmare time when she went to sleep tonight. “Three times? How did they know?”

“An investigator for their insurance company came out because the gas lines were faulty and had gone up like a blowtorch inside the walls. Apparently, they can GPS lightning strikes, and their house was definitely hit three separate times, at least thirty seconds apart. The local news station came out and did a story on them and everything. Their insurance company won a lot of money by suing the company who made the gas lines. It wasn’t the first house that had burned because of the faulty lines, and some of the other victims weren’t as lucky as Tagan, Kellen, and Meredith. Anyway, the whole lightning never strikes the same place twice belief is bullshit. It’s rare, but it happens, and Tagan doesn’t like us out here exposed and under all this metal equipment and cables during a storm like this. He’s a good alpha. A good leader.”

“Is Kellen scared of lightning, too?” she asked, taking Denison’s offered hand as he helped her up a muddy embankment.

“Nah. Tagan’s not afraid of much. Kellen’s afraid of less. He went through way worse when he was a cub. Lightning and burning houses were puppies and kitties compared to what he saw—” Denison drew up short and ran his oversize hand over his face, then flung water from his fingertips. “Shit.” Denison turned and shook his head at her. “It’s like a talent you have, drawing people into a conversation like that. You have an instinct for when someone isn’t paying attention to what they’re saying. No more spilling secrets. If Kellen wants you to know anything about what makes him tick, he’s going to have to be the one who enlightens you.” Water dripped in a constant stream from his hard hat, and another lightning strike nearby lit up his face. Denison narrowed his dove-colored eyes. “I wouldn’t mind bargaining, though. A secret for a secret. What kind of shifter are you?”

This was the most fun game of all. She’d been driving Denison and the boys nuts, and it was the only defense she had against their constant ribbing. She didn’t mind the half-hearted insults and nicknames she’d been accumulating from the Ashe crew, but she could sure as hell drive them bat-guano crazy by keeping her animal side to herself. She was pretty sure Kellen and Tagan knew exactly what she was, but they didn’t seem inclined to spill the beans either, and sometimes they smiled when she avoided answering, as if they enjoyed the game. And she lived and breathed for that grin on Kellen’s face. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She climbed past him, giggling as Denison cursed under his breath.

“Look, we have a bet going on. Whoever gets you to Change takes the pot. The winner will make a few hundred bucks. I’ll go halfsies with you if you tell me.”

“Denny, Denny, Denny.” She clicked her tongue behind her teeth and held onto a slick tree root as she looked back over her shoulder at him. “You cheating little cheatery cheater.”

“Damn straight. It’s my turn to buy the beer for the crew this week. I need that money.”

“Sorry ’bout your bad luck,” she called, climbing higher.

“Dammit, Skyler. It’s beer for you, too, you know.”

“I like the boxed wine Kellen gives me.”

So Kellen had survived a house fire, one that according to Denison didn’t even scathe him, and he’d gone through rough times when he was a cub. She lived for tidbits of information on Kellen’s past like this. He shared almost nothing, clamming up every time she mentioned anything to do with her younger years to try and draw him out. In fact, he clammed up around her about almost anything lately. The man was utterly confusing. He stared at her in a constant fashion, but when she tried to connect, he shut down. The past week and a half had been the best and most revealing time of her life. It had also been the most confusing, thanks to Kellen’s apparent regret over their little naked party last week. She tried not to let it hurt her. He’d told her he didn’t want a mate from the beginning, but inside, she’d been growing fonder of him by the day. Now, she tiptoed the edge of an affection that was downright terrifying because it seemed the man she’d chosen didn’t choose her back.

As if her thoughts had conjured him, Kellen appeared through the rain, leaning against the side of a giant crane-like machine called a processor that stripped entire logs in seconds.

“Payday,” Tagan said from right beside her. He handed her an envelope. “You’re now a wage-earning tax-payer. Good job, rookie. You earned this.”

She stared at the envelope, utterly shocked. She hadn’t thought about pay. As strange as that sounded, she really had seen the job as a way to earn her place in 1010 and with her friends.

“Keep it dry, will you?” Tagan said with a grin, then jogged after his crew toward the parked trucks in the makeshift dirt lot across the road from the landing.

“Right,” she murmured, tucking the paycheck into the inner pocket of her weatherproof jacket.

When she looked up, Kellen was still standing there in the rain, watching her with intense eyes. His lips were set in a thin line, but when a smile of joy spread across her face, a similar one crooked his lips, too. Her heart stuttered, and her legs felt like she was floating.

With long, excited strides, she approached him, but stopped short. Her instinct was always to hug him after a long day, and she always had to catch herself. This time was different, though. This time, it was Kellen who reached for her. He pulled her in close until the rasp of his sexy facial scruff rubbed against her rain-soaked cheek.

“I’m proud of you,” he murmured in a soft stroke against her ear.

Her knees buckled, and she buried her face into the thick folds of his jacket. Those words did something amazing to her—every time. And he used them often, as if he wanted to make sure she knew her efforts were enough.

“I’ve missed you.” The words escaped her throat before she could stop them.

“How could you miss me? I’ve been right here.” Confusion edged his tone.

Unable to explain how she’d missed his touch without sounding pathetic, she shook her head, her cheeks making zipping sounds against his jacket.

“Tell me. I don’t understand,” he said, easing her back. His eyes sparked with worry as he searched her face.

He was beautiful, drenched to the bone, eyes dark and caring, rain streaking down the sexy whiskers on his face. His nose flared, as if he was testing her scent, but all she could smell was wet earth, moss, and ozone.

“You’re sad,” he said, voice cracking. “Tell me why. Please.”

Why was she sad? She had no reason to be. She’d found a place as an honorary Ashe crew member. She’d found a job, and no one called her names or hurt her anymore. She felt safe for the first time in as long as she could remember, and the best man she’d ever met was looking down at her, gripping her arms like he cared what was wrong with her heart.

But…he’d been pushing her away. He was just a friend, and she wanted more.

Staring at him, strong-framed, long-legged, holding her arms like he wouldn’t let her go until she made him understand what was wrong, she couldn’t help herself. Standing on her tiptoes and sliding her palms up his chest, she pressed her lips against his.

Kellen froze, and his mouth went rigid for a moment before they softened on hers. She thought he would allow her to kiss him—just a chaste pressure on his lips—but his arms wrapped around her so tight, she couldn’t breathe. He lifted her feet off the ground. With a groan of pure pleasure purring up his throat, he plunged his tongue past her lips.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she gave into him, her Kellen. Her strong, confusing, sweet-as-pie and protective-as-a-warrior bear.

“I missed you touching me,” she whispered as he hoisted her up and pulled her legs around his waist.

His eyes rolled back in his head, and he sighed, as if her words had eased something tight and unmanageable within him.

Her weight seemed to be nothing to him, though his arms were hard and bulged under the fabric of his jacket as he carried her toward his truck. He strode through the mud, his boots making squishy sounds with each step.

The other trucks were gone, the rest of the Ashe crew having headed back down the mountain, and Kellen’s jacked-up ride was the only one that remained.

She pressed kisses all over his face and neck until he laughed. “What are you doing, Beautiful?”

“Making up for lost time. You’ve been distant this week.”

“I have reasons for being so.”

“Like what?”

When the smile dipped from his face, she cupped his cheeks and kissed him again, softer this time.

“You are a very tricky bear to get to know,” she said, bestowing another playful kiss on the tip of his nose. “At least tell me what you are thinking now.”

“Want to get you out of these clothes.”

“Oh?” She waggled her eyebrows.

“Dirty-minded woman. I mean I want to get you dry.” He seemed enraptured with the smile on her face, and he settled her onto the side of the bed of his truck where she was eyelevel with him. “You’ve changed a lot since I first met you.”

Raking her fingernails lightly across the back of his head, just under his hard hat, she asked, “How so?”

“You seem happier. You laugh a lot and make jokes.” He traced her lips with the tip of his finger. “You smile.”

“I’d smile more if you’d quit pushing me away.”

“I don’t want to do that. I just want to make sure you’re okay before I…”

He was right there, right on the verge of letting her in. “Before you what?”

He looked away at the dark wall of clouds rolling in from the east. “I want to take you into town.”

Her heart slammed to the bottom of her feet, and she froze. He was getting rid of her? Taking her back to Roger? Not now. Not after everything she’d found here. “But I don’t want to go back,” she rasped through her closing throat.

His dark eyebrows drew down. Rain spattered his yellow hard hat in a storm song as he stared at her. “I’d never take you back to him, Skyler. I meant I want to take you to dinner.” His words became rushed. “I’ve been watching Tagan and Brooke, and she seems to like to go into town for dinner alone with him. I asked her about it, and she said it was good to date. Her voice turned different, like a song, when she talked about spending time with Tagan, and I want that for you.”

Skyler’s head spun with relief. Feeling dizzy, she leaned her hat against his and sighed her stress out on a breath. “What do you want for you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said you want that sing-songy feeling for me, but what do you want?”

“You.”

His answer drew her up short. Cupping the back of his neck, she closed her eyes and lost herself in the feeling of being wanted by him. She’d thought he didn’t see her as a potential partner. He’d slept with her, sure, but she was still learning her way around bear shifters, and they very well could place sex over feelings and emotions. Intimacy was important to her, though, and when she’d shared that part of herself, she’d expected him to open up. When he hadn’t, she’d felt lost. And now it seemed like her feet had been slammed back to earth. The journey was dizzying, but so worth it if, at the end of the day, she could feel like this.

“I thought you didn’t want me,” she admitted, the thick words clogging her throat.

A soft growl rumbled from his chest. The door latch clicked as he yanked it open, then he set her inside the dry cab of his truck and shut the door beside him. She was settled in his lap, nestled against his chest as his breath came unevenly. Without a word, he reached over into the glove compartment and pulled out a tiny, navy-colored box. Slowly, he set it on the passenger’s seat, then looked out the window beside him with a slight frown. “I asked Tagan about your people.”