Wilson Mooney Eighteen at Last (39 page)

All it took was thousands of miles
between me and my past, and the most beautiful girl I ever saw, to
make me realize I had a future. Oh man, the first time I watched
Wilson roam into my room—that was it...I had to swallow hard to
remove my heart from my throat. My eyes, God, they burned so bad,
stinging because I forgot to blink. It was like something inside me
clicked and I finally had a spark to live again. It only took a
weekend in Aspen for my world became tangible. It was her kiss, her
caress, and how her body reacted to my touch that kept me going.
When she wasn’t with me I craved her breath and how it would roll
across my skin as she spoke. It was her voice that created the
chills that chased down and obliterated any fear of being
discovered. When I was with her, I forgot life outside even
existed. She made me feel strong again. Like suddenly I was the man
I was supposed to be.

I ran my hands through the front of my
hair, pulling it back so tight I felt a twinge of pain as it
stretched and pulled from my temples. In a strange way, feeling the
pain shoot through my scalp gave me a moment of clemency. The cold
air had taken over any warmth as it started to snow. This was an
evening I should be home with my family, sitting Shiva after
burying my father; instead I stood desolate.

I had to talk myself into taking the
first step, my feet heavier than ever before. I stepped forward on
the wet, frosty driveway, and every ounce of fight disappeared. I
could feel the soles of my boots shift as my toes crowded the tops.
My head pounded with images of why I should walk away, and yet my
heart thundered in my chest with every reason I should keep going.
I wished the steam from my breath would carry my words for me so I
wouldn’t have to say anything.

Every stride became
demanding as I climbed the steps to the porch. I tried to visualize
bursting into the cabin, snatching Wilson in my arms, and kissing
her so intensely that she’d never question my love for her ever
again. Then she’d see that I don’t just walk away when things get
tough. But the thoughts of her being comforted by
Nick
stopped me in my
tracks. I stood watching the warm glow of light pouring through the
glass of the front door. I stared at my hand as I clutched the
frigid knob and wondered if, by opening it, I’d be stepping into a
situation that would heal my heart or shatter it
completely.

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