Wilson Mooney Eighteen at Last (32 page)

“
Thanks—it’s comforting
knowing you’re here for me,” I said quietly.

He shrugged, brushing me off. I pulled
his chin so he’d look me in the eyes. Suddenly he didn’t appear so
off-limits to me, and I was feeling the numbness I was craving.
When he let go of my stare, I felt my heart tug from the space in
my chest reserved for Max, and I didn’t expect it to skip a beat
like it did.

Overwhelmed by my physical response, I
playfully shoved him and he stumbled backward. Faster than
lightning, he snatched my arm and pulled me along with him; I felt
my weight shift as my face pressed into his chest. He tried to
balance himself by leaning forward and wrapping his arms around the
small of my back. I closed my eyes and inhaled the aroma of Aspen
from the fibers of his shirt. Immediately, everything I loved about
Max flashed through my mind, but everything I ached for dangled in
Nick’s embrace. I felt every muscle in his body release, and
suddenly, he was comfortable. I nuzzled my face into the bend of
his neck. I felt his chin tighten against my head as he took a
deep, guarded breath and exhaled my name slowly.

Tears began to build in my eyes. I
lightly rubbed my face against his t-shirt before I held my lips to
that space, right where his jaw met his neck. His body tightened
and I tasted his skin. I felt his heart pound heavy against my
lips; instantly, I felt my body react.

Nick froze as I inched away, like he
didn’t know if what was happening was intentional or not. I didn’t
want to know. I didn’t want to swallow the guilt of making this
about me, or worry if this was something I truly wanted.

Who was I kidding? I just wanted him
to dull my pain; I needed him to make everything go away. I
stretched up and pressed my lips to the corner of his mouth—they
were so soft, so inviting. I felt his reluctance as I pushed
harder. He slid his hands up my biceps. I wanted him to cling to
me, fix me, make me forget about the lack of control I had over my
life.

He ran his hands up to my shoulders. I
wanted to feel his palms heat the sides of my face and his fingers
to press around the back of my neck; instead I felt the pressure of
him pushing me away. Cold air flooded my lips, my heart tumbled
down into my stomach, and his warmth disappeared from my skin. I
opened my eyes in time to see his head sway and drop down away from
me. He held his fingers broodingly against his lips. He took a step
away from me as guilt clung heavy to his shoulders. Tears flooded
my eyes; embarrassed, I lowered my head. I couldn’t look at
him.

What the hell am I doing?
Is it fair to fill the holes I have for Max in my soul, with
Nick?
I could feel the swirling dizziness
come back as I pushed past him and stumbled for the guest room—the
one place I could stay until Joanie came to get me. I got as far as
the refrigerator before I felt his hand clutch my arm and pull me
back around to him. His cagey, brown eyes blazed as they studied my
face. His eyebrows caved in, his lips dropped to a
frown.

Nick bent close and
studied my expression—every inch of
messed
up
that I was. A pressure crawled up my
spine. I didn’t want to hear how much I’d hurt him; how I’d become
the tease I never wanted to be. Everything was so intense, so
intoxicating, like the alcohol had taken me to a place where
inhibition didn’t exist. But he kept staring at me as if his eyes
were soaking in every curve of my face. His lips were tight, like
he wanted to say something, and his eyes danced somewhere between
smoldering and glacial.

“
Fuck it,” he growled as
his scorching hands cradled me under my jaw and around my ears. His
biceps flexed as he pulled me to his mouth, and his body pushed
definitively against mine. His kiss was wild with intention. He
took a step into me and I stumbled back until he pressed me up
against the refrigerator. Our bodies vibrated with the energy
surging between us. I felt the butterflies, usually reserved for
Max, move but they didn’t take flight. A primal need stirred deep
within me as I dragged my hands up across his back. He bent lower
and pressed his lips to the space between my jaw and neck. All the
while, I couldn’t stop visions of Max from flooding my mind. Nick’s
mouth pulsed against my skin and I felt our bodies agree to the
rhythm he was creating, even when I knew it wasn’t
right.

I raised my chin, wanting him to carry
on provoking me with the heat that coursed from his mouth. His lips
traced my jawline to the edge of my ear, pulling and nibbling on my
earlobe. Chills migrated from my core through my head and back
again. We didn’t look at each other. I didn’t want to see the
reflection of what we were about to do, or the hope it created in
his dark brown eyes.

Nick made a voiceless attempt to
explain what he wanted as he pressed his soft, open mouth against
mine. I felt his hands heat either side of my face as he lightened
his kiss before pressing hard against my lips again. I needed him
to inhale my pain and take it away. I tilted my head, making his
mouth follow as our tongues entwined, slow and definite. I tasted
how much I wanted to cave into him. The rhythm of his tongue sped
up, and at that moment, I knew how long he had wanted to kiss me
like that. With my body still pressed against the refrigerator, he
pushed harder, and instantly it felt gratifying to be
desired.

He dragged his lips across my cheek; I
could hear his visceral breathing as he pressed his mouth to the
space below my ear and moaned. My breath faltered.

He pushed my arms up above my head and
I held them there as he dragged his hands down the insides,
tickling me gently. My breathing became shallow as he mapped his
way down my neck. He kissed across my collarbone and down to where
my shirt dipped, exposing the space just above my breasts. When he
pressed his mouth there, everything dropped south. My hands tangled
in his brown curls and my knees gave way, just enough to feel his
rigid groin rub hard against me. I felt his breath release, hot
against my skin, as he growled and I recognized this was leading to
something more than just kissing. I pulled his hair just enough to
get his attention. I felt his entire body rise and push against me
as his lips pressed tightly against mine. He swayed his hips
against me, and without thinking, I pushed back.

“
What the hell is going on
here?” I heard someone yell from behind us.

My eyes sprang open as the
voice pulled me out of the heated moment. Nick pulled away from our
kiss as he twisted around. Cold air rushed my mouth and my heart
pounded quickly when I realized the person who walked in on us was
Cindy. An emptiness ripped across my body.
What the hell have I done? I’m not this type of
girl.

“
What the fuck, Cindy?”
Nick cursed as he stood between his sister and me. Cindy positioned
herself determinedly, letting him know she was prepared to win a
fight of words. It looked like her feet were being swallowed by her
ginormous, pink, shaggy fur boots as she scampered toward Nick. Her
stretchy, white ski pants made her legs look like skinny toothpicks
tumbling to the floor as she walked.

“
Don’t curse at me! I’m
not the one with my tongue stuck down my friend’s throat,” Cindy
spat at Nick. “And Wilson—what are you doing here in Aspen anyway?
Couldn’t you find a different family to infect?”

Her words sliced across me and my guts
poured from the gaping holes she carved out of my body.

“
You better watch your
mouth, Cindy. You’ve never acted like a friend to Wilson,” Nick
spat back.

“
Obviously. Friends don’t
lie and friends don’t sneak back to Aspen to make out with your
brother behind your back,” Cindy snarled.

“
You have no idea what
friends are. You only have investments and acquaintances,” Nick
steamed.

“
I have plenty of friends;
I don’t need some wretched, gold-digging charity case—”

“
Back off,” Nick growled
and took a step toward Cindy.

Seeing how he was falling for her same
old bullshit, I grabbed his bicep and tugged. He turned back to me
and our eyes clung to one another’s.

“
Let it go,” I
whispered.

I watched the anger in his face
dissolve and the tension in his shoulders drop as I lowered my hand
down his arm and into his hand. For a lingering moment, it was just
Nick and me.

There was nothing from Cindy; she just
stood there with her mouth gaping wide open. She must have believed
Nick and I were together.

God I don’t want to go
there, but if Cindy believes I’m involved with Nick, then at least
I can salvage one thing from this catastrophe—Max will be safe at
Wesley. Whether or not we are together, at least I won’t have the
guilt of him losing his job over me.

I leaned against Nick, trying to
prompt him to smooth the waters with his sister. He cleared his
throat, working to reclaim his calm manner.

“
What are you doing here?”
he asked.

“
My father texted me about
Frank Goldstein’s funeral. I guess he wants us to go and represent
the Browlers. I had to cancel my trip to New York…so much for a
vacay with my Seasonals,” Cindy whined as she pranced to the
counter with her hand clutched to her hip. Her poufy, pink shag
boots swayed as if they were characters from a Sunday morning
cartoon. She pushed her shoulders back and her body language played
her off as confident and totally unaffected. It was as if Nick and
I weren’t even there; she had become a whole different person. Her
eyes glazed with a vacuity that she reserved for strangers and the
unworthy.

Every muscle in my body tensed, every
drop of saliva in my mouth dried up, and even my ears started to
ring with a faint buzz, building upon the anticipation of the
massive explosion Cindy was about to create—like a firework that
fizzled out before it went off.

Nick and I waited without taking a
breath, waiting for the blast of her anger to surge and take over
the room.

“
I hope you know what
you’re doing Nnn-
ick
,” Cindy snapped.

Nick tightened his hand around mine
and replied, “I know exactly what I am doing.”

Cindy sauntered past us, like a shark
gliding through the water, waiting for the perfect opportunity to
kill.

Cindy’s eyes constricted before she
tapped her manicured finger deliberately against her chin, leaned
toward me, and whispered, “I’m so confused…what about Matt
Gladstone?” She thrust her hands in the air as her fingers wiggled
to make air quotes around Max’s fake name.

She leaned away from me,
her eyes evil and satisfied, like she’d been waiting to say that
for a month. My heart fell into the pit of my stomach. I could feel
the anxiety fill my lungs. My mouth began to water and I knew I
only had seconds before I was going to vomit.
Holy shit, she figured out that’s the name I gave Max on my
phone. Oh my God, she knows about Max and me.

The next thing I heard was Cindy
slamming the front door. I ran to the bathroom across from the
kitchen, and barely made it before everything in my stomach came
back up.

Leaning against the
toilet, I felt humiliated, scared, and caught. I just wanted the
last hour to disappear.
As a matter of
fact, if the last couple of days would vanish, I’d be a hell of a
lot better.
I wanted to crawl into the
toilet bowl and push the handle to flush myself down. I wanted to
escape my life, become someone else—the someone who was still valid
in Max’s eyes. When I looked up and saw Nick standing over me, I
puked again.

“
You okay?” he asked. He
gently caressed my back in circles with his warm hand.

“
She knows about Max,” I
said before my body lurched forward and I dry-heaved the acid left
in my stomach.

I can’t believe that my
whole life has culminated into the last 15 minutes. I’m hugging the
toilet like it’s my long lost friend and I’m puking my guts out.
I’ve lost the only guy I’ve ever loved, and my best friend is
nowhere to be seen.
I couldn’t stop from
wallowing in the jumble of my nasty cry and the burning rising in
my esophagus; I wished my stomach would stop churning.

Every muscle in my body
ached as I pushed myself up to the sink, rinsed out my mouth and
powered past Nick. Suddenly, I felt my feet slamming against the
hickory wood floor as I blasted out of the bathroom and ran toward
the staircase. Every thought of what just happened hammered across
my mind. Every moment of regret swelled in my chest, and all the
feelings of what I lost ripped me apart. I couldn’t move fast
enough; I couldn’t escape the haunting feeling of everyone I’d hurt
by my actions. I’d used Nick, betrayed Max, and disappointed Nancy.
My breath caught in the paralyzing fear of hurting everyone I
loved.
Oh, where’s Joanie?

Before I knew it, I was
locking the bedroom door and tossing myself across the bed. There
was nothing I could do to get the last fifteen minutes back. I
couldn’t explain away what Cindy had seen on my phone, or blame our
kiss on Nick this time. It had been what I wanted, what I thought
would heal the deep ache that was drowning me. I was tumbling to
the lowest point I’d ever been in my life. I lay, wrecked, as cries
that came from my diaphragm, cracked like lightning in my ears, and
rumbled like thunder across my body. Drowning would have been
easier than the storm that wreaked havoc throughout my soul.
What have I done?