Well-Tempered Clavicle (28 page)

As they returned, a man did pass their way. “May I help you?” he inquired. “I am Mike. My talent is to make any rolling thing come up the way you want it. Such as dice.”

“Can you make a gooey sliding thing go away?” Picka asked.

“Sorry, no.”

“We are sorry, then; you can’t help us.”

Mike walked on, disappointed. “Too bad the monster doesn’t roll,” Dawn said. “We could make him come up upside down, and jam his pipes in the dirt.”

Then they settled down in the handbag. Skully and Joy’nt interlocked bones, the pets curled up or perched, and Dawn had Picka form a close circle with his arms so that she could rest her head on it. Granola slept sitting, as was her custom.

Woofer woke in the night. “Woof,” he woofed quietly.

“You smell something?” Picka asked, not disturbing Dawn from her slumber.

“Meow,” Midrange said.

“I don’t like the sound of this,” Joy’nt said. “We can’t translate as well as Dawn can, but something’s up.”

“Can you fly up and check it, Tweeter?” Picka asked.

“Tweet,” the bird agreed, and flew up into the moonlit night.

“Maybe it’s just a stray Rapper passing by,” Joy’nt said.

“Woof,” Woofer said negatively.

Tweeter returned. “Tweet!!”

Dawn woke. “The monster!” she exclaimed. “Tweeter, wake Granola. We have to get out of here.”

Tweeter started to fly up again, but then fell back into the handbag, stunned. He landed beside Woofer, whose head had dropped to his paws. Midrange was also still.

“Bleep,” Dawn whispered. “I am almost paralyzed.”

Now they heard the distant music. Piper was coming here, and using his stun music to prevent their escape. Tweeter couldn’t fly, Woofer and Midrange couldn’t run, and Granola would be unable to stand.

“It is up to us to stop him,” Picka said. “We skeletons are the only ones who can move.”

“We’ll go out and take him on,” Skully agreed.

“Be careful,” Dawn whispered. Picka realized that it wasn’t because she was trying to be quiet, but because it was all the strength she could summon.

“We will,” he assured her. Then the three of them climbed out of the handbag and went to face the music.

Now they heard music from GoDemon’s house. The musician was using his ability to nullify the monster’s sound.

They hurried to the house just as Go emerged. “He’s coming,” Picka said. “Dawn can’t move.”

“Can you carry her?” Go asked.

Picka hadn’t thought of that. “I could. We skeletons are magically strong. But the monster’s already here, and would follow us through the town. I think we simply have to fight him.”

“Easier said than done,” Go said grimly. “You try to fend him off. I’ll alert the townsmen.” He hurried away, rapping on his own clothing to make defensive music.

By this time it was clear where Piper was: sliding in from the east. He wasn’t trying to conceal himself; he was simply advancing, using his music to stun the natives so they couldn’t resist. Maybe he expected to nab Dawn before anyone realized, and carry her away before effective resistance materialized.

But the pets had sensed him coming, giving a little bit of warning. Not much, but maybe enough.

Picka, Joy’nt and Skully advanced three abreast to tackle the monster. Piper would have to pass them to reach Dawn, and they would not allow that.

“Bet we need more than just our bones,” Skully said. “We know we can’t stop him physically.”

“I hope to stop him musically,” Picka said. “The best I can hope for is to slow him. If you see he is going to get by, run to carry Dawn away from here. She’s what he’s after.”

The monster hove into sight. It was dark, but the skeletons could see well enough. Maybe Piper had not thought of that aspect.

“Turn slightly left. We’re getting close.”

The dark form veered slightly left, orienting more accurately on Dawn.

“Pundora!” Joy’nt said. “Bleep.”

Picka got an idea that flashed momentarily over his skull. “If we can get her away from him, he’ll be much less effective.”

“We’ll do it,” Skully said. “Cover us.”

Picka played stun music directed at the monster. That got Piper’s attention. His antenna aimed at Picka. Picka’s ability might not match that of the monster, but it could not be ignored.

Skully and Joy’nt ran to either side, avoiding detection. Then they made a coordinated charge in from those sides. “Haaa!” Joy’nt shrieked, charging from her side, coming right up to the monster’s fringe, waving her arm bones.

“Bleep!” Pundora said. “It’s those other bones. Ignore them.”

Picka continued playing his stun music, covering the action with the firepower of his mean theme. Piper shook it off, but it was an obvious distraction. Maybe like that of a hornet buzzing a man whose hands were occupied.

Skully leaped in from the other side. He stepped into the monster’s jellylike flesh, reached out, and grabbed Pundora, who had been watching Joy’nt. “Eeeek!” she screamed, in a perfect emulation of a distressed maiden.

Skully lifted her high and slogged on through the monster’s substance. In two and a half moments he came out the other side, beside Joy’nt. He ran on, carrying the struggling woman.

“Bleep!” Pundora cried, more outraged than frightened. “Unhand me, you ridiculous spook!”

“Give me a kiss, you luscious nymph,” Skully replied, putting his skull toward her face.

“You pervert!” she screamed. “You’re a bleeping skeleton!”

“And you’re a lovely female pun. Come on, you know I’m more your type than the monster is.”

Pundora puffed up like a balloon, but was so annoyed that she couldn’t think of anything to say.

Joy’nt ran alongside them, not trying to conceal her amusement. She knew Skully had no interest in Pundora, and was just trying to make her so mad that she could not decide on any effective counter. He seemed to be succeeding.

Meanwhile Piper was indeed disoriented. He paused in place, barely fending off Picka’s music. He could think for himself, and had done so for a long time, but had evidently become accustomed to Pundora’s initiative. Should he follow her, or continue with his original objective?

“Follow Pundora, you idiot,” Picka called helpfully.

In the confusion of the action, with the distraction of Picka’s stun music, that evidently made sense to Piper. He swerved to follow his accomplice.

“Oh, for pity’s sake!” Pundora said. “Don’t bother with me! I’ll handle this bucket of bones myself.” She twisted about and managed to drop to the ground.

But Skully was not so readily evaded. He grabbed her again, this time by the hair, and dragged her on down the street. She was unable to escape without sacrificing a copious hank. She jerked, but could not free herself. “No fair!” she complained.

“Ah, but all’s fair in love and war,” Skully replied. “Are you sure you won’t kiss me?”

“I wouldn’t kiss you if you were the last skeleton in Xanth!”

But then the road terminated in a dead end walled in by houses. All doors were closed, of course. There was nowhere to go.

“Let her go,” Joy’nt said. “We’ll help Picka.”

Skully let go of Pundora’s hair and ran back, dodging around the surprised monster. He and Joy’nt ran back along the alley while Piper recovered Pundora.

Picka met them. “Maybe we can block them in,” he said. He played destruction music really loud. The walls on either side wavered. Then blocks started falling out.

It was working! He had already improved significantly from his first effort.

Meanwhile Piper, having picked up Pundora, was turning and starting back out of the alley.

Picka played more destruction music, perfecting the theme. More stones crumbled and fell. Then the walls on either side collapsed, filling the alley with rubble.

“Wow!” Skully said. “You trapped him!”

“I hope so,” Picka agreed. “We’ll still need to figure out how to destroy him.”

Then Piper came sliding over the top of the rubble wall.

Picka clapped a bone hand to his skull bone. “I forgot he can climb! My effort was wasted.”

“You can still oppose him with the regular kill-music,” Joy’nt said.

“I will have to, if I can.”

He tried, but the monster simply blocked it with his own, stronger music and continued advancing. Picka and the others had to retreat. They knew that neither Piper nor Pundora would allow another attack on Pundora; such a surprise worked only once.

Steadily Piper advanced, and as steadily they retreated. The monster was simply stronger, physically and musically, than Picka.

“Go carry Dawn to safety,” Picka told Skully grimly. “She will not be able to flee on her own, and I can’t hold him back.”

Skully started moving, then paused. “Too late.”

“What?” Picka asked, still focusing on the repulsion music he was using to slow Piper’s advance.

“She’s been summoned.”

And there was Dawn, passing them as she walked toward the monster. She did not look happy, but she did not pause.

“Grab her!” Picka said. “I can’t do it; I have to focus on the music.”

Skully tried, but Piper blasted out extra music, and Dawn leaped forward, avoiding the skeleton. In a moment and a half she reached the monster. Pundora reached down to haul her up on the creature’s back with her. It was indeed too late.

Now other townsmen appeared. They were carrying flaming torches, illuminating the night.

“Give me those,” Picka said. He reshouldered his clavicles and ran to snatch two from startled townsmen. Then he turned and charged the monster, swinging the torches. He jammed them into the creature’s jellylike flesh. There was a loud hissing as the fire burned it.

Piper shrank back, his music ending in a dreadfully sour note. That stopped his magic. He had been caught totally by surprise, and had been hurt.

Picka scrambled up to grab the woman on the monster’s back. He wrapped his arms about her and heaved her up. He ran to the side, carrying her clear.

Once he got her far enough away, he set her down. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Why Picka, I didn’t know you cared.”

It was Pundora! He could see in the dark, but not as well as in daylight. He had gotten the wrong woman. Pundora, of course, realizing his intent, had neither resisted nor protested. She was giving Piper time to carry Dawn away.

His first thought was to run back after the monster. But his second thought suggested that he might be able to make something of his mishap. Without Pundora, Piper would have trouble managing. He had trouble focusing on his deadly music and on physical strategy simultaneously. Picka knew how that was. Keep Pundora away from the monster, and the creature was unlikely to go far. Especially not when surrounded by angry torch-bearing townsmen.

“On second thought, you may be as good as she is,” Picka said. “You have similar flesh.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha,” she said. “You’re as funny as your form. You must be made of funny bones.”

“Piper can’t have you. I will take you away forever.”

“The bleep you will, you emaciated freak!” She backed away from him.

Picka dived to catch her again. He heaved her up and flung her over his shoulder. He started walking away from the action.

“Put me down, you bleeping bleep!” she cried, pummeling his tailbone with her fists.

“I’m sure in time you will come to appreciate me,” he said. “After all, what use will Piper have for you, now that he has Dawn?”

“Yes, that’s my revenge on Dawn. She has to marry the slime monster. It serves her right.”

She had to be bluffing. “So you might as well come with me. You’ll never see Piper again.”

She wriggled and heaved and managed to topple to the ground. She fled instantly. So he had been right: she was not finished with the monster.

But she wasn’t finished with this town, either. Two approaching townsmen intercepted her. They grabbed her by both arms. They knew her for an enemy, but she was also a beautiful woman.

“Unhand me, oafs!” she cried.

“Don’t be like that,” a townsman said, hauling her in for a kiss.

“Wretch!” she screamed. “Don’t you dare kiss me.”

“I won’t,” the other townsman said. He put his hand on her bottom for a good feel.

“Lout!” she yelled, swinging her fist at him.

This had gone far enough. Picka did not like to see a woman being mistreated, even a nasty one like Pundora. “Don’t molest her,” Picka called. “She’s a prisoner of war. Take her to a safe place.”

“Aww,” a townsman said, but he obeyed.

They held Pundora firmly by the arms and started marching her away. She struggled to get free, but couldn’t.

“Then again…” she said flirtatiously. She was obviously scheming to get free of them, using seductive wiles. Picka hoped the townsmen would be too smart for that, but he doubted it. They were, after all, living men, whose savvy stopped where female beauty began. She would soon enough get free of them.

Picka ran himself, but not after Pundora. He could see better in darkness than she could, and soon he was well away from the others. But before he reached the monster, Skully was before him. “I got her!” Skully said. He had Dawn in his arms.

“Thanks!” Picka said. He took Dawn, who was barely conscious. The monster had truly stunned her.

He had to get her farther away from Piper. But the monster was in the town, doing who knew what damage, and only Picka’s music would balk it for long. What was he to do?

“Take her far away from here, so Piper can’t get her,” Skully said.

“Joy’nt!” Picka called.

His sister heard him and came to him. “You got her!”

“Yes. Skully rescued her. She can’t fight Piper herself. I need to go and help the townsmen drive him away.”

“Got it,” Joy’nt agreed. She took Dawn by the hand and led her away. The stun seemed to be wearing off, but slowly.

Picka ran back to brace the monster. He found him where he had left him, on the street surrounded by townsmen. But the townsmen were not attacking. They were simply standing in place under their flickering torches. They had all been pacified.

It was an impasse. Pundora had not yet rejoined Piper, and Piper was using his music to hold the townsmen at bay. Neither could make progress at the moment. But the arrival of Pundora would change that, as she provided the direction the monster was missing.