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I walk onto the stage and look around for my sister. Quickly I spot her, being hugged by fellow actors. For a few seconds, I just look at her. Whenever I haven’t seen her for a while, I’m always surprised by how confident she always seems, without even having to try. Is that because of her Type or is that she just because of
her
?

“You were great,” a boy says, rushing towards Hannah and giving her a hug.

“Yeah, you were great,” I say, coming out of the shadows.

For a moment Hannah just stares at me, as if she’s seeing a ghost. “Sophie? But how….” She takes a step backwards, then another. “You can’t be here! You need to go,” she whispers, her voice hoarse.

“First I need to talk to you,” I say.

Someone else runs over to my sister and hugs her. “Awesome job, Hannah!”

“Just for a few minutes,” I call out, trying to be heard over all of the loud voices. “Five minutes, tops!”

My sister moves away from her friend. “Meet you in the dressing room, okay?” she says to the girl, who nods, then goes off to hug someone else.
What is it with these people
?

“You really were awesome, Hannah,” I say. “I mean, I always knew you were good at acting and singing and stuff, but I never knew you were this good! Remember all those skits we used to do and how mad you’d get when I didn’t get my lines right?” I realize I’m babbling but I don’t know how to stop.
Since when did I stop knowing how to talk to my own sister
?

My sister grabs me roughly by the arm and pulls me further backstage, into a stairwell. “Why are you here? I thought you were at Harmony!”

“At Harmony? Why would I be there?”

“Dad told me you were sent to Temporary for drinking booze with some stupid friend of yours at ISTJ,” Hannah says. “That was a bonehead move if I ever heard of one.”

“But didn’t Mom tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Didn’t she tell you that I ran away from Harmony last week? And didn’t she tell you all about Dad and James and being Ended? Didn’t she tell you anything?”

Hannah shrugs. “I talked to Mom two days ago and it was mostly about me. You know, my drama classes and this performance. Why?”

“But didn’t she tell you what happened?” I look closely at my sister’s face, searching it for lies. She is an actress, after all.

“Can you please tell me what you’re talking about and why you aren’t at Harmony?”

“I told you, I ran away from Harmony! Last week, after I found out that Dad let James be Ended—”

“Ended? What are you talking about?”

“Ended, given a lethal overdose,” I say, pretending to give myself a needle.

Hannah gasps, cupping her hands over her mouth. “James overdosed?”

“Yes! No!” My thoughts start getting all muddled together in my head and I don’t know quite how to set them back to normal. I take a deep breath and let everything out. “Dad thinks James is dead, but he’s really not! The Association Psychologists wanted to End James because he tried to get a lot of other kids to escape from Harmony, but then James escaped anyway, except that Dad doesn’t know that! And then I escaped and went home and told Mom and Dad about James and that’s when I found out that Dad already knew and was even in on it and then—”

Hannah grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me. “James is dead but then James isn’t dead? You’re sounding crazy! What is wrong with you? You aren’t making any sense!”

“But I’m trying to tell you!” I shout at her. “You aren’t listening!”

“Something’s happened to you,” Hannah says, suddenly letting go of me. I stumble backwards, before falling onto the floor. “I don’t know what, but something bad! You’ve gotten out of Harmony and come here to talk all crazy about Mom and Dad!”

“Not Mom,” I say, still on the floor. “Only Dad! Dad is the bad one!”

“Dad is the bad one? What are you talking about?” Hannah stares at me for a few moments, as if she’s looking at me for the first time and doesn’t like what she sees. “I can’t handle this on my own. I need to have someone call Dad, to take you back to Harmony, where you’ll be safe again!” She takes a step backwards, then another.

“No, Hannah! You can’t tell anyone I’m here!”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Sophie, but I have to do it. You need help.” I see her glance towards the director of her play, someone I’ve met before, someone from ESFP. I can tell that he’s close enough to hear Hannah, if she yells.

I slowly stand up and take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Hannah,” I say softly.

“You’re sorry? For what?”

Instead of answering, I lower my head and charge at her, knocking her backwards. Despite being half a foot taller than me and almost twenty pounds heavier, my sister loses her balance and falls down one stair, then another, before landing at the bottom on her side, curled into herself. Suddenly I feel sick.
What have I done
? I stay frozen over the staircase, not knowing what to do, not knowing who I even am anymore, until I see her start to move.

“Somebody help me!” Hannah screams from the bottom, clutching her left leg. “My ankle, I think it’s broken! My crazy sister broke my ankle! Help! Help!”

By the time the director starts to make his way towards her I’m already gone, a whirlwind of girl running down the aisles and out of the back door. I keep running until I’ve gone down one street, and then another, and have jumped into the safety of Peter’s awaiting car. As we drive away, I can’t help but remember sprinting in the same way just a week ago. How strange and horrible it is to have to keep running away from family. How absolutely insane.

CHAPTER FOUR

Shouldn’t everybody care about everybody else?

—Budd Schulberg

As we get
to the front door of the cabin, Peter turns to look at me. “Why don’t you let me explain to them what happened?” he asks. “I can tell you’re pretty upset.”

I nod, tears still streaming down my cheeks. Peter reaches out to squeeze my shoulder, then opens the door. I follow him into the main room, where everyone in the Group has gathered, getting ready for supper.

Like the kid I am, I let Peter do all the talking, and keep my head low. I can tell Noah is watching me, but I don’t dare raise my face to look in his direction.
What if he feels the way I do in this moment and is ashamed of me, too? What about James
?

Once Peter is done talking, the room fills with silence, the only sounds being Meg rattling around in the kitchen.

“Sophie?” James finally asks, my name coming out of his mouth like a question.

I stand before my brother, my chin to my chest. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “You were right, I should never have gone. I’ve ruined everything.”

Before my brother has a chance to answer, Meg steps forward, a wooden spoon in her hand. “Ruined everything? No, I think you’ve done the opposite, actually!”

Everyone in the room turns to look at her. “What do you mean?” Amy asks.

“Think of it this way,” Meg says. “The first step in the plan is for Sophie to convince people that she’s become mentally ill, so they put her back in Harmony, right?” Everyone nods. “Well, now that Hannah has probably told everyone in the entire universe her crazy sister attacked her backstage for no apparent reason, people will already be thinking Sophie has become manic or psychotic or something!” She looks over at me. “By pushing Hannah down those stairs and then running away again, you’ve given your father an out and have also probably saved yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Now your Dad can have you put back in Harmony without worrying anyone will actually listen to you if you keep blabbing about The Association killing James. As a lawyer would say, you’ve become an unreliable witness.”

“I see where you’re going with this,” my brother says. “And I agree with you, Meg. This is actually perfect!”

“But what about Mom? Won’t Dad be afraid she’ll say something?”

James shakes his head. “Hannah told you she spoke to Mom recently and nothing was said about your recent visit home, right?”

I nod.

“That means that for some reason Mom is too afraid to tell anyone. It’s clear to me Dad has convinced her to keep her mouth shut.” James looks at me. “If she hasn’t told anyone about what he supposedly did to me, she’ll never tell them you aren’t crazy.”

My eyes fill with tears and I wipe at them with my arm. I think of the room my mom has kept untouched for James for the last three years, and how she would cry if anyone mentioned his name. I then think of how she jumped on my dad’s back last week and told me to run for safety. How is it possible she can love her kids so much but then decide to not do anything when they need her help the most? How?

James comes over and puts his arms around me. “I know this is hard, Squirt,” he whispers in my ear. “I know you probably think Mom has let you down, and Hannah, too, but just remember I’m here for you no matter what. That we all are.” He lifts his head and calls out to the others. “Anybody here want to give my kid sister a group hug?”

Still holding James, I feel one body and then another grabbing onto us, and hugging. First Meg, then Noah, then Amy, and then Peter. One by one they join in, until we’re one massive huddle in the middle of the room, swaying back and forth, together. Despite feeling so scared and hurt, I hug them all back, trying to draw strength from the Group for what’s still to come. After all, it’s hard to feel alone when you’re in the middle of a group hug.

CHAPTER FIVE

I just don’t know that I believe in everything that you believe in. But I believe in you.

—Dean Pitchford

“Sophie,” someone says,
shaking my shoulder. “Hey, Squirt, are you asleep?”

“I was,” I groan, rolling over. “Go ‘way!”

Another shoulder shake. “Sophie, I need to talk to you! Wake up!”

I try to cover my head with my blanket, but James pulls it back down.

“Okay, okay,” I mutter. I wrap myself up in the blanket and follow my brother out to the main room, which, despite the weak light of a few candles, is almost as dark as the bedroom. “This had so better be important,” I say. I collapse in a heap on the sofa and pull the blanket up to my chin.

“Trust me, Soph, it is.” James sits down on a chair across from me and laces his hands together on his knees. “Listen, when you first told me how Mom hadn’t said anything to Hannah about what’s been going on, I was as upset as you.”

I look away, the tears already starting.
When did I become such a stupid crybaby
?

“Sophie, before you get all worked up, hear me out.” James says. “I’ve been awake most of the night, just thinking about it. I’ve known for a long time what a royal prick Dad has become, but I’ve always counted on Mom for doing what’s right.”

I nod, the tears now starting down my cheeks. This time I don’t bother to wipe them away.
I miss her.
“That’s when I figured it out!” I hear the imperative in his voice and I look up at him. “We know that for Mom her kids come first, right?”

“That’s what I
used
to think,” I whisper.

“Hang on a minute, Squirt,” James holds up a hand. “As I was saying, we know that for Mom her kids are number one, no matter what. Learning that I’m supposedly dead would have been devastating for her and made her worry even more about you and Hannah. Now that she knows what a monster her husband is, she can no longer count on him to protect their other two children. She’s probably wondering what he’s capable of, right?”

“I guess.”

“So what if she made a deal with him? What if she promised not to spill the beans about what happened to me if he promised nothing bad would ever happen to you and Hannah.”

“Maybe,” I say, feeling confused. “But I still don’t get why she wouldn’t have told Hannah something?”

“Sophie, telling Hannah is the
same
as spilling the beans! Mom knows she can’t say a thing to anyone about me. I’m already gone, in her eyes. While it’s horrible, while living with that…monster must be hell for her, she probably realizes each day pretending to be the dutiful little wife to the Association Psychologist will keep her other two babies safe.” James reaches over and tussles my hair. “Your Mom loves you, just like she always did. You’ve got to trust me on this, okay?”

I sit up, suddenly not tired. While James has given me a lot to think about, the truth of what he’s saying is already coming through.
Of course Mom couldn’t tell. She’s keeping us safe by not telling. She’s doing the only thing she can do to protect us.
For a moment, I smile, before bursting into tears. Not quiet, girly tears but loud, ugly sobs which sound like they could break something in two, including a heart.

“Oh, Squirt,” James says, getting up and coming to hug me. “I’m here, I’m here.”

Not caring if I soak his shirt, not caring if every other member of the Group can hear me, I hold onto my brother and intend to never let go. Yes, I’ll go back to Harmony and James will go to New York, but despite this, I know now wherever I am, in some way James will be by my side, and I’ll be by his.

CHAPTER SIX

Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket!

—Pierre Boulle

The day before
I’m to leave for ISTJ, Noah asks me to go for a walk in the woods. It’s mid-afternoon, the laziest time of the day at the cabin. Taylor and Meg are lying on futons, napping, while the others are playing old board games that used to belong to Noah’s dad and his fishing friends. Scrabble. Monopoly. Peter is sitting by himself, playing solitaire with a bent deck of cards. His face looks serious, as if the whole world depends on his next move. I never understood the point of that game.
Why try to play against yourself
?

I put on my sneakers and follow Noah outside, pulling my pants up as I go. Since coming to the cabin, I’ve been wearing whatever clean clothes I can find in the clothing pile they keep at the corner of the bedroom. Wash is done once a week, so there isn’t a lot of extra stuff to pick from. Most of the clothes are meant for kids bigger than me. Kids like Meg or Amy. Still, I’d rather wear jeans that are two sizes too big than have to wear my jogging suit from Harmony. I’ll have to wear that again soon enough. For a while Noah is quiet, whistling a song to himself I don’t recognize. We pass the fallen tree where James and I had sat, then head deeper into the woods.