Thoughtless (43 page)

“I said I wouldn’t hide it. I’m not. Full disclosure, right?” Irritation flashed through me. I hadn’t exactly wanted him bringing home strange women for me to listen to through our very thin walls when we had talked about this. I guess, I had just meant that if he found someone he liked, and dated her for months and months, then maybe, they could go to a hotel room far, far away from me and I would then…understand. I suppose that scenario had been a bit unrealistic.

“Do you even know her name?” I whispered heatedly.

He stared blankly at me for a second before answering. “No, I don’t need to, Kiera,” he whispered. I gave him a cold, icy look. He returned it, as he snapped, “Don’t judge me…and I won’t judge you.” With that, he turned and left the room.

My thirst completely gone, I practically ran back up the stairs once I could move again. The laughter and erotic noises that later came from his room, turned my stomach for the rest of the night…

The next morning, I stayed in bed and waited for Denny to wake up.

The image of that woman’s hands running up and down Kellan’s jeans wouldn’t leave me, the sounds still echoed in my head. I swallowed back tears at the memory of hearing them last night; she had not been quiet. I had heard her leave in the middle of the night (apparently, sleepovers were not encouraged), but I had no desire to be alone with Kellan this morning. I wasn’t sure what was more surreal to me, my odd dream of us together, or seeing him with that woman. Was that really what he considered dating?

Denny woke up awhile later and smiled over at me still in bed with him; I usually ducked out while he was still sleeping. He reached over to me and started kissing my neck. I stiffened, and he stopped with a sigh. I was not in the mood right now. I waited patiently for him to sit-up, stretch, and stand, and then I sat up and walked over to him, smiling as best as I could.

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“Are you all right? You look tired,” he asked, sweetly running his hand through my hair.

I nodded and tried to brighten my smile. “I just didn’t sleep well…I’m fine.”

We both got dressed and ready for our days. I took as long as I could, without making Denny late, and he watched me get ready with a soft smile on his lips; always patient, always willing to spend a little time with me where he could. I swallowed the lump in my throat from that thought, and taking his hand, we went downstairs to the kitchen together. Kellan was awake, of course, and was watching TV in the living room. Upon hearing us, he shut the TV off and walked into the room.

Denny smiled at him while I rolled my eyes and stifled a sigh.

Kellan greeted us, then looking at me oddly, asked Denny. “I was thinking of having a couple friends over tonight. Would you guys be okay with that?”

Denny answered for us, “Sure, mate, whatever…it’s your place.” He smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, as he went to the fridge to make a quick breakfast for us.

Kellan glanced over to where I was silently standing by the table. “Are you okay…with that?”

I blushed and looked down, catching the pause in his question, and what he was really asking me. “Sure…whatever.” Looking back on that later, I probably should have been honest and said, no.

My head was in a fog the remainder of the day. All throughout school, and all throughout my shift at work, my mind kept flipping between our last tender kiss in the kitchen, my dream of having an affair with him, and his leggy brunette pressed against the fridge.

In the middle of my shift at Pete’s, the D-Bags rolled in, but Kellan wasn’t with them. He must already be home, entertaining. If he wasn’t having the band over, I wasn’t sure who I was going to find at our house. The anticipation tied my stomach into painful knots. I honestly
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had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what Kellan had meant by “a couple friends”.

I was handing the band their beers, when Evan noticed my fog. “You okay, Kiera? You seem kind of out of it?” he asked politely.

Griffin was not so polite. “Yeah, you raggin’ or something?” Matt smacked him across the chest, in a move so similar to what Kellan would have done, that I had to swallow. “No, I’m fine…just tired.” I looked at them thoughtfully for a second, then blurted out, “Are you guys going to Kellan’s thing at our house?” Matt looked over from Griffin, surprised. “Kellan’s having a party?” I frowned. “He didn’t tell you?”

Griffin looked affronted. “We do have lives outside of Kellan Kyle, you know.”

I blushed and Evan quickly answered, “No. I’m not going anyway. I have a date.” He winked at me, his warm brown eyes sparkling at the prospect of a new love.

Matt shook his head too, running a hand back through his spiky hair.

“No, I don’t feel like hanging out with Kellan’s groupies tonight.” He looked over at Griffin. “You?”

Griffin surprisingly scowled. “Hell, no! Fuck Kellan and his stupid-ass parties.”

Matt laughed at him. “Dude, are you still mad about that? That was forever ago.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, pouting like a five year old, and glared at Matt. “I clearly called dibs.”

Evan sighed. “You can’t call dibs on a human being, Griffin.”
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Griffin shot him a look, while I blushed deeply, realizing what they were talking about. “Yes, yes you can…and I did, and he clearly heard me. He even said ‘whatever, Griffin’ in total agreement. But who did that fucker take to his room later?” He pointed angrily to his chest. “My chick!”

Matt laughed again. “Since when is ‘whatever’ total agreement?” He laughed some more and Evan joined him.

Griffin took a swig of the beer I had just handed him. “Dude, it’s not cool to kype another man’s dibs. I’m not playing on his home turf anymore.” He sulked in his chair while Matt laughed hysterically.

Evan chuckled and said, “Riiight….that’s why Kellan got the girl, home field advantage.”

Griffin exhaled loudly and then scowled at the both of them. “Shut it…fuckers.” Then he chugged his beer.

Blushing deeply, and sorry I even brought it up, I quickly left the table.

Now I was really dreading going home.

Jenny gave me a ride that night after my shift. “Want to come in?” I suddenly asked Jenny, as she pulled up to the extra-packed street and driveway. “Kellan’s having a…thing.” I shrugged. I just had a feeling I would need her support tonight, even if she didn’t realize it.

“Oh…sure, I can come in for a little bit.” She smiled, and managing to squeeze in behind Denny’s car, parked hers, and we made our way to the front door.

I held my breath as I opened it. The first thing I noticed was Denny and Kellan on the couch, chatting and laughing easily. I walked into the entryway, set my bag down and hung up my jacket, feeling more relaxed. It was wonderful to see them happy together again. It felt like ages ago that they had really talked to each other. As I started walking towards them, however, my mood suddenly shifted. A dark-haired, dark-skinned and outrageously beautiful girl, plopped right down onto Kellan’s lap and kissed him. He laughed and kissed her back. Denny smiled and looked away from them, and over to me. He smiled warmly at me
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and waved, but then he frowned. I realized I was scowling at Kellan and his hussy, and attempted to fix my face.

“Wow…do you know all these people?” Jenny asked, as she moved up beside me.

It was only then, that I realized there were a good dozen people in the living room, with more voices drifting over from the kitchen. A few friends, huh? I looked over at her. “No.”

She waved at Denny sitting on the couch and laughed a bit. “Well, Kellan sure seems to know them.”

Grudgingly, I looked back to the couch. Kellan was still kissing the girl, rather intently, his hand running up her thigh. I turned away from the sight, when flashes of his tongue in her mouth made my stomach rise and fire burn through me. I slid my eyes over to Denny, who was still watching me curiously. He stood and walked over to us as we entered the living room.

“Hey Jenny,” he said politely to her. Then he turned to me. “You okay? I know there’s kind of a lot of people here. Kellan said we only had to tell him, and he would kick them out.” He smiled warmly at me and pulled me in for a hug.

I managed a weak smile as I hugged him back. Over his shoulder, I could see Kellan. He’d stopped making out, and was now running his fingers through the dark-haired girl’s locks, while talking to a strawberry-blonde girl in the spot Denny had just left. To my surprise, he leaned over and gave her a soft kiss; the woman on his lap didn’t seem to care in the least.

“No…it’s fine. I do need a drink though.” I hoped there wasn’t too much venom in my voice. My anger was starting to simmer, which I didn’t quite understand.

“Sure, come on.” He pulled me through the crowd, while Jenny followed behind our wake.

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Denny grabbed a beer from an open pack on the counter and handed it to me. I thanked him and quickly opened it, taking a swig. Really, I needed to relax. So what if he’s…spreading himself around. No great shock there. I already knew he was like that.

Forcing myself to get through the next couple of hours without making an embarrassing, and question-inducing scene, I sat in an empty chair at the table and concentrated on making polite conversation with Jenny and Denny. I watched the half-dozen strangers around us. I was a little surprised that the band hadn’t shown up here anyway. Surely they would have enjoyed something like this? But the group, ninety percent of which was women, were people I hadn’t seen before. Actually, now that I was watching them more closely, a couple did look vaguely familiar…fans maybe?

I was listening to Denny talk to one of the few guys in the room and watching the crowd, when I turned to people-watch in the living room.

A break in the bodies gave me a view of Kellan. He was standing and dancing with the strawberry-blonde, the dark-haired woman watching them from the couch. My jaw dropped in remembered surprise. He was dancing with her, exactly the way he had danced with me at the club. He was behind her, his arm around her waist, hand resting on her jeans, pulling her into his hips, and they were moving together in a way that made me blush. Smiling, he lowered his head to her ear and whispered something to her, making her bite her lip and sag against him. Our intimate moment being used on another, made me curiously furious.

Still smiling, he glanced up and for the first time, caught my eye. His smile slipped for half second and he looked at me oddly, almost sadly.

Then the smile was back and his eyes warmed. He nodded politely to me, and turned his attention to the dark-haired woman, who had come up behind him and was pressing against his back. He grinned widely at her and leaning back, kissed her deeply. I turned away, sickened and furious.

Jenny, who had been watching me watch him, noticed. “Are you okay?” She glanced at Kellan dancing with his two floosies, then back to me. She whispered, “Is that bothering you?”
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Panicked, I wasn’t sure how to explain why that made me angry. I shook my head and looked down at my bottle. “No, no of course not. It’s just…it’s gross.” I looked back up at her, trying to look prudish. “Two women…really? That’s just asking for trouble.” She laughed a little and looked over at him. “Yeah…I suppose it is.” She shook her head, like it didn’t really matter to her. “Well, he says he’s careful, so, I guess, whatever floats your boat, right?” That surprised me a little. “You asked him about…that?” She laughed again. “Noooooo… Kellan’s love life is
not
something I want to talk with him about.” She laughed again at my confused face.

“Evan asked him once and I overheard his answer. Evan…he’s always looking out for Kellan.” She smiled at the thought.

“Oh,” I said quietly. I couldn’t help but think of the times that Kellan and I had been together. He hadn’t been careful at all. The first time we were too drunk to think about being safe. The second time we were…overcome…by it. Every time was so intense that safety kind of went out the window. It hurt me a little, that he hadn’t cared enough to be safe with me. That thought increased my anger at how many girls he
was
being “safe” with.

I kept my head down and purposefully away from the living room for the rest of the party. Not too much later, people started heading out; it was pretty late for a weeknight. Jenny gave me a hug and said she’d call me tomorrow. I watched her give Denny a hug and looking into the living room, smile at Kellan and wave goodbye to him. I resisted the urge to see if Kellan’s harlots had left yet. Eventually, everyone else filed out.

After everyone had left the kitchen, Denny yawned and looked over at me. “Ready for bed?”

I stood and stretched. “Yeah.” Instinctively, I stretched to my side and glanced into the living room. I stopped moving. The two girls were both still there. In fact, they were the only two “friends” still there with Kellan. They were sitting on the couch, on either side of him, and both had their hands on his chest. The dark-haired girl was kissing his neck, while the blonde entertained his lips. She pulled back breathlessly and Kellan
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smiled over at the other girl. The dark-haired girl stopped sucking on his neck and looked up at the blonde, and then she leaned over and kissed the blonde, while Kellan bit his lip and watched them with hungry eyes.

I forced my gaze away and back to Denny, my stomach full of fire.

Denny was grinning like an idiot at them, which increased my anger.

“Come on.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him roughly through the kitchen and up the stairs. He was laughing at my reaction, and pulled me in for a kiss as we reached our bed. I pushed him down moodily and changed into my pajamas. The thought of what was going on downstairs burned me with the intensity of my anger.

Denny noticed my mood. “What, Kiera?”

“Nothing,” I spat back at him.

“Hey…are you mad at me?”

I spun around to face him. “I don’t know? You seemed to really enjoy seeing that. Should we invite the girls up here when Kellan’s done with them…into our bed?” I knew he wouldn’t do anything with any of them, but I was really mad, and needed an outlet.

He blanched. “No, babe. I wouldn’t touch them. That’s not me, you know that.”

“Oh? And what were you doing at this little orgy before I got here?

Did you sneak a couple up here for a quickie?” He looked at me with blank shock. “I sat on the couch and talked to Kellan. That’s all, Kiera.” His voice got a little irritated. “I didn’t
do
anything.”

“Whatever.” I angrily got into bed, shoving him out of my way, and pulled the covers around me. “I have a headache. I just want to go to sleep now.”

He sighed. “Kiera…”

“Goodnight, Denny.”

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He rolled over to his side, then undressed and crawled under the covers with me. “Okay…goodnight.” He tenderly kissed my head and I pulled away a bit. I knew I wasn’t being fair, Denny hadn’t done anything wrong, but my anger was swelling not decreasing. My imagination was going crazy, picturing Kellan with his whores. Denny sighed and rolled over.

I lay there, fuming, and listening for sounds from downstairs. Eventually, Denny’s breathing slowed and evened…he was asleep. A little while later, light laughter and footsteps, three sets of them, made their way upstairs, and I heard Kellan’s door lightly close and music being turned on.

I sat up. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t listen to it. I hurried as quietly as I could out of the room and down the stairs. I considered leaving…but had no idea where to go, or how to explain that to Denny in the morning. Instead, I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. I gulped it, leaning against the counter, begging my body to calm down. Kellan had every right…

My head was down, both hands on the counter and tears starting to form, when I felt a body join me in the kitchen. I couldn’t turn to look.

Either way, I was screwed. Denny wouldn’t understand my being so upset. Kellan…well, I just didn’t want him to see how much he bothered me.

“Kiera?” Kellan’s voice broke through my dark thoughts.

Of course. Of course it would be him. “What, Kellan?”

“Are you okay?” His voice was soft, concerned.

Angry, I spun to face him, and stopped and stared. He was half-naked, bare-chested with his jeans unbuttoned. His hair looked freshly played with and distractingly sexy. I swallowed the lump in my throat at his gorgeousness, and who he was half-dressed for. “What are you doing down here? Shouldn’t you be…entertaining?” I could feel the tears in my eyes, I prayed for them not to spill.

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He smiled shyly. “The girls wanted…” He pointed to the fridge, then opened it, and grabbed a can of whipped cream. He shrugged and left it at that.

I rolled my eyes and exhaled loudly. Of course the hussies would want to make it as horrifying as possible for me. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would just leave me alone, and go back to his porn set.

“Kiera…” He said my name so tenderly, that I opened my eyes. He smiled sadly at me. “This is who I am. Before you got here…this is me.” He pointed upstairs to where Denny was sleeping. “That, that is you.

This is how it’s supposed to be…”

He moved towards me, like he was going to hug me or kiss my forehead, but at the last minute he seemed to change his mind and turning, he started to leave the room. At the doorway, he turned and softly said,

“Goodnight, Kiera.”

He left then, without waiting for a response from me, and the tears brimming in my eyes finally fell. I spent that night on the couch, with the television turned up as loudly as I thought was possible without waking Denny.

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18

Chapter

Man Whore

A few sleepless nights later, I came down the stairs in the morning with Denny. Lately, I always waited until Denny was ready for the day before I got my coffee. Denny insisted I could sleep in, that I didn’t need to get up with him, but, honestly, weeks of getting up early to spend a little time with Kellan in the mornings had started a pattern in me that I couldn’t quite shake.

The fact that Kellan had disrupted my physiology irritated me, but upon entering the kitchen with Denny, seeing Kellan irritated me even more. It wasn’t his stupidly-perfect blue eyes, that turned to look at us when we entered, it wasn’t his stupidly-perfect tousled hair, casual and messy, it wasn’t his stupidly-perfect chiseled body, and it wasn’t the stupidly-perfect crooked smile that he was giving us. It was his stupid shirt!

He was relaxing against the counter, waiting for the coffee to brew with both hands behind him, making the bold lettering on his basic red t-shirt stick out all the more. It very simply read – ‘Will sing for sex’. It looked odd on him. It was something more in line with what Griffin would wear, which gave me a sneaking suspicion over where he got it. It was blatant. It was crude. It was pissing me off!

Denny cracked a smile when he saw it. “Ace! Do you-” I immediately cut him off. “If you even ask him for one of those, you will be sleeping on the couch for a month.” My tone was a little more seething than perhaps a crude t-shirt warranted, but I couldn’t help it.

Denny found my reaction humorous however. He grinned goofily and cocked his head adorably. “I wasn’t going to, babe.” He gave me a swift
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kiss on the cheek and went over to Kellan, slapping him on the shoulder before grabbing mugs for my coffee and his tea from the cupboard. Glancing back at where I was still glaring at him, he chuckled and said, “You know I can’t sing anyway.”

Kellan, who had been silently watching the exchange with an amused grin on his face, sniggered and struggled to contain his laughter.

Steamed at both of them now, I frowned, and icily said, “I’ll be upstairs, when the coffee’s done.” I turned and stormed out, their no-longer containable laughter following me up the stairs. Men!

Hours later, I was at work and still mired in irritation over the whole morning, when I was interrupted by a sweet voice. “You’re doing it again, Kiera.” Jenny leaned over a table and smiled at me.

“What?” I said coming out of my trance, shaking my head a little.

I was having trouble focusing. Kellan was doing something that he had never, in all the months Denny and I had lived with him, done. He was, as he put it, dating. Kellan had brought a different girl home every night, and every night, I had to listen to his “date” through our thin walls. I would have to use the term date loosely, as these women seemed very little interested in Kellan as a person. They were more enamored with his small slice of fame, and of course, how fabulously he was shaped. The same woman never entered our doors more than once, and there seemed to be a never-ending line of them. It made me ill. Sleep was impossible. Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion each night. But it, and the constant angry fire in my belly, was taking its toll.

“You’re glaring at Kellan again. You guys fighting or something?” She eyed me curiously.

I startled, realizing that I had been glaring at him openly for the last several minutes while I had been lost in thought. I hope no one else had noticed that. I struggled to fix my face into a genuine looking smile. “No, we’re fine…perfect.”

“You’re not still mad about the women at the party, are you?” Fire wrenched my gut as she brought up that horrible memory. I wanted to
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bend over and clench my stomach, it hurt so badly. But I stood there and took it, trying to maintain my fake smile. “You know, that’s just how he is. Always has been, always will be.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“No…I don’t care ‘what’ he does.” I stressed the word “what” more than would pass for casualness, and Jenny noticed. She started to say something, and I blurted out the first thing in my head to stop her.

“Have you and Kellan ever…” I stopped my tongue when I realized where my question was heading. I really did not want to know that.

She understood though and grinning, she shook her head. “No, no way.” She glanced over at him at his table, where he had some adorably cute little Asian girl sitting on the edge of it and was whispering to her in-between nibbling on her ear, much to the girl’s delight. Kellan had worn that damn shirt to the bar and it had been effective. Earlier, he’d had a small group of adoring women clustered around him at his table and had obliged them with a few verses. He seemed to have narrowed his choices down to one. My face heated, knowing I would see…or hear…her later.

Jenny looked back at me, still smiling. “Not for his lack of trying though.”

I blinked, surprised, and then realized I shouldn’t be. Jenny was a beautiful girl. “He hit on you?”

She

nodded,

coming

around

to

my

side

of

the

table.

“Hmmmm…relentlessly, for the first week I worked here.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stood beside me, watching him with his bimbo. “One day, I just had to tell him flat out, no, but we could be friends, if he stopped trying to get into my pants.” She laughed and looked over at me. “He had found that pretty hilarious and he stopped, and we’ve been fine ever since.”