The Tao Of Sex (20 page)

“Nathan said he’d be in the kitchen,” she said. “Can you show me where that is?”

“Over here,” he said in a normal voice. His sexuality abruptly masked beneath his smooth, urbane, ultra rich persona, Stephen escorted her to the largest kitchen she had ever seen.

Tracy stepped inside and was hit by the delightful scents of soy sauce, spicy pork and herbs. Heat crackled across her face, but her attention was on scanning the huge room. She saw movement everywhere: people chopping or stirring or steaming things along a huge wood table or by an equally huge stove. Gleaming pots cluttered her vision, and strange roots dangled from the ceiling. But in all that, she focused on one person: Nathan. He sat at a large wood table and sipped tea. A dumpling lay half-eaten on a plate before him.

Their eyes met immediately, and then his gaze flickered to Stephen right behind her. She stepped forward, wanting Nathan’s attention to return to her. It didn’t. In fact, he seemed to carefully avoid her as he stood up from his seat.

“Ready now?” Nathan asked.

“If you are,” Stephen answered.

“I am.”

“Then, shall we?”

Nathan nodded and grabbed his battered attaché from the floor. Seconds later, both men had left the kitchen without one more glance at Tracy. She watched them go, still hoping for a connection with Nathan. A look, a touch, anything to remind her that he was still the same Nathan who had carried her into her bedroom, who had served her an omelet and kissed her senseless. But there was nothing.

“He can’t see you anymore,” said a woman from behind her.

Tracy spun around to see Nathan’s sister standing by the table. “What?”

“Nathan. He’s handed you over to your new partner. Since he’s not part of the temple anymore, he can’t talk to you. He’s only allowed in the kitchens and back gardens, and that’s just because he’s family.”

Tracy swallowed. “That’s silly. He’s taught me everything.” And she felt lost without him.

Cai Ting gave her a wry smile. “That’s exactly why. Do you honestly think you’re the first tigress to fall for her teacher? Trust me, it’s better this way. Break ties. Move on. Easier for everyone.” Then she leaned forward, her expression abruptly fierce. “Better for him.”

Tracy swallowed, realizing that everyone here, most especially Nathan, expected her to embrace this tigress training, toss aside everything she knew and abruptly walk into the land of the divine. It couldn’t be that simple. It sure as hell didn’t feel that easy. And yet, the thought of returning to that heavenly place tempted her. Not to mention the youthful gorgeousness gifted to full tigresses. If Stephen could get her there—and he obviously had as much skill as Nathan—then shouldn’t she consider what they suggested? She bit her lip, feeling confused and disoriented.

Cai Ting shook her head. “You need a break. Here, Nathan had me get something for you.”

Tracy followed the woman to the table and a covered dish. A moment later, Cai Ting lifted off the lid, and Tracy’s heart melted in a rush. Nathan had ordered this for her? With a grin, she grabbed hold of the biggest and best burger she’d ever had in her life.

TRACY OPENED HER EYES to the deepest darkness she’d ever experienced. She tensed, her mind grappling with sensations too rapid to catalog. She was naked and blind. And not alone.

“It’s me,” came a soft, familiar voice. “It’s Nathan. I’m sorry I woke you.”

She exhaled in relief, her body sagging into a large comfortable bed. But she was still blind. Her eyes were open, but there was no electricity in the temple and no moon tonight. She might as well have been in a cave, except that she was warm and the silence was comforting, especially with Nathan there…somewhere.

“What time is it?”

“After two in the morning.”

“Really? It feels like later.” Sleep was rapidly fading as she sat up.

“It’s after noon back home.”

Of course. Jet lag. “Where are you?”

“Right here.” She felt the mattress dip by her feet as he settled on the bed.

“I should be annoyed at you for abandoning me.”

“It’s the rules, Tracy. I shouldn’t even be here now, but I…”

“Had to see me?” She couldn’t keep the hope from her voice.

“How was your first day?” he asked, obviously avoiding her question.

“Gorgeous women, ancient texts, frank discussions of sex with your mother.” She sighed with dramatic intent. “You know. The usual.”

“Of course,” he said, humor lacing his tone. She felt the mattress shift as he leaned back against the headboard. “And did you enjoy the usual?”

She hesitated, trying to frame her thoughts. “I got a bunch of stuff on how to control the tigress in me. At least now I’m not so afraid I will jump the next male body I see.”

“You never would have. Your strength of will is very disciplined.”

“Oh,” she teased, “you say that to all us tigress girls.” Then she sobered, realizing that he may have said exactly that to other girls. She felt the mattress shift again as he stood, and she abruptly reached out. “Nathan?”

She felt a soft kiss flutter across her cheeks. “Good night, tigress.”

“Nathan!” she called again. But she couldn’t say it loudly for fear that someone else would hear. And within another breath, she knew he was gone. She collapsed backward on the bed in a huff. Then she heard him, a voice from the hallway, whispering such that she could barely catch the words.

“Yes, I had to see you.”

SHE WAS AWAKE WHEN he came the next night. She’d been waiting for him, dozing fitfully, alert for the slightest sound. She’d already leaped upright when one of the temple cats had meowed in the hallway. But this time she knew it wasn’t a false alarm. She knew he was there, standing in the darkness looking at her, though how he could see anything was beyond her.

“You are awake,” he said, his voice a warm jolt of electricity to her spine. If she hadn’t been alert before, she was now.

“I didn’t see you today,” she said as she sat up in bed.

“The temple finances are a disaster,” he answered as he moved into her room. “How my mother can mess things up so quickly is beyond me. She only had a few months, but…”

“Big debt?”

“Big ignorance. She simply doesn’t want to understand anything mortal. Her whole focus is the divine, and as such, it is our duty to support her in her quest.”

“You mean your duty.” She wrapped her hands around her knees.

He was silent for a long moment, but then she heard him step closer. “It is my duty as—”

“Yeah, yeah, oldest male. Embrace the responsibility. I understand that Nathan, I really do. I just feel bad because it obviously wears on you.”

Tracy felt the mattress dip and smiled. He was going to stay for a bit. She’d set a candle on the bedside table and now lit it with unsteady hands. A warm glow filled the chamber, and she was able to finally see him sitting in his wrinkled suit. The light was gentle enough to emphasize his beauty, but she also saw the weariness in his face and the droop in his shoulders.

“You’re tired,” she said. “Did you get anything to eat?”

He nodded. “My sister left food for me. But what of your day? Temple accounting cannot be nearly as interesting as your first full day as a tigress.”

“Doubtful.” Today had been a day for Stephen to show off his many accomplishments. Under the guise of “orienting her to Hong Kong,” she had wandered the finest boutiques where he had bought her silk robes and sexy lingerie. She had dined in a floating restaurant and then had high tea at the Mandarin hotel. Nathan knew, of course. One of the first things she’d discovered was that she was big news in this little community of women. “You didn’t tell me Stephen was that rich. I mean, wealthy, yes, but über-rich? Top-twenty-in-the-world rich?”

His gaze slanted down to the silk coverlet. “Money is nothing to him. He can put you and your brother through college and think nothing of it. He could set you up with diamonds, cars, a villa of your own. Whatever you want, Stephen can give it all to you.”

“I don’t want material things.” She saw him arch a brow at her, and she had the grace to blush. “Okay, okay, so I like the money. I’m human. And frankly, nobody is more surprised than me. But all I want is a financial cushion. I don’t need a whole pillow factory.”

He frowned at her, and she knew she wasn’t making any sense.

“I want enough wealth to live comfortably. I don’t need über-wealth.”

“And heaven?” he pressed.

And right there was the problem. Every moment she was with Stephen—no matter what he did or what he said—there was something elemental in her attraction to him. His energies, her energies—they yearned toward one another. It didn’t help that deep down, she kinda liked the guy. He was unfailingly suave. And who wouldn’t love being wined and dined by a gazillionaire?

“There’s nothing between us,” she said as much to herself as to Nathan. “Chemistry, yes. But a connection? No.”

“That makes it easier to launch to heaven, Tracy. Earthly attachments—”

“I know.” She’d already heard it from everyone. One couldn’t focus on the divine when your mind—or your heart—was on your partner. “Nathan—”

“It will get easier, Tracy. Give it time.” Was there a flash of regret in his eyes? She couldn’t tell in the dim candlelight. And worse, he was already standing up to leave.

“Don’t go, Nathan. Stay and talk to me. Tell me about the sale of the temple.”

He paused, his eyes warming into friendship. “What have you heard?”

“Nothing. Honest.” She shifted, crossing her legs as she faced him. “So what do you think Mr. I’m-so-rich-I-can’t-think-of-enough-ways-to-spend-it is going to do with the temple?”

“Keep it exactly the same or so it says in the contract,” answered Nathan softly. “I had hoped that Mama would take on some responsibility after I left. That she would see…”

“I doubt finances are your mother’s forte,” Tracy said drily. The Tigress Mother seemed to float through her days and nights, seeing only what she wanted to see, then ignoring all the rest for others to handle. Others like Nathan and his siblings.

“No,” he said with clear regret. “Managing money has never interested her.”

“So what are you going to do?”

He sighed. “Alienate my mother forever.” He reached out and gripped her hand, his warmth enveloping her. “The money will be evenly divided. We all will have plenty to live on assuming it is spent wisely.”

And there, of course, was the problem. “Will your mother spend wisely?”

He grimaced. “She will have to. She has destroyed her credit rating. So now, her monthly allowance will be given on a debit card. As long as she remains at the temple, her daily needs will be cared for. That, too, is part of the contract.”

Tracy smiled. “You’ve done well, you know. You’ve seen to everything and everyone fairly.” Then she sighed, guessing at the future. “She’s going to hate you for this, isn’t she?”

He shrugged. “That, too, sometimes is the lot of the eldest son.” He spoke casually, but she knew this wasn’t easy for him. She squeezed his hand and saw his expression tighten on his face. It was so intense, she felt as if he were actually touching her cheek, stroking her lips. Her belly tightened; her breath quickened. She had already consumed the yin-dampening tea, done her nightly meditation on not being horny. She’d done all the things she needed to so that she would not jump the nearest man.

But the nearest man was Nathan. And at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to touch him, to give comfort, to…She swallowed, realizing the truth in that moment. She wanted to give him the love he had been denied throughout his childhood. But the moment she leaned for him, he leaped out of bed, breaking the connection of their hands.

“You’re tired, Tracy. And I shouldn’t even be in this part of the temple.”

“I’m not tired!” she cried. “And you’re here. Please, Nathan, don’t go.”

She should have saved her breath. He shook his head and crossed quickly to the door. “You’re a tigress now, Tracy. You cannot see what is possible with me blocking the view,” he whispered. Then he ducked into the hallway.

“Nathan, wait!” She was already dragging on a robe. Then she grabbed the candle and rushed to her door. But by the time she got there, the only living thing in the hall was another temple cat.

HE SHOULD LET HER SLEEP. Nathan knew that Tracy had begun classes today. Few people understood the rigorous physical demands put on a tigress. Eternal youth and beauty had to be nurtured every day, and she would be sore and exhausted from her physical studies. He should let her sleep…but he couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

He slipped into her room, inhaling deeply. Her scent filled his mind as it had filled his thoughts from the moment he’d first met her. It was clearer here than in Illinois. Here, she had no access to her perfumes; the air was not purified and circulated as in the United States, and most of all, his mother would have demanded that she throw out any lotions or deodorant.

So now when he saw her lying so sweet in her bed, he could inhale deeply and know that a tigress rested here. That a woman of extraordinary beauty and skill tempted men from this boudoir, and that he was privileged to enter. He smiled as he stepped to her bedside. He had already known that. He had seen her incredible potential long before his mother had begun feeding her purifying teas and food laced with aphrodisiacs.

He set his candle on her bedside table, right next to the one she kept there in case he visited. She lay twisted in the sheets, her body completely naked. He could see the lush mound of one breast, the rounded curve of her hip and the silky bronze coil of her hair about the pillow.

His belly tightened and his organ stretched for her, but he held back. She was not his. Now that she was learning what was possible, he would not remain long at her side. Her destiny was as a tigress. His was…not here. He would be better served to cut ties now. He extended his hand, needing to feel the dewy softness of her cheek, to touch the wet fullness of her lips. How he longed…

She gasped and her eyes fluttered. He drew back instantly, but she had already seen him, and he smiled to see her lips curve in delight. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” he lied.

“It’s all right. I was waiting for you.”

He settled gingerly down on the bed beside her. She made room for him, then gasped in pain as she tried to sit up. He reached out to help her, but she had already collapsed back into her pillow with a groan.

“Sore?” he asked.

She cracked an eye at him. “Who knew tigresses did killer yoga?” She wrinkled her nose and began to imitate his mother in her teaching mode. “Tigresses, twist your tail upright! Tigresses, clean your paws! Tigresses, contort your anatomy in ways that aren’t humanly possible!”

He chuckled. She had Mama’s intonation perfectly. “It is possible, you know,” he said. “The willow waist of a tigress is prized by all men.” The thought of Tracy with her sparkling eyes and curly hair moving with the supple seduction of a tigress made him break out in a cold sweat. “You will be a magnificent tigress.”

“That, or a crippled one. Your mother actually thinks I’ll be able to get my ankles behind my neck. That I’ll back-bend like…well, like she does it with that pulsing thing she does with her pelvis. I swear, your mother is incredible!”

His heart plummeted at her words. Tracy was already well on her way to worshipping his mother. “She is a great tigress,” he said in a neutral tone. “Would you like me to massage your legs? I know just how. I have done it for my mother and her students for years.”

She tensed, her eyes widening at the thought. Then she licked her lips. It was an unconscious movement, and yet it was also the gesture of a tigress. He looked away rather than see the familiar steps of a cub just learning how to seduce.

He pushed off the bed, unaccountably annoyed. He did not want to speak to a tigress right then. “I must go, Tracy. I only came here to—”

She practically leaped out of bed, and her hand latched on his arm. “No, wait! Of course I’d love a massage, but that’s not what I was thinking.” She paused, biting her lip in nervousness. Oddly enough, the sight reassured him. She was not a fully confident tigress yet. “I…um…I heard the argument. I know you told your family about selling the building. How are you doing?”

Of course she’d heard. He had hoped that her classes would have kept her preoccupied, but the temple was a small place. And his mother had a loud voice when she chose to exercise it.

“I am fine. But I will be leaving in the morning.”

Tracy sighed. “Maybe she’ll change her mind. She doesn’t really intend to disown you, does she?”

He smiled. “She will not recant something spoken so loudly.” He swallowed. “I am disowned. Any status I once had at this temple is gone. Even Stephen cannot change that. Mama has absolute control over the religious matters.”

“But that’s not fair! She—”

Nathan stopped her words with a touch on her leg. She lay under the cover, but he knew she would feel it. And once touching, he could not resist stroking, even through the blanket. “My mother has decided, and I will leave in the morning.” Then he took a breath. “This should not affect your training. In truth it will be to your benefit since you are partnered with the new owner. Stephen will see that you don’t suffer from my disgrace.”

“There wasn’t any disgrace,” she snapped. “Or at least not yours. What she’s doing is—”

“Enough,” he responded firmly, though her passionate defense of him warmed his heart. “My siblings and I now have enough money to pursue whatever future we want. My aunt will have an independence she never imagined. And you…” He swallowed. “You are impressing all your teachers with your abilities.”

She frowned. “I haven’t done anything but talk about sex and try to do yoga that wasn’t designed for an American body.”

“You are doing very well,” he repeated firmly. Then he looked at her, unable to simply leave. One last caress. One last memory. Soon, she would become like all the others. “Let me massage you, Tracy. It can help with the pain—”

She let out a short burst of laughter. “Your family was just ripped apart, and you’re here offering to give me a massage. I don’t know whether you’re the sweetest guy ever or in total denial.”

He smiled. He had already worked his hand under the cover enough to finally—blessedly—touch her smooth, porcelain skin. “You are so American sometimes, it makes me smile.”

She blinked. “Sorry?”

“A tigress would consider it her privilege to be worshipped by my hands. To be massaged and stroked and—”

“I got it!” she said, and to his shock, a blush stained her cheeks. “I…um…I don’t think it’s as much a tigress’s privilege as the kind of thing she spends her day doing.” She leaned forward, her voice dropping to a low murmur that slipped into his blood like a drug. “I had a two-hour class in how to prolong orgasm. Two hours, Nathan. And then we were supposed to experiment on our own.”

He nodded. He had grown up around such things. “I was a happy adolescent,” he confided.

She blinked, then her eyes grew wide. “You…You…”

“I learned how to massage sore tigress muscles when I was twelve. By thirteen…”

“You must have had sex with…with…like everyone here! Oh, my—”

“Not sex,” he explained quickly. “A tigress does not allow a dragon to sport in their cave.”

She frowned. “Then what exactly did you do with them?”

He shrugged. “I massaged them. I stimulated them. And I learned the ways of control.”

“But you said you were a happy adolescent.”

He grinned. “I did not always act in control. And a tigress must practice tongue technique on someone. I was all too willing—”

She held up her hand. “I got it! I got it! Wow, you must have had some childhood.”

It took him a moment to realize she didn’t understand. “I was surrounded by tigresses, Tracy. I could experience carnal delights known to few men, much less teenagers. But…” He shook his head. “But today when I was signing contracts, when I ate my lunch, even when I was deep in negotiations with Stephen, all I could think of was this moment tonight when I would come see you.”

“Me?” She raised her eyes doubtfully. “Because you want…” Her eyes canted downward to the bed.

He almost laughed. If the idea weren’t so very tempting, he would have. “Endless sex grew wearisome to me as an adolescent. Now…” He shrugged. “I want…I want to hear how your studies progress,” he lied.

She snorted in disbelief. “Yeah, right.”

He grimaced, frustrated with his inability to express himself. “At the end of my day, my spirit quiets, and I think of you. I want to be with you. I want…” He sighed. “I gain strength from you, and I don’t even know why.”

She stared at him. His words seemed to have thrown her into as much confusion as he felt. He knew better than to bare his soul to a tigress, and yet here he was, making the same mistake again. He shifted to leave. Her silence was too unbearable. He did not want to hear that she had chosen Stephen over him, that—

“I understand the joy of family responsibility,” she said. “But one thing doesn’t fit. One piece of the Nathan Gao puzzle isn’t complete yet. Why the United States? I’ll bet you could have gone to school here in Hong Kong. Why go all the way to Illinois?”

He blinked, thrown by her words. And yet, hadn’t she said back in the United States that the only reason she was coming here was to find out about his past? Could that be true? Could she really have come all the way here just to learn about him?

Apparently so, because she was probing in places he didn’t truly want her to go. So he turned back to her with a benign smile. “The United States has excellent schools, and Illinois is the best for business.”

She waved the thought away. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard that before. But you sacrificed a lot to get to the United States. Schooling is great, but there’s another reason.”

He looked down at her, knowing that she would not stop pushing unless he did something drastic. So he crossed to her side, using this as an excuse to touch her, to caress her, to give in to what he had wanted to do for so long.

“There is no hidden motive, Tracy. I chose a school and put everything I had into getting there.” He touched her face. Just a soft caress on her cheek, but she closed her eyes and moved into his hand to better appreciate his touch. This was not a tigress movement. It was something Tracy did whenever he touched her, whenever he was near her. She appreciated the moment and loved his caress. And for that he adored her even more.

But her mind did not stop probing. “Were you running from something, Nathan? What could be so awful that you would leave your siblings, abandon the temple, and go halfway around the world to escape?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned in to kiss her shoulder.

“I’m not letting go of this, Nathan. You can’t distract me,” she said. But even as she spoke, he felt the tremor that went through her body as he feathered his lips across her neck.

“There is no secret, Tracy. I fell in love. I have already told you this.” He pushed at the blanket, nudging with his lips and teeth so that the sheet fell away to expose her breasts.

“Nathan…” she whispered, the word half plea, half protest.

He smiled as he crossed the tiny distance to her breast. He liked that he could make her tremble, could make her voice soft and breathy. And he loved when she grabbed his shoulders, clenching tighter as he clasped her nipple in his teeth.

Then she caught his face. Her fingers were strong against his cheeks as she lifted him to her mouth. He went willingly, claiming her mouth with his, thrusting inside her, drawing those gasping sounds of delight from between her lips.

But then she broke away, her hands still holding his head. He could have stepped away. He could have fought her hold, but she looked him in the eyes. She did not glance coyly away; she did not try to seduce with a flutter of lashes or a sly wink. She opened her round eyes even rounder, and she asked one last time, “Why did you go so far away from your home?”

“I told you,” he answered honestly. “I fell in love.”

She nodded as if expecting that answer. “With the redhead?”

“With all of them. But yes, she was the latest.” He sat back on a sigh, his hands trailing across her body, stroking idly down her neck, across her shoulder, fondling her breast. Her skin was so white, her body so familiar in some ways, and yet so different in others. “Tigresses use sex. They learn from it, they experience it, they take and create energy from it.”

“But they don’t fall in love, do they?” she asked.

“No. They don’t.”

Tracy exhaled on a huff. “Sounds like a rather selfish religion to me. I mean, what’s the point of sex without love? At least affection. Something.”

“Immortality,” he answered. He lifted his gaze from where he stroked across her belly before teasing into the lower curls. “You have been to the Chamber of a Thousand Swinging Lanterns. You know better than I do what a tigress seeks.”

“So you loved her and she used you to gain heaven.” Her voice was tight with anger. “They all used you. Every single one of them beginning with your mother, using you without regard to what you felt or wanted.”

He nodded, unable to lie to her. “I can lose myself in love,” he said. “And I could not stop from loving them. The smallest piece of affection, the slightest kindness, and I was lost.”

“Oh, Nathan…” she murmured.

“So I left—as far away as possible—and I swore I would never come back. I would never, ever see them again.” His simple words could not possibly communicate his anger, his frustration and his pain. And yet, she understood.