Read The Scarlet Thread Online
Authors: Francine Rivers
slowly. “I came prepared to defend myself. I’ve gone over my
side of our conversation a hundred times over the last few days.
One word of condemnation and I could’ve nailed your ears to the
wall. And here you go, taking the wind right out of my sails.” She
lifted her wine glass. “Congratulations.”
Sierra didn’t know what to make of her words. She’d known
this meeting would be difficult. Clenching her hands together,
she prepared herself for whatever Audra had to say. She’d keep
silent and
listen
if it killed her.
Audra gave a soft mirthless laugh. “I
am
a snob, Sierra. I
am
a
social climber. The one thing I’ve always wanted—and found
absolutely impossible—is to fit in. The only person in this world
who really loves me is Stephen. God knows why. From the time I
was a child, I’ve had one great talent: alienating people.”
She fumbled with her silverware and then, as though catching
herself in a terrible faux pas, put her hands in her lap. She looked
across the table, directly into Sierra’s eyes, and tipped her chin.
“Sometimes, I’d see a look on your face that made me cringe inside. That time on Rodeo Drive, for example, when I bought that
ridiculously expensive dress and asked you why you didn’t buy
something, too. I don’t even know why I did it. To put you in
your place, I suppose. But you looked at me, and for just an instant I saw myself through your eyes. It wasn’t pretty.” Her hand
shook slightly as she lifted the glass of white wine again. “So, for
whatever it’s worth to you, Sierra, I apologize, too. Truce?”
Sierra felt a sudden rush of warmth toward this woman she’d
always seen as her enemy. She caught a glimpse of Audra’s insecurities and loneliness and ached for her. Lifting her glass of
lemon-lime, she smiled. “I think we can do better than that,
Audra. We can be friends.”
When Audra said Alex and Elizabeth didn’t seem to be getting
along, Sierra asked that Alex be considered a forbidden subject. “It’s
over, Audra. He’s with someone else. It hurts to talk about him.”
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“I signed the papers for him last week. It’s only a matter of time.”
An odd look crossed Audra’s face. For a moment, she seemed
desperate to offer some advice. Then, showing uncharacteristic
sensitivity, she changed the subject.
They parted amicably. Audra said lunch would be on her next
time. “I’ll take you to La Serre.”
“You will not,” Sierra said with a laugh. “One of the things
that used to bother me most was knowing I couldn’t reciprocate.
So you can treat me next time, if you like, but after that, we’re going Dutch and someplace the average Joe can afford or we don’t
go anywhere at all.”
“Oh, all right,” Audra said, pretending to be annoyed.
Sierra returned to work feeling elated. She had gone to lunch
expecting to face Audra’s disdain and condemnation. Instead,
she had come away with a new friend, one she might have had
three years ago if she hadn’t been so caught up in herself.
When she arrived home, the children were already there,
Clanton working on his math at the kitchen table while Carolyn
talked on the telephone to Pamela. “Marcia says to say hi, Mom.”
“Tell her hello back and remind her we’re going shopping this
Saturday.” Alex was taking Clanton to Magic Mountain again.
Friday afternoons, he always picked up Carolyn and spent the
evening with her.
Dropping her purse on the counter, Sierra slid onto one of the
kitchen stools and began opening the mail. In the pile was a
course catalog from a local junior college. Scanning it, she saw
several business courses that would help her at her job. While
practical, they didn’t look as interesting as one entitled “Creative
Decorating on a Limited Budget.”
She chuckled. Now, there was a course that sounded right up
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her alley. But she’d already done all the decorating she could afford for the time being, and she had several projects that were yet
to be completed. The old armoire that had belonged to Alex’s
parents was stripped and ready for staining, and she had the fabric she wanted to cover the wing chairs. She’d also bought the
acrylics to start on the flower-and-leaf trim she’d drawn for Carolyn’s bedroom.
Tossing the catalog aside, she picked up the bill for her car insurance. Since she had traded in the BMW for a Saturn, her
rates had dropped drastically.
Carolyn hung up and slid off the stool, opening the refrigerator. “I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?”
Sierra grinned. “How about hot dogs with macaroni and
cheese for a change?”
“Aw, Mom. Can’t we order Chinese tonight?”
“Not tonight, honey,” she said, opening a letter from Alex’s
parents. She wrote to them once a week as she’d always done.
They were inviting her and the children to spend Thanksgiving
with them. María tactfully mentioned Alex had plans to go East
this year. When she finished the letter, she left it out so the children could read it.
It was a long drive to Healdsburg, but it was time. She hadn’t
been home since her mother died.
The telephone rang again. “It’s for you, Mom.”
She took it. “Hello?”
“Marcia said you signed the divorce papers.”
Her heart jumped at the sound of Ron’s voice. “News travels
fast,” she said, keeping her tone light.
“I heard about it the day Marcia did. I waited this long so
you’d have a chance to adjust.”
Sliding off the stool, she put the kettle on. Audra claimed there
was nothing like a cup of herbal tea to settle jumpy nerves. Ron
asked about the children and her new home. She didn’t have to ask
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it to him three weeks ago, along with the news of her divorce.
“Do you see Alex very often?”
“When he stops by to pick up one or both of the children,” she
said, sensing his caution with her. He was sensitive enough not
to ask if Alex was planning to marry Elizabeth Longford.
Ron told her Judy’s baby was crawling and Arlene had taken
two weeks’ vacation in Baja. “She came back tanned and sassy.”
Sierra laughed. She’d forgotten how easy it was to talk to him.
Relaxing, she asked about several of the teenagers she’d worked
with while at Outreach. He told her one was back in high school
and another had moved to Kansas to live with her grandmother.
He filled her in about several others who had entered the program. They talked for over an hour before Ron said, “I’d like to
take you to dinner Friday evening,” and obliterated Sierra’s
sense of security and ease.
“I don’t know, Ron. I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“I’m asking you to dinner, Sierra. I’m not asking you to marry me.”
“I know, but I have a feeling the one might lead to the other.”
He gave a soft laugh. “That was frank. Am I that transparent?”
“You were open and honest, Ron. I was blind and stupid.”
“You were trying to keep your life together.”
“I’m still trying.”
“Welcome to the human race,” he said. “Look, what if I promise I won’t even try to hold your hand for six months? Unless you
give me permission to do so, of course.”
She laughed. “It would be
such
a relief not to have to fight men
off,” she said dryly. He teased her for the next five minutes, making light of her concerns in order to alleviate them. “Give me
some time to think about it,” she said finally, noticing the way the
children were looking at her. They knew it wasn’t their father on
the telephone.
“I’ll call you Friday.”
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She had a feeling Ron knew Friday evenings and Saturdays
were Alex’s time with the children and her time alone to think.
Marcia knew, and it seemed whatever she knew, Ron knew.
“Who was that?” Clanton said when she hung up the telephone.
“Ron Peirozo.”
“Hey! Are we going sailing again?”
She looked at her two children and saw the idea didn’t seem to
bother them in the slightest.
“Maybe.”
I have been going over it again and again in my
mind.
I want to figure out what could have happened.
James said he was going down to the stream to
try to catch some fish for supper. When he did
not come back by dusk, I sent Hank to fetch him.
Hank came running back screaming Papa was in
the creek and would not get up. He was dead
when I got to him.
It took the two of us to pull James up onto the
bank. He was white and bloated and had a cut on
his forehead. He must have slipped on a rock,
fallen, and hit his head. He must have been
knocked senseless. How else could he have
drowned in less than a foot of water.
Events are plaguing me. I can not think of anything but the Horrible Thing I did to James.
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home. I washed and dressed him in clean clothes
to prepare him for burial. I was so tired by the
time I finished, I could do no more until morning.
Joshua dug the grave, but it took all of us
working together to half carry, half drag James to
his resting place. I knew it would be a fearsome
thing to get him in it and did not want the children to see. Worst of all, I could not leave the
blanket on James. We have none to spare and
winter upon us. So I told Joshua to take them
back to the wagon.
I unrolled James out of the blanket and he went
down into the earth with a terrible thud. And then
I cursed him. I was so mad at him that I had to do
it. I cursed him for dying and leaving us. I cursed
and wept and covered him over with dirt.
And now I can’t stop thinking about him down
there in the cold.
How could you leave me like this, James? How
could you bring me and our babies two thousand
miles and then die at the end of the trail? I should
have listened to Aunt Martha and married
Thomas Atwood Houghton. I would have been
living in a nice warm house with plenty of food.
My children would be warm, fed, and safe.
You never even thought of building us a cabin
and now we are left here in the wilderness shiver3 4 8
ing in what is left of our wagon. You never
thought about how few supplies we have left and
winter on us. You just had to keep looking west,
didn’t you, James? You just had to keep on wondering what was over the hills. You never had a
single thought what would happen to us if anything happened to you! And what will happen
to our children if I die having this baby you put
in me?
I hate you, James Addison Farr. I hope you rot
in hell for what you have done to us.
I don’t mean it. I’m so scared, James. What am
I going to do without you? Where do I go to find
help? How are we going to survive in this wild
place?
There is this terrible silence without you, this
ache inside that gets heavier every day.
Better had it been me who died. You would
have known what to do to keep the rest alive.
I used the last of our salt pork and flour this
morning. The rain is heavy upon us. The cold
goes into my bones. Joshua says we should go on
to the Fort. I am too sick to make it. I told him to
take the children and go.
We ate the last of our beans tonight. Joshua
leaves in the morning for Fort Ross. Hank,
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