The Middle Child (12 page)

     "Joyce, that idle conversation was a verbal contract and you know it.  You committed to working on this photo shoot and now you’ve reneged on the agreement."

    
"Verbal contracts do not pay my bills, honey, she said, sweetly.  "And I haven’t reneged.  I’ve given you an opportunity to pay me the appropriate fee for my services.  If you choose not to take me up on that then that’s your choice."

     Catherine was incensed at the woman’s lack of morals. 
"Thank you for your time, Joyce and I wish to inform you that we will not be taking you up on your offer.  Goodbye."

     Catherine slammed down the phone.

     Line two rang.  "What," she barked.

    
"Sweetheart?"

     Catherine closed her eyes at the sound of Tim’s voice.  His voice around her name was gentle, caring, like a caress.

     "How are the girls?" she asked.  Only one night away from them but she missed the reassurance of having them near.  The knowledge surprised her.  She’d been away from them before when attending business meetings but she’d never missed them the way she had the previous night.  Maybe it was because I always knew I was going back to them, she thought, unlike now.

    
"Jess is a bit subdued.  They’re both asking about you.  I asked Lucy what happened and she insists that you struck her by accident."

     Catherine’s heart lurched in her chest.  Dear, sweet Lucy who knew the truth and was trying to protect her.  She felt an unfamiliar rush of warmth surge through her.

     "She’s wrong, Tim," Catherine said, sadly.  "I knew what I was doing and it was wrong on so many levels."

    
"Can’t we meet and talk about it?"

     Catherine shook her head but said nothing.  The part of her that wanted to return to the safety of her old life screamed out for her to say yes.  The temptation to meet Tim and give him enough of an explanation for him to understand was overwhelming.  She knew that he would try and forgive her.  But she had always been a realist and she knew that she could never go back.  Not until she understood.

     "I’m not ready to talk to you."

     How could she make Tim understand all the emotions running riot in her mind.  Her life had suddenly imploded.  The death of her mother, meeting her sisters again and finally seeing the truth about her relationship with her daughters.  How could he understand the fears that had destroyed the veil of security behind which she’d hidden. 

     She’d thought that her perfect life with her successful career, happy family façade would protect her from the person that she really was and had always been destined to become. 

    
"Then at least talk to someone you can trust."

     Catherine realised that that particular list was non-existent.  There was no-one who would understand.  Late last night, she’d considered calling Alex but at the last minute had changed her mind.  Alex was too busy hiding at the bottom of a bottle to admit that their childhood experiences were having any affect on her in adulthood.  Catherine realised that Alex was suffering as acute a case of denial as Beth, only she wasn’t prepared to admit that either.

     "There’s no-one."

    
"What about that therapist?"

     Catherine realised that he meant Emily.  She couldn’t go back now.  She’d refused to go back a second time after Emily had told her that they had a lot of work to do.  She couldn’t do that.

     "Please, Catherine.  I don’t know what’s wrong.  You won’t tell me and you won’t come home.  Whatever it is you need to understand it."

    
"I’ll think about it," she said, begrudgingly. 

    
"I’ll call you tomorrow."

    
"No, Tim, please don’t.  The only hope I have of being able to sort this out is if you stay away from me."

    
"Catherine, I love you."

     Catherine could hear the torment in his voice.  He was powerless to help her and it pained him.  As it did her. 
"I love you too," she said, replacing the receiver.

     Lines 1 and 2 lit up as soon as she put the phone down but Catherine transferred the calls to voicemail.  Immediately the light went on and started flashing to indicate that she had a message.

     She allowed her head to fall into her hands.  Somehow she had to try and quell the distraction of the emotions causing havoc inside her like a virus.  Feelings that she’d never had before were surfacing from nowhere and she didn’t know how to control them.

     She took a plain piece of paper and named the feelings and her reasons for them.

Despair at how lonely my life was without them.

Fear of what I've become.

     Catherine read the list back and realised that Tim was right.  She needed to speak to someone.

Chapter 12 – Alex

     Alex surveyed the chaos of her flat.  Every drawer and cupboard had been turned out.  Clothes and cutlery claimed equal amounts of space on the floor.  Half an hour ago she’d given up the hope of finding any forgotten money hiding in an unwashed pair of jeans or a jacket that she hadn’t worn for a while.  Now she was looking for things to sell and her shortlist had been slung onto the bed.

     Her first option was the leather biker’s jacket that had taken her months to save for and was probably her biggest asset.  Second was an ipod touch gifted to her by Jay last Christmas.  Third were the Sapphire ear-rings that Beth had insisted that she take from the house.

     She viewed her net worth critically.  Which of the three items would give her the best return.  In the back of her mind she hoped that she wouldn’t need much cash, just enough to buy the courage she needed to be able to speak to Mike and then she was sure that everything would be okay.  He would roll his eyes and order her behind the bar before she lost any more time.  He would give her the job back.  She was sure.

     Her eyes settled on the ear-rings.  She viewed them from the other side of the room.  She had no idea of their value and tried to view them dispassionately as a piece of jewellery that meant nothing to her.  She approached them cautiously and picked them up.  She expected to locate a distant memory of her mother wearing the ear-rings which would have sealed their fate immediately but the only face intertwined with the black stones was that of her sister, Catherine. 

     The memory of the day that Catherine had dressed her up was as clear in her mind as though it had happened yesterday.  She remembered Catherine’s mischievous smile as she had applied blusher, lipstick and mascara onto Alex’s face.  It had been a day of realisation for her.  It was the day that she realised that without Catherine she would die.  But that had been before Catherine had deserted them. 

     Her hand closed around the ear-rings.  The small stones dug into her palms.  She dropped them and reached to the other side of the bed.  The jacket it was.

     Ten minutes and fifty quid later Alex rubbed at her arms viciously as she made the ten minute walk to the club.  The heat of writhing bodies hit her as soon as she opened the door.  She took a deep breath and edged her way through the dance floor to the bar.  Mike spotted her almost immediately.  His eyebrows moved towards each other and his jaw visibly tightened.  Alex followed him along the length of the bar, trying to catch him before he disappeared into the office at the rear of the building.

    
"Please, Mike, just a minute," she begged, placing her hand on his forearm.

     He viewed her grip with distaste and shook himself free.

     "I know how much I’ve let you down," Alex said, launching into her speech before he had chance to speak.  "But I’m better now.  I’ve just had a lot of illness over the last few weeks but I’ve got it together now and…"

    
"Save it, Alex.  It just ain’t happening.  You’ve let me down too many times."

     Alex realised that this was going to be harder than she’d thought.   Mike’s arms were crossed firmly in front of him.  His stance was rigid.

     "But it’s true.  I promise.  I’ll be here on time and I’ll work hard and I’ll be in for every single shift."

    
"What’s happened to you, Alex?  Your clothes are creased, your hair is greasy.  Your skin is blotchy and dry."

     Alex detected a note of concern in his voice and decided to make the most of it. 
"I’ve had a virus and I just couldn’t shake it.  I was taking antibiotics and I had some sort of reaction to them.  I’ll be completely better in a couple of days.  The doctor said…"

    
"You just can’t stop, can you?"

    
"It’s the truth, Mike, I promise.  Please believe me."

     Mike shook his head and when his eyes met hers they were filled with disgust.  

     "I’ve been fair to you for nine years.  I’ve overlooked your occasional transgression because you were always good at your job but this is too much.  You’re an alcoholic who can’t even tell the truth anymore."

     Alex was shocked at his words.  Yes, she liked a few drinks and maybe she had been drinking excessively over the last few weeks but she could stop any time she chose.  She wanted to argue the point with him but there was still begging to do.

     "But I’ve changed, Mike.  I’ve stopped drinking and I want to come back to work.  You just said yourself that I can do the job so why not give me another chance?"  She offered her best winning smile.

    
"You’re a fucking alcoholic.  I’m not giving you a job in a bar."  He sighed heavily.  "It’s too late.  I’ve filled the vacancy."

     Alex felt desperation biting at her heels. 
"Oh come on, Mike.  You can soon get rid of them.  Just pay them for the night and put me back in my old job.  I’ve told you that I won’t let you down.  I promise…"

    
"Stop it, Alex," Mike said, holding his hand up and looking away.  "It’s too late.  You blew it."

     Alex sagged against the wall. 
"Maybe just for a week or two so I can sort out some of my bills.  I’ve got stuff that’s way overdue and no way to pay for it."

     Alex felt sick to her stomach.  Never before had she begged so blatantly for anything in her life but if she didn’t get some cash soon she’d be thrown out of her bed sit.

     "Here, take this," Mike said, holding a few purple notes towards her.  "Call it redundancy pay," he said, closing his wallet.

     Alex wished she was in a position to refuse but she was desperate and Mike knew it.

     She took the money from his hands and mumbled some incoherent words of thanks without meeting his eyes.  She stopped to speak to no-one and headed straight for the door.  Once outside the cold wind drove long sharp needles of rain into the skin on her bare arms.  The money from Mike together with the funds from her jacket would pay the electricity bill or half of her rent arrears with a little bit left over. 

     The bright lights of Mellie’s Bar called to her as though with a beckoning finger.  She felt powerless to resist.

     Sultry, thumping music greeted her as she entered the club.  She pushed herself through gyrating female bodies to get to the bar.  Mellie’s was always packed full on a Thursday night and Alex felt the tension begin to leave her body.  This was just what she needed.  A few cold drinks, a nice warm body and she’d worry about her money problems tomorrow.

     She squeezed into a seat at the bar and ordered a double vodka.  The heat of the liquid left a trail of fire from her tongue to her stomach as she downed it in a single swallow.  She ordered two more which went the same way.  The familiar sensation of wellbeing began to cloak her as she sipped the fourth drink more leisurely. 

     She cast her eye around the heaving bar, unconcerned about the worries that had troubled her earlier.  They were quietly dissolving in vodka.  She’d worry about them tomorrow with a clear head. 

     She smiled to herself, content that everything would be fine.  She’d find another job within a couple of days and her landlord wouldn’t pursue his threat to evict her at the weekend.  She’d talk to him tomorrow and straighten everything out.  She’d have the money for him soon and he’d understand that.  She sighed deeply, content that she had been worrying for nothing.

     She continued her gaze around the bar.  Her eyes met those of a woman with short bleached, spiky hair who had a half smile on her face.  Alex held the gaze for a moment and by doing so indicated her interest.  The woman looked a little butch but Alex wasn’t fussed.  Tonight she was in the mood for some mindless sex with a good-looking stranger and the girl who was approaching through the crowds fitted that bill perfectly.

    
"Buy you a drink?" the woman asked.

    
"Vodka."

    
"Hmmm…. A woman with expensive tastes."

     Alex smiled and said nothing as the woman ordered a pint of lager and a double vodka.  Alex decided she could get to like this one.  She took the drink and downed half of it.  Her head began to swim and she welcomed the sensation.

     "Dana," the woman said, offering her hand.

     Alex downed the last of her drink.

     "Can I get you another?"

     Alex nodded. 

     "So, do you come here often?"

     Alex almost laughed at the absurdity of such a stupid question but something about the woman’s expression stopped her.  There was a glint in her hard blue eyes that Alex found a little dangerous and erotic at the same time.

     "Stop working so hard.  It’s a done deal, okay?"

    
"Your place or mine?"

     Alex decided that this butch beauty was in danger of spoiling the whole mood with phrases like that.

     "Neither, I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes," she said, negotiating her way off the bar stool.  She headed for the toilets and threw some cold water onto her face.  The effects of the vodka were catching up with her and she wanted to be sober enough to enjoy what was about to happen.  She dried her face on a rough paper towel and headed outside.  There was an alley between the bar and an Indian takeaway next door, which didn’t normally get busy until throwing out time.

     The cold air hit her and caused her to weave into the alleyway.  Although the rain had stopped the air still held a dampness around her bare skin.  She saw a shadow halfway into the alley and headed for it.  As her eyes adjusted to the reduced light she immediately recognised the
Amazonian stature of Dana.

     No words passed between them as Alex reached the substance of the shadow.  Immediately she felt lips on her own and the hard, muscled body of the woman pressing her against the wall.  Heat surged through her as the rough lips pressed down on her. 

     Dana took hold of her wrists and raised them above her head forcing her bare arms against the rough, hard brick.  Alex winced at the pain.  With her hands above her head and her whole body exposed to Dana, Alex felt vulnerable and powerless to act.      

     The feeling sent a shiver of anticipation through her body.  Dana used her free hand to caress Alex’s breast and Alex gasped with pleasure as her nipple began to harden.  She wanted to free her arms to roam the uncharted territory of a fresh new body but Dana held her arms firm as she pulled up Alex’s t-shirt and covered her breast with her hand.  Ripples of desire shot through Alex as Dana’s mouth fixed on her breast, her warm tongue manipulating her aroused nipple to hardness. 

     Alex felt a spear of regret when Dana’s mouth began to move away but was rewarded when she felt Dana’s free hand unbuttoning her waistband.  She heard the grating noise as her zipper was undone.  A strong hand worked inside her panties and Alex groaned out loud.  She stroked gently bringing Alex to a state of frenzy.  Her body began to arch towards Dana, willing her to work faster and satisfy the need within her.

     Dana pulled back slightly and her hand moved up and rested on Alex’s hip. 
"I wondered where you’d got to," she said, turning her head to the left.

     Alex hadn’t noticed anyone approaching but she turned to see a small Chinese girl with dyed orange hair.  She gently stroked Dana’s arm.

     "Well, I’m here now so quit hogging all the fun."

    
"Hang on a minute," Alex protested, unsure just what they had in mind.  A threesome had never been part of her plans.

     Dana held her wrists above her head solid.  The danger that Alex had seen hovering in her eyes earlier was now blatantly apparent within the voraciously hungry expression on her face.

     "Don’t tell me you’ve never been spit roasted?"

     Alex again struggled to get her arms back down from above her head but Dana was strong and held her easily.

     "Awww… don’t be like that," Dana said, moving her away from the wall so that Dana was behind her and the Chinese girl in front.

    
"I’m not fucking into this," Alex growled, struggling to get free.

     Dana brought her arms down and fixed them behind her back, getting a better grip on her wrists and holding her tight.  She used her right foot to kick Alex’s right foot as far as it would go and the same with her left so that her feet held Alex’s feet imprisoned against the two sides of the wall with her legs wide open.

     "Pull ‘em down," Dana instructed the Chinese girl.

     Alex felt real panic in the pit of her stomach and the effects of the alcohol were gone.  She was no longer a willing party.

     "Let me fucking go," she screamed.  "I’ve told you I’m not into this."

    
"Like we give a fuck, sweetie.  You’re hardly in a position to argue."

     Alex writhed as the Chinese girl began pulling her jeans down.  The girl looked at her body with desire and licked her lips suggestively.  Alex felt sick.

     The Chinese girl moved in closer checking that Alex was being forcibly enough restrained.  She touched Alex’s breast and Alex tried to move away from the touch.  All traces of desire had long since left behind a feeling of terror deep within her soul.