The House of Vandekar (15 page)

Alice said quietly, ‘Did he give the others away?'

‘We'll never know,' he answered. ‘He was the only one rescued from that train. Personally I doubt it. Good God,' he said angrily, ‘if only we'd known this we could have saved the poor devil so much agony.'

‘I promised him proof,' she said. ‘I didn't know I'd even get any. But I promised. I knew from the medical records there was something driving him crazy, but I didn't know exactly what.'

‘I'm surprised you were allowed to see them.'

‘I wasn't. I found them and looked them up.'

‘I see,' he said. ‘I think I'd better contact his wife and see whether she'll agree to visit him. She wasn't particularly anxious to go down to Princess Mary's actually. She certainly didn't persist when the doctors said no. But this may be different.'

‘If she's any kind of a human being,' Alice said, ‘she'll come to Ashton tomorrow.'

‘I hope so,' he answered. ‘But guilt does funny things to people. Usually it makes them run away. Thank you for coming to see me. And thank you for what you've done for Nick Armstrong. I've known him for a long time. I recruited him, you see, so I've been feeling rather guilty myself. He's a fine man. He won't disappoint you, Mrs Vandekar.'

She was driving back when she remembered what he had said. She wondered what he meant by it.

Fern's knee turned septic. It was swollen and she ran a temperature. That accounted for her being sick, or so the doctor diagnosed.

Alice stood with him by the bed; it was kind of him to look after the child when he had so much to do with the patients. He was an elderly man, called back from the reserve, and she liked him as much as she had hated Ferguson.

Nanny hovered in the background. Her days were numbered. The local schoolmistress had a sister, now retired from teaching. Lily had brought her up to be interviewed and Alice had engaged her. She seemed pleasant and competent; too old, unfortunately, but not the type to smother Fern and hold her back. Fern heard she was coming and began to be sick again.

‘Hot poulticing,' Dr Banks said, ‘Plenty of warm drinks and rest. It's only a local infection but quite nasty. The vomiting will settle when the temperature comes down. Now you be a good girl and you'll soon be well.' He smiled at Fern and patted the top of her head. He had grandchildren of his own, and she looked so pathetic lying there, flushed in the face and sunken-eyed.

‘I want Daddy,' she murmured.

‘Of course you do, but Mummy's here,' he said. ‘Daddy'll be home soon, I expect.' He turned to Alice. She was looking impatient. That is a pity, he thought. A great pity if she isn't sympathetic. But the young mothers of today are a different breed. Especially with all that money and staff to take over their responsibilities for them. He sighed. ‘Are you expecting Major Vandekar on leave?'

‘He phoned to say he'd be back at the end of the week,' Alice said. She moved away from Fern's bedside, so she wouldn't hear. ‘It's embarkation leave, I'm afraid.'

‘Well, we won't let the little girl know about that,' Dr Banks said firmly. ‘I think it would help if you settled her down tonight instead of her nurse. Read to her for a bit.'

‘Yes, of course,' Alice agreed. She glanced back at Fern. The child was staring at her. Meeting Alice's eye, she closed hers tightly.

‘Wouldn't it be better if she just went to sleep?' Alice suggested.

‘Try reading to her for a little while. I'll look in tomorrow and see how she's getting on. And if you're worried, just phone and I'll come straight up. Good night, Fern. Good night, Mrs Vandekar.'

Alice suppressed a sigh of irritation. Two days of waiting – two days of suspense, keeping Nick's spirits up. It was Wallace who'd advised her not to tell him his wife was alive, but to present him with the
fait accompli
by bringing her to Ashton or him to London. So Alice kept the secret and waited for news from the group captain. It had come that very afternoon. Janine Armstrong had been contacted and was ready to see her husband. Her only stipulation was that she could bring her American colonel with her. Otherwise she couldn't get petrol for the drive. Tomorrow. They were coming tomorrow.

Alice turned back to her daughter. Nick was downstairs in her sitting room, waiting for her to join him. If he was left alone he faltered, sinking back into numb despair and self-blame. Just one more day and she could bring the living proof of his innnocence into the room.

‘Now, Fern, what would you like me to read to you?'

‘If you're busy, Mrs Vandekar, I can read to her.' Nanny was bristling with hostility. She had a new way of looking Alice in the eye these last few days, not attempting to conceal her dislike. Even something more than dislike; Alice supposed it was resentment at leaving and forgot about it.

The offer was tempting, but she resisted it. She had neglected Fern and felt a brief pang of guilt. The old hag was just dying to be able to criticize at the last gasp. ‘No thanks. Just give me the bedtime book and I'll stay for half an hour. I don't want to tire her out.'

Alice sat by the bedside.
What Katy Did
. She remembered reading that herself. Surely to God there was something more up to date in the nursery … She found the bookmark and started to read.

Fern lay very still and watched her mother from under her lids. She wasn't listening to the story. She couldn't get rid of that horrible picture in her mind. It kept coming back and making her stomach heave. Her mother kneeling on the ground … A strange man all entangled with her, and her mother kissing him. She had never seen her kiss her father. She received the brisk touch of the lips on her cheek or her brow, and that was what she saw happening to the man. Nanny had cuddled her afterwards. She hadn't even scolded her for being sick in the corridor. Whatever her mother was doing, it was so terrible that Nanny kept on nursing her on her knee and saying frightening things like, ‘Don't you worry, my poor pet … You just pretend you never saw anything …'

Her mother didn't want to stay with her and read the book. Fern didn't want her to stay. She knew the story backwards and had never liked it. Nanny said wasn't it a lovely book and went on reading it time and again. With the chill precocity of an only child, Fern realized that it was because Nanny liked it herself. She hated the bouncing, clever heroine who was always pretending to be a boy and getting into trouble. There were girls like that in school, pushing and shoving her whenever they got the chance. She thought, I wish Mummy would go away, I know what will make her go. She raised her head from the pillow and said in a threatening voice, ‘I think I'm going to be sick!'

Alice stopped reading. She looked at her daughter and saw something cunning and unchildlike for the first time. ‘No, you're not,' she said. ‘You're not going to be sick at all. You're making it up. What's the matter with you, Fern? Is it because Nanny's going? Tell me. Come on, I won't be cross.'

‘No.' The voice became a whine. ‘I just feel sick.'

‘If you go on saying that, you will be,' Alice retorted. ‘Listen to me, darling. Nanny's too old to look after you now. You need someone who'll be more fun, who'll teach you things. OK, you had a nasty fall at the school and cut your knee, but it'll get better. Isn't there anyone you like there, any little girl you'd ask up here to play?'

Fern shook her head. ‘No,' she whimpered. ‘They're all horrible. I want the bowl, Mummy. Please!'

Alice stood up. She closed the book. ‘I'm going to get you some different books to read,' she said. ‘This one is so old-fashioned you must be bored stiff with it. You don't really want to be sick, do you? If I kiss you good night and tuck you up, you'll go straight off to sleep. You'll feel better in the morning.'

She fluffed up the pillows and drew the bedclothes over her, securing them under the mattress. Fern felt as if she was weighted down and unable to move.

‘There,' Alice said. ‘That's what I do for the poor wounded airmen when they're not well. I'll come and see you tomorrow. Good night, Fern.' She kissed her forehead. It was hot and sweaty. She felt the child draw away at the contact and was surprised. It was usually she who avoided touching Fern; she couldn't pretend to find cuddling her attractive. Now Fern was recoiling from her.

To her amazement Fern asked a question. ‘Do you kiss the wounded airmen good night too, Mummy?' What an extraordinary thing.

Alice said firmly, ‘Good heavens, no. Whatever gave you that idea? You don't kiss grown-ups, silly. Only children. Now go to sleep.'

She closed the door and hurried downstairs. Fern wriggled and pulled at the bedclothes until they were loose. She lay and looked at the ceiling. Nanny would be in soon. She forgot about being sick. She said to herself in a slow, deliberate whisper, ‘Mummy tells lies. She smacked me once for telling lies. But she tells lies.'

‘I am sorry we are late. I hope it hasn't inconvenienced you, Mrs Vandekar.'

‘Not at all,' Alice said. She hadn't known what to expect. Certainly not this tall, elegant Frenchwoman. Thin as a reed and dark as the husband she had abandoned.

Colonel Chuck Wallace stood awkwardly in the background. He was a stocky, fair-haired man in his forties, good-looking in a Nordic way.

Alice was determined to be gracious. Everything depended upon this woman. ‘It's very good of you to come,' she said. ‘Your husband hasn't been told. I'm not sure how we should do this.'

Janine Armstrong looked surprised. ‘Won't it be a terrible shock to him if he thinks I'm dead and I just walk in?'

‘A shock is what's needed,' Alice said. ‘That was Group Captain Wallace's advice. He knows your husband very well.'

‘It's amazing,' the French accent was very strong, ‘extraordinary that he should have such a delusion.'

Alice kept the ice out of her voice. ‘He was severely tortured, Mrs Armstrong. His hands were mutilated.'

‘I know.' She shook her head. ‘I know what they do. I worked for the Resistance. That's how I met Nicholas. I am very sorry for what has happened to him. But that's the risk we all took, I have lost friends and relatives.'

‘How terrible,' Alice said. ‘I didn't know.'

Janine Armstrong shrugged. ‘Why should you? I was sent back to England because the Gestapo were looking for me. Nick went out on this mission. Maybe he thought I was still in France. We were separated by then. Well, if I am going to give him the shock, perhaps we shouldn't delay any longer?'

A very cool, self-possessed person, hardened in a fire beyond anything Alice could imagine. For a brief moment their personalities met, clashed and withdrew in time. She said, ‘I'll take you to him. He's down the corridor. Colonel, do sit down and make yourself comfortable. I won't be long.'

Alice paused outside the Spencer room. She knocked on the door. She opened it and stood with Janine Armstrong hidden behind her. Nicholas got up and came towards her. She said quickly, ‘You've got a visitor. I promised you, remember?' Then she stepped aside and let his wife enter the room. She closed the door and, with a hammering heart, went back to her sitting room to wait.

The colonel sprang up when she came in. ‘No, please,' she said, ‘sit down. Would you like some tea, or a drink perhaps?'

‘A drink, mam,' he said. ‘I guess I'm more nervous about this than Janine.'

‘I've only got gin,' Alice explained. ‘We've used up our whisky ration. You're from the South, aren't you?'

‘Kentucky's my home state,' he said. ‘And where are you from, mam?'

‘Boston,' Alice said. She gave him a drink and poured one for herself. ‘My mother's there now. How long have you been over here?'

‘A year, almost. I'm with the Eighth Air Force. Not flying, I'm too old for these machines they have now. I fly a desk instead.'

He had an engaging smile. She began to like him. ‘I wonder what's happened,' she said. ‘I wonder if I should go and see? He's been so desperately ill. Mentally shattered. Colonel, would you mind if I leave you a minute?'

‘Why don't I come too? It's just as important to me. I love Janine. I don't know what her seeing him will do to us.'

Or to me, Alice thought suddenly. I could lose him if she decided to go back.

They met her coming towards them down the corridor. She looked very pale and her mouth had a tight set to it.

‘Janny.' Wallace brushed past Alice and went to meet her. ‘You OK?'

‘Oh yes, I'm fine, don't worry. And so is he, Mrs Vandekar. He got over his shock quite quickly. He cried for a minute or two, and then he called me a whore and told me to get out. He'll recover quickly now.'

There was no need for Alice to pretend any longer. ‘Thank God for that,' she said.

‘We'll be going now,' the colonel said. He had his arm round Janine's shoulder. ‘I don't want Janine upset any more. Whatever those guys did to him, it hasn't stopped him being a bastard.'

Alice opened the door and went into the room. Nick was waiting for her. He didn't speak, he held out his arms. Alice went to him. He held her close and she felt him kiss her hair. ‘I don't want to say anything,' he said. ‘I don't want to talk about her.'

‘You don't have to,' she whispered. ‘She's gone. And you're free now. Free to get well and live again.'

‘I love you,' he said to her. ‘Kiss me.'

There was no miracle, no blinding revelation. She gave him her body without expectation. He needed her as much then as when she had first found him, silent and beyond hope. She loved him, and that made it possible to submit to a passion that she couldn't share. But there was no stiff repugnance. No feeling of disgust and degradation when he made love to her. Just a tender satisfaction that she was able to make him happy. No shame, no guilt either. Just the joy of seeing him peacefully asleep beside her. She brought him back upstairs to her room and no longer pretended to Lily that she was sleeping in the chair. She just said, ‘Don't bring tea tomorrow. I want him to sleep.'