The House of Vandekar (11 page)

When Fern had gone back to her nursery, shepherded away with her toys, hand firmly clasped in Nanny's, he poured himself and Alice a precious ration of drink and decided to face the issue. But the internal telephone rang. Alice answered it.

‘It's for you,' she said. ‘A Group Captain Wallace.'

‘Oh? I wonder what he wants.' James Wallace was one of his colleagues in the job he had just left. ‘Hello. Yes, fine thanks. Very nice. Did you? Good. What can I do for you, Jim?'

Alice looked up. It was a long, one-sided conversation. Hugo was frowning. She'd never heard of Group Captain Wallace before.

‘Of course. Yes, don't worry, we'll look after him. I'll tell my wife. Right. Goodbye.'

‘Tell me what? she asked.

‘There's a special case coming in the day after tomorrow. One of our chaps. He's had a rather bad time, and Jim Wallace asked me to see he gets extra care.'

‘Why's he special – and what does “one of our chaps” mean? I don't understand.'

‘We've been dropping agents into France,' Hugo said. ‘Part of an experiment for something bigger we've been working on. This man was one of them. Unfortunately he was captured. He got away but he's had a pretty rough time. He needs a good rest, so they're sending him here.'

‘Do you mean a spy?' Alice stared at him. ‘Is that what you've been doing? Intelligence? You told me it was administration.'

‘That's what they told me, in the beginning. Not a spy, a saboteur. Trained in explosives. His name is Nicholas Armstrong. Take an interest in him, will you, Alice? He's not like the others. And he can't talk about what he's been doing either.'

‘Of course. I'll ask to be notified when he arrives. What do you mean, a rough time?'

‘He was caught by the Gestapo,' Hugo said. ‘Now Alice, I want to talk to you about Fern.'

Lily was waiting up for her mistress. Her family lived too far away for her to travel home for Christmas. By now she'd grown apart from them. She spoke and thought differently; she'd adopted many of Alice's habits and attitudes without realizing it. She felt strange among her relatives and, since her mother died, she had seen less and less of them. The war was a good excuse.

‘Would you like a cup of hot milk, madam. It'll help you to get to sleep quicker.'

‘Thank you, Lily. That would be nice. Why don't you have one with me?'

Lily stared at her for a moment. ‘I couldn't do that,' she said. ‘I couldn't sit down in here with you. It wouldn't be right.'

‘Oh, shut up, Lily. Get two cups of hot milk and don't be such a damned snob!'

We ought to get rid of Nanny, he'd said. She hadn't argued. Yes, OK, as soon as she could find a nursery governess, but she wouldn't be young, she pointed out. All the young women were caught up in war work. Unless they had another child. She was shocked into silence. His face showed nothing, his tone quite noncommittal. Another child – she had repeated it. Surely this wasn't the time to think of such a thing. How could she possibly start a pregnancy when there wasn't a spare moment at Ashton? It's unfair on Fern, he'd interrupted. She's growing up lonely and isolated. We owe it to her not to condemn her to being an only child. Of course, if she agreed, he'd end his affair with Celia. Alice saw an escape route and took it.

‘Aren't you being a little unfair on
her
?' she said. ‘Sacking her after all this time.'

‘I have my priorities, Alice,' he answered, ‘and so has she. She's changed a lot since the war. I think she carries on more for my sake than her own. If she felt that you and I were trying to start again, she'd be genuinely pleased.'

‘Would she really?' Alice remarked. ‘She sure has changed. Hugo, I think you're fussing about Fern. I also think she plays up to you. I agree she needs somebody new – Nanny runs round like an old hen after the child. It's making her silly and self-important. I'll see what I can do. We'll have to pension the old girl off, you know.'

‘I know,' he said without looking at her. ‘I've got something else to tell you,' he continued. ‘I'll be going abroad quite soon. God knows when I'll get home again.' He didn't add, ‘Or if I get home.' He couldn't have said anything to rouse her pity. ‘Will you think about having another child? Just think about it in the next few days before I go.'

Alice hesitated. She could feel herself freezing up. To start again. To endure that miserable, horrible experience after years of being left in peace. She felt almost panicked. I can't. I can't go back … I don't want another child. I don't like the one I've got …

‘Can't we wait until the war is over? Then I'll try. I promise you, Hugo. Don't ask me now.'

‘Here's the milk, madam,' Lily said. ‘I've put a spoon of honey in it. I drank mine – it was getting cold,' she added. ‘You look tired, you know. Why not have a sleep in tomorrow?'

‘I'm not tired,' Alice insisted. ‘Mr Hugo wants me to replace Nanny.'

‘Glad to hear it,' Lily said. ‘She smothers that poor child. Won't let her do this or that, keeping her a baby so she can hang on to the job!'

Alice knew Lily and Nanny disliked each other, but this surely wasn't fair. ‘She dotes on Fern, and you know it. It's going to be very hard on her. I'll have to find a nursery guv, but God knows where. That milk was lovely. Do you think Fern's lonely? She seems happy enough to me.'

‘I think she needs other children instead of that old woman mollycoddling her. She'd grow up faster too. There's a nice little village school. Why don't you take her down there for a morning or two and let her mix? Do her a lot of good. If she makes friends she could have them up to tea sometimes.'

‘Mr Hugo wouldn't consider it,' Alice said. But then he wouldn't be there after next week. It was a very sensible idea. Trust Lily to think of something practical. If Fern had playmates and if she found a nice woman to teach her and run the nursery … ‘I think we'll manage something,' she said. ‘Good night, Lily, and no nonsense about waking me. Tea at the usual time.'

‘Good night, madam. Sleep well.'

Lily checked the curtains and switched out the main light. She saw Alice settled down and covered up, and the bedside light went out as she closed the bedroom door. She was glad that old bitch would be leaving. If her lady knew how she criticized and carped about her behind her back, she'd have sent her packing long ago. But Lily never told her. Her mistress had enough on her mind, with her boys to look after, without hearing what a rotten mother she was and how frightened the dear little child was whenever she had to go down and see her.

Why should she like the child, anyway? Lily didn't. She thought she was a sly little thing, spoiled and pampered, and always whining to get sympathy. She twisted her father round her finger too, even at that age.

Lily went to bed and read a novel for an hour before she turned out her own light. She loved wartime romances.

3

‘Mrs Vandekar?'

‘Yes, sister?'

‘You wanted to see Flight Lieutenant Armstrong when he came in. He arrived this morning. Dr Ferguson has seen him and he's settled in.'

‘Oh, yes,' Alice remembered Hugo's concern about this particular patient. ‘Which ward is he in? I'll go along at teatime.'

‘He's in Spencer,' the sister said.

Alice was surprised. The rooms in the south and north wings of Ashton were reserved for the worst cases who needed special nursing. ‘Why's he in there?' she asked. ‘Is he badly wounded?'

‘Only his hands,' was the reply. ‘He's more of a mental case – the director at Princess Mary's hope the change of environment will help him. He's made some progress, but he probably won't speak to you. He's very withdrawn. I'll tell nurse you'll go at about four o'clock, shall I?'

‘Yes, thank you,' Alice said.

The nurse accompanied her to the special ward. ‘I'm afraid you won't get much change out of him,' she said. ‘Hasn't said a word since he came in. His hands are in a terrible mess, I've never seen anything like them. He's been in some German POW camp, sister said. Here we are.' She knocked and opened the door for Alice.

‘Good afternoon,' she said, her voice rising on a bright note. ‘You've got a visitor. Mrs Vandekar's popped in to see you.'

She looked at Alice and made a face, as if to say, ‘Much good it'll do trying to chat to
him
,' and then went out.

He was sitting in a chair by the window with his back to the room. He hadn't moved or looked round.

For a moment Alice hesitated. Then she walked up and stood in front of him. ‘Hello,' she said, and gave him her best smile. ‘I'm Alice Vandekar.'

Slowly he raised his head. He was sallow and emaciated, with huge deep pits under the dead eyes. And they were dead. She'd never seen such emptiness and numb despair in a face before. The injured hands were lying in his lap, hidden by white cotton gloves. He just looked at her and didn't speak.

‘Won't you say hello to me?' Alice said. No answer. Just that terrible vacant look. ‘Oh God,' she said under her breath. ‘What do I do now?' Leave him? Say goodbye and go? But that was to admit defeat. He must answer in the end. He couldn't just sit there and ignore her.

She brought up a chair and sat down. ‘OK,' she said. ‘You've been very sick and you don't feel like talking. But you won't mind if I talk to you for a bit, will you? It might even cheer you up. Sitting alone is so damned gloomy.'

At the end of an hour she came out. The nurse was sitting reading in the corridor.

‘Any joy?' she asked.

Her manner irritated Alice. She felt tempted to say yes, we got along fine, but she didn't. ‘Not yet,' she answered. ‘It'll take time, but we'll win in the end. I'll be back tomorrow.'

The nurse shrugged and went back to her book. She was so sure of herself, just because a lot of the boys had crushes on her. Well, she'd be wasting her time with this one.

Alice couldn't stop thinking about him. ‘He's so lost,' she said to Lily. ‘I can't explain it. God knows I've seen people crying and shot to pieces with nerves, but never anyone like this. It's as if he won't admit he's alive. But somebody must be able to get through … And it isn't going to be any of the nursing staff, that's obvious. I think they've written him off already.'

‘You've been going in to see him for a week now,' Lily reminded her. ‘And he's never said a word to you, has he, madam?'

‘No,' Alice admitted. ‘But he knows I'm there. I saw him move when he heard me come in. That's something. I know I'll get him to talk to me. I know it!'

‘Well,' Lily said, ‘if anyone can, you can. But don't fret about it. Some of these cases you can help and some never get better. I saw Miss Prince in the village today. I mentioned about Miss Fern going down to the school for an hour one morning and she said that would be very nice. She said they'd be delighted if you brought her along. I hope you didn't mind my mentioning it.'

‘No, of course not,' Alice said. ‘I'd forgotten about it. I'll see Nanny tomorrow. She can go with Fern.'

Lily busied herself with her sewing. Her lady came to her room to talk as often as she sent for Lily. It seemed to draw them closer. ‘She won't like it,' she said, threading cotton through the needle. ‘She'll put the child off going, if you ask me. Would you like me to take her if you're too busy?'

‘Now that would really upset Nanny,' Alice remarked.

‘I suppose so,' Lily agreed. ‘She might even give her notice if you insisted, madam.'

Alice stared at her and then burst into laughter. ‘Why, you cunning – Lily, I'm surprised at you! What a good idea! She'd have to stay till I got someone else, of course, but it might just get rid of her. I'll tell her tomorrow morning. My, you're devious. I'll have to watch out for you!' And she laughed again, while Lily only smiled and went on sewing.

‘Hello,' Alice said. ‘It's me again. You must be sick of listening to me chattering away. If you don't want me to come, you've only got to say.' Was there a flicker in the eyes – she held her breath for a moment, not daring to believe it. ‘If you really are fed up with me, just nod your head,' she said. ‘I'll go away and I won't come back. Just nod, that's all you've got to do. I won't mind, I promise you. But I'll miss you. I'll miss coming in to see you. Shall I go away?'

Every day for fourteen days, an hour, sometimes longer, of reaching out to him. He didn't nod. He shook his head. Tears came into Alice's eyes. She didn't try to hide them. She let him see them, and she touched him for the first time. She put her hand on his arm for a moment.

‘I'm so glad,' she said. ‘I'm so glad you want me to come. And one day you're going to say so. I'm going to call you Nicholas from now on. I know your name, and you know mine. I'm Alice. I'm your friend, and I'm going to help you to get well. Oh, damn it all, I can't stop crying I'm so happy you shook your head. Wait till I tell that boot-faced nurse!'

Hugo hadn't been home since Christmas. He'd telephoned and she'd talked to him about Nick Armstrong. He said yes, it was a tragic case, but he refused to give her any details. ‘It's confidential stuff,' was all he said. ‘We had to give the details to the medical officer at Princess Mary's, but I can't discuss it with you, darling. Just carry on visiting the poor devil, I'm sure it helps.'

‘It'd help a lot more if I knew what had happened to him,' Alice snapped. ‘If the army doctors know, and I imagine that includes Dr Ferguson, I don't see why you can't tell me!'

‘Because it's classified,' he said. ‘How's Fern?'