The House by the Liffey (21 page)

Early in 1974 the family at Riverside heard that Isabel was expecting another child in September. At almost exactly the same time Sarah and Dai, with great delight, announced that Sarah was expecting their first child in the October. There were celebrations on both sides of the Irish Sea and all worked out well because Sarah would be able to finish the academic year and so not let down her students in mid-course. The baby would be a first grandchild in Dai's family.

Milo and Noola were thrilled to bits at the idea of all this expansion of the wider Butler family and Maggie and Aunt May were also highly delighted.

‘With Sarah and Dai living in the East Wing, at last we'll have a grandchild living close to us. Oh, Milo, I'm so excited.'

‘So am I, Noola. It'll be good to have another little one nearby and with any luck it will be the first of many trotting around Riverside again. And you know what? I'll be able to teach him to row! I'll get such a kick out of that.'

‘Interesting! You're assuming it'll be a boy!'

‘Well whichever – I'll still be able to teach him or her to row – stop splitting hairs, Noola.'

* * * * *

On 17 May Sarah was hurrying along South Leinster Street, making her way towards Trinity, where she had arranged to meet Dai in the car park just inside Back Gate in Lincoln Place. Within minutes of each other, around 5.30 pm, three car bombs exploded in the heart of Dublin City, one of these in South Leinster Street. Sarah was one of many hit by the blast. She was hurled into the middle of the street, slammed into the side of a car, bounced off it and was thrown under the wheels of one coming in the opposite direction.

Dai, waiting in the car park, heard the explosion and with many others from inside the college flew flat out towards the disaster, his heart in his mouth and praying aloud:

‘Please, God, don't let my Sarah be there.
Please,
God, don't.'

He arrived at the scene of carnage and searched frantically, calling her name over and over again. Eventually he spotted her quite distinctive dress where she was lying in the middle of the street, one leg trapped under the wheel of the car and the contents of her briefcase scattered around her. She wasn't moving but she was breathing. She was also haemorrhaging but as yet, so far as he could see, not heavily. He knew he mustn't try to move her for fear of aggravating her injuries. He knelt down beside her and spoke to her but no response. He put his jacket over her and shouted over and over for medical help, most especially an ambulance. One of his own students heard him and, recognising the Welsh voice, made her way through the piles of debris to offer what help she could. Gemma was a determined young woman and, horrified at the sight of Sarah so badly injured, ran off and refused to give up until she got paramedics to the scene. Given the numbers of injured needing help this was a major achievement but she felt justified in pushing for help since she reckoned the only people with injuries worse than Sarah's were dead.

The nearest hospital was not too far away and when the ambulance got there no effort was spared to save her life. The family at Riverside received Dai's distressed call and in a remarkably short space of time Milo and Noola arrived. They had heard about the explosions on the evening news but it never occurred to them that a family member might be caught up in the disaster. Usually by this time in the evening Sarah and Dai were home. Like Dai they were frantic and desperately anxious to speak to the doctor but Sarah was in surgery and there was nobody who could tell them anything except that they were fighting hard for her life. Once in a while somebody would come out of the operating theatre and, looking grave, would simply say they were doing their best to save her. Maggie, Harry and Izzy arrived as quickly as they could get there and the mutual support helped them all.

After five hours the lead surgeon came to speak to them.

‘It's been touch and go but we think she's going to make it.'

Having borne up with amazing fortitude, some of those waiting shed tears of relief. Dai spoke to the tired looking man.

‘Thank you and your whole team, you must all be exhausted, but we're all so grateful. Can you give us the details? All we know is that her leg was trapped and she seemed to be haemorrhaging from several different places, including the side of her head.'

‘Well, first of all I'm so sorry to tell you she lost the baby, which is probably no surprise to you in the circumstances. Then we found her spleen was ruptured and we had to remove that. The rest of the time we've spent working on her leg. It was in a very bad way and we thought we'd have to amputate but we've managed to save it. Unfortunately she'll walk with a limp for the rest of her life, but she still has the leg. Luckily the head injury was superficial – just needed a couple of stitches, so there's no fear of brain damage. But one way and another she did lose a great deal of blood. Fortunately we had a good supply of her blood group in store.'

There was a stunned silence while they all took in what they had been told.

‘So it's likely to be a long, hard recovery?'

‘I'm afraid so. We'll have to keep her in here in intensive care for as long as it takes and then we'll need to keep a close watch on the early stages of recovery. It may be some time before she can go home again and she'll be in a lot of pain, perhaps for a long time.'

‘When can we see her?'

‘You can certainly have a look at her, but she won't regain consciousness for quite a while. In fact you can sit with her and wait for her to come around. It would be reassuring for her to see familiar faces when she does wake up. But I should warn you. Initially, while the anaesthetic is still working she won't appear to be too distressed. That will come later and that's when she'll really need you there.'

Only a few weeks before the explosions across the city Bill had returned from Sinai after the statutory six months of his tour of duty. Having taken end-of-tour leave he wasn't in Dublin at the time of the explosions but cut short his holiday in Cyprus and came flying home as fast as he could when he heard what had happened to Sarah. He was a huge support to everyone and they were all so glad to have him there, especially Sarah. He didn't care how much time he spent with her, day and night, talking to her, praying with her and giving comfort and encouragement to her and the rest of the family. While desperately upset, nevertheless, he appeared calm and utterly dependable at all times. Dai hadn't really had a chance to get to know him previously but now developed a sincere respect and affection for this completely selfless and dedicated man.

‘I know how much it has meant to Sarah and the rest of the family to have you here, but you'll never know how much it has helped me personally. I'll never forget it, Bill.'

‘Thanks Dai, but she's my much loved sister and I would have done no less. Just keep praying that she makes as full a recovery as possible.'

Sarah did start to recover, helped by having some member of the family beside her day and night. They all wanted to help and not just visit her but take their turn in watching over her and keeping her company. She was in a private ward and the staff moved a temporary bed into the room so that whoever was there at night could get a little sleep. At first Dai refused to leave her, regardless of who else was there, but as she progressed she insisted that he went back to college and his students. Concerned colleagues had been trying to fill in for him, willingly taking on the extra workload during his absence.

A month later Sarah was allowed to go home but only on the understanding that she had the care of qualified nurses day and night for another two weeks. She was a shadow of her former self, but she had endured and she had made it. One of the most cheering pieces of news for her and Dai was that the consultant gynaecologist said, in spite of all she'd been through, she should still be able to have children. She was so pleased that Dai felt it helped to speed up her recovery.

Many others who had been caught by the explosions were less fortunate. Altogether twenty-three people died instantly, a high proportion of these young women, with some bodies mutilated beyond recognition. The casualties that fateful day in May, including those of a similar bomb which exploded in Monaghan, were greater in number than on any other single day throughout the so-called “Troubles” of the twentieth century in Ireland.

Six weeks after the car bomb attacks a well-dressed woman, wearing black and carrying a small child, arrived at the Butlers' stockbroking office asking to speak to Harry Butler. The secretary on duty at the reception desk asked the usual question of visitors.

‘Have you got an appointment?'

‘No, but I need to speak to him urgently. Otherwise I'd like to see his father, either will do.'

‘I'll see what I can do. What's your name?'

‘Mrs O'Connell.'

She came back and said Mr Harry was with a client but Mr Milo Butler would see her. She was ushered into Milo's office and he stood up to greet her, smiling at the child. Something about the little boy niggled at him.

‘Good afternoon, Mrs O'Connell. I'm Milo Butler. How can I help you?'

‘It was really your son I needed to see. But he's not available, as usual.'

This puzzled Milo.

‘You've tried before?'

‘Oh no. But my daughter did many, many times and he refused even to speak to her. Letters were returned unopened and never would he agree to see her in here.'

‘So how can I help you?'

‘My daughter, Marie, was killed in the bomb blast in Talbot Street in May. This little boy is hers. He's also your son's child.'

Milo stared at her speechless, looked at the child and then realised what it was that had bothered him. The child could hardly have been more of a Butler. He had the black curls, exactly like his own two sons, but in this case the eyes were very dark brown, just like Noola's and Maggie's.

‘I had no idea and I'm sure Harry didn't either. I'm so sorry you lost your daughter like that. My own daughter was badly injured, crippled in fact, and lost her baby the same day, so I can imagine how you feel.'

The woman's face softened.

‘I'm sorry, Mr Butler. That must have been a dreadful shock too. As for Harry knowing about the baby! Of course he didn't. As I just explained, he cut off contact of any kind, so in the end Marie decided she had to cope without him. Luckily she had us. But now her father has had a stroke and is severely disabled, brought on, I'm certain, by all that has happened. I'll have a full-time job looking after him for the rest of his life and I can't possibly look after the child too. It's too much at my age and we can't afford to pay for help. So I've brought him to his father. He'll have to take responsibility for him now and he can certainly afford to get someone to care for him. I'll miss the little fellow and hope I'll be allowed to see him sometimes, after all he is my grandson and I do love him. But I want the best for him and I can't give him that.'

She had tried so hard not to weep but the tears threatened and the lower lip quivered. Milo couldn't but admire her dignity in very difficult circumstances. Looking at the child he didn't doubt her story for a second. He was in a state of some shock himself but recovered his composure quickly.

‘Harry must come in and discuss this and I can assure you that any arrangement made will include giving you access to the little boy. Come to think of it he's my grandson too. What's his name?'

‘Johnny, after my husband.'

He stooped down beside the chair and spoke to the child.

‘Hello, little Johnny. I'm your other grandpa!'

Puzzled brown eyes looked at him and then the child buried his head in his grandmother's shoulder.

‘Home, Gangan, home.'

‘He still believes his mother is at home somewhere – toddles around the house calling her. She used to play a game where she hid and he had to find her. Now when he can't find her he cries and cries for her.' She couldn't stop a couple of tears spilling over. ‘I miss her too.'

‘He's going to find it very hard parting from you and your husband and in such a short space of time after losing his mother. Poor little boy. When Harry is here we'll have to work out a way to handle this with the minimum of distress for him.'

‘Thank you, Mr Butler, and may I say I don't understand how a sympathetic and understanding man like you could have produced a son so hard and uncaring as Harry. From Marie's description of him he seems to care for nothing but himself and enjoying life.'

‘I can't tell you how sad I am that you see him in this light but in the circumstances I can see why. He's been a good son to us, one who has given us many reasons to be proud of him. He's never been anything but kind and considerate to other members of the family too. One thing is certain, he must put right this dreadful wrong insofar as he can.'

Milo called the reception desk and asked that Harry should be sent in immediately he was free. He saw no reason for trying to soften the shock for him. He had brought it all on himself through his almost inhuman behaviour and it had landed on his father out of the blue, something for which he was in no way to blame. For the first time in his life he felt really ashamed of one of his children.

The door opened and Harry came in.

‘You wanted to see me?'

‘Yes, Harry. This lady here is Mrs O'Connell. She actually came here to see you but you weren't free at the time so I've been speaking to her.'

Harry turned and smiled at them rather puzzled. The name was not uncommon and he didn't make any connection. He barely glanced at the child.

‘Good morning. How can I help?'

He was all charm and pleasantness and Nora O'Connell was incensed. This was not the side he had latterly shown to her daughter, although she could see how he must have originally charmed her off her feet.

‘I've come to make arrangements for you to give a home to your child: the child Marie had after you decided you didn't want to have anything more to do with her. You, of course, having got everything you wanted from her long before he was born.'

Every trace of colour drained from his face. He stood there staring at her and the child, trying to take in the appalling implications of what she had said. She continued:

‘And please don't try to deny he's yours. Just take a good look at him and then go and look in a mirror. The only difference is the colour of the eyes. Maybe someone in your family has dark brown eyes? Aside from anything else you were the only man Marie was ever seriously interested in and I'm quite convinced that she had never been intimate with anyone else. She simply wasn't that kind of girl. Did you know she was only nineteen when you met?'

At last he found his voice. He knew what she had said about Marie was true; she
was
sexually inexperienced when they had started their relationship. But she had told him she'd been to Belfast and got a supply of the contraceptive pill. What had gone wrong? Just above a whisper he answered her.

‘No. I had no idea. She said she was twenty-four and I believed her. But where is she? Why hasn't she come here with you?'

‘She hasn't come with me because she's dead.'

Now he felt sick.

‘
Dead
! Oh I'm
so
sorry – I had no idea. How?'

‘In the explosion in Talbot Street a few weeks ago. Johnny was fourteen months old.'

‘How dreadful for you and poor little Johnny.' He paused as this all sank in. ‘What can I do to help?'

Thank the good Lord, Milo thought inwardly. He's going to show that underneath that apparently hard-baked exterior he is at heart a decent human being. Much more like the man we know at home.

Mrs O'Connell explained what she expected Harry to do and why. They spent a long time talking it through and in the end reached agreement that Johnny would go to live at Riverside House. A nanny would be employed to look after him for as long as was necessary. She agreed that, for a short time, the person employed would live in the O'Connell house, even though conditions would be very cramped. This would give Johnny time to get to know and like her before being taken away from his grandparents. To make the transition as easy as possible for him, during this interim period he would be taken to visit Riverside daily, so it and the people there would become familiar to him.

It was also agreed that Mrs O'Connell could visit Johnny without restriction and because this would be difficult for her and impossible for her husband, Johnny would be taken to see them at regular intervals. Nora O'Connell was vastly relieved. She was still angry with Harry and would never forgive him but at least he was trying hard to face up to his responsibilities and had done so without the bluster and denials she had expected. She had come ready for a fight and argument and there hadn't been any.

Throughout the discussion Johnny, blissfully unaware that his whole future was being decided, had slept peacefully in Nora's arms, sucking his thumb and clutching his favourite soft toy. Looking down at the little child the hard shell around Harry's heart, the one he had deliberately developed to protect him from wanting to enter into a serious relationship with any woman, suddenly started to crack. This little boy is my son, he thought;
my
son
and suddenly he was the one close to tears. He had never imagined he could feel such an intense wave of emotion and one quite different from his feelings for his parents and siblings.

‘Would he mind if I held him?'

It was asked rather hesitantly. Nora had watched the different emotions flitting across his face and felt more than ever that she had made the right decision for Johnny. Awful as he had been to her daughter he would care for the child. She was now convinced of that.

‘You can hold him, but since he doesn't know you he'll probably cry.'

She passed Johnny gently to him. The child stirred slightly but then nestled into the comfortable, protective arms cradled around him without waking. The hard shell completely disintegrated and Harry didn't dare to speak for fear of breaking down completely and making an exhibition of himself.

Looking at Harry's face Milo felt slightly better. A measure of justice had been done, albeit rather late in the day. However, that evening, with Noola present, he didn't pull any punches with his son. He had put her in the picture and she was even more appalled than he had been by the whole story. Rarely really angry, Milo was furious and he put his earlier thoughts into words.

‘It's the first time ever that your mother and I have actually felt deeply ashamed of one of our children. We completely fail to comprehend how you could treat anybody like that. Is there any way in which you can excuse yourself? And please don't tell us that you're twenty-nine years old and it's your life and your business. It has been
made
our business and especially it's been made
my
business. Not only was I completely mortified but my heart went out to that unfortunate and, indeed, courageous woman today who bore all her problems with such dignity.'

Harry made no attempt to justify his actions or offer any excuses. His face was colourless and he looked quite gaunt.

‘I realise there's no way I can ever apologise adequately to you both but especially to you, Dad, who had to be directly involved today. Thank you for helping to make arrangements for Johnny to come and live here. Would it be easier for you if I moved out and set up my own place, with a nanny for Johnny? I'm prepared to do that. I'm so sorry that you're ashamed of me, but I can't blame you. In your shoes I'm sure I'd feel the same way. I'm sad that I'm such a disappointment to you both.'

‘You're only a disappointment to us in the way you've behaved in this matter and in the way you treat women generally. We find your attitude to them appalling. However, in all other ways you're not a disappointment, and there have been times when we've been very proud of you. What's more, there's no way we could fault your behaviour and attitude to members of the family.'

‘Thanks, Mum.'

‘As for moving out, there's no need to do that. We would miss you if you left. I also feel it would be better for Johnny to be here with the rest of us. Just don't do this to us again.'

‘I promise I won't, Dad.'

Talking it all through afterwards, Noola expressed a slight concern.

‘I wonder how Sarah will take all this. She's lost her baby and now another Butler baby will be joining the household. Do you think it will upset her, almost rub salt in the wound of losing her own?'

Milo thought about this new slant on things.

‘A lot will depend on how it's handled. Living in the East Wing, she won't have to come into contact with him all that often, especially since he and his nanny will have their own quarters in the old nursery area, on the top floor. But who knows? If she wanted to help out with him from time to time it might be the very thing that will speed up the healing process and compensate her in some small way for her loss. And just think of Maggie's reaction! Yet another little motherless boy in the house and this time it's her great-grandson. She may have turned eighty but she's still very spry and active. I bet she'll want to be involved!'

‘I'm quite certain she will and don't forget it makes us grandparents again too. But now you'll have a little grandson living here and you can teach him to row and other water sports, just as you did your own children. What about that for a thought?'

Milo smiled at her.

‘True, but I wish it hadn't happened quite the way it did – Sarah's accident and Marie's death.'

So Johnny joined the family at Riverside. Harry legally adopted him and in no time at all he became the darling of the entire household and a supreme delight to his father. Harry was a changed man in terms of appreciating the immense joy of having your own family.