The Hot Floor (24 page)

That was when the pile of cushions on the armchair came to life.

“Josh?” Rai yawned and stretched, knocking cushions and blankets to the floor. “That you?”

“Hi.” My head started spinning, so I put an arm out to brace myself against the wall. “’M sorry,” I mumbled. “I fucked up.”

Rai huffed. “You were meant to come straight home, but you didn’t tell us where you were. We were worried. I was worried. We were meant to be having a talk about… Well, it doesn’t matter now. Then Evan calls you, and you can barely string a sentence together, and then three hours later, some little tart drops you off at the front door.”

“Dylan?” I croaked.

“I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me, seeing as how you were the one who was all over him.”

I heard it then: the jealousy insinuating itself through his words and twisting them into spite. I hadn’t been all over Dylan, had I? Shit, I couldn’t remember, but it didn’t sound like something I’d do.

“Dylan’s just a friend,” I said, realising I sounded petulant but unable to do anything about it. “I need a drink.”

“I should think you had enough to drink last night. You and your
friend
.”

I ignored him and fumbled the fridge door open. The bright light made my head throb, but I managed to grab the jug of filtered water and set it on the counter without slopping too much onto the floor.

“For fuck’s sake,” Rai snapped, “will you let me do that before you flood the fucking kitchen?”

I stood there and drank the water Rai poured for me, all the while wishing I could curl up into a little ball and then roll back through time, back to yesterday evening so I could come straight home rather than go out celebrating. Celebrating what? Oh yeah, the move. Bollocks. Was I really going to have to spend the day shifting boxes? I’d need more sleep first.

I glanced up at the clock. “Shit! Is that the time? I’m late already.”

“You can’t go into work like that.”

“I have to.”

“At least have a shower and some breakfast first. No one’s going to want to see you looking like
that
, believe me.”

I went to cool my throbbing head under the shower while Rai made me some toast and coffee, but all I could think of while the water beat down was that Rai had turned into a total bitch and I had no idea why. Well, unless it really was just jealousy of Dylan, but I didn’t think it could be. Rai might get jealous of Evan spending time with other blokes, but it wasn’t like I meant as much to him as Evan did, after all.

I tried to imagine the two of them last night, worrying about where I was, but the vision just wouldn’t form. All I could picture was the two of them getting down to something super-kinky while the vanilla one was out of the building.

Maybe that was what they’d wanted to talk about with me. Maybe they needed more time as a couple. Without me.

Cold dread weighted down my limbs, making my movements sluggish.

Evan had woken up by the time I slunk back into the living room. I almost walked straight back out again after catching the look on his face. Disappointment radiated from every part of him, just like it used to from my dad after I’d gone out when he thought I should be studying.

Chastened without him even saying a word, I sat myself on the beanbag and picked at my burnt toast. It tasted revolting, but I forced it down as penance.

“Sorry I missed your text,” I said eventually.

Evan shrugged. “It happens.”

Rai flounced through the room and slammed the bedroom door behind him. He hadn’t come out again by the time I’d slurped the last of my coffee.

I got up to go. Evan stood too.

“I’ll give you a lift.”

“It’s all right. I could do with the walk to clear my head.”

“I’ll give you a lift,” he repeated, his tone brooking no argument. I hung my head and followed him out the door.

Evan was silent through the whole drive, but when he pulled up outside the old studio, he sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“Listen, don’t mind Rai. He’ll feel better when he’s caught up on some sleep. He doesn’t think clearly when he’s exhausted.”

“Then he shouldn’t have spent all night waiting up for a chance to bitch at me,” I muttered.

“What? Is that what you think? For fuck’s sake, Josh, I know you’re hungover, but that’s just insulting. He stayed up because he was worried you’d throw up and choke on your own vomit.”

Cowed, I tried to fold myself up as small as possible. “Sorry,” I whispered. Evan was terrifying when he got mad, his blue eyes hardening and the veins in his temples bulging. I realised just how intimidating he must be to those who didn’t know what a big softie lurked under the bald-headed, thuggish exterior.

“Shit, Josh, don’t do that. I’m not going to hurt you.” Evan’s hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing gently. I unfolded myself partially, just enough to sneak a quick look at his face. His eyes were softer again but ringed with dark circles. I noticed the fine lines radiating out from the corners and furrowing his brow.

“Sorry,” I tried again. “For staying out so late and getting smashed.”

“Look, we’re not your keepers. You’re entitled to a night out, same as anyone else. I just wanted to explain about Rai. He’d been keyed up about seeing you all day, and then when he found out you weren’t coming, he took it badly, thought you were sick of us already. You turning up with your arm around some cute twink didn’t really help matters.”

“Dylan’s just a friend.”

“I know that. Anyone with half a brain can see there’s nowt between the two of you, but Rai just sees a threat. He’s extra-specially jealous of other small, dark-haired blokes.”

I laughed. Not because it was funny but because it seemed so bloody unlikely. “As if I’d fancy Dylan more than him! Doesn’t he realise how hot he is?”

“I don’t think he does. He goes for bigger, hairier guys. He can’t understand what I see in him. Never has done. He’s grown up thinking he wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t English enough for the kids at school, and he wasn’t Japanese enough for his folks. Then, when they left for the other side of the world, it really fucked him over. He says he’s fine with it, but I know him better than that.”

Evan knew Rai so much better than I could ever hope to. There was me, distracted by the glittering surface, whereas Evan had looked deep inside him. I couldn’t ever hope to have that insight, not when I’d missed out on so much of their lives together.

I noticed movement at the studio door and saw Liam stick his head out. “I’d better go. They’ll be needing me today.”

“I’d offer to help, but me and Rai have a few things we need to do today.”

“Okay.” I didn’t ask what, and Evan didn’t offer to elaborate. Had a wall gone up between us? Was this the beginning of the end?

“What time do you get off?” Evan asked. “We still need to have that talk we planned for last night.”

“Liam said we should be done by about four.”

“Okay, we’ll see you later.”

I didn’t dare try for a kiss, and Evan let me out of the van without one. I stood on the pavement, watching his van disappear around the corner, blinking and hoping I’d be able to blame my watery eyes on a bout of hay fever.

The Talk loomed large in my mind, demanding its own capital letters. Six hours and counting. Despite the heat of the sun bouncing back off the tarmac, I shivered.

Fortunately, Liam and Dylan were both too wrapped up in their own hangovers to notice my mental state, and Shannon kept us all busy working through the list on her clipboard. I noticed my presents for Rai and Evan had already been taken out of the lehr, which was now standing open so it could cool enough for when the movers arrived on Monday. They’d be moving all the large pieces of kit. For today, we were just packing the tools and taking over finished glassware to fill up the shop.

The place felt empty and quiet despite our bustling around, but at least the coffee was kept freely flowing and there was plenty of glass to wrap in bubble wrap and pack into boxes.

Liam and Shannon ferried carloads of boxes over as Dylan and I packed; then, after a lunch of sandwiches from Waitrose, Shannon drove us all over there to start unpacking at the other end. We might not be able to do much with the studio until the movers had installed the equipment, but the plan was to open the shop on Monday. I was hanging a pink-and-purple bird up in the window facing the bridge when a face appeared on the other side of the glass.

“Jesus Christ, Den! You made me jump.”

I realised that with the noise of the traffic and the window, she probably couldn’t hear me, but she seemed to lip-read my words well enough. She’d had enough practice in noisy nightclubs. She smirked at me and made her way around to the door.

“Ooh, looking good in here!” Denise sashayed into the room in her platform sandals, her eyes huge as she surveyed the glassware on display. “This is gorgeous stuff, Josh. Did you seriously make some of this?”

“You needn’t sound so surprised.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. You need to chillax.”

“I hate that word. You know I hate that word.”

“Yep. That’s why I use it.” Denise winked and blew me a kiss, and all the fight drained out of me. “What’s up, mate? You’re looking sorrier than the last leftovers in the January Sales.”

“Hangover.”

She peered closely and pursed her lips. “That’s not all, though, is it? Everything going okay with
you know who
?”

I glanced around and saw Dylan’s barely concealed interest in our conversation. Denise trying her best to be subtle was still like a bull in a glass shop. “Not here,” I said.

“Fine. Well, look, Stella’s called a house meeting this afternoon so we can strategise about our scumbag of a landlord. We need you to be there, so I’ve been sent to come fetch you. That okay?” she shot out in Shannon’s direction—less a question than a demand.

“Well, we’ve still got—”

“I think Josh has been working hard enough these last few weeks, hasn’t he? And while having to stay with friends because his bathroom’s busted. Poor guy hasn’t had a proper night’s sleep in God knows how long. The least you can do is let him go early, right?”

Shannon looked around the shop. We’d pretty much finished all the tasks on her clipboard. “I suppose we could all call it a day…”

“Spot on. Come on, then, girlfriend. We’ve got a meeting to get to.”

I followed Denise out of the shop after giving the rest of Sulis Glass an apologetic smile. I caught up with her halfway across the bridge. “Tell me that was just a ruse. I can’t handle a meeting right now.”

“Sorry, there really is a meeting, but your boyfriends will be there, so you can all squash in together on Stella’s sofa.”

“Not likely.”

“Oh, come on, no one there’s going to give a shit if you do.”

“Rai might,” I muttered as we came to a stop by the crossing. Nearly home. There wasn’t time for this conversation, thank Christ.

“Josh, what’s going on? Are they treating you properly?”

I didn’t have an answer for that. Were they? I didn’t really know what the proper way to treat me would be. I’d like to be treated like an equal partner when it came to household decisions, but I’d like to be treated differently at other times. I’d like to be their fucktoy. I’d like them to tell me what they were going to do with me and then just do it, not treat me like I’d shatter if they pulled out the box of whips and chains.

Assuming there was a box like that. If there was, I hadn’t been shown it.

Most of all though… Most of all, I’d like to be trusted. Trusted to behave myself when I went out, trusted to share their secrets, and trusted enough to be tied up and used.

“Josh?”

The crossing started beeping, so I strode across the road, Denise trotting after me.

“Josh, are you going to tell me what’s up? Come on, you’re worrying me.”

I shook my head and sped up, Denise swearing as she struggled to keep up with me.

There was the door. We’d have this meeting, and then the moment it was finished, I’d take them upstairs and make them trust me. I wasn’t sure how just yet, but I’d think of something.

Chapter Twenty

Evan answered Stella’s door, and while his face didn’t exactly light up with a smile, he at least looked relieved to see me.

“Come on in. We’re just about to get started.”

The room was crammed full of people trying to find space in amongst the furniture. Rai was sitting on a footstool facing the windows, so I could only see the back of his head. Stella sat in the throne-like mahogany chair in front of the windows, a tray of tea things on the table in front of her. The uncomfortable sofa was taken up with Cliff perched at one end and Vern slouching at the other. Denise wove her way through the furniture until she was standing in front of them.

“Budge up,” she demanded, then plonked herself down between an annoyed-looking Vern and a frightened Cliff.

Rai turned, his expression somehow softer and less sure than I’d ever seen him before. I held eye contact with him, trying to let him know I was sorry I’d hurt his feelings and I hadn’t done it intentionally. Maybe I was getting the hang of this silent communication thing, because after a long moment he gave a small smile and patted the ottoman next to him. I sat there, thinking Evan might join me, but he leant against the kitchen doorframe, his arms folded.